By: Liz D
A Future Fic based on the AU created in Old Friends and Old Friends, New Relationships
Chapter Nine
Spoilers/Prereqs: Sequel to Old Friends and Old Friends, New Relationships
Written: Winter 2005
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators.
Letting The Days Go By
Chapter Nine
0546 Local - January 11, 2008
Fly By Night Shippers
Okinawa Japan
Harm shot out of bed at 0300. There was another player. He was sure of it. He also didn't believe that Silvers was as innocent or as dumb as he was expecting everyone to believe. Kim Nekobuta was in it up to her neck, but there was someone else. Harm's first thought was Livingston, but he had no real reason to suspect him. It was a gut feeling. Harm didn't act on his gut feelings as much as he had in the past, but he did keep an open mind. He also wondered if Henderson was really the drowning victim. It seemed odd to him that the body would have gone unidentified and the conveniently identified when Silvers was about go down. The actual body had long since been cremated. There were only files to confirm the ID – files that could have been tampered with. He decided that Fly By Night was probably also the key to this whole thing. He needed to get in there and look around which meant he had to charm Kim Nekobuta. He was supposed to have a meeting with his client at 0800 and Mac and her crew would be there at 1030. It didn't leave much time to wrap the whole thing up.
Harm parked his car down the street shortly after 0330 and watched. It had been a bustle of people all night long. It looked like they were getting ready for a major shipment. There was no sign of Nekobuta or anyone matching the description of Henderson. Harm waited.
At 0546 there was knock on the window just behind Harm's ear. He jumped at the sound; he hadn't heard anyone approach. He turned and was face to muzzle with a marine issue .45. He immediately put his hands on the dash.
"Get out." He was ordered. "Don't fuck up." Came the warning.
Harm slowly stepped out of the car and turned to face Jason Livingston.
"All you had to do was let Silvers go down." Livingston told him.
"You don't know me very well." Harm said evenly.
"All the evidence was there." Livingston protested.
"Yeah." Harm nodded. "You made sure of that."
"You just couldn't let it go." Livingston pressed.
"My client had an advocate that kept me motivated." Harm nearly smiled.
"Ha." Laughed Livingston. "Hoisted by my own petard."
"Something like that."
"I suppose there is no way to pay you off."
Harm shook his head.
"So I am going to have to kill you too."
"Too?" Harm asked. "You killed Henderson?"
Livingston laughed. "Frankie ain't dead … in fact he is waiting at the other end for this stuff." He gestured over his shoulder."
"And the body that was ID'd as Henderson?"
"Some poor bastard that didn't know when to quit." He motioned for Harm to move toward the warehouse. "Kind of like you."
"Killing me will only prove that Silvers was not acting alone."
"Silvers will escape again … shortly before you were to meet him this morning … it is so hard to keep that man locked up."
"And then what?"
"Who knows?" He pushed Harm into a back room. "I'm making this up as I go along."
"I doubt that."
Harm saw a shadow come from behind him; a massive hit to the head and then it was lights out.
OOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Mac watched as Livingston directed Harm into the back of the warehouse. She had been following Livingston since she saw him out her office window with her petty officer at 0330. They were clearly involved. Mac's first thought was that fraternization charges would be the least of Livingston's concerns but it would make for icing on the cake and would remove her petty officer from duty for good. She knew that Livingston would lead her to something, but when she arrived at the Fly By Night Shippers it was too late for her to warn Harm.
She was scoping the area out, determining her best way in and contemplating calling for back up. She was not sure whom she would call, and she damn sure didn't want to go blasting in there with a bunch of SPs or local cops and get Harm killed. Moments later she saw Livingston reemerge without Harm. She hadn't heard a gunshot so she took solace in that and presumed that Harm was still alive. Livingston was on the phone to someone. He ended the call when he saw Kim Nekobuta come around the corner. She stopped in front of him, tossed her phone on the seat next to her and got out. She immediate wrapped her arms around him and he pushed her up against the car and kissed her hard.
"You are a piece of work." Mac mumbled under her breath. Livingston pushed Nekobuta off roughly. An argument ensued. She couldn't catch all the words, but it was clear that Livingston was telling Nekobuta to do something that she didn't want to do. She was refusing. She shoved him back and got a hard slap to the face for her efforts. She slapped at him and scratched his face, but Livingston was too strong. He grabbed her hands and pinned her arms behind her back and spoke directly into her face. Nekobuta struggled. He finally freed her and gestured for her to go. She slapped him again. He shoved her roughly into the car, pushed her over and took a seat behind the wheel. They were still arguing as they drove off.
Mac made her way into the warehouse. There were several people who saw her but did not say anything. They would glance at the office and then back to their work. Clearly their 'boss' was in the office. Mac made a note to steer clear. A young man, he couldn't have been more than 16 or 17, gestured toward a room in the back. Mac carefully made her way back there. The door was locked. She was looking around for a way to open it when a commotion stopped her. She ducked behind some shelving. Livingston was back. He was barking orders at everyone and they all moved faster to comply. He disappeared into the office.
Mac went back to the door and tried to force it open. It would not budge. She had her weapon, but that would definitely bring Livingston down on her. She heard Harm groan behind the door.
"Harm?" She whispered.
He groaned again.
"Harm? Can you open the door from the inside?"
His voice was weak. "Mac?"
"Can you open the door from the inside?" She asked again.
"Tied up." He croaked out.
Mac let out her breath. At least he wasn't dead. "Don't go any where, I'll be right back."
Mac ducked back behind the shelves and called for back up. The shore patrol would keep Livingston busy and she could get to Harm. Until then she would guard the door.
The shore patrol arrived quickly but had no legal authority to enter the premise. Livingston knew that. The idea was to get him out of the building. But Livingston was too smart for them. He had instructed his men to not speak English and not reveal that he was there. He came back into the warehouse and made arrangements to be taken away in a van. He approached the door to take Harm with him: a little insurance. He was just about to pull his weapon, when Mac approached him from behind. She took the weapon from him and told him to get down on his knees, hands on his head.
"You have no right to be here, Colonel." He told her.
"You want to prove that in court?" She took the keys away from him and called for the SPs to come in and back her up. When she was sure that he was not going anywhere, she opened the door. "I know a good lawyer you could call." Harm was lying on the floor, his hands tied behind his back. "Maybe not. Think he will be prosecution's chief witness … unless I let the locals handle this."
OOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
1900 Local - January 11, 2008VOQ
Okinawa Japan
"I say again, very well done Mac." Harm said as he stepped aside to let her precede him into the room.
"This was your doing Harm." She dismissed. "I would have let Silvers take the wrap for everything and never looked further. You are the one that kept me thinking about this case."
"Don't be humble Mac … you linked 12 marines to this little operation, wiped some pretty nasty egg off the American face here in Japan and you saved my life." He smiled. "Thank you."
"Saving your life was all I was thinking about as soon as I saw Livingston leading you into the warehouse."
"Thank God for Marine training."
She waved him off. "This was a joint operation, Harm ... And we never would have been able to connect the other marines if it were not for Livingston's arrogance. Can you believe he kept accurate records?"
Harm sat down. "Not sure what was going through his head."
"And you pressed Nekobuta?" Mac smiled and sat across from him. "She is going down for a long time."
"They picked up Henderson in Texas."
She smiled. "It was a good day's work." She stretched and yawned. "It was a long day's work … I haven't slept in … I can't remember when …what day is it?"
"Not sure …10th or 11th… I think."
"So who gave you the picture of Henderson and Nekobuta?" She asked.
"I thought it was Livingston, but who knows … maybe Silvers didn't want to take the wrap alone."
They sat in silence for a moment, thinking over the day's events. Mac head was still spinning about the case and all the repercussions.
Harm had something else in mind. He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to the next question, but he had to ask. "You were in with the base commander for a long time."
"He was very impressed … he doesn't impress easily."
"So you are getting a promotion out of this?" He pushed.
Mac couldn't contain her smile.
"Good for you … you will finally out rank me … by a whole grade rather than time in service."
"Harm." She didn't want him to feel slighted.
"I think it's great. You deserve it." He sounded sincere and he actually was. "Hell you should have gotten it when you took over here." He leaned back and really looked at her. "You belong in command - it suits you."
She nodded slowly. "It does feel pretty good and I am not as tentative about my decisions as I thought I would be." She meant her work decisions, her personal decisions she would never be sure of.
Harm nodded. "It fits you like a glove."
"Thank you."
They sat silent for a moment. They both knew what was next. They had to talk about their relationship. Harm was headed back to Washington the next day. He would have taken a couple of extra days, but he couldn't. Admiral Schnarr was not impressed that he nearly got himself killed. She was going to be harder to deal with than AJ about those kinds of incidents.
"So … what do we do now?" He asked.
"Now?"
"Well, I am leaving tomorrow …" He blurted the next out. "Are we status quo or do we have stuff to talk about?"
She had been entertaining what she would say all day, but hadn't yet formed any real conclusions. "We have some things to talk about." She said simply knowing that it was anything but simple.
"I think we could make it work." He said trying to convince himself as much as her.
"What?"
"Separate duty stations … I think we could make it work … for a while … it might be good for us … the RUT factor would be gone."
"We both work so hard and so many hours…" She agreed. "… We would probably have more quality time if we focused on leaves and TDYs."
"True."
Mac shook he head. "No, this is not right."
"What?"
"Harm you are jumping to the end." She sighed. "We can't skip over the hard part."
"In the interest of time?" He pressed.
"In the interest in what is best for us." She leaned forward. "Don't make it too easy for me."
"Do you want to?"
"Harm." She shook her head implying that that was not the right question.
"If it's 'no' then we have nothing more to talk about, and if it is 'yes' then all we need to do is work out the logistics."
She got up and moved away from him. "We can't do this in 12 hours even if we were wide awake."
"I realize that." He leaned back. "But we can make a start."
She turned back to him. "Harm I hurt you … I broke us up … don't you even want an apology?"
"You didn't do it alone, and for the record … I never thought of us as broken up." He shrugged. "Just another bump in the road … another chapter in the never ending saga that is you and me."
"You never thought of us as broken up, huh?" She asked. "So what was Nea?" The words fell out of her mouth before she knew it. She had no intention of bring her up. It came out of nowhere.
"Nea?" He looked down. "Damn Gates has a big mouth."
"Harm, I am not saying anything … you have a right to see whomever you want to see … It is just … well … you were moving on and now you are pushing this agenda with me." She shrugged, "I guess I am just a little confused."
"Mac … stop. OK?" He took a deep breath. He ran his hand through his hair, loosened his tie and tried to remain calm. "What do you need to know about her? Do you need to know if we slept together … will that make a difference about whether or not you want --."
"No … please." She stopped him. "The less information I have … the better … I really don't want to know."
"So why did you bring it up?"
"Harm, we need time to talk through all the stuff that happened. Nea is something that happened … someone that happened." She slumped down in a chair across the room. "We need to understand and we need to figure out how not to let it happen again."
"Mac --."
"Harm." She stopped him. "Before we go any further, there are some things I need to say … some things I need to get off my chest." She shook her head. "I am not sure about all I want or need to say, so you are going to have to bear with me."
He nodded.
She took a deep breath, tried to organize her thoughts and started with the first thing that she was sure of. "I love you." She said not as easily as she knew it to be true. She thought he might read that as hesitation and needed to correct that impression. "There is no 'but' to that or 'however'. I love you." She smiled. "That I know for sure."
"That's a hell of a start." He smiled slightly.
"The other thing I know to be absolute fact is that I regret and am very sorry for … how do I say this … I'm sorry I divorced you. It was a mistake." She put up her hand. "I know you will say that there were two of us … and you will want to take you share of the responsibility … and I will let you own your share for everything else but that … that was my doing … that was my bad."
He was about to speak but she stopped him.
"Harm … I quit … I ran away … I left … I bailed … I didn't keep my promises …I didn't live up to my vows … and I am sorry." She wiped her hand across her face. It was hard saying all this, but not as hard as she thought it would be. "I am sorry for you, I am sorry for me, and I am sorry for the long term effect it will have on any relationship that we are able to carve out for ourselves. I am sorry."
These were issues for him too, but he would not have held her feet to the fire to explain them. But if she were going to, then he would like some answers. "So why did you?"
"Huh?"
"Why did you quit, bail, run away?"
She shook her head. "You know, until the other night … until you apologized for you part of our break up … I didn't exactly know … but now I do." She looked very uncomfortable. "The road to hell is not always paved with good intentions … sometimes it is paved with selfish, insecure, self-indulgent acts of a woman who won't accept reality and can't see the forest for the trees."
"What are you talking about?" He was truly lost.
"Harm, when I couldn't get pregnant … it destroyed every goal I had for myself … the only thing I have ever known for sure was that I wanted to have a baby … I wanted to be a mother … a biological mother." She sat down near him. "When that didn't happen … when it was not a matter of the wrong time and the wrong guy but still no dice … I lost myself … I lost what future I thought there was for me … It was not about you … it was not about us … it was about me … and MY failure and how the universe had once again STUCK it to me." She was actually embarrassed to have to admit that. "And I threw myself one hell of a pity party and blamed the world for not allowing me to have the only thing I ever wanted."
He nodded. "I was no help, was I?"
"It wouldn't have mattered … I mean it might have mattered in time … but I looked at you, and how compliant you had become. I blamed myself for that too." She loosened her own tie. "When I first tried to accept that I would not have children, all of a sudden I didn't want anything that went along with that: not a husband or a home. Your not pushing or making any demands on me allowed me to drift further and further away until I couldn't remember what was good about us. There was no reason to stay together."
"It must have been a very lonely time for you." He said gently, really trying to understand what she was feeling.
"It was difficult and yes it was lonely … I remember being guarded all the time thinking you were going to bring up adoption or surrogacy." She smirked. "How selfish I was to not even seriously entertain those plans … it felt like settling … and I was so tired of settling in my life. Chris, Mic and even Webb were all men I settled on. My position at JAG was a settlement."
"I don't understand that."
"Harm, I never wanted to be a lawyer … it was not my first goal in life … I didn't have a family so I built a career while I was waiting for the family part to kick in. Hell, I never would have thought of being a lawyer in the first place if John hadn't suggested it and that was only to get me out of his chain of command. And I never would have worked so hard at it if you didn't push me to be the best I could be."
"Wow … I never really knew that about you."
"And then our marriage --." She started and then saw the hurt in his eyes. "No … don't misunderstand … I didn't settle for you … I wanted you and we worked very hard to get together. No, you were not a settlement, but what we did settle on was you leaving a job you LOVED and were GREAT at, so we could be together. That was wrong … dead wrong. I won't forgive either of us for allowing that to happen --- and I damn sure won't let it happen again." She leaned over and took his hand. "Harm you have made way to many sacrifices for me and this last one nearly destroyed us and really screwed you up for a time."
"My decisions Mac … every one of them."
"I don't care … you have to be the man you are first or nothing else matters. And YES that may put strain on us too – it always did – but I would rather have that kind of strain than to live with the guilt that you were not doing what you wanted to do … or not acting they way you know you should because of some notion that the group is more important than the individual members."
"I don't know what to say, Mac."
"You don't have to say anything."
"I would have done … hell I still will … do anything to have you in my life."
"Why?" She was truly at a loss. "After everything I have done to you … how many times have I pushed you away … you should hate me … you should not want to give me the time of day."
He smiled and shook his head. "That is was love is Mac … truly unconditional love." He shrugged. "And with that internal clock of yours … you don't need me to give you the time of day."
"Are you sure you can trust me again?" She asked sincerely. "Are you sure you want to?"
He nodded slowly. "Like I said before, we didn't do anything to wreck it, we just let it slip away."
She smiled and leaned into him. "I do love you." She pulled him to her for a slight kiss.
"Good." He tried to pull her to him to 'seal the deal' but she wouldn't let him.
"Harm, there is a lot more to talk about."
"I know … I just have missed you so much."
She nodded and laced her fingers through his. "So have I."
"Can we stipulate on a couple of things … in the interest of time?" He asked.
"Like what?"
"That we want to be together … maybe not geographically at the moment … but in every other sense of the word … we are reconciled."
"I have few discussion points on that, but generally speaking … yes."
"Really?"
"Really … Harm, you will be the only man in my life and have been for more years than I care to admit. I am done throwing roadblocks in our way. I love you and I need only you in my life." She leaned forward and was met with a kiss that echoed her sentiment.
He whistled when it was over. "Well … that is the big one, huh?" He smiled. "The rest will be a piece of cake."
"Says you." She smiled and climbed on to his lap.
He pushed her back. "If you have more talking points sweet pea … you can't be doing that."
"I see your point." She slid off back onto the bed next to him.
"OK next item up … for the same reason you won't let me 'sacrifice' my career for our relationship, I can't let you do it either. That means until it is time for a change … a military time for a change … we will have to live with separate duty stations."
She didn't want to agree to that, but the idea of Harm moving to Japan or her giving up her post were just not reasonable. "I don't have to like it do I … the hours between us … the miles … the fact that we will not only be sleeping alone but at different times."
"I don't like it either, but it won't be forever." He said honestly, but he was so happy that she was willing to discuss a future together he was fine with it. "Ok." He took a deep breath. "It means that one other issue has been resolved for us … again, at least for now."
She looked down. "I know."
He lifted her head up so her eyes would meet his. "I told you that kids was not a deal breaker for me."
"And I am going to have to believe you." She said simply.
"You should … adoption and surrogacy or a damn miracle from God will never change how I feel about you … I love you Mac … first and foremost … I don't want or need anyone else in my life. A kid … regardless of how we get one will not change that. Mattie was enough to let me know that I am a very selfish man and don't want to change to be the appropriate father. It is a miracle that she turned out as well as she did."
"Mattie is a well adjusted kid … woman … We both had a hand in that … but we were thrown in at the deep end."
"I am not saying never Mac … but --- please don't take this wrong – but we can adopt any time … there is no clock counting down when we should do that – if we chose to do that at all … and right now neither one of us have time to give to a kid."
She was tearing up again. "Can we table this?" She asked.
"We can table it if you don't make any decisions without discussing it with me first --- don't go making stuff up in your head."
"OK."
"Mac?" He forced her to look at him.
"Ok."
"Ok … what else is there?"
She pressed his hand. "I need you to accept my apology." She said evenly.
"I do." He touched her face. "And you accept mine."
"I do."
"Harm?" She leaned into him. "I am not sure I can send you home tomorrow."
"I am not sure I can go … at least not without you."
"We'll make it work, won't we?"
"We will." With that he kissed her. There would be no more talking that night. It was time to connect on a different level.
OK ... Atonement made ... One more Chapter to bring it all home and tie it up in a bow. ... But which home?