By: Liz D
A Future Fic based on the AU created in Old Friends and Old Friends, New Relationships
Chapter Ten
Spoilers/Prereqs: Sequel to Old Friends and Old Friends, New Relationships
Written: Winter 2005
Disclaimers: No disrespect to JAG's cast, crew or creators.
Letting
The Days Go By
Chapter Ten
October 12, 2008
0115 EST
National Naval Medical Center
Bethesda Maryland
"Here you go, sir." Bud handed Harm a fresh cup of coffee.
"Thanks, Bud."
"How long have they been in there?" Bud asked after a moment. He had only arrived at the hospital minutes before and offered to get Harm some coffee when he saw how rung out he was.
"Six hours." Harm said as he shook his head. He hated hospitals. The last time he was in one for something like this was when Mattie's father died. And that time the patient didn't fare too well.
"Gates?" Bud asked looking around.
"She went for a walk." He nodded toward the stairs.
"When was the last time you talked to the admiral?" Bud asked.
Harm had to think. "A couple of weeks ago … but he left a message on my cell phone earlier today."
"What did he say?" Bud thought that might be a clue.
Harm lost his train of thought. He wasn't thinking about the last conversation he had with AJ or the fact that he hadn't had a chance to return that day's call before he received the message from Vic saying that AJ had been shot and was in the hospital. For the last several hours he had been thinking about the time they served together: saving Francesca from her mafia boyfriend, AJ accidentally ejecting from the F14, AJ telling Harm that he was not a team player. Their relationship had lots of ups and downs. Harm had never gotten used to calling him 'AJ', but they were better friends in the past couple of years. Harm had (always did have) an immense amount of respect for the man.
Harm spilled his coffee on his sleeve. As he was wiping up the spill he noticed the stripes on his cuff. It meant a lot to him that AJ was there when he got the last one.
f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k
January 14, 20080856 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, VA
Harm was very nearly late, almost causing three accidents on the way to the office. He was exhausted. Staying up with Mac all Friday night 'reconciling' and then a 23-hour trip home and time zone changes, he hadn't fully recovered. He hadn't slept – thinking about Mac, thinking about the future, trying to figure out what he should do, what he wanted to do, if there was anything to do. He wasn't sure if he was happy or just plan relieved. Knowing that she loved him and wanted to figure out some kind of life was good, but in all honesty it was going to be a strain on the relationship living so far apart. They could handle it, but why should they have had to make those kinds of sacrifices when they had it all and just let it go? They had talked on the phone several times since his departure. It was good. It was great to hear her voice and in tones that he hadn't heard since the beginning of their relationship. There were no current regrets. They would figure it out some how.
When Harm got up that morning he thought it should have been Tuesday or Sunday. Thankfully Jennifer Coates gave him a wake up call with date and time stamp – actually three calls and an offer to come over and pick him up. He refused the last and promised he would make it to work on time. Harm was convinced that the admiral would have some very choice words for him over his behavior in Japan. Following a lead with no back up and no weapon was not only stupid but it was dangerous. Dealing with Admiral Schnarr would not be the same as dealing with AJ. AJ was a SEAL, he knew all about gut feelings and following your instincts. AJ knew all about taking risks. Schnarr on the other hand was BY THE BOOK – the book she very nearly wrote. Yes, Harm would have to answer to her and more than likely it would be first thing.
There was an odd feeling when he walked into the bullpen. All eyes were on him. Something was up.
"The admiral will see you now." Called the petty office that was clearly assigned to grab him as soon as he walked in the door.
Harm nodded. The good thing was that it would be gotten out of the way first thing, and he could lock himself in the office to write his report for the remainder of the day.
He walked into Admiral Schnarr's office when instructed to. She was not alone. AJ Chegwidden was there in suit and tie – not normally AJ's attire for a workday.
"Sir." Harm reached out his hand when he had been given the 'at ease' order. They shook hands warmly.
"So, Rabb … hear there was some excitement in Okinawa … should never leave you and MacKenzie alone like that." AJ smiled back at Schnarr.
"Yes sir."
"It went well?" AJ was not asking about the case. He was asking about Mac.
"Yes sir." He said easily. "Better than expected."
"Good."
"Yes, very well." Schnarr interrupted.
Harm turned his attention back to his CO.
"Order on deck." She commanded.
Harm snapped to attention.
"Commander Harmon Rabb." She read from the binder in her hands. "It is my honor and duty to inform you that as of January 1, 2008 you have been promoted to rank of Captain with all the duties, responsibilities and privileges that …"
Harm couldn't make sense of the rest of what she was saying. He was promoted? When? Why? How?
"Congratulations, Captain Rabb." Admiral Schnarr handed him the binder with her left hand and extended her other to congratulate him.
Harm took her hand and the binder but was still at a loss.
"Congratulations, Rabb." AJ slapped him on the back. "This has been a long time coming."
Harm still had no idea what do say. "I am a little confused."
"You should have gotten this promotion a year ago for all the work you did with the task force, but because of the war and all the red tape it was held up." Schnarr explained. "Better late than never."
"Thank you ma'am."
"This was supposed to be confidential, but I think the crew has gotten wise." She nodded to the bullpen.
"I am still a little confused." Harm said.
"You were supposed to be promoted when you took the position on the task force, it was an 06 commission. But because of the war, few promotions were handed out and usually only those for officers on the front lines." Schnarr explained. "It took me a little while to push this through."
"Thank you." He said again.
"Well deserved." She stated. "Well earned."
Harm felt anything but deserving for the work he did with the task force. He had kept up with the work being done there after he transferred back to JAG; he was still a major consultant for the group and an advisor to the SecNav. Things were changing. The president had lost the faith of the American public and the winds of change were already in the air. In the past months much of Harm's complaints of the red tape, inefficiency and non-cooperation between the military and the intelligence community were coming to light. Because of Harm, the Navy was not blindsided when confronted with the media. On more than one occasion he was asked personally to go on record, but being a Naval officer he was not permitted that kind of latitude. He remained cryptic, non-committal and supportive of the process in his responses. It was noticed by the administration – and more importantly the SecNav. Harm was a good officer and a good public face for the Navy.
Harm was ordered to go home and sleep for 24 hours before reporting for duty in the proper uniform. He went into the bullpen and received a round of applause and calls for a party. It was scheduled for Friday night. AJ followed Harm out to his car.
"Thank you for being here, sir."
"Wouldn't have missed it."
"How did you know?" Harm asked.
"SecNav and I are golfing buddies … he told me."
"So do I have you to thank for this?" Harm asked.
AJ took a deep breath. "Harm, we have not always agreed on your methods or practices. You have always put loyalty to your people and the people you care about above duty, but you rarely failed to do both. As a SEAL I have nothing but respect for that, as your CO …" He shook his head. "It caused me to lose a few more gray hairs." He expression got serious. "You earned it."
"Thank you."
"Son, if I was ever too hard on you, or when you disappointed me it was only because some damn stunt you pulled was hurting yourself and your career. You could still be JAG someday … if that's your goal. Hell," AJ slapped him on the back. "With that pretty boy face of yours, and that toothy grin … you could be president." He laughed. "And I'd be damned … but I'd vote for you."
"Thank you sir." Harm was smiling too.
"Rabb, you have it in you to do anything you set your mind to." He stepped back toward his own car. "If I had any piece of advice for you … Set your goals higher."
Harm nodded. He was sincerely touched. For the first time he actually understood what Mac was saying about AJ thinking of Harm like a son.
e-n-d--f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k
October 12, 20080148 EST
National Naval Medical Center
Bethesda Maryland
"Harm?" Bud asked again. "What did he say?"
Harm shook himself out of the memory. "What?"
"What did he say …in his message?" Bud clarified.
"Said he needed to talk … had to run something by me."
"About a case?" Bud asked.
"Yeah."
AJ had called Harm a couple weeks back to discuss a case about a retired Navy Warrant Officer who might have been involved with running weapons into and out of the Middle East. It was a big deal; some very influential people could have been involved. AJ was involved because the wife of said naval officer had reported him missing and could get no help from the police or the Navy. Harm thought nothing of it at the time, but after he learned of AJ's shooting, he wondered what else the admiral had found out.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Gates sat outside. It was freezing, but she didn't care. Her phone was set on vibrate and she finally felt it through the thick winter coat she was wearing.
"Yeah." She didn't bother to look at the caller ID.
"Gates honey, it's Mac." She sounded relieved to have finally gotten through. "How's AJ?"
"He will be fine." She stated adamantly. Gates was sick and tired of people asking her that. AJ had to pull through. They were getting married.
Mac knew this tone. It was Gates willing something to happen. "How are you?"
She sounded less confident. "Cold … it is really cold here in October … what the hell am I doing outside."
"Honey, I will be there tomorrow." Mac told her.
"Why?" If Mac were coming then Gates would have to admit that the situation was more serious than she was willing to accept. "Don't come here."
"Gates, I will be there tomorrow."
"I can't pick you up at the airport." She stated.
Mac knew that Gates was not thinking clearly. "I'll take a cab. Don't worry." She knew she needed to do something faster. "Honey, where are you?"
"Outside."
"Where outside?"
"By the emergency entrance … it is really busy here tonight … lots of sick people … really sick people."
"Ok … I will see you tomorrow."
Gates nodded and ended the call. She tucked the phone back into her pocket and pulled her coat around her. She watched as another ambulance pulled in and took someone in through the double doors. Gates wondered if that one would make it.
Harm was still talking to Mac when he stepped outside looking for Gates. Gates saw him right away and her heart froze. Harm ended the call and came over to her.
"No news." He put his arm around her and led her back inside. "It's cold out here."
"It's gonna snow." She said looking up at the sky. "It's not even Halloween."
"Yeah, I know."
"Harm?" She stopped him before they could get inside. "What do you think?" She asked afraid to hear the answer.
He shook his head. "I don't know … but I do know that AJ is a fighter and he will not give up without a hell of a fight."
"Yeah … a fighter." She looked down. "They said it was near his heart … they said they thought it had nicked something in there … they said-." She stopped herself.
"The best doctors are working on him." Harm pulled her close. "Everything that can be done is being done."
"You're right." She said forcing her tears back. "AJ said he gave his heart to me … you would think he would take better care of it."
Harm pulled her closer and led her inside.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
October 13, 20082345 EST
Dulles International Airport
Mac's plane was late. Harm had been waiting for over an hour. He didn't know what else to do. He could have gone back to the hospital but there was nothing to do but wait there. He had finally convinced Gates to go home and at least shower and change but he hoped that she would sleep for a few hours. AJ had made it out of surgery sometime after midnight. He was still in critical condition and in the ICU. The doctors were unwilling to make a final prognosis; they kept repeating that it could go either way. They wouldn't even say that were hopeful. They said he was a fighter like that was supposed to be news to the people that knew him.
Harm was done with the waiting game. He needed to take action. The conversation he had had with Vic hours before still played in his head. Vic was trying to retrace AJ's steps but there was something missing – actually a lot was missing. AJ must have put the pieces together quickly or he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. The police were saying that it was a mugging. No one believed that. Harm told Vic that he would help as soon as he got Mac in and had Gates taken care of. But he had started making phone calls as soon as Vic left. He was getting stonewalled, and Harm hated that.
He didn't want to share too much with Mac on the cell phone about AJ's attack, worried that the airwaves had ears. Their conversations were cryptic and stilted but they had been that way for the past couple of months. The strain of separation was finally wearing on them. They hadn't seen each other since July, before that was in January over the Silvers case. The July encounter was an intense 72 hours of raw emotion, physical desire and profound intimacy. No plans were made for the future, in deed no practical topics were discussed at all. It brought them closer – so close it scared them. It also accentuated their loneliness – that scared them more.
f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k
July 22, 20081430 PST
San Diego International Airport
They had been separated for six months. Their evening/morning phone conversations were amazingly honest and profound. There was some discussion of work and politics and world affairs. There was some discussion of mutual friends and family. But more than the mundane, they talked about fears and hopes and dreams. They talked about their failures and their successes and where they were in life and where they wanted to be. No topic was taboo. They supported each other, really listened and tried to understand the other. They opened up to each other in ways they never had with themselves much less anyone else. It was amazingly intimate and well worth the long distance phone bill.
Long about the fourth month, the calls had taken a turn. Talk was no longer about the day's work or common friends or ideas and feelings. It was about fantasies and desires; it was about past and future encounters. Each conversation became increasingly daring almost as if they were challenging each other seeing who could make the other whimper with just the sound of their voice and erotic descriptions of promised actions. Their last conversation was less than fifteen hours previous and Mac was still aroused from thinking about it.
When she got off the plane in San Diego … a five hour flight and an hour taxi ride from her desired destination … his hand came out of no where and grabbed hers. He pulled her behind a partition away from the gawking eyes of the tourists heading toward Hawaii and destinations west. He kissed her deeply. She felt herself go weak in the knees and her toes curled.
"Welcome home." He whispered before leading her out of the airport to a waiting taxi.
The HotelSan Diego
A short while later, he led her into the room of a small out of the way motel whose sole claim was its outstanding location. It over looked a private cove and was tucked into some very dense trees. She started to walk toward the balcony to admire the view; his arms came around her from behind. "Later." He whispered pulling her close. "We'll have plenty of time for that."
She turned to look at him.
"Oh God, Sarah." He sighed admiring each curve with his eyes. "I have missed you."
She backed slowly away from him as he advanced. "Have you?" She asked coyly. "Show me."
SCENES
DELETED – NC17 Rated
Adult Situations,
Nudity
Not Suitable for All
Ages
Nine Hours Later
He again swept her up into his arms and carried her back to bed, tucked her in the clean sheets and kissed her. He started to draw away.
"Where are you going?" She had dread in her voice.
"I'll be right back, lover." He kissed her again. "Just going to lock the door."
She lay back surprised that she hadn't thought of that earlier. What else did a normally stable rational practical woman forget? How long had they been there? She couldn't remember; her clock was off. Didn't remember when her plane landed and had no idea what time it was. What day was it? Where was her luggage? Did she need to check in with anyone? She had never let her self go that completely before. It was very indulgent and very freeing.
In moments Harm had slipped into to bed next to her and pulled her close. He let his hand run the length of her back and down her hips and legs as far as he could reach. She made lazy circles on his chest and stomach. She wanted to talk, but was so distracted by his caress that she lost her train of thought. A fleeting thought passed through her mind that she would never survive the weekend.
She tilted her head up to his. "Can we take this one slow and easy?" She asked as she nibbled on his chin.
"Slow and easy." He repeated. "Baby, I am at your command."
SCENES
DELETED – NC17 Rated
Adult Situations,
Nudity
Not Suitable for All
Ages
Twelve Hours Later
They helped each other into the bedroom and slipped under the covers curled up next to each other. He kissed her forehead, her eyelid and her cheek before she tilted up to meet his lips. The kiss was loving and tender. He pulled her back close to his chest and closed his eyes. "I love you, Sarah."
"I love you."
They were each drifting off.
"Harm?"
"Hmmm." Came his reply.
"Has it ever been this intense for you before?" She had to hope that he was feeling it the way she was.
"No." He pulled her tightly to him.
"Why do you think it is this time?" She asked.
"I don't know, honey." He said quickly. "Maybe because we trust each other so completely, maybe the time apart and the things we talked about over the past six months opened us up to experience everything more deeply. I feel like I know you better than I know myself."
She pondered his answer and then asked, "Will it only be like this after long separations?"
"I don't know."
"Would it be worth it if is?"
"I don't understand." He was now fully awake.
"If we can only have this kind of intimacy after six months of nothing … would it be worth it?"
"The sex or the separation?"
"Both. Either."
He pulled away from her so he could look at her face. "What are you really asking?"
"I don't know." She shrugged and tried to curl back into him.
"Come on Sarah … what are you asking?"
"I am worried that if we are apart for too much longer then we will drift."
"Honey, I have never felt closer to you in my life … I am not going to drift anywhere."
"We will be going back to our lives soon -."
"Not that soon."
"Lives that we live apart. I don't know when we will be able to see each other again and what if next time is not like this time … what if we are both expecting this and are disappointed when it doesn't live up to the memory … then we will drift."
"I think you are buying trouble." He said. "What if next time is better than this time?"
"I don't see how." She stated honestly.
He agreed. It had been a pretty intense 21 hours only a few of which were used for sleep. He was not sure that he could last another 50 and to start thinking about the next encounter when the current one wasn't even half over was not in the game plan. "We are together now … let's focus on that." He pulled her back to him.
She nodded. She was still overwrought - emotionally and physically - from what they had just shared. She felt the tears well up in her eyes and couldn't hold them back. She started crying. He rolled her over on her back and took her hands away from her face. She didn't want him to see her. He kissed her tasting her salty tears on his lips. "Don't cry, Sarah." He said gently. He kissed her again then just held her as she wept. He was beginning to appreciate her concern for the future. They had reached a level that day that he never knew was attainable. Separating from each other would either exaggerate it out of proportion and thereby making it impossible to maintain or re-attain; or they would diminish it, devalue it as they each went back to their own lives letting the loneliness seep back in.
e-n-d--f-l-a-s-h-b-a-c-k
"Harm?" Mac said as she sat down next to him, slipping her hand in his.
Something in Harm stirred as her voice filled his ears and he was able to look into her eyes. Nothing was lost; nothing was missing. The stiffness they had been experiencing since July just melted away. She was his other half; a part of him that was in so deep that nothing could shake her out.
"Harm?" She was feeling the same bond reconnecting.
They folded into an embrace.
"I've missed you." He whispered.
"I have missed you more." She whispered back.
"I'm sorry." He pulled her closer.
"For what?"
"For being so … unreachable." There conversations had been a little less intimate after San Diego. Harm tried, he really tried to get back to where they were, but something had clicked after that getaway that made him realize that living apart was not the life he wanted. He tried not to blame her, and he tried not to blame himself.
"No … Harm … don't … I understand …really … I was a little closed off too." She pulled back to look in his eyes. "It didn't mean anything." She stated. "It was what we had to do to survive being apart."
"I don't know how much longer I can live this way."
"I know … we'll think of something." She confirmed.
"Sarah … anything could happen at any time … look at AJ … We are just wasting time."
She nodded. "And time is the only gift we are ever given." She echoed his words. "I have 30 days … we will figure it out." She promised him. "Trust me."
He pulled her back into his arms. "I do."
He held her tighter knowing that he would again have to let her go. "You need to see Gates." He said knowing that that would be a priority for her.
"Not tonight." She told him. "Tonight I need to be with you."
He looked at her. "Are you sure?"
"Very sure."
Ok … was gonna do this in one big chapter … but will post this today and hopefully that last part on Friday.