Things Only Remy's Cat Knows

Special thanks to BlkDiamond for Coauthoring this chapter! She's awesome!

Chapter 3, Aging Feline Wisdom

As Stormy (that's what Remy always called her, she'd act like she didn't like it but he knew she did her eyes would always start twinkling) carried me to her room all I could think of was 'Why now, we were happy!'

Meooow, meooow oowww (what happened? I want Remy!)

Poor Stormy was so sad. Remy wouldn't want her to be sad, he didn't want anyone to be sad! He'd go out of his way to make them smile.

Meow, meooow, aoww (Don't be sad, Remy wouldn't want you to be sad.)

Stormy looked down at me and smiled as I started to purr, trying to make her feel better. I wondered if she remembered when he put a basket of rose petals above her door so when she entered her room they would dump on her head?

Remy and I were hiding in the corner when she came in and they fell all over her, I couldn't help myself I had to try and catch one! She was laughing and trying to blow them out the window as I was jumping up trying to catch one. And while all of this was happening, Remy was curled up in the corner laughing his head off. When she finally got them all out and quit laughing, she looked at him and told him if he picked all her roses he was going to be sorry.

Meoow (remember),

I sifted at the miniature rose Remy give her after the rose petal incident. She smiled; I knew she also was remembering. Remy laughed and explained that he knew better than to pick her roses, if he valued his life and limbs. A local florist had a batch of dying roses, and Remy thought this would be a good way to use them.

Roorwll, (see he cared for you)

Life with Storm was nice, it was nothing like getting into trouble with Remy, but we had some good times.

And then, one day I was sleeping on the couch when someone picked me up. "Hello, cha, y'miss Remy?"

Remy was alive! And holding me! I, of course, was incredibly pissed off. Why did he leave me alone so long? I scratched him in the face and ran toward our old room, which was open. Remy chased after me, but I ran under a table, which hit him in the groin. I jumped onto the bed and started clawing at his pillow, which still faintly held his scent. When I finally got tired of that, I looked up and saw Remy sitting on the bed next to me. I carefully walked toward him, and sniffed one of his huge hands – the hands that had rescued me from being a homeless, hapless kitten. Then, I jumped and attached myself to Remy's chest and purred as he stroked my fur.

Eventually, Remy left the X-Mansion and found a mate back home, Bella. His favorite kitty went with him, of course. Bella and I had some adjustment problems, most of which we resolved on our own. I get to sleep on the clean laundry and she doesn't get surprise attacks while she sleeps. He's happier now than anytime I can remember, and I've been with Remy for so long.

There are a lot of important things a kitty needs to know about being Remy's cat; it's not an easy job!

First of all, they have kids. Noisy, messy monsters that want to 'pet the kitty.' The oldest one, a girl, is really nice, and her bed is soft. Her room is a good hiding place because she'll clobber the other two if they try to enter her space. All three are highly territorial. It's fun to hide under their beds and attack their feet as they walk by. However, be gentle, this is the very reason I was eventually de-clawed. The second one, Henri, is meaner than hell, and regularly attempts to flush me down the toilet. Just meow loud enough and someone will rescue you. Also, Remy likes his children more than me and Bella. Never, ever get between them!

Secondly, there's Bella. She's crazy, especially when she's pregnant, which has been quite a lot of their five year marriage. But, when she's pregnant, she cooks and eats a lot, and throws me food scraps. Remy says it's not good for me now that I'm old, so we only do it when he isn't home. I love cheese! When Remy is home, we pretend not to like each other, but when he's gone, we're the best of friends! He would be jealous if he knew. She even kept me from getting in trouble when I ate the pet hamster by getting a new one. No one ever knew except us!

Bedroom rules are very important as well. If you play your cards just right, you get the ever-amusing 'Remy, shave y'face in da morning' from Bella as she unknowingly snuggles up to you. Her face is always the same when she wakes up, as is Remy's laughter. It's very important that I sleep on the pillows between them, just so Remy always remembers that Bella will never take me place as his primary cuddle provider. When they act strangely and put me out in the hall, I sit at the door and meow as loud as I can until I spoil their mood and they let me back in. This is crucial in my fight against the children. The last thing I need is another one of those to yank on my tail, throw me in the pool, etc.

And, above all, never, ever leave Remy alone. Bella nags, the children fight, but I always stay with Remy. If he fights with Bella, I am on his side. When he gets frustrated and lays down in the den, I always curl up on his chest while he talks to me about his lack of wisdom in getting married and having children. Not that he regrets it, he's just really dramatic when no humans are around.

Remember all these things, Kitten.

(End Cat Dialogue)

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(Switch to third person)

"Mr. Lebeau, are you ready?" The veterinarian asked.

Remy picked up Oscar, looked at him. "Non. Y'sure we gotta do this?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Lebeau. It's always hard to lose a family pet after so many years." The veterinarian frowned. "But, it's best to do this now before Oscar's condition declines further and he feels more pain."

Remy put on his sunglasses and followed the doctor into an exam room.

When he emerged a few minutes later, without Oscar, he paid the vet and turned to walk out when the kitten stood up on his hind legs and started to meow. Remy knelt down and put his hand close to the cage; the kitten playfully grabbed it and looked up at Remy. He smiled sadly and turned to the receptionist. "Dis lil' guy gotta home?"

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The End!

Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel. And I know Remy/Bella is a strange pairing, but I thought it was kinda funny, big bad assassin and Remy kitty!

Doza – I hope you liked this. Not my usual, that's for sure.
Rogue14 – Everyone knows about Scott's stick. Mutants like Logan and animals can probably smell what an uptight prick he is.
Puppybaddog – No scratching Rogue. I thought about it, but was like 'this is my fluffy fic! I want no flames!'
BJ2 – My older cat follows me everywhere, it's so cute.
BlkDiamond – Bobby gets blamed for everything weird that happens, just like Remy is always the traitor. (grumbles)
utsuri – I took it partially from an episode of X-Men Evolution. He totally wrecks his room.
WolvieFanSpell – Yay! Kitties rock.
Shockgoddess – Poor kitty. I wouldn't want to share Remy, either. That seems to be a recurring theme when it comes to Remy.
Herszel – My cat is huge, and likes to cuddle with me, often cutting off the circulation to my limbs. Count your blessings.
Celynne – I can't kill Remy. I could, but not in a fluffy fic.
crystalwish – Ta-da! It is updated.
cute lil red head – Thanks!