Part 04
Summary: Video games are fun.
Crossover: NWN, Thief: The Dark Project
Disclaimer: I own... lets see... the remainder of my glass of beer.
Feedback: Shure! Omake also welcome!
Pre-fic Comments:
If anyone could come up with a better title, I'd really appreciate that. I suck at naming stuff.
Xander crouched in the shadows, watching as the mark walked out of his 'lair'. He shook his head -- what a useless vampire. Either Xander was godlike at sneaking around, or this vamp was a real newbie. He hoped that he was good at sneaking. If this vamp was a newbie, chances were there wouldn't be much loot. He pulled out a pair of fine gloves he had bought -- no point in taking chances with fingerprints.
He pulled out the blackjack, silently walking behind the vamp. With an easy, practiced motion he hit the vampire in the back of the head, knocking it out quietly and quickly. Once it was down, he frisked it for keys and a wallet, then pulled out a stake and dusted it.
Man, this sure is easy, Xander thought to himself. I have got to suggest this to Giles.
He put the blackjack away as he entered the lair, locking the door behind him. A grin slowly grew across Xander's face as he saw an open chest full of jewelry and money behind the door -- obviously looted by the vampire from it's victims.
Dead men have no use for money, was Xander's line of thought. He pulled out the empty leather sack, shovelling the gold, jewels and money into it. He paused on a strange knife. It was long and thin, shaped like an Italian stiletto but with no opening or closing ability. The razor sharp edges faintly glowed green, and a thin line of cursive writing trailed down the middle.
"Hey, Xander," Willow said. "Where were you last night? We was looking for you at the Bronze."
"Out and about," Xander shrugged. "I had to take care of something."
True enough -- vampires were things and not people in Xander's book.
"Oh," Willow said. "Tell us next time! Buffy was worried you'd been eaten by a vamp or something. What was up, anyway?"
"Hey, guys," Buffy said as she joined them at Willow's locker. "Xander, where were you?"
"I found out that vampires are really easy to stake once you've knocked them out," Xander grinned. He decided not to mention the money -- the girls would probably get conscience pangs and make him donate it to charity or something.
"Xander," Buffy said. "You shouldn't be putting yourself in danger -- that's my job."
"I was fine," Xander said soothingly.
"Well, I don't want you to go out at night," Buffy said firmly. "Not without me around to protect you."
"Down, cave-Slayer," Xander said jokingly, smiling.
"Hey!"
"Well, you were being... hey, what's the feminine version of the word chauvinistic," Willow asked.
"Feminist," Xander offered.
"No, that's empowering women as equals to men," Buffy said.
The bell then rang, forcing them to postpone their discussion for later.
"This isn't over, Xander," Buffy said threateningly.
"Hey, G-man," Xander said as he entered the Library. Buffy and Willow were mired in a discussion with Mrs Kerbopple about an assignment that Willow was to help Buffy with.
"Don't call me that," Giles sighed. "What can I do for you?"
"I was just wondering," Xander began, "how does the Council fund you?"
"Considering a career as a Watcher, are you," Giles said approvingly. "You'd need to improve your grades, but with myself as a sponsor you'd do quite well. To answer your question, I have a set fund to provide the Slayer with weaponry, and another budget to purchase books and other research material."
"Cool," Xander said, so as not to alienate Giles with comments about Watchers being boring. "What about vampires? I mean, do you loot their lairs or anything?"
"When we can," Giles allowed. "I-I mean, we encounter most of them on the prowl, as it were, and have no way of finding their lairs. Anything that we do find, we are allowed to keep for ourselves unless it is above a set amount."
"Nifty," Xander grinned. "I was out and about last night and dusted one outside it's lair."
"My word," Giles said. "I'm impressed that you managed to dispatch a vampire on your own. We shall have to check it's lair tonight."
"I kinda knocked it out from behind, then staked it," Xander admitted.
"Very smart," Giles nodded.
"I also took all it's money -- it sure had a lot for a dead dude," Xander continued. "I brought half for you. There was also this funky knife, too. I don't suppose you know if it's safe for me to use as a letter opener?"
Giles snatched the knife so fast Xander was tempted to check his hand for friction burns.
"Good God! This knife had been thought lost or destroyed for centuries," Giles breathed. "This alone is worth a king's ransom, Xander."
"Ain't it a shame that we live in a democracy, then," Xander joked. "What about the Queen of England? Is a Queen's ransom less than one for a king?"
The librarian gave Xander a disapproving glare for a moment, before breaking out into a genuine smile. "I shall have to research this. Yes."
"What about the money," Xander asked.
"Yes, yes, put it in the box under the counter," Giles said absently. "Now, where did I put that Arabic dictionary?"
Buffy stormed into the Library, stopping as she spotted Xander. "Giles! Xander's been putting himself at risk! You've got to tell him to stop staking vampires -- he's only a normal person!"
"Enthralling, Buffy," Giles said, comparing the script on the knife to an open book. "Look, he brought me the infamous Poisoned Blade, thought lost for centuries!"
"But--," Buffy began.
"Later, later," Giles said, opening another book. "Go... Slay something."
Buffy stomped out of the Library, after giving Xander a glare. She was trying to protect him, and he upstaged her!
Post-fic Comments:
Thought I'd better clarify a long running tendency in any of my Buffyfics. Whenever I need to write about the threesome's teacher, I use Mrs Kerbopple (from the Simpsons). Why? Because I can't remember what the hell their canon teachers' names were, and I don't want to offend any listmembers by using their names. And I refuse to use a generic name like Smith.
Part 05
Summary: Video games are fun.
Crossover: NWN, Thief: The Dark Project
Disclaimer: I own... lets see... the remainder of my glass of beer.
Feedback: Shure! Omake also welcome!
Pre-fic Comments:
If anyone could come up with a better title, I'd really appreciate that. I suck at naming stuff.
Xander sat there sharpening his knife as Giles and Cordelia researched the Judge.
"I wish you'd be of some assistance, Xander," Giles said, frowning as he looked up from his book.
"I want a million bucks, but it ain't happening," Xander said, drawing a finger across the knife to test the edge. "What if I want to use it, and it's blunt?"
"I found something," Cordelia announced. "This book mentions the Judge, but nothing useful. Big, scary, no weapon forged can stop him, took an army to take him down. Blah, blah, blah."
Xander exhaled deeply, thinking. "We need some insight, a weak spot."
"Well, we're not gonna find it here," Cordelia sighed, getting up to put the book back.
"Hey, G-man, can I borrow that Poisoned Blade I found," Xander asked. "I think I've got the edges of an idea."
"I hope you didn't hurt yourself," Cordelia said acidly, returning with a fresh book.
"Ha, ha, ha," Xander said slowly. "G-man, has anyone tried to poison this Judge? I'm thinking Hamlet, but without the tragedy."
Giles took off his glasses, cleaning them. "I've found nothing to say he has unusual resistance to poison, so it may work. The Poisoned Blade is said to be able to lay low anything short of the heavenly hosts."
Willow returned from her phone call to Buffy, holding yet another book. "Poison? Uh, I think that that is of the bad and we shouldn't, uh, poison anyone since what if we hurt someone innocent by accident?"
"Well, I'll try and organise an incursion once we find Spike and Drusilla's base of operations," Giles said, thinking.
"Organise shmorganise," Xander snorted. "Gimme the blade. I'll find out, and do it."
"You," Cordelia sniffed. "You couldn't organise a picnic."
Giles looked thoughtful. Slowly, he pulled out the box he had stored the blade in and handed the case to Xander, who slipped the slim knife from the box.
"Well, see you later," Xander said quietly, staring at the green glow of the blade.
Xander looked down as Angelus slipped out of the warehouse. Willy had been pathetic when he had visited the bar, pleading for him not to stake him like a vamp. Not that Xander would have, but Willy the snitch hardly knew that.
He pulled his black hood further, hiding his face in shadow as he pulled a strip of black cloth over his mouth. Having hidden himself, he opened a window in the skylight slowly and quietly, looking down below where Spike paced, er, wheeled around the room nervously. Drusilla was giggling to herself, and a giant blue smurf stood stolidly at the edge.
The thief slipped through, climbing down the decaying and grey wood with silent ease.
"I still say that you're just sitting on your arse," Spike growled at the Judge.
"Kitten, kitty, pussy cat's back," Drusilla laughed, clapping her hands. "He's come, and death follows behind him!"
Funny, Xander thought to himself. Almost like she's talking about me.
He mentally shrugged, and continued to slowly climb down, then slinked around the shadows to the Judge.
"Bad pussy cat," Drusilla scolded, waving her finger at the door to the warehouse. "Bad cat!"
"What's wrong, Dru," Spike asked, head turned.
Xander silently thanked her for drawing Spike's attention, as he drew the Poisoned Blade from the folds of his clothing. He dragged the edge along the Judge's blue skin on the torso of the demon, where the breastplate met the waist armour. Where it touched the skin, the flesh withered, turning grey. As Xander stowed the blade away, moving backwards, he could visibly see the corruption spreading.
"He's gone to dust," Drusilla wept. "He's gone to dust, Spikey! That bad cat is to blame! I want a fur coat!"
"I'll find you your cat," Spike promised, eyes moving again. "I'll skin 'im alive, I will, I'll fix 'im proper before he gets a chance."
"Something... is wrong," the Judge said, standing up unsteadily.
"Oh, somethin' always bloody goes wrong around 'ere," Spike muttered.
The Judge fell onto his face, breathing shallowly.
"Oh bloody bleeding HELL," Spike screamed. "Stupid bastard! Where the fuck is Angelus when you want 'im?"
Okay, this officially ruled in Xander's book. Although it made it easier for him to slip out with Spike so distracted, it did mean that he couldn't try and take care of the bleached Brit.
Post-fic Comments:
Sorry it's so short.
By the way, please don't flood me with so many comments on that ot essay. I can't cope with that many.