A TalaRei, just because I haven't done one in a while...

I sit here on my own, watching everyone avoid me. I sit and watch you dance. Watch your beautiful eyes glitter and shine under the lights, watch you laugh, and turn. You are so wonderful. Beautiful hair, beautiful eyes, beautiful body. It's no wonder everyone wants to dance with you. You're so fun. So cheerful. So happy.

I see you stumble, see everyone turn to catch you. People will always catch you. They always catch the things they love. If I were to fall, people would step back. Leave the Russian bastard to fall on his face. And laugh. They all hate me. But you don't.

I don't think you're capable of hate. Too kind. Too wholesome. I could almost hate you for it, then I remember again that I love you. Just like them, I love you. No, I love you more than they do. They love you as a friend, as a mentor, a peer...and I love you in a way apart from that.

I love you in a way that runs so deep through me it -is- me. I want to hold you, to kiss you, to be with you forever...

It stings every time I see you with her. Because she takes you for granted. You'll always be there for her. Hah, pink fuzzball. She doesn't love you. Not like -I- love you. I love you so much that I'd never do anything to hurt you. That's why I never say anything about how I feel; if I told you, you'd feel obliged to be nice. And if you were obliged to be nice, you wouldn't do what you wanted to do.

It doesn't take a genius to work out that where you come from is pretty conservative. And I've heard your little (compared to me, anyway) friend's views on what I am before. 'It should be illegal to be gay'. 'It should be a punishable offence'. Feh. It has been, and it didn't stop it. You can't stop people from feeling things. They just feel them. Hah, that was when he tried to hit me. When I told him it was a very Nazi-ish viewpoint to take and that if he didn't shut his face I'd take offence.

I say he -tried- to hit me. You look at me suddenly and I know you're thinking 'He's the one who sent Lee to casualty...' Yeah well, if he didn't want a doing over he should have kept his mouth shut.

It wasn't a slur against you, or your people. Just him. I know how accepting you are. And I also know that you accept a lot of things you don't like. Like Tyson smoking. Like Kenny talking to people in chatrooms. Which is why I don't say how I feel about you. Because you're so damn polite I wouldn't be able to tell if you hated me for it or not.

I watch you smile and laugh at someone's joke. Your laugh is as beautiful as the rest of you... And you turn again. Look me in the eye. Golden eyes. You're walking closer, leaving behind the crowd of people throwing themselves about under the lights. Your eyes still glitter even when you come and stand in the shadows around me. "I...I'm sorry, for what Lee said to you..." You smile. "But don't you think you went a little over the top?"

"No. I warned him to shut his stupid face, and he didn't." I've become so good at acting coldly when all I want to do is take hold of you and keep you close...

"Yeah. I guess what he was saying was annoying. But it's what we've been brought up to believe. Lee doesn't know any better." I could swear that for a second there you looked sad. "He isn't here tonight. He said he wouldn't share the room with...well...you. And anyone else gay." I keep my lips closed to stop another sarcastic comment escaping. "I tried to talk to him, but I never get anywhere. So...how are you enjoying the party?"

"It's fine."

"Just fine?" You smile sadly. "I want everyone to have a -good- time at least. And it's my birthday, so you have to do what I say!"

"I do?" You nod and pull a chair over, sitting beside me.

"Yeah." There is a silence. "Do you...not want to dance? Everyone else is..."

"I'm not everyone else."

"So...how's life treating you?" I sigh. You shouldn't ask.

"Badly."

"Oh? Is there anything I can do?"

"No. Not unless you can conjure up a boyfriend for me out of nowhere." You smile softly.

"Maybe I -could- help then."

"Oh?"

"He's shy, though. And inexperienced. And his family don't approve of his sexuality. He gets a hard time of it from them."

"Where is he then?" You look at the floor.

"Right next to you."

"Excuse me?" You laugh, and I can tell it's fake.

"Doesn't matter. Forget I said it." I reach out, grab your arm. You look up, and I see the fear you feel written on your face.

"I don't mind shy." My voice is a whisper.

A whisper that makes you smile nervously. "Lee...Lee doesn't know. Only Mariah knows, and she pretends to be close to me so no-one guesses. I..."

"I feel a sudden urge to leave this room. Care to join me?" My heart thuds in my chest. Maybe-? Do I dare believe-? I walk out and you follow. I can feel the eyes upon my back. I know what they're thinking. That bastard Russian. He'll hurt him.

But they don't know. They don't know how much I love you really.

And then we're alone. Just us. The party is a far-off, distant rumble. On a whim, I reach out and pull you close. You gasp, raise your own hands. But you don't seem to know where to put them... I catch them in mid-air and pull them around my waist, wrapping my own around you. You're so much shorter than me, you have to crane your neck to look at me. But I don't care. It's perfect. -You're- perfect.

I lean down and kiss your nose. Nervously, you giggle. "So...um..." I'll save you the trouble of talking.

I kiss you softly, gently on the lips. You tense against me, grip tightening. "Tala..."

"Birthday present." You smile, cock your head to one side.

"Can I have another one?"

"Greedy." But I oblige. You giggle and snuggle up to my chest. "What time is it?"

"Don't know."

"Don't know or don't care?"

"Both." I sigh.

"People are going to start wondering what I've done with you before very long...none of them trust me." You slip out of my arms, looking sad. Even sad you're perfect. "Hey, don't look like that. You know it's true..."

"I don't see why. It's been a long time since you were..."

"A crazed, psychotic idiot? Well, you know what they say about the primacy effect and all." You look up, puzzled. "People find it hard to go back on first impressions. They won't trust me no matter what I do."

"-I- trust you." I can't help but smile.

"That's good to know." I stroke your cheek, smiling sadly. "I think you should go back to the party."

"...Does that mean...are we-? I mean...like...together?"

"If that's what you want."

"It is..." I smile broadly. I know I look like an idiot, but I can't help it...

"Then I'll see you sometime when half the world isn't likely to come after my blood for spending time with you."

"They're not that bad."

I smile, but I don't mean it. I won't burden you with whining, but it is that bad, Truly. It's hard to get by when people hate you. "You should go back."

"Promise me you'll come and see me tomorrow."

"I promise."

You stand on your tiptoes and kiss my cheek, then walk away. I stand for a minute, then follow you back into the main room. You're back in the middle of the crowd, dancing and laughing and smiling. I resume my old seat. And still everyone avoids me. But somehow it doesn't seem to matter so much now...

Fin

R&R please!