Elite Daddy
By STUPIDFIC!
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In a far-off planet known as Atlas, Covenant forces were invading. In their mission to rid of all humanity, the Covenant found this planet swarming with those heretics. Their space defenses were destroyed easily, and soon they were on the surface.
One of the sweepers was a gold-plated Elite commander named Kozo Jumenee, and so far he killed about a hundred humans, soldiers and civilians alike. He was currently in a ruined sector of a city, looking for survivors. Kozo only found corpses, but a cry was heard, and it wasn't any cry he remembers. The Elite found the noise, and saw a little human baby boy held by a burnt skeleton of its mother. Normally, he would squash such a puny larva with his foot, but not this time.
Jumenee picked up the baby, which calmed downed as the Elite cradled him. "You shall be my son" said Kozo "and you will bring the Covenant a glorious future!" Kozo walked back to base, baby in toe.
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……….fifteen years later……………
"JUNIOOOOOOOOOOOOOR!" yelled an angry Kozo.
A sixteen year old human named Kozo Jr. Jumenee came out of his room.
"What?" grumbled Junior.
"Explain" said Kozo, holding what looked like a bong.
"I was just holding it for Pasmap while he went to training" answered Junior, yawning afterwards.
"Riiiight…." Kozo spoke sarcastically "I told you not to use these things! Especially not when its time to be a warrior!"
"Actually" said Junior "I'm not joining the military, I just made this web comic and I so far it's pretty popular."
"WHAT?" roared Kozo in rage "you want to sit on your butt as a computer entertainer instead of fighting for the Covenant? I WILL NOT APPROVE!"
"It's my life dad!" said Junior "I can do what I want, even if you and your fathers were soldiers"
"Yeah? Well guess what!" said Kozo "YOUR ADOPTED!"
"Well duh!" shouted Junior "its pretty obvious!"
"Grrr!" growled Kozo "Go to your room and stay there until you learned your lesson!"
Junior flipped the Elite off and left the house.
"JUNIOR!" Kozo Jumenee roared as his son drove of in a Ghost 'GET YOUR FUCKING ASS BACK HERE YOU FUCKING HERETIC! JUNIOR!"
But Junior was already gone. Kozo sighed, and went back inside. Forerunner knows why he saved that troublemaker.