AN: Hallo again, darlinks! Another serving of Cold Style, coming up! Heh heh, thanks for reading, all, and for the nice reviews. January people rock! (randomness) Also, to answer some review questions, Deidara and Sasori are members of Akatsuki, Deidara has a mouth in one of his hands which can make clay figures that explode and he is also obssessed with art especially, "fleeting" art, that is, art which explodes in your face (or worse). Sasori is a puppet master (even more so than Kankurou) and if he's not dressed as a puppet, he looks extremely young (though he is so not). Thanks for your suggestions as well, they were very useful and inspiring XD
Chapter 3: More Irony
Ino was pacing to and fro in front of the elevator doors on the sixth level. Itachi was saying something about her having to take their new Love Advice columnist around and show him to his cubicle, which was next to hers. Ino sighed. Rumour was spreading that Sabaku no Gaara was the new columnist, which was the most stupidest thing she heard all week. Oh, she was so wrong. The elevator doors opened to reveal none other than Gaara himself.
"WHAT! You've got to be kidding..." Ino pinched herself. This must be some horrible nightmare. Ino felt pain rush through her arm, she pinched a bit too hard due to shock. Gaara stepped out of the elevator and looked at her indifferently.
"Who are you?" he asked in his normal tone, that is, eerily dangerous. Ino almost jumped.
"Ga-Gaara, don't you remember me? I'm Yamanaka Ino, I guess the only time we saw each other would probably be the Chuunin exams." Pause. Gaara only vaguely remembered.
"You were Haruno Sakura's opponent. Vain, loudmouth, annoying...yes, I remember." Gaara pondered. Ino frowned. She had a feeling that work for her would be unsatisfying with Gaara around.
"Yes, I was Sakura's opponent and best friend. And from now on, your working area is next to mine. I don't know who's worse off..."
"You are. I don't care." Gaara retorted smugly. Ino sighed.
"Anyway, I'm meant to give you a tour and introduce you and so on and so forth, so lets move." Ino lead the way, Gaara walking patiently behind her.
"So..." Gaara speaking. Ino thought that was a first. "What do you do here?"
"I'm part of the Arts and Crafts team. Deidara and Sasori were part of the team until the got promoted. Now we're missing a clay worker and a puppet maker...not that that matters...those two are insane." Ino answered. "Shikamaru works here too, he works on all the fun pages with riddles and crosswords...sometimes he makes them too hard though. Chouji is also here, he's one of the food critics..." Gaara was at a lost.
"Shikamaru...works?" Gaara sounded truly surprised. Shikamaru working extra jobs was more of a shock than Shikamaru working in a woman's magazine company, considering he was a bit of a misogynist. Actually, that was just as shocking now that it sunk in. Gaara suddenly felt cheated by his friend. He never knew this. "He never told me he worked."
"Well...there he is." Ino pointed. Gaara glared at Shikamaru, was was putting change into a vending machine to get a drink.
"Sabakukyu!" Gaara cried out, clenching his fist, engulfing Shikamaru in sand.
"Oi! What the hell are you doing?" Shikamaru droned. Gaara just gave him his normal face, that is, calmly dangerous.
"You lied to me, some friend you are. I can't believe you work."
"Correction, I never lied to you. I merely did not tell you minor details...especially since...this is a woman's magazine..." Shikamaru whispered. Gaara tightened his grip.
"Are you a man or not? A man does not fear what he does!" Gaara said, Shikamaru spluttering.
"Alright, whatever you say. Troublesome. I'm sure we can negotiate this without me having to lose my life..."
"No. You can do the explaining from there."
"GAARA! STOP FOOLING AROUND! I HAVE TO SHOW YOU AROUND, AND I HAVE TO FINISH MY SECTION BEFORE TOMORROW! I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!" Ino shouted. Gaara and Shikamaru looked at her, surprised (and scared). Was Gaara's touch of fear beginning to fade?
"Do what she says, or she'll kill you even if she has to fight your barrier." Shikamaru warned. Gaara let Shikamaru go.
"Now let's move!" and Ino marched ahead, steaming with frustration.
"Oi, I'm meeting the other guys after work. Come with us, okay?" and then Shikamaru turned back to the vending machine. "This is troublesome...some prick pressed some buttons and ran off with my drink...bastards..." Gaara followed Ino to their work area.
"I have another question...why am I working next to you when you are an Arts and Crafts writer?"
"Don't ask me, ask the Boss." Ino didn't turn as she answered that.
"Also..." Gaara wasn't done. "Why are you working for Itachi? Isn't he a traitor?"
"He came back, and announced himself clean. Then he decided to re-launch his mother's business, W4eva magazine. But in order to do that, he needed workers. He had Deidara, Sasori, others from Akatsuki, but they weren't exactly the best pick for stuff women need. So..." Ino turned back to face Gaara "He kidnapped me, and a few others. We're your first workers. Funny enough, he managed to win our trust though. He's a good boss despite his sadism." Right...I've definitely and truly gone insane. This woman is complementing Itachi. Hum. "All the new workers, such as yourself, are employed the normal way though. Okay, here's your desk." Ino pointed to an empty desk with a state-of-the-art computer. Gaara looked at it. So bland. "And this is mine." Ino directed Gaara's eyes over to her desk, which was covered with flowers and pictures of...
"Uchiha Sasuke...you're still part of his fanclub?" Gaara asked, only to receive no answer. Ino has already entered lala land.
"He's so mysterious and dreamy..." Ino rasped, eyes sparkling. Gaara almost threw up.
"And you're blind."
"Ino! I brought lunch!" A new voice broke their conversation. They turned to see a pink haired kunoichi, who was also a medic in Konoha hosiptal.
"Sakura!" Ino cried happily, waving her friend over. "You came to visit!"
"Yeah, I had a short shift today...OH MY GOD!" Sakura's cheerful face went pale with fear. "GA-GA-GA-GA..."
"Sabaku no Gaara, if you've forgotten. I attempted to kill you once." Gaara greeted. Sakura waved his greeting off.
"I know that! I just want to know why you're here! In a woman's magazine company!" She looked around to check whether she was at the right place. This was Gaara in front of her, cold-hearted Gaara, in a woman's magazine company. A woman's magazine company!
"I'm the new Love Advice columnist." Gaara replied. A small moment of silence passed between them, before Sakura burst into peals of laughter.
"Oh my god! That's really funny! I never imagined you the type to joke around, Gaara!" Then she noticed that Gaara and Ino weren't laughing.
"I don't like joking around."
"He's bloody serious, Sakura. It's one hundred percent true."
"WHAT!" Sakura almost fainted from disbelief. Gaara was wondering whether or not to kill her then dispose of her body.
Don't do it, it'll look bad in your resume.
Shut up. But you're right there. I'll only listen to you this one last time.
---
"Okay, I finished filling in the employment form, all my tax details and what not, where do I hand it in?" Gaara asked Ino, who was typing non-stop to get her segment finished. Sakura left looking rather dazed.
"Front desk will do everything for you."
"Alright."
"Um...Gaara?" Ino stopped talking.
"Yes?"
"Since you're the new love advisor, it definitely means you can give decent advice, right?"
"No. I bluff good advice." Gaara answered. Ino raised an eyebrow. She decided not to delve to deeply into his statement.
"Well, can you give me some advice on how to make Sasuke be attracted to me?" Ino asked. Gaara didn't even give himself time to think.
"No, and no amount of advice will get him to notice you that way." came the answer. Ino finally remembered that Gaara was not so nice.
---
"Love Advisor! No way!" Naruto cried, mouth full of ramen.
"Nope, it's true, he tried to kill me." Shikamaru confirmed. Gaara just sat by, looking indifferent. Kiba laughed.
"Well, then it must be true. Did you see my sister? She was at the company today, she writes some of the animal care articles." Kiba grinned. Chouji was stuffing himself with food, while Lee was eating like his youth depended on it. Neji was being the gentlemanly person he always is. Shino managed to get a cockroach away from the group before anyone killed it. Like Gaara.
"No, I didn't see her. Ino did a bad job of taking me around."
"Typical Ino-pig." Naruto mused as he called the waiter over for another bowl of ramen. "The ramen here is not bad, Chouji!"
"See! I told you so!" Chouji replied with his mouth full of barbecued pork.
"So, why did you take the job?" Kiba asked.
"Revenge." Silence. They were wondering against who.
"Shukaku." That scared them. It was as if Gaara could read minds.
"No, it was just predictable." They decided to stop thinking altogether.
"The pay's good though, yeah? I took up the job only because of the pay. Its much better than working as a shinobi, and much less troublesome." Shikamaru remarked. Gaara merely nodded.
"Sorry I'm late." a deep voice greeted them. They turned to see Sasuke, all garbed in expensive designer label clothing, his skin flawless and his hair soft and well styled.
"What the hell have they done to you!" Naruto asked his friend, completely frightened. Sasuke sat down at their table in the spare seat.
"I just finished a shoot, didn't even have time to change." he answered. Neji understood Gaara's blank look, as it was more blank than usual.
"He's a model now, they just launched him. He'll be appearing on milk commercials very soon."
"Interesting career move." Gaara remarked, not looking very excited. Like every other male apart from Lee.
"He's treasuring his youth and beauty! I support you all the way, Sasuke-kun!" Lee gave them his nice-guy pose. In fact he's perfected the nice-guy pose to the point that his grin was truly blinding. Only Shino remained unaffected due to his permanently worn sunglasses.
"I told you they're not just for show."
---
"Hey, Gaara, Naruto told me you're a Love Advice columnist now...?" Sasuke asked Gaara. They were walking home together, as both their houses were in the same direction. Actually, Gaara's apartment and Sasuke's estate were in the same direction.
"Yes."
"Well...I was wondering, what should I do if there was a girl I liked, and I want to ask her out...?"
"A girl from work?"
"Yeah." Gaara looked at Sasuke. He certainly did look like he needed some help. And he wasn't being his usual big-headed, arrogant, angst-ridden teen. Bluffing time.
"Does she feel the same with you?" Gaara asked, feeling like a love therapist.
"I don't know, I mean, she's nice to me and everything."
"Well, if you're unsure, you should do some observing. Not stalking. Observing. Treat her more special than you treat other girls. If she responds by trying to keep you distant, then obviously she's not returning the love. Then you should move on. If she behaves otherwise, you may have a chance. How you take that chance is up to you. Just remember, you may fail in your quest, and so expect the worst at all times. However, if you chicken out and don't ask her if you see you have a chance, then you would have failed immediately, and you'll may regret not asking her for quite a while. It's all up to you, Sasuke, take your time and be patient." Gaara finished. Sasuke looked at him in surprise.
"You know, I'll accept the advice and everything...but did you know how scary that was since it came out of your mouth?" Sasuke cried. Gaara shook his head.
"You have no idea how mush I scared myself while saying that junk."
---
Gaara began to look at a whole bunch of request letters aka trash. While his segment was not due until next week when his layout design was complete, his first column was to be a four page debut special, as in they needed that to make up for the current, loveless week, and make it sound like "they really do care". Temari welcomed herself into his room again.
"Oi, just reminding you, type quietly, we can hear the keyboard in our rooms, you know."
"Don't care. And would you PLEASE knock for once?" Gaara cried. Temari just marched out. Gaara scoffed. "I pity the guy who's gonna be stuck with her..."
"I heard that." Temari cried back from outside Gaara's room. Gaara decided to ignore her. He took the first letter in his pile and read it.
Dear Nina, Heh, they still don't know she's been axed
I'm love with a boy at school how old are these people? but the problem is, so does other girls, 'cos he's like, the most popular guy in school, so yeah. I'm the most popular girl in school, all the boys want me, but he doesn't even look at me? Is he gay or what? How do -
"That's it, I'm not going to even finish reading it, let alone answer this one." Gaara scrunched it up and threw into the paper recycling bin he just recently set up. Five hours later, with everyone in the building asleep, he already disposed of one hundred and twenty four letters, and kept only three. Some were so long, yet strangely intriguing, that kept Gaara reading, however, if he couldn't be bothered to answer it, it would still be recycled. Seeing how he has kept so few letters, he thought he might rummage through the bin to get the more decent letters back. As he began to send his sand into the bin to start rummaging, he heard a sound rapping against his window. He turned, and saw rocks bounce of the glass. He frowned. Whoever's doing that is going to die. He looked out his window and saw no one. He opened it. A rock headed straight for him, only to be stopped by a wall of sand. He looked down.
"Sakura. What are you doing here?" he asked coldly. She smiled innocently.
"I wanted to ask you something."
"There's this miraculous invention called the phone. Naruto has my mobile number. You could have just asked him."
"Yeah...but Sasuke would find out. And I don't want him to know that I wanted to talk to you." Sakura answered. "Can't you come down? It's so late and we'll wake people up like this." Gaara was situated on the third floor. Which means they were making a lot of noise. He materialised into a cloud of sand and reformed beside Sakura.
"Let's go somewhere so we won't be heard."
"Just speak, woman. You only wanted to ask something, did you not?" Gaara was fixed in one position. Sakura sighed.
"Alright." She saw Gaara look at her dangerously. She gulped. "I just read some of the advice you gave in a previous issue of W4eva...and well..."
"Well?" Gaara was getting impatient. He still has garbage to rummage through. Sakura's face changed from fear to determination.
"I want some advice to pick up Sasuke."
To be continued...with chapter 4...
AN: WHAT WILL GAARA'S ANSWER BE? Well, it's obvious, isn't it? Gaara gave Sasuke advice! (but not the girls, hah!) I don't even know if that's good advice...I'm bluffing it too Anyway, this chapter was short-ish, but with less going on. Ho di hum. But we will get to witness Sasuke doing his model work (and cringe or drool, depending what type of fan you are. I think I'll be the former...cos I'll be the one writing it...-sweatdrop-) Also, if your wouldn't mind doing so, place some suggestions about love problems and solutions for them (if possible). Send them via email or review. As I'm also a bluffer, some really horrible advice might be given instead (whistles)...so I'm just being cautious...