Chapter Two

A wave of fatigue washes over me and I collapse into her favourite chair. As I sit there watching the ocean turn to molten gold, I realise that it's going to be a beautiful day. The sunlight falls warm upon my skin, a gentle lover's kiss. Stroking the rough woven fabric I wonder…how many hours have we sat here together?

I remember the moment we first saw each other. She had come with a team to trade medicines of gate addresses that they believed may lead to ZPM's. They'd caused a stir as they passed through the marketplace, people wondering at their strange weapons and dress. I'd been trying to push through the crowd to see what all the fuss was about. She'd been looking around at the crowd…and like magic her eyes had found mine and we'd shared a smile. 'Across a crowded room' she'd later laugh. I thought that would be the end of it, but the memory of her smile had stirred a fierce longing in me. It had been so warm, so open and beautiful. I remember how I'd stopped there in the middle of the crowd, eyes closed tight as I tried to burn that smile into my memory – a moment of beauty to carry me through my hopeless existence. But for a slave girl to be late for her master is a serious offence in my world, and I would pay dearly for that moment.

Three hours later I found myself tied to a pole in the market square steeling myself for the first lash of the whip. The next thing I knew there was shouting, a flurry of guns and men I'd only glimpsed before. Suddenly she was there, shielding me from the crowd and untying my bonds. Her voice was soft and low, her hands gentler than any I'd ever known…I trusted her instinctively, and it terrified me. Smiling at me, she turned and began to speak in a loud, angry voice.

I never heard what she said – I'd already run. But later that night I followed them through the Stargate. I'd thought to hide on the other side, but I was caught the moment I stepped though, A man – I would later learn his name was John – grabbed me.

"Well, what do we have here?" he'd asked with a chuckle. I bit him, hard – I'd paid for that later when he threw me off the pier in revenge! – and tried to run. I ran straight into Dr Weir. She just looked at me, raised one eyebrow and smiled as she said "Hey, don't I know you?"

I first got to know her as Dr Weir, then to trust her as Elizabeth. Soon I came to love her as my 'Mama Lizzie', a teasing nickname I coined when she nagged at me to clean my room or do my lessons, and which eventually came to really mean something. I was just fifteen years old when I first met the strangers from Atlantis, but now at eighteen I call them family. I know as much about the city's workings and its people as anyone, even understanding as much of the Ancients systems as Rodney. And always hours spent in this chair, curled with books or coffee. Sometimes we'd sit in silence, sometimes we'd be up talking far into the night, falling asleep mid-conversation on more than one occasion. Teyla would join us for serious talks or 'girly nights'. Here I'd wiped away tears as Dr Weir fell apart and became simply Elizabeth, torn apart by hard choices and hard days, here I'd poured out my hopes and fears, knowing they would be heard and understood. Atlantis gave me a home and a family…and after a while I lost my fear of losing them.

My hands are sweating as I fumble with the panel. "Come on, come on" I mutter in frustration. The silence is grating on my nerves and making me feel clumsy and slow…suddenly it shatters and my ears are deafened as a rain of bullets come through the event horizon, creating havoc in the gateroom. Lights explode around me, people are yelling, someone screams…I don't know how long it goes on – hours? Minutes? After what seems like an eternity I hear Rodney yell out, 'That's it!"

I slump backwards in relief as the noise of battle fades, replaced by the unmistakeable 'swoosh' of the gate shutting down, followed by silence. I look up at Rodney, triumphant words dying on my lips as I see his face. He's just standing there, a pale ghost staring at something on the floor beyond the console blocking my view, his face a waxen mask of horror. Suddenly the silence seems deafening.

I rise to my feet, ignoring the hands trying to hold me back and the strangled cry of protest from somewhere behind me. She's lying there on the floor, limbs awkwardly splayed. The absurd thought "why is she sleeping" crosses my mind has barely crossed my mind when I see the blood. So much blood. The bullets have gone right through her. She must've been standing at the balcony overlooking the gateroom. Why would she be so stupid? I'm frozen…there are hands. Voices..John running up the steps…Oh God, John…was he crying? Where was Beckett, where was the med team…don't they know she needs them? Don't they know the heart of Atlantis is lying on the floor, bleeding? Rodney's here, his hand on my shoulder, his heart in his eyes. And I…I'm frozen. One halting step forward, a few more...why do my legs feel so strange? I fall heavily to the floor, reaching out to touch one chestnut curl.

Closing my eyes, images flash in the dark…her body, John's face, Carson as his lips move in silent futile prayer. My feet beyond my control, leading me here. I can't believe it.

"She's dead."

I say it aloud to the rising sun.

"She's dead."

Louder.

"She's dead."

Whispering. Still I feel nothing.

"She's dead. Elizabeth is dead. She's dead, she's gone, she's dead. My Mama Lizzie is dead." Teyla finds me like this, hours later. As we leave together I turn and lock the doors, keeping it safe for Elizabeth, determined that no one will go in there and touch her things. I also short circuit the doors that lead to 'her' balcony outside the control room. I feel them all staring at me as I work, but I can't find it in me to care, or even to return their gaze. Nothing matters now, and the sympathy in their eyes is more than I could stand.