A/N: I'm so glad everyone's enjoying this story! Thank you one and all for your reviews =). Now, I have the next 4 days off, so hopefully I'll be able to sit down and get in some good time at the computer. Can't post at 4 in the morning all the time!
Chapter 4: Of Promises and PlansHarry stormed up the stairs of the tower, slamming his door closed viciously. He leaned back against it, pressing his palms against the wood, his breath coming in short pants, rage burning through him. How could they? How could they? The thoughts kept echoing in his mind. They – no – but – how? – They think I'm evil. They think I helped kill Cedric. Harry banged his head against the wood of the door sharply, the pain momentarily blocking out the confused jumble of thoughts in his head. Well, you did, didn't you? You just stood by and watched Cedric die, you worthless bastard. You don't deserve their friendship – it's a wonder they've stayed your friends for this long. You're nothing but a worthless freak, came one inner voice that sounded suspiciously like his Uncle Vernon. Harry shook his head silently, breath hitching, before sliding down the door and huddling against it. The shadows of the room seemed to get darker and menacing figures seemed to be lurking in them – all pointing figures at the small boy curled on the ground. Harry wrapped his arms around his legs tightly, burying his face in his knees, trying to dispel the images his mind conjured up to torment him. "No. No no no no. I never meant for him to die. I hate Voldemort, I do. I do," he whispered brokenly, feeling a large lump lodge in his throat. He sniffled, feeling tears threaten and he tried valiantly to hold them back. Aw, the poor, helpless baby's going to cry, now? Pathetic, truly pathetic Mr. Potter. One hundred points from Gryffindor, came his inner Snape-voice, as Harry had named it. He started to laugh, a bitter, painful laugh that held no humor in it what so ever. A few tears spilled over the edges of his eyes, making silvery tracks in the dim light. He really was hopeless, even his subconscious knew it. He wasn't really sure when the bitter laughter turned into large, gasping sobs that he tried to suppress, but to no avail. Pain welled in his chest until he thought that his heart would explode. Harry curled his arms over his head, breath coming in choked gasps, trying to hide himself, but he didn't know from what. Maybe God, maybe himself – he didn't know. Worthless, worthless, Harry shivered. Why do I even try?
Harry let himself fall sideways and curled up into a ball on the cold, hardwood floor. A draft along the floorboards left him shivering, teeth clicking together in a combination of his crying and the chill. He had never felt so alone – so helpless before in his life. Is this what having friends does to you? He wondered miserably. It leaves you open, leaves you vulnerable – used to trusting in people and expecting them to be there for you? Why does anyone do it? Harry thought back to his life before Hogwarts – he hadn't had any friends then – Dudly had made sure of that. And Harry had been just fine, damn it all, he'd been used to relying on himself – trusting that he'd be fine, not needing friends or the comfort they could bring. He hadn't known what friendship truly was until Ron had offered him his on the train. Harry was slipping further and further into depression and he knew it, but couldn't seem to make himself care. He faintly wished he had enough courage to kill himself – but he knew he never would. No, not until that bastard's dead. I wont rest until then. He's taken everything from me now – my family, my friends – all of it because of that fucking, god damn Voldemort. For the first time, Harry felt pure, unadulterated hate surge through him. This must be how Snape feels when he sees Sirius, Harry thought faintly. Now I understand. He coughed, sobs subsiding slowly, and scrubbed the back of his hand against his cheeks, wiping his nose on an edge of his robes. He closed his eyes tightly, hearing the faint noise of the common room in the silence of his room and felt his face start to crumple again. God, did you do this because I let Cedric die?
Harry opened his eyes and stared out his window. The storm was over and the night sky could be seen occasionally through the patches of clouds. He was staring out at the stars, trying not to think about what had happened, when in the midst of a half-formed plan of revenge against Voldemort he faintly recalled something – something Dumbledore had said last year. Something about the Order of the Phoenix. He absently rubbed his cheek on the floor, his tears now over, a small frown of concentration marring his face. He stared out into the night sky and let his mind try to recall what he'd heard. He almost had the memory he was looking for when a twinge of pain ran through his scar. Harry winced slightly, waiting for it to bloom into a full, all out migraine, but surprisingly it passed quickly. Harry rubbed at it absently, then froze. His scar. The connection. The Order of the Phoenix. His visions gave him valuable information, and if he could manipulate the bond, if he could remember everything that went on during the visions – like, location, people, names – maybe … Harry's eyes glazed over as he thought quickly. He'd have to talk to Dumbledore though – Harry felt something come over him then, some hardening of his soul, a piece of his innocence leaving. It would hurt – oh how it would hurt. If involuntary contact with the Dark Lord was painful – and Harry only vaguely remembered that contact – then how painful would attempted voluntary, forced remembering of the vision be? Harry shivered again, this time remembering the pain of the Cruciatus curse. Then his eyes hardened. Wuss. Cedric's dead and you're afraid of little pain? Pathetic. This time he let the voice wash through him, let it summon the anger he needed to strengthen his resolve. I swear – I'll do whatever it takes to hunt Voldemort down and kill him. I'll do anything to stop him, I swear. Just, please, God – Anyone – Someone, if You're listening – let them give me another chance. I'll do anything – but I can't do this alone. Please, if You can hear me, if You care – Ron, Hermione – they were all I had. Well, I have Sirius, but not really. And Dumbledore – but it's not the same. Ron and Hermione were like my family. Please, let them reconsider. Let them understand, please. Don't let me be left alone, he pleaded to whoever might be listening. Harry rarely prayed, but he did so now, fervently, eyes closing, mouthing the prayer, the plea, the promise he'd made.
He felt the weight of the day crash down on him then, and along with it came the aches and pains of being pummeled by Ron. He rolled onto his hands and knees slowly, feeling a hundred and ten years old. He got to his feet stiffly, unsure of how long he'd been on the floor and not really caring. Harry wiped at his face, wincing as his hand came into contact with his split lip. Other than the his lip, Ron had been unable to get a good face shot in, turning most of his concentration onto Harry's ribs. Oh, it's gonna suck getting up tomorrow, Harry thought wryly, a small, bitter grin flitting across his face, making the torn skin of his lip twinge. He shrugged off his robe and threw it over the back of his chair, toeing off his shoes, not bothering with the rest of his cloths. He was too tired to do anything other than crawl into bed slowly, pulling the covers over himself, trying to block out the world. I'll talk to Dumbledore tomorrow, Harry promised himself as he was drifting off. I'll do anything, he thought fuzzily as sleep drew him under. He'd left his wand on the side table, meaning to place a silencing charm around his bed, but forgetting to do so in his exhaustion.
*
"Kill the spare."
"Avada Kedavra!"
"No! Cedric! Nooooooooo! - "
Harry came awake abruptly at the sharp slap across his face. His throat felt raw and bloody - oh, lovely, I've been screaming, he thought with sleepy confusion. Harry blinked a few times in the darkness of the room before reaching for his glasses. They were quickly pressed into his hand by very same person he assumed had slapped the bejezus out of him. Harry slid them on and blinked the sleep from his eyes, hand coming up to rub gently at his still stinging cheek. Seamus was sitting on the edge of his bed, hair in a thousand different directions, looking at Harry worriedly. "Seamus?" Harry croaked. He looked towards the window, but saw that it was still black as pitch outside. "What in the world are you doing – what time is it?" Harry asked groggily. Seamus looked at him steadily for a moment.
"Sorry there mate, but you were screaming a fit to be tied, I must say and you weren't waking up when I called you. It's around three in the morning, I believe. Didn't have time to check and all." Seamus said gruffly. He peered at Harry. "Alright there Harry?" Harry swallowed with difficulty. He'd forgotten to put up silencing charms. Bloody hell.
"Heh, yeah. Just," he shrugged, feeling a shameful blush creep over his face. "Ya know. Dreams and whatnot," Harry's mind skittered over the residual images left over from his dream. They were things he'd rather not dwell on just yet with Seamus in the room. "Hope I didn't wake the dorm up," Harry tried for levity. Seamus just stared at him.
"You did," he said quietly. Harry felt the blood drain from his face. He looked to the door, which was open, but found it empty. They hadn't come.
"Sorry," Harry whispered. Seamus just nodded and awkwardly patted him on the shoulder.
"S'all right, mate," he said. Seamus got up and made as if to leave, then stopped. He turned back to Harry, a frown marring his face. "I didn't believe the articles, you know. I – I think Ron and Hermione are off their rockers. You're not evil Harry, I know that, and so should they," Seamus said firmly. Harry stared at the Irish boy for a moment, feeling a trickle of warmth in his heart.
"Thank you, Seamus. That means a lot to me," Harry said quietly. Seamus just nodded and turned away. Harry watched the boy leave with something like relief in his heart. Maybe they will come around, Harry thought. There has to be a chance. I can't give up hope, I can't lose faith in them just yet. Not yet, Harry sighed and reached for his wand. He cast several silencing charms around the room, making sure that another visit from Seamus would not be necessary. Silencing charms are my friend, he thought bitterly. Aw well. As long as I'm not waking up the whole bloody dorm again, he shrugged philosophically and flopped back down on the bed after replacing his wand on his bedside table. Sleep, unfortunately, took a long time in returning.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Draco Malfoy sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face. Good god, three AM and we're still not done, he thought irritably. Around him sat the rest of his House – all bloody few of us, he scoffed silently. This is going to be impossible.
"Ok, so what's the list at now?" Draco asked tiredly. Pansy looked down at the scroll that lay in front of her.
"Two in Ravenclaw, one in Hufflepuff – and we know there's at least one in Gryffindor, but as to who exactly it is, that's the question. None of us have ever really gotten into anyone's confidence in that house – and besides, no one would suspect them of having Death Eater spies in their ranks. They're the bloody noble, courageous house, honor bound to fight evil and all that rot," Pansy said snidely. Draco sighed and rubbed his eyes. He looked over to Blaise.
"Mandy Brocklehurst and Stephen Cornfoot are the Ravenclaws. Michael Corner from Hufflepuff," Blaise supplied. Draco nodded absently, a finger coming up to tap his lips gently.
"Anyone have any ideas on who the Gryffindor spy is?" Draco asked. No one spoke up immediately.
"Maybe – maybe it's Potter," voiced a second year. The first years were mostly asleep in their seats, while only a few of the second years had managed to stay awake. Those who had managed watched Draco and the rest of the older years with eyes that were far too old to be in such young faces. Bloody Voldemort, Draco thought bitterly. Bloody, God be damned fool. They're too young for this. Hell, we're too young for this. Draco snorted, though, and gave the child a sharp look.
"Don't be daft," he snapped. "Potter is the last one to become a Death Eater, you all know that," Draco huffed. "Besides, if he had switched sides, what the hell is he still doing at Hogwarts? The Dark Lord would never let Potter leave his side if the boy defected. Potter's too strong to be left to his own devices – the Dark Lord wouldn't allow it," he scoffed. And it was true – Draco remembered hearing his father and Severus arguing about it often enough over the summer. Voldemort would never allow a rival of significant power to be out of his control completely. The insane Dark Lord preferred to have absolute control over everyone and everything. The second year – Draco mentally made a note to himself to find out the boy's name – nodded quickly in the face of Draco's irritation and glued his eyes to his hands, face flushing slightly. "Now, anyone else?" Draco inquired. Silence reigned in the room. "Pah," Draco spat and ran his hands through his hair, a clear indication of how tired and frustrated he was.
"This is getting us no where, Draco. Let's call it a night and recoup tomorrow," Blaise said firmly. Draco sighed and relaxed back into the couch. "Besides, it will do none of us any good to be late to classes tomorrow. Those Gryffindors would jump all over that as a sign that we're all planning to take over the school or some such nonsense. Do you know that my father said that some of the Gryffindor parents tried to get Slytherin house kicked out of Hogwarts over the summer? Father nearly had a fit when he heard," Blaise's father was high up on the Ministry ladder. Draco snorted and nodded, having heard the exact same thing from his father.
"Fools, the lot of them," Draco snapped. The Slytherins that had returned were all against the Dark Lord's return, Draco had made sure of that. Draco, Pansy and Blaise had taken the House aside, one by one, and dowsed them all with the Veritaserum that Draco had gotten from his father. Severus knew what they were doing, and had agreed to let Draco approach the students first. If they were all amiable to Draco's idea of pooling their resources together and creating their own information network in the school, then the former spy would meet with them the next night. If they had found any moles, though – then the Potions Master would have gotten involved – with a well-placed Obliviate and sleeping spell. But no moles were found – at least in their House. It was the other houses that they were worried about now. Especially Gryffindor. Draco eyed the younger years. "Up now," he said loudly, rousing them from their dozing. "Off to bed. Remember, breakfast is from seven until nine. Classes start at nine, unless you have a free period. Should you have a free period, I expect you to either be in the Common Room or with at least two others in the Library. Understood?" He barked out. He had been made prefect this year and he took the responsibility seriously. The younger years nodded quickly and roused the ones that hadn't yet woken up fully. As they tottered off to bed Draco raised a hand to his temple.
"Good impression of Professor Snape there, Draco," Pansy said teasingly.
"It rubs off on you," Draco muttered and those who were still left giggled at Draco's dry rebuttal. The relationship between Draco's father and Severus was hardly a secret in the Slytherin House. The first thing Narcissa had done after the divorce was blab her mouth to all the Death Eaters that she could get her hands on that would listen to her. I hope the Dark Lord decided to cut out her tongue, Draco thought cruelly. Narcissa had done a lot of damage with her gossip – and the only thing keeping her from telling the rest of the wizarding world was the eventual backlash that Lucius could create against her. Narcissa only ever took care of herself, everyone else was on their own - Draco knew that from experience. Draco looked over to Blaise's tired form. "Any idea of how to approach Longbottom?" he inquired. Blaise looked at Draco sourly.
"I'm not a bloody miracle worker, Draco. I'll figure something out – just give me some time." Blaise must be tired, Draco thought. He never looses his composure like that normally. Draco just nodded and hoisted himself out of the couch's comfortable embrace. It was definitely time for sleep; his eyes felt gritty and his teeth were in a state he'd rather not think about. Yuck. Bathroom then bed, ew.
"I'm to bed. Goodnight," he called over his shoulder as he made his way to his room. The rest of the Slytherins watched him go silently.
"He's going to burn himself out if he doesn't watch it," Pansy murmured as Draco's form disappeared down the shadowy hallway. Blaise nodded in agreement.
"We'll just have to make him slow down then," Blaise said simply and stood slowly, feeling his muscles complaining. Pansy stared at Blaise, raising her eyebrow. He shrugged, knowing the answer wasn't ideal, but what else could they do? Tie him up for a day and douse him with a sleeping potion? Draco would have their heads if they did that. Pansy snorted inelegantly.
"Very funny Blaise," she said dryly. She gathered up the inkpot and scrolls that littered the table in front of her, pausing to rub irritably at the spots of ink that stained her hands. Millicent grabbed the notes that Pansy had made and stood, waiting for her friend to join her. "What class do we have first tomorrow?" Pansy asked.
"Potions, I believe. With the Gryffindors, if tradition holds up. I'll have to have a word with Professor Snape tomorrow before breakfast – perhaps he'll agree to – ah, 'switch up' the partners again for this year," Blaise winked at her. Pansy laughed.
"Sly, Blaise. Sly," she teased. He bowed mockingly to her before making his way to his own room. Millicent sighed as she watched him go. Pansy raised an inquiring eyebrow at her. Millicent shook her head and waited till Blaise was out of hearing range.
"It's a shame, that's all. All the cute ones are gay," she complained. Pansy looked at her friend and giggled.
"Only you, Millicent, only you," Pansy said fondly. Out of all the things she could be upset about, she chose the boy's sexuality to fuss about. Pansy muffled further giggles. She hoped Millicent would never change. "Come on, silly. We need our sleep." She linked arms with Millicent and they strolled off to their own rooms, enjoying a calm moment together before the chaos the first day of classes could hit.
End Chapter 4
A/N: Well, here's the next installment! Hope you liked it!
Review Reponses:
Lady FoxFire: Yeah, I like Ginny =). Sirius and Remus will make their appearance, but not for a few chapters yet. I'm glad you're liking it so far!
Usagi Serenity Yui Cosmos: Bill and Charlie aren't in the fic so far as yet (I have about 50 handwritten pages) but there are mentions of them. It's still up in the air, just gotta see what the muses say =)
BlackDragon: thank you for clearing that up for me. I haven't actually read the whole book through (I know, I know, bad me), so I just wanted to make sure everyone knew where I was going with the fic. Thanks for the review!
Rissa: thank you for the review! And please bring it to my attention should my grammer start to slip, this beta'd only by me, so sometimes I miss things =)
Minerva-Severus-Dumbledore: Thank you!
Hippy flower: I'm glad you liked it! Since I have the next couple days off I'll be posting as soon as I can get 'em typed and proofed =)
Kimmy: Yeah, I really don't like Ron or Hermione in this fic and as for Harry, well, he's gonna get dragged through some crap, but in the end he'll find his true friends. Thanks for the review!
Myk: thanks for the review! Hehe you'll just have to wait and see =)
Pseudonym: thank you! I've never particularly liked Ron, and as for Ginny – well, she just sort of developed a voice of her own =) Thanks again!
CF1 and CF2: thank you! I'm glad you liked it =)
Venus Rose: I'm glad you're liking the story. As for the Gryffindors, well, much more angst to come =)
Athenakitty: as always, lovely questions! As for things going in Harry's favor…well, not for a while, they wont. Thanks for reviewing again!
Harial: thanks!
Thistle5: well, the next few chapters should sate your curiosity =) thanks for the review!
Diagonalist: …I love your stories. Thank you for reviewing mine!