Summary: Yet another Halloween fic. With demons.

Disclaimer: I own... hmm. I own nothing. The bank owns any money I make, at the moment. The concepts building 1001Keys do not belong to me, most probably.

Feedback: Why not? It helps me write more and better...

Crossover: Megatokyo

AlbumThisWasWrittenTo: 'Golden Pillz', by My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult

Pre-fic Comments:

Words in 'leet are in braces after the paragraph.

Xander and Cordelia met the two hackers coming up the stairs.

"You forced a whole town," Xander said neutrally.

"It was n33d3d!," O'Neil protested. "They can p> n33d3d needed, p>"What?," Xander asked. "They can what the what? I hope you didn't mean what I thought you meant."

"Dirty mind," Cordelia smirked, poking Xander in the side.

Xander grabbed her hand midpoke. "Easy on the merchandise there. And you. Explain."

"Everyone in town is not dependant on the cops to defend them now," O'Neil said slowly, as if Xander was slow of comprehension. "I levelled the party so that if they're threatened they can dice up the attacker."

"You stole my blood!," Cordelia snapped. "Without asking!"

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few," Largo said, striking a pose.

"Come on," Xander sighed. "We all need to take a step back and think about this."

The four went up the stairs to the living room.

"Okay, who wants to put up the two new guys?," Xander asked.

"The l33t must stay together," O'Neil snapped.

l33t leet elite

"What?," Xander asked. "The who?"

"No, the elite is what he means," Piro said, a look of resignation seemingly painted on his face. "I'll stay with them so that they don't burn the place down."

"We'll stay here and tell Mr Giles and Mrs Summers," Sheila Rosenberg said from where Willow was still sniffling in her arms. "Go on."

"Okay," Xander shrugged. He opened the door for Cordelia. "I'll walk you home."

"Thanks, demon boy," Cordelia smiled. "I don't think you should have let Rosenberg drink from you like that."

"She needed it!," Xander protested. "She's my best friend!"

"What if she killed you by accident?," Cordelia retorted.

Xander stopped, and stared down at Cordelia. While they were approximately the same height when both were in their supernatural forms, he still had about twenty centimeters advantage on her. A look of annoyance sprouted on his face, and his tail started lashing furiously. How dare this... mortal... presume to instruct him!

"What I do is my affair," he said coldly. "Not yours. Ah! I'm talking, you are not. Maybe you don't like what I do?"

"I'm just saying," Cordelia began, backpedalling.

"Just saying? How about you get some cool-off time as well?," Xander said. "Come back to me in a week and we'll talk."

"What about sex?," Cordelia snapped.

"There are plenty of other fish in the sea," Xander replied.

Her eyes opened wide. "My God, I can't believe you just said that! We are so through! Don't bother walking me the rest of the way, Harris."

Xander tossed and turned as he tried to sleep. Something had been terribly wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on what that thing was, or when.

He stopped moving as sleep came, and dreams. A smile grew on his face as he dreamt of some of the activities the demon had committed, and a frown wavered momentarily as he dreamt of other things that the demon had done.

At school the next day, the Scoobies gathered at the Library during lunch break.

"What did you guys get for your Career Day?," Willow asked eagerly. Her face fell. "I wasn't on the list... why wasn't I on the list?"

"I don't know, Wills," Xander said. "Maybe you're just too spectacular for the plebs around here to pigeonhole. Say, you guys know me about as well as anyone, right?"

"Why?," Buffy asked.

"When you look at me, do you think 'prison guard'?," Xander asked plaintively.

Willow and Buffy giggled at this, problems forgotten. Buffy looked him up and down.

"Oh, I think you can guard me anytime," she said. Generals needed bodyguards, after all.

"According to my test results from the Careers Fair, I can look forwards to being gainfully employed in the growing field of corrections," Xander said sourly.

This did not lessen the girls' fits of giggles in any way.

"Well, at least you'll be on the right side of the bars," Buffy pointed out.

"Ha, ha, ha, ha! Laugh now, missy, they assigned you to the booth for law enforcement professionals," Xander said smugly.

"As in police?," Buffy inquired, stunned at this.

"As in polyester, doughnuts and brutality," Xander nodded.

Buffy hissed in annoyance. Why would she want to round up stupid criminals?

"But, doughnuts!," Willow smiled, trying to find the good side. The events of the previous day had finally driven home the point that her new vampiric status was not going to go away, despite what she would wish it to be otherwise.

"Well, I'll just jump off that bridge when I come to it," Buffy whined.

Giles wandered into the library, carrying a stack of books taller than he was.

"Wow, that superstrength thing sure is workin' out fer ya," Xander observed. "Whoops, watch out for--"

Everyone winced as the top half of the tottering tower fell to the ground. Giles winced so much that another quarter fell off as well.

"I'm afraid not," the Watcher sighed. "Buffy, how did patrol last night go?"

"Not much," Buffy shrugged. "I was busy stopping Mum wigging out last night. Oh, there were a couple vamps looting some jumbo mausoleum."

"They were stealing?," Giles asked. This was familiar territory.

"Yeah! They had tools, flashlights, whole nine yards," Buffy shrugged. What does that mean anyway? 'Whole nine yards'? Nine yards of what? Now it's gonna bug me all day. Giles, you're in pace mode. What gives?"

"Um, this vampire who escaped, did you see what he took?," Giles asked.

"No, but I could take a guess and say it was something old," Buffy said sarcastically.

"You made no effort to find out what was taken?," Giles asked incredulously.

Xander and Willow both winced again, and tiptoed out of the argument to class.

Post-fic Comments:

The 'whole nine yards' Buffy-rant from canon has, I'm told, the following answer. Machine guns have (or had) belts of ammo nine yards long, and using the whole thing on a target got called the whole nine yards. I have no idea whether this is true or not.

I think the explanation for the phrase 'freeze the balls off a brass monkey' is funnier, myself.