Co-Author: Nathan Campbell
Disclaimer: I own... hmm. I own nothing. The bank owns any money I make, at the moment. The concepts building 1001Keys do not belong to me, most probably.
Feedback: Why not? It helps me write more and better...
Crossover: Megatokyo
MusicThisWasWrittenTo: Oasis and Dimmu Borgir.
Pre-fic Comments:
All the CS stuff was mapped out by Nathan Campbell, so he gets co-auth for this part. Me, I know just enough about CS to be dangerous to myself. (And no one else, sadly.)
Xander blinked as he finished teleporting. He was in some Middle East town, and dust swirled around his feet.
Weird. He couldn't feel his wings at all, nor his tail.
The buildings were tan, the dust was tan, about the only change in colour were the brown wooden crates dotted around the small courtyard he found himself in.
"I don't get it," Buffy said. "Where the hell is O'Neil?"
"Welcome to the MADDDLAN server - map dedust," a male, vaguely robotic voice said. "Choose a side."
Both blinked as a man wearing police-like body armour ran past them. As his back was shown to them, 'POLIZEI' was written across the top of his back. As soon as the man disappeared through a door, another man in homemade body armour and a green sweater ran across the courtyard from a different door.
"Okay, that was random," Buffy observed. "I guess we have to choose a side to find him."
"I choose the good guys," Xander said, speaking out loud.
"Me too," Buffy added.
"Too many Counter Terrorists," the voice said mechanically.
"Hey!," Buffy protested as Xander disappeared, fading out. "I wanna be with Xander!"
"Too many Counter Terrorists," the voice repeated.
"Okay then, I refuse to be on either team," Buffy snapped, exasperated.
"Player is Spectator," the voice said.
Buffy then found herself looking over the shoulder of a man carrying a menacing looking black rifle. It kinda looked like the M-16 guns that the Army had...
She just about screamed when she realised that as the man moved about, she helplessly followed, watching what he was doing.
"Hey, Xander," Buffy called out, spotting a man in police clothes recognisable as Xander. For some reason, he didn't hear her.
The man she was watching lifted his rifle, sending three little messengers through Xander.
"Nooo... you bastard!," Buffy swore. The rifle then clicked empty. "Yessss! Take that!"
Just as Xander was slowly turning around, the man pulled out a handgun and shot him in the head, laying him low.
"HEADSHOT - 1001Keys kills Player with Glock," the mechanical voice said.
Buffy muttered a string of curses that would earn her a mouth full of soap, should Joyce hear that she said them.
The man she was watching -- obviously 1001Keys -- dropped his empty rifle, taking the shotgun that Xander had been carrying.
"I wonder why his name was listed as Player," Buffy mused out loud.
1001Keys moved quietly behind some crates, reloading the shotgun as he did so. Once he was behind them, he pulled out a chunky block that quietened Buffy immediately.
C4.
The man placed the C4 by the crates, pushing buttons until a countdown began from 35.
"Life ain't fair," complained Buffy as 1001Keys stood guard over the explosives.
"Terrorists Win," the voice said as the bomb exploded, sending Buffy's view reeling all over the landscape until her sight went black.
"Map change: fyiceworld," the voice said.
Buffy had no idea how on earth it managed to say colons or underscores.
"Xander!," Buffy smiled widely. "You're alive!"
"As are you," Xander returned. "Bit colder here, though."
They were in a maze of ice passages. Somehow, the ground was completely unslippery.
"I guess we have to choose sides again," Buffy said.
"Good guys!," Xander called out, Buffy half a second behind him.
"Yessss!," Buffy said, pumping her fist up and down in joy. "I got in this time!"
"Right, buy gun, buy gun, why isn't it working?!," Xander muttered. "Oh, they're in front of me."
Xander sheepishly picked up an AK47
"Where'd Xander go?," Buffy asked out loud, picking up a gun that looked like it belonged in a Star Trek episode.
"Buff!," Xander grinned, spotting the blonde.
They ran to catch up with each other, meeting in a small 'T' where the back passage they were in met with another passage that stretched off to somewhere else.
Both blinked as they got killed meeting at the T, and were reduced to the strange watch-mode that Buffy endured during the first go at this.
Once all the others were killed, save one, everyone was resurrected, as far as Xander could tell.
"Well, at least we're together now," Buffy shrugged.
"Indeed," Xander said. "Oooo! Guns!"
Xander picked up a funny looking weapon with a silencer and a second hand grip thingy that bore some resemblance to a mac-10, while Buffy picked up an MP5.
"Right, now for the corner and hopefully not the killage this time," Xander muttered, as the two approached a sharp turn in the passage, skirting the edge of the map.
Pow! Buffy dropped like a stone, as someone put a bullet in her head.
"HEADSHOT - PandaAttack kills Player with AWP," the mechanical voice said.
"Dammit," Xander muttered, running towards the T junction in an attempt to flank whoever l33tm453r was. "Who the hell picks a name like Panda Attack anyway?"
"Yeah, Mister Purple Shineypants," an unfamiliar voice replied, smirk audible. The speaker couldn't be seen.
"Shut up!," an 18 year old screamed back. "Who's got the kills? DIE, BIZATCH!"
"Goddammit!," Xander roared, as someone killed him as he passed through a crossroad.
"n003 p4Tr0L kills X with Colt," the mechanical voice boomed out again.
"Terrorists Win," the voice then said.
Once everyone reappeared, Xander quickly picked up a long rifle. He thought it was one of those AWP things, but he wasn't sure. Buffy picked up the Star Trek gun again.
Buffy charged off on her own, and was promptly killed
"1001Keys kills Buffy with Colt," the voice announced.
Xander heard a faint noise behind him, and whirled to find someone approaching him with a knife, obviously about to stab him or something. He recognised him as 1001Keys, O'Neil. As soon as Xander spun around, 1001Keys started moving towards another passage, switching to the Colt again.
Xander shot him with the AWP without bothering to raise the sights to his eyes.
"Player kills 1001Keys with AWP," the voice announced.
"l33tm453r calls map vote, reason: hates nub maps," the mechanical voice said.
"I agree," a dreaded familiar voice said. O'Neil. "I want to play an objective map."
Xander basked in the warmth of finally managing to kill someone. Then got killed himself.
"BMFJedi kills Xander with Sig," the voice called out. "Terrorists Win"
Xander sighed as everyone reappeared. "Dammit, Buff, how do we get outta this crazy thing?"
"I think we have to either find a way out, or get a high enough score," Buffy guessed.
"You de boss," Xander shrugged, picking up the AWP again. Hey, it worked last time.
A stupidly huge grin grew on Buffy's face as she picked up a huge, heavy machine gun.
"Okay, I'll cover you," Xander said. "Go!"
Buffy ran forwards with the machine gun, slowed down considerably by the weight of the weapon. She killed "n003 p4Tr0L", then kept firing once she was on the other side of the map at the terrorists there, somehow managing to completely miss all of them. The gun clicked repeatedly as she ran out of ammo.
She grinned sheepishly at the terrorist looking at her. empty machine gun dangling from her hands. "Be nice, I'm a harmless little girl?"
"1001Keys kills Player with Aug," the voice boomed out.
Xander swore, then potted a terrorist as one crossed his line of sight.
"Player kills l33tm453r with AWP," the voice called out once more.
A frown crossed Xander's face as he saw a terrorist appear, hitting him before he could kill the terrorist.
"BMFJedi kills Player with mp5," the voice announced. "Terrorists Win."
Post-fic Comments:
Please don't kill me. (That goes double for any Quake3'ers, UT'ers, or BF1942'ers.)