A/N: Well. Er, what else can I say but that I'm extremely, completely and utterly sorry for not getting this out sooner. It's actually been on a disk, in my book bag, being worked on in-between classes at the Uni. But, with finals next week, I should be back to a much quicker posting schedule. My apologies again for the delay.
Also, I'm more than open for ideas for pranks. Personally, I'm the type of person to get in a knockdown, drag out fight rather than pranking people. I'm just malicious like that, I guess.
Chapter 13: Shades of Gray
Luckily there was no one in the dorm when Harry arrived. He slipped silently through the common room and up the stairs, ears pricked for any hint of noise. He really didn't want to run into anyone. He hurried up to his door, then paused, eyeing it carefully. He cocked his head to one side, thinking swiftly before withdrawing his wand and muttering a spell. Immediately the door lit up like Christmas Day and Harry groaned, resisting the urge to stomp his foot childishly. There were several hexes and curses placed on the door that seemed to be rigged to go off at the touch of a hand on the door handle. Harry leaned close to the door, eyes squinting as he tried to make out each of the spells, impatiently blowing his bangs out of his eyes. It took him nearly a quarter hour to figure out how to dispel the magic on his door – a quarter hour in which he also got soaking wet and doused with chalk powder when he made a mistake with the disarming spells. He stomped into the room, finally, grumbling to himself, snarling out several charms to clean himself up and dry himself off. He flung himself down on his bed gratefully afterwards – hospital beds are so uncomfortable, he thought as he stretched out on the large bed.
He turned his head slightly and eyed the new fireplace; in which a fire was crackling merrily, filling the room with warmth. Harry was glad for it. He lay in silence for a while, drowsing slightly; he knew he should probably get to the library, but he didn't want to move just yet. It was nice to just be and not have to worry about Madam Pomfrey coming in to fuss over him, or worse, waking and having a Potions Master staring at you oddly. He snorted faintly at his thoughts, mentally rolling his eyes at himself.
He rolled over onto his stomach, pillowed his head on his arms and turned his face towards the fire, closing his eyes. He was trying to relax into a quick nap when a sudden flash of memory slammed through his mind, making him tense. For a moment all he could see was a room washed in blood, and the sour-sweet smell of vomit and blood filled his nose and coated his throat. Harry flinched violently and his eyes flew open, panic and adrenaline shooting through his system as he sat up quickly, breath coming in pants in order to rid himself of the sickening smell. He shuddered and ran a shaking hand through his hair, letting out a stuttering breath as he tried to calm his heart and his breathing. He shook his head slightly, forcing himself off of the bed, this is worthless, he thought. I need to get busy, think about something, anything, in order to keep me from remembering – that. He leaned over and grabbed his rucksack from off of the floor and checked it, making sure he had his schoolbooks inside. Satisfied, he let himself out of his room, deciding to go to the library, intending to study himself into exhaustion; maybe I'll be too tired to remember then, he hoped. As he left the dorm, he paused, a creeping feeling coming over him. It feels as though I'm being watched, he thought, shivering faintly. He glanced around warily, but only saw a couple of third year Ravenclaws chatting amiably together as they walked towards him; on their way to their dorm, no doubt. No, it wasn't them, he mused, hesitating once more, eyes scanning the hallway, looking for the invisible eyes. Still not identifying the source of his unease, he turned towards the library, walking quickly in the silent halls, skirting around the oblivious third years. As his steps receded, a pair of bodies detached themselves from the depths of a forgotten classroom and quickly followed after him.
The library was sparsely populated – something for which Harry was grateful for. Even Ravenclaws left sometimes, although he recalled many an afternoon with Hermione, buried under dusty tomes, bored out of his mind. A sad smile slid across his face as he slipped through the stacks and came to his normal table, sitting in the far chair gratefully. He sat his bag on the table in front of him and opened it, looking for his ancient runes text, knowing that it was the class he needed to study the most for. He pulled out the book and placed it in front of him, an odd happiness coming over him as he did so. He caressed the pages in front of him, I think I finally understand your drive to study Hermione, he thought sadly; the small, sad smile turning painful as he stared down at the text. He shook his head slightly and started to read, attempting to get lost in the knowledge pouring into his brain, hoping the dry theory would push the unpleasant thoughts from his mind. Just as he was finally beginning to get into the text, a noise made him look up sharply from the pages. Surprise flashed across his face as four people poured themselves into his area, almost colliding with each other in their haste. They stared at each other in surprise, and no little distrust, before turning to Harry, expectant looks on their faces.
"Uh, hi," he stammered, his eyes wide and confused. So much for a normal day, he thought faintly.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
Ginny and Neville left Hogsmeade quietly, their departure barely being noticed by their fellow Housemates. Ginny was particularly happy to leave – her mother had sent her a howler that morning, much to her mortification – and her brothers pleasure. Her mother had been anything but pleased with her. Apparently Ron had run off and tattled to their mother during the night – Ginny had never heard her mother so angry; if Howlers could spit and foamed at the mouth, the youngest Weasley was sure this one would have.
Virginia Weasley – her mother's strident voice had rung out over the Great Hall that morning, causing everyone to look her way. Just what do you think you're doing?! I told you to stay away from that blasted Potter boy and you purposely went against my will! Ginny dimly noted the looks and whispers that sprang up after her mother's declaration. How dare you! You ungrateful, spoiled child – you aren't too old to be taken over my knee, young lady! You are not, I repeat not allowed to be near that boy again, do you understand me? Your father and I are very disappointed with you. We expect an apology from you tonight! Consider all holiday privileges banned, unless your attitude straightens out! And that means no visiting with friends after Christmas as well! Your brothers will be watching you, young lady! And with that the letter had burst into flames. Silence had reigned for a few moments, and then the Great Hall had erupted into conversation. Ginny had been milk while by the end of her mother's rant – and it hadn't helped that her brothers had been smirking at her from further down the table during the entire tirade. When she had noticed, she tried to get up and storm out of the Hall, but Neville had latched onto her arm, keeping her in place.
"Don't," he'd said quietly, looking at her gravely. "You leave and they win. Stay, keep your head up and ignore them – if you want to keep going with our plan, that is," he had added after a pause, cocking his head to the side, looking at her carefully now. Ginny glared at him, her mouth tightening down into a firm line.
"Of course I'm still going to help Harry," she had hissed quietly, so that only Neville could hear her. "It's – the right thing to do," she finished softly, relaxing her muscles and settling again in her seat. She had stayed at the table, keeping her head high, causing the smug grins to slide off of her brother's faces and to be replaced with confused expressions. As she had finished her breakfast, she'd caught a glimpse of several of the Slytherins staring at her rather peculiarly before turning to one another and whispering intently. She tried not to stare back at them, wondering all the while just what was going on at the distant table. She knew – somehow – that they were up to something, and that it wasn't – necessarily – bad. She didn't try to make eye contact with any of them though, and after a while, whatever conversation that was going on within the House seemed to have stopped. As she and Neville had left, she'd cast one last glance back at the Slytherin table, only to find that most of the House was already gone, and only some quiet first and second years were left.
After breakfast Ginny and Neville had slipped back to the dorms to check if Harry had returned. Neville warned her against touching the dark haired boy's door – apparently all of the Weasley boys, Dean and a reluctant Seamus had hexed and cursed the door something awful. Neville didn't dare touch it – he didn't know the first thing to do in attempting to get the layered hexes off and Ginny had yet to study the upper year dispelling charms. She had stomped her foot angrily, wanting to do something to help Harry, but unsure of just what it was that she could do. Neville was also more than a little angry at his roommate, for several reasons – Ron had kept him up for half the night, alternately jabbering his ear off on how wrong the sandy haired boy was and the other half making vague sounding threats about treating his sister right. Neville had plastered his best innocent look on his face and wished fervently for a vial of Dreamless Sleep Potion. Ron's jabbering could have woken the dead. It also didn't help that the youngest Weasley boy had ranted about Harry's absence in the dorm. Neville knew rumor and speculation were flying around thick in the school. He just hoped that Harry was ok. After failure in locating the boy, Ginny and Neville had decided to make a short appearance in Hogsmeade, then slip back to the school early to continue their search. Ginny had also stopped on the way out of the school to mail off a letter to Bill, as well as a short and to the point, insincere apology to her parents. She hoped Bill would get her letter soon and come as quick as he could – he would know what to do with their brothers if anyone did. Ginny sighed.
Hogsmeade had held little interest for them – mostly because of the looks and jibes that had been thrown their way from their fellow Housemates while they were there. Half of them had been lascivious, the other cool and snobbish. Dean had been especially irritating, following the two of them around, making kissing noises when they weren't looking at him. Ginny's brothers had merely glared at her, and shadowed their footsteps until she and Neville had lost them in the local bookstore. Her brothers were never ones for books anyhow, something for which she was currently profoundly grateful for.
Once the coast was clear, Neville had taken her hand and begun to lead her away from the shops and back towards the school. It felt nice to be away from the prying eyes of their Housemates and the judgment of her brothers. And, not to mention, the constant gossip-mongering of the students.
"I'm really getting sick of the wizarding world," Ginny said softly as they approached the school. The castle looked serene in the fall sunlight – the air not yet having the cold bite that late September would bring. Neville turned and looked at her oddly.
"How do you mean?" he asked, brushing a stray piece of hair from his eyes. She sighed and kicked a pebble, watching it bounce in front of them before answering.
"I mean the hypocrisy, Neville. You heard the gossip-mongers in town. Right now there's tons of students spreading God-knows-what rumors about Harry and the wizarding world will just eat it all up like candy. It's sickening, watching them do that, knowing that they could just turn on him at the drop of a hat! Even my parents turned on him, Neville. Well, Father I think feels bad for him, but he won't nay-say Mum on this. And besides, I think she's slowly coaxing him over to her point of view. It's just – all of it, all of them turning on him because he might go insane. Because he has a connection with the Dark Lord! If they knew –," she broke off suddenly, looking away from Neville.
"What is it Ginny?" Neville asked softly, stopping near the front of the castle. She sighed and turned to face him, but still unable to meet his eyes. Instead she turned her gaze to the vast lake, eyes roaming over the placid water as she searched for words to tell him what was on her mind.
"You remember what happened during my first year, right?" she began hesitantly and paused, taking a quick breath. Neville nodded, waiting for her to continue. She let out a sigh. "Well. Ron and the family – they don't know that I still remember some, well most, of the things that happened in the Chamber of Secrets – and even the things that happened before that. It's like I still have a piece of – of Him inside me," she wrapped her arms around herself and shivered slightly. She couldn't look at Neville – she didn't want to see his face if he rejected her. "You see – there's times when I, I dunno, think like Him, I guess. I get annoyed at the others because they just don't see things, like the 'Big Picture' or whatever. And how we're all just being manipulated – by You-Know-Who, by Fudge, by even the Headmaster. Sometimes it's all so clear in my head, like some huge chess game between everyone, and it makes me so angry when the House and my family don't see it too. They – it's all black and white to them Nev, they just can't understand shades of gray. And, well, I'm a Weasley too, right? Doesn't that mean I should feel the same way? And that's when I worry – when I think that there's still a part of Tom Riddle inside me that makes me feel this way – some part of him that makes me see these things. And if – if they knew, if they even suspected that there might still be a part of You-Know-Who in me, what would they do to me? I mean, look what they did to Harry, and he's done nothing. I let out the Basilisk, wrote scary, evil messages on the wall in blood and nearly let the Dark Lord back into the world. They would hate me even more than they do Harry if they knew," she finished, whispering. Hands on her shoulders gently shook her, making her look at the sandy haired boy. She raised her eyes slowly, to find Neville looking at her seriously.
"Ginny, that's not a piece of him inside you. That's you growing up before your time. What happened in the Chamber of Secrets changed you, yes. It took away some of your innocence about the world way too soon. You see the 'bigger picture' because it was forced on you years ago – the rest of the House hasn't had that experience. Even Ron and Hermione, with all their adventures with Harry, have never come so close to evil as you and Harry have. So of course you feel different. Your illusions about the world have been stripped away – and it sucks, but it happened. Would you go back to sticking your head in the sand now that you've seen what evil can do?" The normally quiet boy was staring at her intently. She shook her head faintly, surprised by his vehemence.
"How –," she began. Neville's smile was sad.
"Voldemort and his Death Eaters drove my parents mad, Ginny. I'm faced with that reality, the consequences of war and evil men, every time I go visit them. I may not have met evil face to face like you and Harry have, but I've had to deal with the repercussions of it my entire life. And yes, I understand how sometimes being in Gryffindor can drive you bats – the unfailing optimism sometimes makes me want to scream and cry – to yell at them all that they have no right in being so happy, so secure in being brave and right, because they don't have to live with the consequences like I do. But – I have hope, Ginny, because I have seen what evil can do and I know that I will do my best somehow stop it before someone else has to go through what I did. No one should have to see their parents trapped in their own minds, tied down to a bed so they wont hurt themselves. But as long as You-Know-Who is still out there, there's still a chance that more people will. But you can't give up hope," he said fiercely, his eyes suspiciously bright. "Otherwise everyone who's suffered and died has done so in vain. We're here, we're alive and damn them all if they try and take that away from us. So you see the world merely in shades of gray. That's not a bad thing. Because that's all the world really is – just shades of gray. We all do what we have to in order to make the world a better place – and sometimes that's not always the 'right' or 'correct' thing to do. But you do it anyway, because you have hope, because you know that later on, it will serve a better purpose. That's all you can do." Ginny blinked away tears from her eyes as she looked at the flushed boy and then threw her arms around Neville, hugging him tight. He slowly wrapped his arms around her, surprised at himself. He hadn't meant to pour that out at her – but it had just come to him unbidden. It was true that he sometimes felt so angry at his fellow Gryffindors that he could scream. He was envious of their courage, of their self-assuredness, but he had a plan and he meant to stick to it – despite the skepticism of Snape and countless others he could think of. Visiting his parents in St. Mungo's had impressed on him many things throughout his life, but most of all, it made his resolve to become an auror just like his parents all the stronger. They stood in silence for a while, enjoying the quiet moment.
"Feel better?" Neville asked quietly. Ginny pulled away and nodded, wiping away a tear that had escaped. She let out a stuttering sigh and tried to smile. Surprisingly, she really did feel better. Someone knew her secret, now. And didn't hate her for it. She could feel her smile warming with true sentiment. "Ready to go find Harry?" Neville asked. Ginny nodded again.
"He should probably be in the Library, but maybe we should check the Hospital Wing first? He didn't come back to the dorm last night," she pointed out. Neville nodded, sighing. Harry's absence had also added fuel to the gossip mill of House – Ron taking the dark haired boy's disappearance as another sure sign of the his betrayal and evilness, and was willing to expound on the theory as often and as loudly as he could get away with it.
"I know. Believe me, I do. Ron wouldn't shut up about it last night," Neville muttered, looking away. Ginny glanced at the other boy.
"He rant and rave all night?" she asked with sympathy. Neville rolled his eyes as they started to head towards the entrance of the castle once again.
"Did he ever. Does he do that a lot at home?" Neville asked, genuinely curious. Ginny snorted and rolled her eyes.
"All the time. Sometimes I think he's more spoiled than Malfoy is," she said sourly, a bitter taste flooding her mouth. They made their way to the Hospital Wing first, but Madam Pomfrey told them that Harry had left that morning, having stayed over night with stomach pains. Ginny just looked at the woman for a long moment, before smiling tightly and dragging Neville from the airy ward. They slipped into a small side hallway and looked at each other.
"You know she lied to us," Neville said flatly. "She's never that nervous – or busy this late in the afternoon. Besides, we saw him last night too." Ginny nodded in agreement, her mouth tightening down into a hard line.
"Lets try the Library, then. He did say he would meet us in there today – just not when. We'll go to his usual table and wait for him. But if he's not there by dinner, we'll go to the Headmaster," she finished, finding herself surprisingly reluctant to approach the Headmaster. Neville seemed to agree her hesitation on approaching Dumbledore, and nodded once, sharply, before spinning and heading towards the library at a fast walk. Ginny trotted along side of him, eager to get to the Library as fast as she could as well. They needed to find Harry, as soon as they could.
End Chapter 13
A/N: I know, this is a little shorter than usual, but I decided to split the chapter up, so that ya'll could have an update. The next part should arrive sometime after Wednesday – after my last final. Wish me luck!
Review Responses:
Frizzy: Thank you for reviewing my story! I adore your story Magnetic Attraction! Thank you again!
Lady Shirubana: More of Draco and the rest of the Slytherin's coming up! Thank you for reviewing!
Jammies2000: LOL thanks again for the lovely review!
SephyGirl: Thank you!! H/D interaction coming up =)
ShaeLynn: LOL
Usagi Serenity Yui Cosmos: =) thank you for another wonderful review! Bill should make an appearance soon, though I'm still not sure about Charlie.
SilverDragon: Draco will find out about the potion, don't worry! Thank you for the review!
NayNymic: It's coming, it's coming, don't worry =)
Kristine Thorne: lol, thank you for another lovely review!
Relle: Thank you! I'll need the luck!
Ysabell: =) Just think of all the beautiful pranks they could play together =)
Athenakitty: Bill will be making an appearance soon =) Severus will 'suggest' a solution to Harry's vision problem. And, YES Gryffindor is going to come in last for Quidditch! Thank you for another wonderful review!
Icklechuck: Thank you!!
SparkySparkles: Here's more of the boys! (and girl). More to come!
Wild Star: Not sure if the rumors will leak that, but I'm leaning that way. Thank you for the review! And /sigh, sorry about the mistakes. And I'm thinking that Snape has some connections around the wizarding world to help Harry out – and if all else fails, one can try the muggle world (although Severus would throw a fit from here to China) =)
Renee Fay: The potion will linger for around a month before he can safely take it again! Thank you for the review!
Angelofshadows: oh yeah! Payback's a bitch =)
Bea4231: Thank you for the lovely review!
Redredredred: LOL =)
Lady FoxFire: It will be – interesting. But Neville's going to get some of his own – he just has to be pushed to it =) Ron wont know what hit him.
Kamatazi Yumi: =) thank you for the review!
ADJ: thank you for the wonderful review!
Chris: Well. While I respectfully disagree with you, I appreciate your review =) And there will be no sex before they are over the age of consent – it's a personal squick of mine anyhow. Both Draco and Harry need to grow up a bit – and get to know one another first for that to happen anyhow.
Fate's Child: Thank you!
Coriander: thank you for the lovely review!
S. Wing: Romance is going to be added in slowly but surely. Thank you for the review!
Fatalonie: Thank you!
Kathi C: Ron has burned his bridges completely, don't worry.
Belle: More pranks and friendships on the way!
Amy: Thank you for the review!
Chibi Zen-chan: LoL =)
Lukaret: Thank you for the wonderful review!! And Ron's in for some major pain when Quidditch starts =)
Shinigami: More pranks and some angst on the way!