Summary: Die! Where have all the evil vampires gone?

Crossover: Bastard!!, Slayers

Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard!!, Slayers, or Buffy the Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a couple of CDs that's fine.

Feedback: Yeah, baby!

Pre-fic Comments:

Man, I've had such a crappy day... the gummint has decided I can live on breadcrumbs for now, and the uni has decided they will withhold course approval and thus my unemployment benefit until the course *starts*.

This is escapism, pure and simple.

* * *

Xander saw Buffy heading towards the Library, and Willow heading towards Chem. He paused to think upon which girl to follow.

On the one hand, Giles probably had another research session on. Hours of looking at pictures of gory demons and petite Slayer. And free donuts and pizza.

On the other hand, Chem. An hour of mindnumbing boredom, punctuated by Mr Bailey shrieking at him to write down the 'precise account of the reaction, you stupid boy!' True, Willow would be there, but she'd be on Mr Bailey's side, trying to get Xander to study.

What a decision.

"Buffy, I'm not gonna send you out there to die," he heard Giles say as he entered. "Now, you were right. I-I've waded around in these old books for so long, I've forgotten what the real world is like. I-it's time I found out."

"Gonna give them papercuts and staple them to death, G-man?," Xander joked. "Hey Buff, Miz Calendar."

"I'll have you know I was quite a hellraiser in my youth!," Giles protested.

"You're still not going up against the Master," Buffy said flatly.

"It's a good thing I know what's going on and can thus offer my expert opinion," Xander grinned. "Er, what's going on?"

"A prophecy Rupert just found says that Buffy will face the Master today and die in the process," the Computer Studies teacher explained. "Rupert wants to defy the prophecy and face the Master himself."

"Okay," Xander shrugged. "What's the plan?"

"The plan is," Buffy said forcefully, "I go, /alone/, and I slay."

"That's it?," Xander asked incredulously.

"That's it."

"Has the hair colour gotten to you, Buff?," Xander asked, still stinging from her rejection of him for the Spring Fling. "You don't face down an ancient supervillian with just guts, or he'll show you /your/ guts!"

"I don't see you coming up with a better idea!," the Slayer retorted.

"Sure I do," Xander said. "I go down there, with you killing any incidental vampires we might happen across, and I fireball the Master while he's still trapped like a rat."

"That does seem like a workable plan," Giles said, while cleaning his glasses. He put them on and disappeared into his office.

"It's too dangerous for normal people!," Buffy protested.

Xander raised his right hand. A tongue of flame flickered into life, tinged in black. "Normal people can't do black magic like they can breathe, Buff."

"And you're not getting rid of us," Giles said, as he emerged with a rapier, stakes, and a nasty looking foot long knife.

The Slayer sighed deeply. "Okay."

Xander cheered, throwing his arms in the air. "Goooo Team Slayer!"

"However, there is a slight problem," Giles interrupted.

"Uhhhh?"

"Where, precisely, is the Master's lair?"

* * *

*KnockKnock*

Angel blinked sleepily at the door, then got up to answer it.

"Oh, Buffy. Nice to see you. Giles." Long pause. "Xander."

Xander moved past Buffy and Angel into his apartment, looking around. "Nice place... not. Deadboy, this place looks like a museum. And do you even sweep the floor here?"

"Buffy, is there a reason that you brought... Xander, of all people to annoy me, here to my lair?," Angel asked, ignoring the teenager looking at his five hundred year old tapestry and mumbling. Probably ways to semi-kill him.

"Funny you should mention lairs," Buffy said conversationally, "because we kinda need to know where the Master's lair is."

"You're way out of your league, Buffy," Angel said, winding up for the refusal. "The Master'll kill you before you even breathe. If you're lucky."

"How can I say this clearly?," Giles asked, from behind Buffy. "You don't have a choice."

"Sure I do," Angel said grumpily. "I kick you all out and lock my door."

"I'm kinda taking that choice away from you, deadboy," Xander said from behind him.

Giles' eyes widened, so Angel decided to turn around to see what had alarmed the normally calm Watcher. What the hell?

"X-Xander?! When the hell did you learn magic, and where did that /whip/ come from?!"

Xander pointed at the door with the handle of the long firey lash. "Move, doggy!"

"Ah... you need to think this through, Xander," Angel said carefully, trying not to set off the hostile teenager threatening the extremely flammable souled vampire.

Xander cracked the whip, intent clear. "Either Buffy goes on her own and dies, as per the prophecy, or we say screw that and all of us go and maybe actually win. Move, deadboy."

* * *

Post-fic Comments:

The 'Move, doggy!' comment comes from that Rawhide song. I'm not sure what the heck a doggy is in that context, and I'm sure that Xander isn't sure either.