Summary: Missing! Summer Equals Vampire Holiday!

Crossover: Bastard!!, Slayers

Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard!!, Slayers, or Buffy the Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a couple of CDs that's fine.

Feedback: Yeah, baby!

Pre-fic Comments:

This is about a month into their vacation. If you've got any comments/objections on this, please feel more than free to reply with them onlist :)

* * *

Xander yawned. He also stretched, then scratched his back lazily.

"Man, never a vamp around when you want 'em, eh Willow?"

"That's a good thing, isn't it? I mean, no bloodsucking fiends," the redhead pointed out.

"But on the other hand, they're always around when they're not wanted," Xander pointed out.

"Maybe they got a clue and stopped hanging around graveyards," Willow conjectured.

"Wanna walk around town, then?," the budding mage asked.

"Sure! I think we should check at the Bronze, because after all vampires like to lure people out to the back alley there and--"

"Gotcha, Wills."

"Say, that bar Giles mentioned?"

"What?," Xander asked, trying to remember what the Watcher had said. "Uh... Willy's Excuse?"

"Willy's Alibi," Willow sighed. "He serves vampires and demons. Maybe he knows where they've all gotten to."

The teenager got up off the tombstone, then shoved his stake in his back pocket.

"Sounds good to me!"

* * *

The short, rat-like bartender looked up as a shadow eclipsed the light just outside the door.

"Listen, Mr German Citizen Demon, I don't care who you are, you ain't allowed back..."

His voice trailed off as he recognised the two figures coming in. Normally, he'd warn them off with liquor laws, or leave them for his clientele, but the first one was more likely to trash the place.

"Hiya, Willy," Xander said, a grin sprouting on his face.

"What can I do fer ya, Mr Inverse?," Willy asked nervously.

"Wow, Wills, he remembers my name after only one visit," Xander joked. "You really do care."

Willy pulled his collar away from a neck that was suddenly way too hot, as he tried to think of a gracious way out that wouldn't involve great amounts of financial or reputational pain. He decided to try for humour -- the kid was known for his bad jokes.

"Hard to forget a fireball like yours," he said weakly.

"Thanks," Xander said, looking genuinely pleased. "Before we get down to business, I need to pick up a bottle of Smirnoff for the olds."

"One bottle of eighty proof, comin' up," Willy said. He decided to be extra nice to Xander, in the hope that he wouldn't cast any more fireballs. Fire and alcohol soaked wood don't really mix. "Ten per cent discount if you don't do no more fireballs?"

"Sure," Xander said easily, handing over the cash. He had plenty of other spells. "Hate the stuff, myself, after what it's done for my life."

"Can't say I blame ya, kid," Willy said, gaining confidence. All the town had heard of Tony Harris, the town drunk. He wasn't surprised that the kid had been scared straight, living with that guy.

"Now," Xander continued, putting away the clear glass bottle. "There isn't really many vampires around at all these days. None in the cemetaries, none at the Bronze. Any idea why?"

"Funny you should say that," Willy smiled nervously. "See, it's summertime, so they normally migrate to less sunny climes at this time of year."

Xander's eyes narrowed. Willy was way too nervous for that to be the only reason. "What's the other reason?"

"You sure you want to know?"

"I'm positive."

"Uh... a Ralb demon was lurking in the Master's lair when you blew him up."

"What's a Ralb demon?," Willow asked. She'd never heard of that species, and hadn't spotted them in Giles' bestiaries. Well, not that she could remember them that clearly.

"Tiny little things, kinda like rats. They're pathologically honest, which don't do them any real favours. Most of them hang around stronger demons, like Tommy was with the Master, doing spywork in exchange for protection."

Xander's mouth opened and closed a few times. "I'm freaking famous?"

This was so cool, kinda like the Shadow.

"Give it time kid, it'll get old soon," Willy said. "'Specially once all the hotshots wanta make their names famous killin' you."

Xander sighed deeply. "It'll save me the trouble of looking for them, I guess. Thanks for the info, Willy."

"No problems, kid," Willy said, picking up a dirty glass and tea towel nervously. "Any chances of renumeration?"

Xander smiled. "You're just a man trying to make a living, Willy, so here's that ten percent you left me. The moment I hear that you're encouraging them, or killing people for their blood..."

He trailed off, letting Willy come up with a worse punishment than he could.

"Bye," Willow waved.

As the two walked to the door, a tall, green haired vampire got in their way.

"I don't think I like two bloodbags coming in our bar. And you can't fight back -- you promised Willy."

Willow pulled out her cross, holding it in front of her.

"You're right," Xander shrugged. "Demona Crystal!"

A thick blizzard of fog shot from his hand to the vampire, winding itself around him before solidifying into diamond hard ice. Xander casually pushed the trapped vampire onto it's side, stepping over it.

"Unless you know a good mage, Willy, he's trapped," Xander said. "Look, Ma, no fire!"

Willy wiped the sweat from his neck and brow as he gestured for a bouncer demon to remove the crystal-trapped vampire.

* * *

Post-fic Comments:

Wasn't that fun?

The reason that Xander's got the vampires scared is because he can do all kinds of funky things to them, and he killed the Master. Given how old the Master was, that is VERY VERY impressive.

The Ralb demon is my own creation. I needed some plausible spy, and I doubt an old geezer would have CCTV. I dunno, it legged it during the blast or something.