Summary: Back! The Slayer is worse than ever!

Crossover: Bastard!!, Slayers

Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard!!, Slayers, or Buffy the Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a couple of CDs that's fine.

Feedback: Yeah, baby!

* * *

Xander licked his icecream as he and Willow walked to their respective homes. Mmmm... hokey pokey... They were playing a game of 'Name that movie!'

"I, alright, okay, uh...," Willow stalled, before thinking of a quote. "'In the few hours that we had together, we loved a lifetime's worth.'"

"Terminator!," Xander grinned.

"Good! Great," Willow smiled, thinking to herself that it wasn't so good if he guessed so darn quickly.

"Uh, oh, okay, I got one," Xander said, about to reciprocate. "I am invincible!"

"Goldeneye," said Willow. "Okay, good. Me. Uh..."

"Well?"

"I'm thinking. 'Use the Force, Luke.'"

Xander groaned audibly. "Do I even have to dignify that with a guess?"

"I couldn't think of anything!," Willow protested. "It's a dumb game anyway."

Sure it is, when you're losing, Xander thought to himself.

"Well, what else do you wanna do? We already played paper, rock, scissors. My hand cramped up."

"Well, yes, if you're always scissors of course your tendons are gonna strain," Willow pointed out.

"Y'know, I just gotta say that this has been the most boring summer ever," Xander complained. "I've even been learning on my own to fill in the boredom."

Willow gave him a knowing look. "Is this learning on the school syllabus?"

"Uh... which school are we talking about?"

"Busted, mister. You've been learning those spells again just to see the vampires run in terror, havencha?"

Xander scratched the back of his head nervously. "It's a good feeling! Like gangsters running from Superman."

"Uh huh. Say, could you teach me any of that stuff? Could come in handy, us living on a Hellmouth and all."

Xander grinned at Willow. "Sure thing, I'll loan you that book. Man, I can't wait until school starts up again."

"Yeah, and that wouldn't have anything to do with a certain girl we both know as the Vampire Slayer?," Willow teased.

"Please, I'm so over her," Xander Cordelia'd. He then reverted back to his normal self. "Did she, uh, mention when she might be getting back? About which I do not care."

"I haven't heard from her," Willow shrugged. The lack of communication had her worried, slightly. "I got a couple postcards from when she got to LA, but then, like, nothing."

"Well, she's probably off with her dad, having a good time," Xander said resentfully. He formed a ball of energy in his palm, playing catch with it while he resumed eating the neglected icecream.

"And you don't care?," Willow asked. She honestly wasn't sure which guy she preferred for Buffy -- Angel, with the whole gothic image, or Xander, good guy and mage extraordinaire.

"Well, okay, there might be a certain interest," allowed Xander. "I'm a man. I have certain desires, certain needs..."

"Uhhh! I don't wanna know!" Too much information!

"I got a movie for ya," Xander grinned. He dotted Willow's nose with his icecream. "Klaatu, baratu, *cough*-tu."

"Uhhh... Army of Darkness. Now my nose is cold."

Xander leant in and licked the cold, sugary confectionary off his friend. "Let me get that for ya."

"Xander!," Willow protested, pushing him away.

"I'm sorry, I can't help myself," Xander smiled.

He slowly wiped her nose clean with the paper napkin he'd gotten with the icecream, taking his time. Xander drew his hand along her cheek, before moving in for a kiss as Willow tilted her head up.

To heck with Buffy. She could /have/ Angel.

Xander paused. A slight frown crossed his face as he looked to the side. A complaint grew in Willow's throat, only to be throttled back as she saw what had stopped him.

A vampire. Great.

"Willow, go!," Xander commanded, stepping between her and the undead. "Demona Crystal!"

As the blizzard of fog shot from his hands, encompassing the vampire in a snowy fog, a slim hand gripped the vampire by the shoulder. The solidifying Demona Crystal formed around the vampire, and also around the Slayer that had nabbed it.

"Whoops."

"Xander Harris!," Willow scolded. "You just froze Buffy!"

"It was a mistake," Xander muttered. "Uh... get back while I dissolve this."

He stepped around the frozen Slayer and Vampire, putting his hands on Buffy's back. Closing his eyes and concentrating, a black aura flowed over the Slayer, melting the crystal trapping her.

"Yeesh, I gotta stop saving you guys if this is the thanks I get," Buffy half-smiled.

Xander hugged her. "Buff! Sorry about the spell, uh, just as well I didn't use a fireball then."

"Buffy!," Willow yelled, hugging the Slayer too. "Your timing so does not suck!"

Xander snapped a tree branch off, handing it to Buffy. "Here, I'll melt the crystal around this sucker's back then you stake it."

Buffy complied, leaving a strange sculpture standing in the middle of Sunnydale. "Wow, that was easy. I should take you on patrol with me."

"Nah," Xander said. "That spell is quick, but it takes a bit out of me. Shamanism, not the black stuff."

"Why do you think that vamp tried to jump you?," Willow asked Xander. "Don't they normally run?"

"Run?," Buffy asked, looking Xander up and down. "Did the collective undead catch a clue that I'll see them in sunlight before I let them hurt you?"

"Nah," Xander grinned. "They just learnt 'bout what I did to the Master. Apparently he had a supernatural spycam on legs in there. So now I'm infamous, kinda cool."

"If anyone asks, I'm still alpha," Buffy said, a note of uncertainty in her voice.

"Sure thing," Xander smiled, hugging her again. "I'm your handsome fellow fighter for love and peace."

* * *

Post-fic Comments:

Yes, some transcriptage in this. Sorry. I felt like changing the movies myself, though :)