A/N: I know this is very short, and there's a (somewhat confusing) reason for that. Originally this was part of a oneshot. And I guess technically it still is. But I couldn't make the two parts fit together the way they should - their focus, and their tone, I think it's a little to different. So what I'm going to do is make this a Chapter One and the next part of the oneshot Chapter Two. Which is a little odd I will willingly admit. Anyway…
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost, or anything related to it. I do not own its characters, its setting, or even its concept. In fact, I don't even own this idea, because it's just a viewpoint of events in an episode. So you know what? Please, don't sue me.
Spoilers: Episode 2.09, What Kate Did, definitely.
She hates that's he's a part of her, and so she can never be good. She sits, watching Sawyer, and thinking about him, not about Sawyer but another man with a Southern twang and some questionable morals. Wayne.
Finding out that he was her father hadn't been scary, or sob worthy, not to her. It had been disgusting. This man, her dad? This guy who took over her house, beat her mom? Her dad? That he was connected to her not just superficially, but genetically, it made her want to absolutely puke.
Instead, she'd blown him up.
She isn't really seeing Sawyer any more. She's seeing a house in flames, and her, riding away on a motorcycle, not bothering to look back because she knows what's happening. She's seeing -
"Why did you kill me?"
Hands shoot up and clasp tightly around her throat, hands that she knows will show no mercy, just as she didn't.
She gasps for air, desperate to get precious oxygen, to inhale. Her eyes widen in fear and she sees Wayne's face, staring accusingly at her. She's panicking now, choking, and she knows that she's going to pay for what she's done…
Then, instinct kicks in and she wallops Sawyer in the stomach, jerks back, and runs, leaving him lying on the floor.
She isn't thinking, she's just running. Left, right, left, right, through the jungle, as far away as she can get. And further. She can't get far enough away from this reminder of what she can never be, because he's a part of her.
And much as she tries to tell herself that it's just Sawyer, not a reincarnation of her Dad, come back to do whatever it is reincarnations of murdered fathers do, she can't believe it. That horse, and now this, and she has to wonder if she is going crazy because this can't just be chalked up to stress.
She can never be good.
But she can clearly be insane.
A/N: Thanks so much for reading - please review! Constructive criticism encouraged and welcomed - I'm here to improve my writing. But whatever it is you have to say, please, do review! And if you liked it, check back soon - I'll put up the second part if anyone wants to read it!