Chapter One - No Girls Allowed
disclaimer: The Disc and all its inhabitants, despite ongoing efforts, remain the property of Mr. Pratchett. Marhize is an entity in her own right, who enjoys pestering me until I write things down. I neither claim responsibility nor make any apologies for her behavior. In other words, nothing is mine. Sue not.
-
Dawn broke.
Granted, it broke in the manner that a particularly viscous wave might upon the shore, washing around and then over obstacles in its path as it gained momentum, but break it did.
Specifically, it broke over the bifurcated city of Ankh-Morpork. While manyof the citizensof Ankh-Morpork preferred to ply their respective trades at night and kept their hours accordingly, there were a sizable number who awoke at dawn. All over the city people awoke, in houses, flats, rooms over shops, in all manner of places from the Palace to the gutters.
One of them awoke on the floor between shelves in the Library of Unseen University.
She was not, technically, acitizen of Ankh-Morpork. In fact, she wasn't acitizen of anywhere in particular at the moment. It would be a lie to say that her like had never been seen on the Disc-- it had been seen increasingly frequently, but to those who could recognize it it was not exactly a welcome sight.
"Urgh," she said.
"Where am I?" she said. There was, in fact, no one within earshot, but it was a compulsory remark in the circumstances.
She sat up and looked around, blinking in the relative darkness. The only light was the glow from the books' magical field, but it was enough for her to see the shelves stretching off into what seemed, in that eerie half-light, like infinite space.
She got to her feet and took a few hesitant forward, wondering again where she was. And then, with dawning horror, she realized that she knew.
She crumpled to the floor, unconscious again.
-
The Librarian scratched his head reflectively. His daily morning rounds had almost gone off without a hitch. And yet, at the end of his route.. there was something in the Library that shouldn't be. At the end of the last shelf, sprawled on the floor, was a person.
It wasn't a student-- this person was quite obviously female, and wizards generally wore a lot more clothing. She wasn't dead. The rise and fall of her chest was very visible. A little more visible than necessary, perhaps.
The Librarian ignored that bit. Orangutans are much more sensible than humans in that regard. He stretched out a long arm and nudged her shoulder.
"Nnh," the girl said, opening one impossibly blue eye.
"Oook," said the Librarian, peering at her. She sat up and blinked. Her expression was unidentifiable.
"Oook," the Librarian said again, insistently this time. The girl shut her eyes, shook her head, opened her eyes again and stared. The look that snuck onto her face was apparently unsure whether it was amused or horrified, but by the time it settled there it had come to a compromise. The Librarian waved a long-fingered hand in front of her eyes. She kept staring.
The Librarian gave a simian sigh and knuckled off toward the door.
-
"There's a what?" Rincewind said, trailing in the Librarian's wake.
"Oook."
"In the library?"
"Oook."
"How did she get in there?"
"Ook, ook."
Rincewind shrugged. He treasured the boredom of working in the Library. All he was expected to do was sort the less dangerous books and peel bananas, but he thought he could handle the occasional girl or so-- especially ones that didn't appear to do much of anything. It struck him as a bit odd that the Librarian had seen the need to fetch him, but he probably just needed an interpreter. Not everyone could speak Orangutan.
Language was Rincewind's second specialty. His first, of course, was running away.
They reached the Library door.
Unseen University contains, among other things, the largest library on the Disc. In fact, it is so very large that it defies apparent laws of space. If the shelves appear to extend out into the far distance, it's probably because they do.
It was a good thing for all involved, then, that the girl hadn't gone far.
The Librarian rounded the corner of the last shelf and saw her standing a few feet away from where he'd left her.
Rincewind rounded the corner two seconds later and saw legs. There were two of them. They were tan and attractively shaped. They started in knee-high leather boots and stretched up and up and up, ending in a very short skirt, and one of them was furling up and out, aimed straight at his face.
Before Rincewind could duck, a long red-haired arm shot up and caught the leg by its leather-covered ankle.
For a few seconds, three figures stood in a frozen tableau. Then the laws of gravity and momentum remembered them, and the girl toppled over. Rincewind retreated behind the corner of the shelf. She tried to kick me! his brain screamed. In the face at that! Doesn't do much of anything, my arse…
While Rincewind had been doing what he did best, the girl had scrambled to her feet. She was now doing something she did very well-- apologizing.
"Oh, gods, I'm really sorry," she said, "are you all right? I don't think I got you, on account of he got my leg first and it's a good job he did, too, I don't know why I did that, or how I did it for that matter because I'm sure I couldn't do that before, but please come out from behind that shelf because I'm not going to do it again. I'm pretty sure. Er. Did I say I was sorry?"
As the run-on sentence ground to a halt, Rincewind peered out from his hiding place. When no limbs came toward him at high velocities, he stepped back into the aisle and had a better look at his assailant.
The girl- young woman, really, she looked about twenty-three- had long, unnaturally red hair and curves in all the right places. Besides the boots and skirt, she wore a bright-blue corseted top and an interesting necklace and not much else. Rincewind wondered how she could move without falling out of something. Her face was a collection of features that shouldn't have been attractive when put together but made a damn good job of it anyway, and it was currently looking anxious at him.
He swallowed. "Who are you?" he demanded. Or at least, he made it as much of a demand as he could.
"Who are you?" she shot back.
"Rincewind," said Rincewind, resisting the urge to say 'I asked you first.' "I'm a wizard," he added after a fractional hesitation.
"I'm--" The girl paused. Only a few minutes ago, she had been Fivequill, a resident of the Agatean Empire and someone who had no problems of great import. Now she couldn't remember.
Slowly, a thought swam to the front of her confused mind. Then she extended a hand, grinning. "I'm Marhize," she said. She had never been more sure of anything in her life.
"Right. Hallo. It's, er, nice to meet you," Rincewind ventured, despite the fact that it hadn't been, particularly.
Marhize focused a stare on him. "You're a wizard, you said. Why didn't you hex me or something?"
"Er," said Rincewind.
The unidentifiable expression crossed Marhize's face again. "Oh. Never mind, I withdraw the question."
"How did you know-" Rincewind started. Then he thought of something else. "I don't think I want to know how you got in here, but you're not supposed to be. In here, I mean."
"Oh." Marhize blinked long dark eyelashes at him. "Sorry. I'll just be going then, I can find my way to the door, I think." And she did. The problem was, it was blocked by three hundred pounds of orangutan.
"Eeek!" said the Librarian.
"He says you can't leave," Rincewind said, helpfully.
Marhize glared at him. "I gathered," she snapped, backing away from the door.
"But why, though?" Rincewind asked the Librarian furiously. "Why can't she leave?"
"Oook," said the Librarian.
"Dangerous? Well, I won't argue with you there, if she'd had her way my teeth would be somewhere in the vicinity of my brain-- but can't she go be dangerous at someone else?"
"Ook," the Librarian replied, in a tone that brooked no argument.
"Fine." Rincewind ground his teeth. "Great. Wonderful. Have a seat, Miss, if you can find one." He crossed his arms and glared at the surrounding environment in general.
Marhize cast about for somewhere to sit. Apart from the Librarian's desk, where no sentient creature would dare to intrude, there was one spindly chair that was covered in dust and piled with old papers. People didn't stay in the Library very long. Of course, Rincewind had a little nook set up for himself, back in a corner, but he wasn't about to tell her about that. Marhize gave up and sat on the floor, leaning against the end of a shelf and looking quite defeated.
"I," said Rincewind in what he hoped was an offended tone of voice, "am going to get some breakfast." He watched a children's grimoire snap half-heartedly at Marhize, and sighed. "I'll bring you some coffee or something. When I get back.. you have a lot of explaining to do."