Summary: Stare! Movies and coffins are interesting!

Crossover: Bastard!!, Slayers

Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard!!, Slayers, or Buffy the Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a couple of CDs that's fine.

Feedback: Yeah, baby!

Pre-fic comments:

Music I wrote this one by: 'Electronic Realisations for Rock Orchestra', by Synergy. Quite good. Vinyl, though, so I don't know if you lot could get it or not.

The movie is Slayers Great. Pretty funny :) (especially the first part... We don't want a reward, honest!)

* * *

Faith knocked on the door. She was somewhat nervous -- although she'd never admit to being uneasy. Her disquiet was justified, as a man who could have passed as her dad -- beercan and all -- answered it.

"Whatcha want?," he demanded.

"Xander here?," Faith returned, equally brusque.

"Sure. BOY!"

"Coming, Dad!," Xander yelled from inside. "Mum, I got the TV! Faith, come on in!"

Faith elbowed her way past the dirty man, ambling down to the living room. It wasn't terribly clean, and a small pyramid of empty beer cans and whiskey bottles leant crazily against the far wall. Xander was lounging on the sofa, remote in hand, TV and VCR ready to go.

"Hey, X," Faith greeted him. "Ready to go?"

"Sure," Xander said. "Even got some popcorn -- want some? Grab a seat."

The ex-Bostonite sat on the floor, leaning back against the sofa. She grabbed a double handful worth of popcorn as Xander hit 'play' on the remote.

Faith watched as the movie started with two girls walking down a street. One of them looked to be about fourteen, and had no chest, but the other...

"Who's the purple haired chick?," Faith asked.

"Naga," Xander answered promptly. "Supremely confident in herself et cetera... scary laugh, though."

"Cool. She sure is stacked."

"Faith... you're a girl. Girls aren't supposed to notice the stackedness of other girls."

She rolled her eyes. "X, why restrict yourself to fifty percent?"

They continued to watch as Naga upstaged Lina, as they created golems that fought. Xander laughed out loud as Lina, who had just reached the end of her rather short temper, pulled out her Dragon Slave to win the final match.

"Man, is she grumpy!," Faith grinned. "She needs to get laid!"

"Make sure I show you 'Bastard!!' sometime," Xander said. "You'd get a kick out of that, I think."

"Yow, almost nine o clock!," Xander realised, looking at his watch. "We'd better scoot for the party."

"Party?," Faith wondered. "Kinky, X. Kinky."

"As long as you don't laugh like Naga the White Serpent, that's cool," Xander returned. "Dad! We're going out for a bit!"

"Don't you make no noise when you get back, or I'll tan yer backside!"

He gathered up the videotapes, leaving them in his room before joining Faith at the front door.

"I thought you'd like Lina Inverse, but it looks to me like you've found your Elvis in Naga," Xander observed.

"She's cool, but Naga.. she's like in charge of her destiny," Faith said, a slight tinge of sadness colouring her voice. Faith had had little opportunity to take charge of hers -- first she'd been unable to dig her way out of her societal hole, and then the Council had laid down one suckful, uncool fate of fighting and then dying on her.

"I guess," Xander said. He absently cast 'Balus Rod', forming a whip of light in his hand.

"Which cemetary did she say this shindig was at?," Faith asked.

* * *

Xander grunted as he moved another shovelful of dirt, throwing it to one side. This sucked. He couldn't even use any Earth shamanism spells -- if the earth displaced disappeared, they wouldn't be able to fill in the grave afterwards. Stupid graverobbers.

"I couldn't believe Angel," Buffy said to Willow, lounging around like the Queen of Sheba. "He was acting all jealous, and he wouldn't even admit it."

"Jealous of what?," Willow asked.

"Of Xander," Buffy answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Because you did that sexy dance with him?"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Faith interrupted, "B slowdanced X?"

"Am I ever gonna live that down?," Buffy said morosely.

"Not now that I've heard about it," Faith smirked. She took another doughnut from Willow's box. "X, you need a hand at all?"

"I'm fine for now," Xander said. He didn't mind doing this, as long as he wasn't taken for granted. "Thanks for asking, though."

"Anyway, he was being totally irrational," Buffy continued to complain.

"Love makes you do the wacky," Willow noted.

"That's the truth," Buffy agreed.

"I think he was being irrational because you were /using/ me to tease him," Xander threw in.

"Oh, I /have/ to hear about this," the new Slayer said.

"Long story short, she used me to make Deadboy jealous," Xander explained. "Danced with me at the Bronze, trying to make out on the dance floor, then publicly ditched me."

"Sounds like love," Faith said sarcastically. "B, you related to that Cordelia chick?"

"Funny story behind that, she was Queen Cordelia at her old school," Xander grunted, throwing another shovelful up.

"Xander!," Willow scolded.

"Sounds to me like you need a real girlfriend," Faith said. "Someone to defend you from all these mean, nasty little Californian girls."

"Wanting the job?," Xander asked, joking. He didn't know who he had feelings for at the moment.

"Could be," Faith said. "You're not too bad on the eyes, and you do that wicked cool black magic."

"Speaking of magic, how are you going with yours, Will?," Xander said, offering peace to Willow.

"Uh, just reading right now," Willow began, "since I don't want to screw up and do something bad or wrong like, uh, like setting our house on fire."

"A laudable goal," Giles said, finally entering the conversation. He looked down the hole. "I think we're there."

"By the way," Willow asked, "are we hoping for a body, or for no body?"

"Call me an optimist, but I'm hoping for a fortune in gold coins," Xander grinned.

"Um, body would mean flesh-eating demon, no body would point towards the, uh, army of zombies thing," Giles explained. "Take your pick, really. Right, then, uh... Go on."

"You're closer," Xander said from the hole that the coffin was in.

"Pathetic much?," Buffy said, exasperated. She climbed down into the hole. "Out."

Xander got out. Buffy opened the casket.

"Empty. Who's the local necrophile?"

* * *

Post-fic Comments:

I Have A Plan. It'll happen real soon, honest. I just re-read a couple Dune books, you see.