Summary: Think! Theorising and teachers?
Crossover: Bastard!!, Slayers
Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard!!, Slayers, or Buffy the Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a couple of CDs that's fine.
Feedback: Yeah, baby!
Pre-fic comments:
You might even get to see the new character in this part.
* * *
"So, both coffins are empty," Xander said the next morning, wandering to the Library before classes. "That makes three girls signed up for the army of zombies."
"Is it an army if you just have three?," Willow asked.
They entered the library, only to find Angel, with Cordelia clinging to him. Buffy wandered in at the same time as Xander, Willow, and Faith.
"You're back!," Angel greeted Buffy. He didn't look all that happy with her.
"Angel!," Buffy cried happily.
"Xander," Angel said emotionlessly.
"Angel," Xander said, with the same level of neutrality.
"I thought you were taking the night off," Angel said to Buffy.
"I-I was, um, but something came up," Buffy said, looking for an excuse.
"Cordelia told me the truth," Angel accused.
"That's gotta be a first," Xander laughed.
"Hey, could be worse," Faith interrupted. "Princess C could be turning into a necro, just like ol' Queen B."
It was a hard call whether Cordelia was pissed for being demoted to Princess, or whether Buffy was pissed for being called 'Queen'.
"Um, as long as you're here," Giles said, peacemaker, "perhaps you could be of some help. Hmm?"
"We were investigating," Buffy said to Angel. "Someone's been digging up the bodies of dead girls."
"I know," the Irish vampire said. "We found two of them."
"We? You and Princess were necking somewhere?," Faith asked, a smirk on her lips.
"You mean, like two of the three?," Buffy asked, doing her best to ignore the other Slayer.
"I mean like some of them," Angel expanded. "Some of their parts."
"It was horrible," Cordelia wept with crocodile tears. "Angel saved me from an arm. God, there were so many parts, they were everywhere. Why are these terrible things always happening to me?"
"Karma," Xander coughed not so subtly. Faith restrained a laugh to a brief snort.
"So much for our zombie theory," Willow mused. Zombies needed whole people, not bits of them.
"I don't get it," Buffy said. "Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and throw them away? It doesn't make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint."
"Well, what I saw didn't add up to three whole girls," Angel said. "I think they kept some parts."
"And we /so/ don't want to know whether you counted the parts to find that out," Xander shuddered.
"They probably kept the other parts to eat," Willow conjectured.
"Why not throw the parts in a freezer, then?," Faith asked. Everyone looked at her. "What? You never read Silence of the Lambs, or anything by Lovecraft?"
"Why dispose of the remains five miles from the cemetary at a school, of all places?," Giles asked logically.
"Maybe because whoever did it had some business in the neighbourhood. Say, like classes," Buffy said, always ready to believe the worst of her fellow man.
"Oh. Ah."
"This was no hatchet job," the vampire observed. "Whoever made those incisions really knew what they were doing."
"Yes, really," Giles said sarcastically. "What student here is gonna be that well versed in physiology?"
"Well, I can think of five or six guys in the science club. And me," Willow pointed out.
"So, Will, come clean," Xander joked. "Promise to never do it again, and we'll call it a night. He joked!"
"Nah," Faith said, hugging Willow's shoulder. "Red's cool."
"Faith, leave Willow alone," Buffy commanded. "Willow, why don't you get these guys' locker numbers so we can do some checking?"
"No," Cordelia decided peremptorily. "I have to go home now. I have to take a bath and burn my clothes."
"You have to go?," Xander asked, false disappointment dripping from his voice. "Aw, too bad. Keep in touch. Buh-bye."
"I don't wanna go alone. I'm still fragile. Angel, Can you take me?"
"You go, girl!," Faith crowed. "Asking him to /take/ you after the first date!"
Her meaning was clear, and Cordelia would have attacked her if it were not for how it would appear to Angel. So the Queen of Sunnydale High settled for a glare.
"Great! I'll drive?," Cordelia asked, turning around and turning back on the charm.
"How about that? I always pegged him as a one woman vampire," Xander grinned.
"He ain't gettin' /this/ woman, with her wicked sexy bod," Faith said out loud. "Red?"
Willow looked up from the computer, where she was hacking into the school computers to retrieve locker numbers. "Who, me? Uh uh, no Angel-loving here, nope."
* * *
A locker search revealed that Chris Epps, brother to the deceased Daryl Epps who had had Cordelia in 'grief', had stuffed his locker with books like 'Grey's Anatomy', 'Mortician's Desk Reference', and 'Robicheaux's Guide To Muscles And Tendons'. Along with the clincher -- a newspaper clipping about the deaths of the three girls.
Almost as unsettling was the new English teacher. He was tall, stick thin, had dry skin, and his long ponytailed hair was purple in colour. His three piece suit was brown silk. The creepiest part was his eyes -- they were gone. All that was there were blackened sockets. Xander would've thought that Snyder would have demanded that the new teacher -- a Mr Cash -- wear sunglasses. He'd stated no relation to the singer. The man had a memory to be respected -- he'd just taught a lesson about the themes in The Crucible, in detail -- /from memory/. Heck, he'd even quoted passages. Despite being very obviously blind, Mr Cash had no problems knowing what the students were up to, or which one had their hand up.
Somehow, Xander just /knew/ that this guy would be involved in Hellmouthy stuff within a week.
* * *
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