A/N: This story is growing out of control…and I have no idea where it will stop! P.S. I refuse to write anymore disclaimers.

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James didn't get any sleep that night. By the time Peter and he got back to the dorm, it was late enough that Remus and Sirius had fallen asleep despite their worry over him. It had been a quiet, and long battle before James convinced Peter not to wake their friends and inform them that James was back. In the end, though, Peter understood James's need to be alone for the night.

Now dawn was approaching, and James's legs were aching from his constant pacing around the Common Room. Remus would wake soon; the werewolf always woke at dawn. James was sure that he wouldn't be able to convince Remus not to wake Sirius.

Regardless of the night of thought, James was no closer to being ready to face Sirius. He had really messed things up. James had always known that the Marauders would some day separate. He was too smart not to understand that kids grew apart as they grew up, but he had never thought that it would be him who would destroyed the Marauders.

James ran his fingers through his hair, glad that there was no one awake to tease him for it. Once upon a time, the action had been his lame attempts at impressing people; but now it was nothing more than a nervous habit.

Why did it have to come to this? Why did love have to be what broke them?

"Jamie?" James turned in shock. Sirius was never the first to wake up.

"Don't call me Jamie," James said weakly, desperately grabbing at the only normality in this chaos.

Sirius gave a half-hearted smile, "Never did understand what you hate about that name."

James considered telling him the truth. The truth was that he loved the name, loved that only Sirius called him that. Sirius had always been like a brother too him, and the fact that Sirius teased him with the name made James feel like they really were brothers. "Makes me sound like a bloody girl," James said instead.

"You're a ponce, so not far off," Sirius chuckled, but froze a moment after. James saw the exact moment the words registered in Sirius's mind. One day, he would teach his friend how to think before you speak.

"Not really sure about that, actually," James said casually, as though discussing a shirt he was planning to wear. James plopped down on the couch, patting the seat beside him and waited for Sirius to sit before he continued. "Never was attracted to guys in general. Or girls, obviously. Just attracted to one guy."

"And that guy just had to be my brother?" Sirius leaned his head back against the couch and glared at the ceiling.

"Well, yeah," James leaned back too, so that he could avoid looking at his friend. "I mean, he has all the Black charm and none of your temper."

"What is it really?" Sirius was the first to break the dry humor that enveloped him. Sirius had never before been the first to break the humor for the somber.

"He's just," James sighed. He had tried to explain it to Sirius before, but he had failed. James knew that if he failed again, he wouldn't be getting another chance. "everything. He's good-looking, and smart, strong…"

Sirius made a disbelieving noise and James smiled. He had been expecting that.

"He really is," James said sadly, "He hasn't been given anything in life, but he keeps fighting. He does what he needs to survive…Doesn't always do what is right, but he fights for the one constant in his life: himself."

"You're going to say I abandoned him too, aren't you?"

"No," James looked at his friend, "You did what you had too. I highly doubt Regulus would have gone with you, even if he had the choice. But you have to see that he is just doing what he has to too. You left to survive, he stayed to survive. You rebelled to survive, he bent to survive. You two are not so very different. You just have different instincts."

"He's nothing like me," Sirius growled. "I wouldn't become a Death Eater! How can you love that?"

"Maybe he won't either," James whispered. "I don't always love what he's done. But no one is perfect. He is strong, whether you or he knows it. I see it, and I love that he can't. I love that he is so in need of someone to protect him. I love that he has stayed so young, even with everything he is forced to live through."

"Do you think it is my fault he is who he is?" Sirius said this so quietly that James almost didn't hear it.

"No…well, not completely. I think that we all did it. Just like we all made you who you are, and you all made me who I am. Everyone we touch in life has an impact on who we become. You touched his life for so long, and so deeply that your impact was just stronger than most."

"When did you become so wise?" Sirius smiled, and James saw that his friend understood his words. He just hoped that Sirius believed them.

"M'not," James laughed, "Read it on a fortune cookie." There was a time for humor and a time for somber, and James was personally getting sick of somber.

Sirius chuckled now, "Prat."

"Just a bit," James said proudly. "We going to be okay?"

"I don't know," Sirius sighed, "I guess only time will tell. I still don't like all of this. I still wish it had been anyone but him. I still don't understand what you see in him. I still hate him on so many levels. But…I don't hate you. Never could."

"That's a start," James sighed. He didn't know how to make Sirius love Regulus again; he wasn't even sure it was possible.

James stood up, stretching his aching muscles, "Let's get dressed. Today's a new day, maybe this one will be better."

Sirius laughed, "Ponce."

"That's me," James smirked.

"Now that's more like it," said a voice behind them.

James and Sirius both turned to see Remus and Peter sitting on the stairs. Sirius flushed, and James knew he was wondering how long the two had been there.

Peter stood too, already dressed. "Now that you two are finished making up, can we get some food? I'm starving!"

Remus chuckled lightly, "We'll meet you down there," he followed Peter to the portrait hole as James and Sirius made their way upstairs.

They still had a lot to talk about. James still needed to tell the others about Peter and his dad. He still needed to discover if there was any chance to stop Regulus hating him. If there wasn't, James had to discover a way to move on. There were just so many questions, and so many problems.

Maybe the Marauders weren't destroyed yet though. Maybe there was hope for them all.

In the long run, Sirius was right. Only time would tell.