A/N: I'm going to ramble this time and see where it goes.

To say Regulus was nervous would have been an understatement. He was so nervous, in fact, that even Rabastan LeStrange had picked up on it.

"Test today, Black?"

"Yeah. Test."

"On a Monday?" Barty Crouch Jr. asked. "Harsh."

"Life is," Regulus said, just as vaguely as his previous answer. Barty and Rabastan shrugged at each other. Regulus ignored them and left for the common room. Severus was already there, dressed and studying Defense Against the Dark Arts as usual. Regulus sat in his customary chair beside him.

"Did they ever find him?" He asked, hopefully. He knew Severus wouldn't need an explanation of whom he was referring to. Severus never did.

After Severus had informed him James had gone missing last night- well after curfew when Regulus could do nothing about it he might add- Regulus had been unable to sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about how James was missing because of him. All kinds of horrible scenarios had played through his mind until the early hours of the morning.

"I have no idea," the older Slytherin stated simply. Regulus slumped further in the chair, and received a kick for it. "Sit up. You didn't use to do that before. If you're going to pull this off you're going to have to stop skulking."

"I'm not skulking." Regulus protested even as he sat up straight. "What is it I'm doing, exactly?"

"Becoming Potter's secret lover, and I would thank you kindly not to spread it around."

"Wait a minute. Now you're telling me to do this?" Regulus couldn't help but wonder if someone had put Severus under the imperious curse. Or replaced his brains with Gillyweed. One of the two.

"I told you to do it yesterday."

"No you didn't."

"I asked you a valid question which amounted to the same thing."

Regulus had no response for this, and instead folded his arms over his chest. After a moments reflection, he came up with a suitable come back. "I thought you were going to stop me, if you could."

"I am." Severus said without looking up from his essay.

"So why are you helping me?"

"Because the point of stopping you is to save your sorry ass from being killed. Pining after him will result in the same end. I'm going for a happy medium."

"Oh." Regulus said stupidly. He turned to look at the floor instead, studying his shoes. The toes were starting to wear out on his left one, he noticed. He was going to have to write Mother and ask for new ones…

Severus slammed his book and Regulus jumped. He knew he looked guilty, though he hadn't do anything wrong, and schooled his expression into indifference as he looked evenly at his best friend.

"We're going to breakfast now," Severus said calmly, forcing Regulus to meet his eyes.

"Okay," Regulus answered, wondering vaguely what it was about today that had reduced his vocabulary so drastically.

"Before we do so, I need to establish a few ground rules. These are for your own protection, and not my own amusement."

"You sure about that?"

"Well, most of them."

"Fair enough."

"First rule is that you are not to stare at him. You didn't use to, and if you start doing it I will be forced to render swift action to distract you. Staring is an obvious give away."

Wondering how it was possible he had never stared at James before, Regulus nodded. "Okay, I'll give it a shot. Out of curiosity, what kind of distraction will you give?"

He soon regretted asking as a sharp pain shot up his shin where Severus had kicked him. "Ow! That hurt you prat!"

"That was, I believe, the idea."

"I'm never asking you for anything again."

"Pity me. I shall survive somehow."

Now that the pain had subsided somewhat, Regulus stopped rubbing it and sat up fully again. "Okay, so what's Rule number two?"

"You are not to be seen associating with him in public. Not anywhere. No one- not even the noble Gryffindors- can be trusted. If I ever catch you together in public exchanging more that insults…"

"I will receive swift punishment?" Regulus asked sweetly. Severus raised an eyebrow, which Regulus had long ago learned to mean either he was suspicious or amused. He hoped it was the later.

"Very swift."

"Similar to the last?"

"I'll aim higher."

"Ouch."

"On Potter."

"Double Ouch. You'd enjoy that though?"

"Not really. To Muggle. Rule Three is that everything you do is to be reported back to me with as much detail as you can remember."

Regulus burst out laughing then. "Everything? Severus, I didn't know you were that way."

"You think a bit far ahead don't you, Black?" Snape responded, looking thoroughly disgusted.

"I like to think I'm irresistible."

"You would."

"Okay, I agree to the rule with in certain limits. Can I ask why?"

Severus looked ready to say something, and then changed his mind half way through and instead said something along the lines of, "so that I will know which rumors to be wary of and which need to be dealt with."

"Alright, fair enough. Anything else?"

"Let me observe you and get back to you this evening. I'm sure there will be plenty more."

Regulus laughed again, running his left hand through his hair. "You make it sound like this is a test."

"It is. If you behave, I shall allow you to continue the relationship."

Regulus snorted. "Who do you think you are, my brother?"

"Close enough."

Regulus froze, suddenly gaping. It was the first time that he could remember Severus ever actually acknowledging they had any kind of relationship at all. He blinked several times before he managed to get anything out of his mouth. "You're better than my brother. Thanks. Really. I'm glad you've got my back."

For a moment Regulus thought he saw a smile on Severus's face, but it was gone before he could really be sure.

"Don't get all mushy on me now, Black. Save it for my funeral. Right now, we need you to survive breakfast." Severus stood up and walked toward the Great Hall, Regulus following at his heels with a rather ridiculous grin on his face.