Summary: What?! I have to run the school at night?

Crossover: Bastard!!, Slayers

Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard!!, Slayers, or Buffy the Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a couple of CDs that's fine.

Feedback: Yeah, baby!

Pre-fic Comments:

Wake up! And go listen to some of Powerman 5000's albums.

* * *

Xander yawned. True, Buffy was in the doghouse with Snyder and had to run the Parent-Teachers evening as spadework, but he had managed to dodge the bullet of having to actually help with anything. Buffy's fellow rebel, Sheila, hadn't turned up to help with anything yet.

"Sheila's a no-show?," Willow asked. "She goes to this really rank bar. The Fish Tank? Sometimes they have raids and other stuff that can make you tardy."

"Worth going to?," Faith asked.

"Nah."

"D'you think you can help me cram some French tonight?," Buffy asked, worried. "I don't want Mr. DeJean telling my mother I'm an imbecile."

"I thought we were going to the Bronze tonight," Willow reminded Buffy. "'Cause of how you thought Angel might show?"

"If he does he'll meet some other nice girl?," Xander interrupted. "Studying comes first."

This was a bit of a one-eighty for Xander Harris but yeesh, making time with a corpse?

"We're going to the Bronze," Buffy decided. "I can study and party and do Parent-Teacher night and make my mother proud as long as I don't have to..."

It was about then that Giles, harbinger of evil and minion of the Council, arrived with the computer teacher in hand. "Buffy!"

"...fight vampires," the Slayer finished, slumping.

"There is nothing in the chronicles about a-an extraneous lunar cycle," Giles said to Miss Calendar, continueing a previous arguement.

"The Order never accurately calculated the Mesopotamian Calendar," Jenny pointed out "Rupert, you have *got* to read something that was published after 1066."

"Very funny," Giles said dryly.

"What's the up, guys?," Xander asked.

"W-um, Ms. Calendar has been researching, well, uh, surfing on her computer, a-and she's... Well, according to her calculations, this Saturday is the night of St. Vigeous."

"Let me guess," Buffy said, "he didn't make balloon animals."

"No, he led a crusade, of, of, uh, vampires," Giles explained. "They swept through Edessa, Harran, and points east."

"That is so wicked screwed up," Faith drawled from where she was lying on the ground. No one had quite figured out where she went while the rest of the gang went to class. "You kinda have to have the Catholic church canonize you to be called Saint Joe. Bad guys just get called 'You Asshole'."

"How'd you know that?," Willow asked, genuinely interested.

Faith shrugged. "Buncha nuns, very traumatic, I don't wanna talk about it."

"Well, if I survive Parent-Teacher night tomorrow," Buffy said, "I'll see what I can do about Saturday."

"You're being a tad flip, don't you think? This is serious," Giles frowned.

"And getting kicked out of school is laughs aplenty?," Buffy asked, incredulous.

"You know what happens when you, you let your life interfere with your slaying," Giles said ominously.

"Okay, well, if my slaying doesn't get me expelled, then I promise my banner making won't get me killed, okay? Just please let me get through this week," Buffy whined.

"This Saturday's going to need a great deal of preparation," Giles said.

"Well, we'll help," Willow volunteered.

"Yeah, I'll whittle stakes," Xander added.

"A-and I can research stuff," Willow continued.

"And I can sit around and make fun of you guys," Faith smirked. "It's a date!"

"Yes, your... help... will be greatly appreciated, but when it comes to battle, Buffy and Faith must fight alone. You are, after all, the Slay...," Giles trailed off as the Principal arrived. "slay-ves. Slaves. You're, you're all slaves to the, uh, television."

"Yes," Miss Calendar said, not wanting Snyder to jump on her either.

"Young people nowadays," Gile said disapprovingly. Snyder beamed. "Shall we go?"

"Mm, let's," Jenny said, joining Giles as he left.

"You wouldn't be helping Buffy in Sheila's place, would you?," Snyder hissed, seeing Willow by Buffy's banner.

"No," Xander laughed nervously.

"We're hindering," Willow insisted.

"We're trying to set fire to her banner," Faith grinned. She held up a cheap, disposable Bic lighter. "See?"

* * *

Ah, the Bronze. Sunnydale's den of teenage iniquity, sweat and loud music. Kinda. Well, not at one table.

"La vache... doit me... touche... de la... jeudi," Buffy said unsteadily. She looked over at Willow. "Was it wrong? Should I use the plural?"

"What?," Willow said, looking up from the pile of photocopies of the Primer that Giles had run off.

"La vache doit me touche de... la jeudi," Buffy repeated. "Was that right?"

"No," Willow said encouragingly. Her inner honesty forced her to add, "But you said, 'The cow should touch me from Thursday.'"

"Maybe that's what I was feeling," Buffy said defensively.

"And you said it wrong," Willow said.

"Oh, je stink," Buffy groaned.

"You're just not focused. It's Angel missage," Willow smiled. This whole forbidden romance Buffy had going with Angel was so sweet!

"Well, he didn't say for sure," Buffy admitted. "It was a 'maybe see ya there' kinda deal."

"Hey, B," Faith yelled as she approached the table. "Ewww, studying. I hope it ain't contagious."

"Only if you take French," Willow said. "Hey, this spell summons sea cucumbers."

"Why would anyone want that?," Faith asked, puzzled.

"Apparently they taste good," Willow explained, reading the text.

"Guys, I'm all alone out there. Somebody has to dance with me," Xander pleaded.

"Sure thing, boytoy," Faith smirked, grabbing him. "Let's go. I hope you've got... endurance. Joining us, Red, B?"

"Well, we are studying," Willow equivocated, looking down at A Primer To The Arts.

"C'mon, one dance. You've been studying nearly twelve minutes," Xander pointed out.

The four moved out to the dance floor, and Faith began dancing with Xander, grinding herself against him. Their dancing was abruptly interrupted when a British voice said, loudly, "Where's the phone? I need to call the police. There's some big guy out there trying to bite somebody."

The four ran outside, to find a stereotypical Sunnydale vampire about to snack on one of the sheeple that formed Sunnydale's youth. Buffy pulled him away from the girl by his shoulder.

"Slayer!," the vampire snarled.

"Slayee!," Buffy retorted.

Buffy kicked the vampire in the face. It flinched. This was partly due to the kick, but mostly due to the fact that Xander, Willow and Faith caught up with Buffy about then.

"Shit! Xander I-Inverse the demon s-spooker!," the vampire stuttered, seeing Xander over Buffy's shoulder.

Buffy paused. "Who?"

Xander stepped forwards a pace. "I think he means me. And wasn't it vampire spooker?"

In a moment of surreality, the vampire shook his head. "I'm not spooked by anything! Spike! Help!"

"Spook this," Faith said, as she staked the vampire from behind. "God, B, don't you ever have a stake with you? Wicked bad way to get killed."

"Who's Spike?," Willow asked.

* * *

Post-fic Comments:

Yep, Spike's here.