Summary: Tear! Fabric under tension can break sometimes!

Crossover: Bastard!!, Slayers

Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard!!, Slayers, or Buffy the Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a couple of CDs that's fine.

Feedback: Yeah, baby!

Pre-fic Comments:

Some bad language. Possibly. Find the unconsciously prophetic statement and win a reply.

* * *

The next day didn't get any better for them. They found out that not only was Buffy going to the fraternity party with Cordelia, she was also going on a date with Angel.

"He's going with you?," Willow asked Buffy. She turned to Xander and Faith. "She's got a date with Angel! Isn't that exciting?"

"I'm elated," Xander said flatly, getting up from the couch. Whoopee, she got a date with Deadboy. Considering he had already been hurt by her in her pursuit of the vampire, he didn't really care.

"I-I'm not going with Angel," Buffy confessed. "I'm going with -- ye gods -- Cordelia."

Xander didn't know whether to cheer or cry.

"Cordelia?!," Willow exclaimed, sounding faintly betrayed. "Did I sound a little jealous just then, 'cause I'm not really... Cordelia?!"

"Cordelia's much better for you than Angel," Xander said, hurrying after the two girls. "If not by much."

Faith smirked, effortlessly catching up with the three. "Hey, she can't get quality, she's gotta take what she /can/ get."

"What happened with Angel?," Willow asked, breathlessly waiting for more news on the tragic romance.

"Nothing, as usual," Buffy admitted. "A whole lotta nothing with Angel."

"Bummer," Xander said, voice indicating quite otherwise. "Really."

"I don't understand. I mean, he likes you. More than likes," Willow said.

"He's a guy," Faith shrugged. "Most of 'em find it wicked hard to commit."

"Angel barely says two words to me," Buffy complained.

"Don't you hate that?," Xander said, trying to drive a wedge between the two.

"And when he does, he treats me like I'm a child," Buffy continued, completely ignoring Xander.

"Asshole corpse," the dark slayer smirked.

"You know, at least Tom can carry on a conversation," the light haired slayer mused.

"Yeah! Tom?," Xander asked. He had a baaaad feeling. "Tom and Jerry?"

"The frat guy," Willow said. "From yesterday, in the BMW."

"Oh, Buffy, I don't think so," Xander said in condemnation. "Frying pan, fire? You know what I'm sayin'."

His uncle Gerry was part of the cleaners for the uni frat houses, and Xander had heard all kindsa things about those guys. Rumours. Suspicions of dark things. And his family didn't have enough brain cells left to imagine things.

Faith looked at Buffy seriously as they approached the Library. "X, I don't think she gets it. Still, she will tomorrow."

* * *

Xander was starting to get seriously disillusioned with Buffy. She used people, she lied to good people like Giles, and she dated the enemy.

"Well, say it," Buffy snapped as they left the Library, where she had just convinced Giles that her mother was too sick to leave be. Faith had stayed there to discuss the night's patrol.

"I'm not gonna say it," Xander said, mentally counting down... 1... 2... 3...

"You lied to Giles," Willow said flatly.

Bingo! "'Cause she will."

"Look, I wasn't lying," Buffy protested. "I was just... protecting him from information that he wouldn't be able to... digest properly."

"Like a corn dog," Xander said sarcastically. He knew for a fact that Mrs S was perfectly fine -- he'd just visited yesterday.

"Like you don't have a sick mother, but you'd rather go to a frat party where there's gonna be drinking and older guys and probably an orgy," Willow accused.

"Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho, rewind," Xander said, making a 'time out' T with his hands. This was getting too heavy for him. "Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?"

"There's no orgies!," Buffy protested.

"I heard a lot of wild things go on at frat parties," Willow informed her.

"My uncle has to clean up after them. They does all kindsa mean, nasty, an' ugly things," Xander muttered.

"Okay, you know what? Look, seven days a week I am busy saving the world," Buffy lectured. "Once in a great while I wanna have some fun. And that's what I'm gonna have tonight. Fun!"

"Why can't it be good clean fun, like beating things up or setting them on fire?"

* * *

Faith ducked Giles' swinging fist easily. "Hey, old guy, gettin' slow!"

Giles wordlessly hit her in the midriff with his /other/ fist which she hadn't noticed.

"ooof," Faith exhaled. "okay, maybe not so slow."

"You must observe everything," Giles said, giving her a moment to catch her breath. "If this were for real, you would be quite dead now."

"Speaking of for real," Faith said, "maybe you should ring Buffy's mum, ask her if she needs anything? That Calendar chick would think that's wicked sweet of you."

Giles took his glasses off and began cleaning them, a sure sign that Faith had struck a chord with him. "Er, I probably should ring her, but to make sure that the Slayer has a satisfactory home life."

"Call it what you want, G-man," Faith smirked as the Englishman entered his office to make a call.

"Hello?," he said into the receiver. "Mrs Summers? Yes, Rupert Giles, the librarian from school. Your daughter, Buffy, told me that you were quite terribly sick, and I was ringing to enquire if you needed anything -- if so, myself and Miss Calendar could perhaps visit?"

Pause. Reply that Faith couldn't hear.

"Really? She had told me that she was too sick to attend a study session with her friend Willow."

Smart, G-man. Willow would back him up -- either she gets to tutor Buffy (always a plus with the study conscious hacker), or they'd get to go to the Bronze together or something.

"I see. I'll be sure to have words with her later about this. No, that's quite alright. Oh? Well, if you must. Good day to you."

Faith smirked as the Watcher hung the phone up, frowning.

* * *

Post-fic Comments:

Who saw the last scene coming?