Hermione stared at the blank piece of parchment in front of her, the potions essay that she was meant to be doing for Slughorn was the last thing on her mind. The ink remained on in the bottle the only stains on the paper coming in the forms of wet patches from the tears that slid silently down the sore swollen cheeks of a face that would never smile again.
Hermione hated him, hated him with every ounce of her being.
She had locked herself away from the outside world, in her favourite side of the library study hall, surrounded by the things she loved so dearly, her stupid books. Well they had kept Ron away for so long before; there was no excuse for it not working now.
However, the words wouldn't come to her the sentences wouldn't form in her head; it was as if an invisible barrier was blocking the thoughts of potions and lessons from her.
All she could see was red.
Opening the homework diary the birthday card she had for him caught her eye, she ignited it quietly and watched as the blue flame danced until the card was no more.
They were over finished, she was foolish to think that one kiss could change the way he felt about her. He was a liar and a fraud. But if he was, why was she hurting so much. Why did she really truly believe her heart when it said that he was just a fool?
Had se really expected him to walk up to Lavender and say 'look lav lav, I'm secretly in love with Hermione sorry bout this you're dumped'? Ron wasn't like that, Ron was raised well he may be awkward and clumsy but he would never openly hurt someone like that.
Well unless it was Hermione. He didn't seam to care if she was hurt. She felt used.
He had used her and in the worst possible way. She couldn't love him any more she would have to try to keep her mind off the subject of Ron.
But it was increasingly difficult. The constant reminders of him followed her around.
"Hermione?"
She could even hear his voice.
"Hermione I know your behind the books, come on talk to me." she felt the table shake as he sat down on the seat at the other side.
She placed her large potions book on top of her already large wall of books, making sure books on all sides surrounded her.
"Hermione please speak to me." his voice rang around the quiet study hall, no one would be here this late on, Hermione hadn't checked but she knew that no one but her would ever dream of sitting in the library till this late on a Friday night.
"Hermione we need to talk."
Hermione stared at the spine of 'Muggle Magic a modern guide to all things muggle by E.Leck and T. Risty. She glared so hard she swore she saw the book fighting back.
He didn't get it did he.
The way he treated her last night, she had waited for so long to share that with him, she had felt sure that he felt the same way, yet this morning…
She watched as Ron followed Lavender out of the portrait hole, his hand automatically slipped in to hers, she smiled at him and they headed down to breakfast. Hermione had followed behind her head fogged; she ignored the words that Harry said to her unable to think of anything but the hurt that was boiling inside of her, breaking every blood vessel as it hit it. He had lied to her.
Or was this her fault?
She was the one that told him he had to make the decision.
Had she lost out because she wasn't willing to play dirty to keep him?
Was last night all she would get? Had her mind and heart been playing tricks on her, fooling her in to thinking that there was more to this life then the friendship she had with Ron.
She had watched them through charms, Ron whispering to Harry. Exchanging looks with Lavender across the room.
She had caught his eye for only a second but it was enough. The look of regret was evident, he had made a mistake and now he was too cowardly to face up to it.
Hermione asked to be excused from the class, something so out of character that Professor Flitwick actually sent her straight to the hospital wing with accompaniment from Dean who looked just as worried as the tiny professor had done.
"Hermione are you really ok?" Dean asked as they made there way back to the common room, a small bottle of headache potion in Hermione's hand.
"Honest answer is no, but I don't want to talk about it Dean."
"Are you sure?" he asked as the two of them climbed through the portrait hole dean helping her as she climbed through.
"Honest Dean, I'm fine, go find Ginny I can look after myself."
Hermione immediately wished she hadn't sent Dean away when Lavender and Ron followed her in to the common room a short while later.
She watched as the two of them sank in to the sofa in front of the fire blissfully oblivious to the fact that Hermione was even there.
She quietly got up and gathered her books and headed to the library, she knew Ron had spotted her as she had left but didn't turn. She didn't want to se that look of regret in his eyes again. Ron was evidently a one-woman man and that one woman wasn't Hermione, she would live with that.
But it was hard to live with it when the person that you want to block out of your life is trying to break down the fortress that you build for yourself.
"Ron leave me alone." she said as a small hole appeared in the pile of books.
Blue eyes sort out hers through the gap.
"Hermione please let me explain."
"There's nothing to explain Ron, go away."
"Yes there is now I'm going to whether you listen or not is up to you."
Hermione took a new book and filled up the hole that Ron had created.
A disgruntled sigh from the other side showed that Hermione's actions had had the desired effect.
"You lied to me Ron, I can't stand to look at you, thought that I knew you but obviously I don't. What else is there to say?"
She watched as the pile of books slowly became smaller. Until Ron could see her over the top.
He had stacked them neatly on the table behind him, in this small corner of the room they wouldn't be seen wouldn't be heard, it was a fortress inside a fortress. She had built her walls of books within shelves of books. Yet Ron had known exactly where to look.
"Hermione I meant every last word I said last night." he said sitting on the desk and looking down at her. The guilty look swept across his face again.
"Did you get me confused with Lavender?" she said packing her things in to her bag.
"No Hermione, how could I ever get you confused with Lavender?"
Hermione got up holding on to her bag as if it was the last piece of her soul, she stormed past Ron knocking over the neatly piled up books, they fell on Ron with a crash.
"Hermione, wait up." he shouted following her down the deserted rows of books.
"Go away Ron, I hate you….get it H A T E hate you." she flung her bag over her shoulder and marched past the restricted section.
"I'm trying my best; do you know how hard it is to get rid of Lavender?"
She stopped and turned to look at him.
"No Ron , but I know how much it hurts for me to have to watch you do what you do with her in front of me." she glared. "You're an insensitive git."
"I can't help it." he said seeking out her gaze in the candlelight.
"Well you should start helping it. I hate you Ron, do you know how much that hurts me?"
Ron looked at her and she felt the burning sensation starting behind her eyes again.
"You don't hate me." he said stepping towards her. "I couldn't ever hate you." he said quietly wiping the tear from her cheek.
"Yeah well …" she said pulling away.
"Hermione, don't hate me."
"I think it's best if we avoid each other, I'll only wish you hurt, and I'll hate myself for it."
Ron stared at the floor.
"I wish I could just crawl up under a rock and die," he said quietly. "Why do things have to be so complicated?"
Hermione tried to bite down the retort but it came out anyway.
"I'll find you a rock.," she snapped.
"You wish I was dead?" he asked her, his eyes again meeting hers across the green light the radiated from the restricted section.
Hermione didn't know what to say. She broke the gaze and headed out of the library, Ron was still following her.
Why wouldn't he leave her alone? Why couldn't he just move on? At least he had Lavender. Hermione was alone. Harry had bigger tings to worry about.
"Hermione…"
"Ron just leave me alone please." she pleaded as they jumped the trick step.
"I can't, you know I can't, I told you why and you throw it back in my face."
Hermione stopped.
"I throw it back in your face?" she repeated slowly. "I'm not the one snogging Lavender still, I'm not the one breaking your heart every second," her voice was getting louder with every syllable the paintings on the stairs were beginning to look. "We'll I've had enough Ron, I've had it up to here playing your stupid game, I quit. I'm throwing in the chess pieces, I don't want to be the loser again, don't even speak to me. In fact, pretend I don't exist. Enjoy your birthday, I'm sure Lavender will have bought you something nice." she glared at him; to his credit he hadn't answered back he just looked at her growing redder in the face by the second. She went to push past him and go to the common room but he stepped in front of her.
He looked past her and at the picture that was laughing. He looked as if he was having an internal struggle with himself. He grabbed her by the bag strap and pulled her forward pushing his lips against hers with force. She gave in to him for a split second before pushing him away. He stumbled back and landed on the banister.
"Drop Dead Ronald Weasley." she said turning on the spot and wiping her mouth with her sleeve.
thankyou to everyone wo reviewed, i'm sorry it's taken so long but i've kind of been busy, i went to see my chemical romance and i've been on to much of a bob vibe ever scince( sod gerard mikey and Frank i want the drummer hes a cutie pie)and i've been at work a lot more than usual and im looking for a new house so life is hectic. i do look to updating a lot more oftern but it is gig season and well you know how it is...
ok personal reviews if i missed you i'm sorry i only have limeted time on the net and im due at work but i aperciate the reviews honest.
ronslurvergurl123...glad you think it's cute i try
Matt'sGirl4ever... how dare you go away for over a month lol. glad you still like it.
padfootdaugh...your friend is a genius and you should give her a cookie for pointing you in the right direction... in fact i'll send her a cookie...it might have owl dropings on but you can eat around that right?
ibkicking...thankyou for reviewing me since you don't do it that oftern.this story is for me to get better at the grammer and stuff but when i start work on my next story ( i have two in the pipe line other that my epic flowers story) i'm more than willing to take a beta so i might take you up on that.
dancerrdw... as always i apreciate your reviews and i promise i havent forgoten my other sorrys i will get back to them i'm just working hard n making them good.
jaydedangel73 ... your pen name is the smae as that of my kitten so i like you even more lol but thanks for the review although sleep is more important( although i never get any)
Aprila... i aim to please galad it made you happy and im glad you like the idea of me going back and picking up on thisngs that j/k didnt lol
love-is - everything...thankyou for all the reviews so far, ( i remeber cause you hae such a cool pen name lol.
Slow Suicide...thankyou for putting me in your fav list. i feel the love and im sorry for the lack of upfdate speed recently i realy am but life and stalking bands can mess up anyones sceduel darn my chemical romance lol
Dark wing731- thankyou for the detailed review i took in to consideration what you said and you will find out your answers in the next chapter i promise. i love constructive critasism, and hopfully my grammer and spelling is getting better but some times i dont read the mistake.so i cant corect what i dont read right.
pureangel86 i used to put barbie in the microwave and watch the cow melt lol! red is a bit of a runing theme with my stories lol... its all the hot red headed men out there lol
melissa for my next story i'm getting a beta, this one was for me to chalange myself, i now realisse that i'm going to have to get one becuase i still cant pick out most things. tankyou for the review im glad you like my story
tucksgurl: glad you enjoy it ...and i know blood relitive this isn't starwars thats not your sister this isnt insest lol
quidditch 7: i write this stoty to you lol, seriously i know im doing a god job if i get someone doing the happy dance lol... and i hope you liked the bit with the books lol i knw you like visulisation lol.
ok f i missed you sorrrrrrrrry i'll get you necxt time.