Part 29
Summary: Scramble! Dealing with the Aftermath and Aftershocks
Crossover: Bastard, Slayers, Ranma1/2, Hellsing
Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard, Slayers, Hellsing, or Buffy the Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a couple of CDs that's fine.
Feedback: Always a plus, yeah.
Pre-fic Comments:
Jessara, here is your part. Thanks, as I think I've come up with an arc for this. I had intended to get to work on this part this morning, but there was this picnic, then when I got back (late in the day) there was this really cool movie called 'Mystery Men'.
Xander found that everyone else in their little group had also decided to go to the Library for explanations.
"Faith, could you please dress in something decidedly more... well, modest," Giles asked as soon as she had wandered in, Xander right beside her.
"What's wrong with this," Faith asked, clad in a leather bikini, a headband, and a cape. Dark purple gloves and a longsword finished off her costume.
"Looks six by six to me," Xander offered. His hair was still long and silvery due to dressing as Dark Schneider, and his clothes could be passed off as eighties fashion in a pinch. "I think he's jealous 'cause he doesn't look that good in either leather /or/ a bikini.
"And can we say ewww," Willow said as she and Willow woke up from unconsciousness. "I really didn't need that mental image, Xander."
"That's what I'm here for," Xander said cheerfully. "Quality one-liners and magic."
"Where did the--Angel go," Buffy asked. "God, like, the vampire with the soul."
"A fellow with the same fashion tastes as Xander escorted him out of town," Giles said.
"I'm gonna take that as a compliment," Xander said, dark eyes sparkling with good humour as his long silver hair framed his face. "Because, as we all know, I /am/ the pinnacle of fashionability."
"As you wish," Giles shrugged.
"So, what was with the mojo tonight," Xander asked.
"Well, as there was a decided lack of fireballs, we may safely dismiss you as the culprit," Giles said firmly. "The Powers that Be's messenger claimed that a friend of mine was behind the events of this night."
"Why would the Watchers' Council do this kinda thing," Willow asked. She got off the table she had been lain on and started stretching. "Ain't they normally killing vampires?"
"I have no idea," Giles frowned. "I have some suspicions, but nothing to prove them with."
"Well--"
"Summers," Cordelia thundered as the Library doors banged open. She strode through, one arm of her cat costume hanging in shreds. "You're supposed to stop shit like tonight happening! My costume was ruined! There is no way in /hell/ that I am getting my deposit back after this!"
"I see," Giles said dryly. "Nice costume. Purely out of academic curiousity, were you transformed into a normal feline or some manner of feline equivalent to a lycanthrope?"
Willow silently began doing push ups.
"What are you smoking," Cordelia asked blankly. "I didn't turn into anything -- I was /attacked/ by Jojo the Dogfaced Boy! Then some Japanese guy started kicking Jojo's ass, so I ran for it!"
"Well, the rest of us all turned into what we went as," Xander said from where he had his arms crossed and his head tilted forwards slightly.
Cordelia sniffed. "That's what you get for shopping at horrible stores. Now me, I bought /quality/ from Party Town. Not that they'll want to talk to me /ever again/ after this."
"Hold on one moment, if you please," Giles said. "You went to a different shop than the people who transformed?"
Cordelia nodded. "And Summers, you still owe me an apology!"
Buffy's hands twitched as she felt the urge to light a cigarillo. "I owe you nothing!"
"You're the Slayer, so--"
"Excuse me," Giles said. "Could someone describe the other shop?"
"Ethan's Costume Shoppe," Faith asked. "Man, that guy was wicked sleazy."
"Ethan," Giles asked, heart sinking. "Black hair, thin face, short?"
"That's him," Xander said. "Know him?"
Giles sighed. "I... used to be friends with him, before we fell out over magic use."
"Oh," Xander said intelligently. "He wanted a beautiful assistance for kiddy parties?"
The Englishman favoured him with a dry look.
"Rosenberg/what/ are you doing," Cordelia asked Willow, who had stopped doing push ups in favour of curl ups.
"I'm outta shape," Willow said. "Man, I couldn't beat a housefly."
"I... see," Giles said. "Does this mean that the character you were costumed as might have imparted some of their habits and knowledge to you?"
"Has for me," Buffy confessed. "God, I could kill for a decent bloody fag right now."
She then held her hands over her mouth as she realised the last sentence had been delivered with a British accent. With British slang.
"Way to get in touch with your inner pom," Xander smirked.
Buffy pulled out the handgun in her shoulder holster, only to find that the Walther was plastic once more. "Darnit. No more blessed silver."
"Blessed silver," Giles asked.
"Yeah. Hellsing equips troops with bullets made from silver that was once part of a cross that had been blessed."
"It killed Spike good," Willow offered, up to curl up number fifty. Her stomach muscles were beginning to scream bloody murder, but that was a good thing, from what oyaji had said.
"I shall have to pass that onto the Council," Giles said, clearly intrigued. "Faith, Xander, has there been any after effects for the two of you?"
"I'm sure I've gone up a few sizes," Faith said, one of her hands drifting across her bust. "This Ethan guy does wicked quality work. I think I could do some magic now, if I practiced some."
"Er... quite. And you, Xander?"
"Not much," Xander shrugged. "Just some mana magic, some attack spells, you know. And I think I want to get the nickname 'Oh no, not him!' as well."
"Much the same as per usual then," Giles said. It should probably be noted that Giles had not seen the series 'Bastard!', and has no idea of the relative power levels.
"The Vampire Spooker has gotten too powerful."
"Oh? Have you seen it?"
"I have... noticed it."
"What do you plan to do about it?"
"I'm taking him down, before he becomes a threat to one of the Leftenants to the Dark Lord."
"Oh! Well, be sure to let me know when you do, so I have enough time to make the popcorn."
"Why? What do you know?"
"Now that... is a secret."
Post-fic comments:
Used the spelling "Leftenant" because I can't be arsed to go look up the American spelling.
Part 30
Summary: Die! Dealing With Cash
Crossover: Bastard, Slayers, Ranma1/2, Hellsing
Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard, Slayers, Hellsing, or Buffy the Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a couple of CDs that's fine.
Feedback: Always a plus, yeah.
Pre-fic Comments:
The original version of Metal Heart (by Accept, not the Dimmu Borgir cover) grows on you for some reason...
Xander yawned as he finished off his bowl of Coco pops. He had found that last night had played around with how he sensed and cast magic in a majorly ugly way, and had had to restudy the Primer. On the plus side, he'd found himself able to learn more of the White Serpent's spells -- previous to last night, Lina Inverse's spells had been just about the only ones in the spellbook that came easily to him. Xander hadn't actually cast some of them (as summoning creatures was generally taken in a bad way), but was confident he could do them.
Slinging his schoolbag on his back and pulling on his sneakers, he wandered out the door, wincing as his hair caught between the bag and his back. Xander would have cut the long silver locks, but Darshe had been protective of himself, and that extended to his hair.
Once he got out the front gate, a scroll hit him on the forehead.
"Ow," he said, deadpan as he reached for the scroll. Opening it, he found some formal challenge to... a mage duel? What the hellmouth was that?
He looked up, to find the empty sockets of Mr Cash regarding him solemnly.
"This yours," Xander asked, gesturing at the man with the scroll.
Cash nodded.
"It's too early for this," Xander grumbled, turning to head for school (and sleep).
"It's never too early," Cash said, speaking for the first time that morning. "Come."
"Nothing doing," Xander said. "While I'll never get enough beauty sleep to get up to the social average, I would like to get some."
"By the way, is this yours," Cash asked, flourishing a set of photocopies. The spidery handwriting of the Primer was plain to see. "I think that this could be worth a lot to some parties... along with the knowledge that your little friend had it."
"Willow," Xander breathed. "Give it back! And you'd better not tell anyone, or your ass is mine!"
"Sorry, I don't swing that way," Cash shot back.
"FIREBALL!"
The otherworldly teacher dodged the fireball, letting it continue on to roast a poor, innocent tree.
"This really isn't the best place. How about at the park?"
"You're on!"
"Where's Xander," Willow asked Buffy. "Normally he turns up to sleep, at least."
"I don't know," Buffy shrugged. "Do you think it had something to do with that thing last night?"
"I don't know," Willow said doubtfully. "I haven't seen that series that Xander's costume was from."
"Faith," Buffy called out, spotting her fellow Slayer. "You seen Xander at all?"
"Not today," Faith shrugged. "He'll turn up."
A large explosion rocked the ground they stood on, as dust rose in the distance.
"Xander," all three girls said, starting to run towards the noise.
"Spirits, who sleep in the wind and in the earth, Change thy anger into the lightning just now, And bind the sky and the earth together, With the wind, cast thy wrath! ARC BRASS!"
Willow winced as a huge, jagged bolt of lightning fell from the cloudless sky to come to rest on Mr Cash's head.
"XANDER LAVELLE HARRIS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"
Xander's head turned as Willow screamed at him. "He's bad! I need to concentrate!"
Indeed he did, as Cash looked mostly unaffected by the lightning, and returned purple bolts of his own that arced from his fingertips rather than the sky.
"AAAAGGGGGHHH," Xander screamed.
"You, who are roaming forever; You, who are pitiful, twisted souls; With our purifying light; Go far away to the place that lies between the universes. MEGIDO FLARE," Faith screamed, casting the spell at Cash.
The eyeless man laughed. "Pathetic! You need to practice, girl -- you can't automatically cast spells after being possessed!"
Buffy charged him, stake in hand. Cash cast Raywing and floated above their heads.
"Pathetic," he taunted. "Only one spell can take me down, and I doubt you know the White Serpent's Damos summons!"
Xander was getting desperate. He really didn't want to cast a Dragon Slave, as it took a /lot/ out of him even now, as his magical reserves were still growing as he aged.
"Creatures of darkness, power, fang and claw, I call upon you to fulfill the ancient bond, to destroy our enemies! GU RU DOOGA!"
As Xander cast the spell, Cash's hands moved, sending out blue tendrils of light. Once Xander uttered the last words of the spell, the ropes of light tightened around him, causing him to fade out of sight as the huge black Damos dragon appeared, summoned by Xander's spell. Normally, the dragon would be subject to Xander's directions, and bound to leave when Xander commanded it to, but he had been dematerialised.
Cash smiled, the gesture causing the scar tissue around his eye sockets to move in a disturbing manner. "And thus, the last of my revenge is ready to take place."
Part 31
Summary: Drowning! Struggle to the Surface!
Crossover: Bastard, Slayers, Ranma1/2, Hellsing
Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard, Slayers, Hellsing, or Buffy the Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a couple of CDs that's fine.
Feedback: Always a plus, yeah.
Pre-fic Comments:
Painted myself into a corner with the previous version of this, so here is the rewrite.
Sorry if you were looking forwards to dragonmage!Xander. But if you really want that, you could write it yourself.
Faith, scowling, said, "Screw subtlety," and strode forwards to grab Cash by his shirt collar. Surprisingly, the blind man did nothing to stop her.
"Where'd Xander and the dragon go," Buffy asked.
"And how do we get our favourite pyro prankster back," Faith growled.
"OOoo, Ooo, I know where the dragon went," Willow said eagerly.
"You don't have to raise your hand, Willow," Buffy pointed out.
"Oops. Anyway, the summoner lost concentration on it, and so the summons was broken, so the dragon was automatically returned to where it came from."
"Ten points to Ravenclaw," Cash said, earning himself a scowl from all three girls.
Faith shook him again. "Xander. Where? Pronto!"
Cash smiled insolently. "Confronting the enemy of all who live."
"Wrong answer," Faith said, punching him in the face.
Xander groaned, unglueing his eyes. Blackness surrounded him as he sat on what felt like rough stone. Why'd he have to go after that asshole, again?
Oh yeah. Willow. Fair go, now what had happened.
Oh yeah. Ass kicking, and unfortunately (reversing a happy trend) not by him.
"Why did you summon me incorrectly," a voice rumbled out of the darkness.
"Trust me, bad mojo is bad news, so it was probably Cash who screwed me up," Xander said. "Say... got a twinkie? Man, I'm starving."
"A... twinkie? What is this twinkie you speak of?" The voice was deep, almost rattling Xander's ribcage.
"Dammit," Xander muttered. "Okay, a sandwich?"
"Sandwich?"
"Yeah, a bacon lettuce tomato special?"
"/Bacon? Meat?"
"Er, I guess."
"I could bring you some meat, but you'd have to cook it."
"I... don't do the cooking thing," Xander said. "I can burn stuff though, no problem. I don't go for the raw meat thing either, sorry."
"Why are you here," the voice asked again.
Xander responded. "Well, I was trying to lay the unholy smackdown on Cash, when he told me that the only way for him to be beaten was by a Damos summon."
"True, the black Damos dragon is feared by many, even mazoku," the voice said. "What spell did this Cash cast to disrupt your summons?"
"I dunno, his whole spellage was FUBAR'ed," Xander frowned. "I mean, it was like he threw lightning without casting Arc Brass or anything!"
"Were there any other anomalies about him?"
"Anomalies? Oh, you mean weird stuff. He didn't have any eyes, just blackened sockets. Man, I hate having him right before lunch, cause ewww, you ain't eating in a hurry after that. But he acted like he could see just fine."
"He sounds more mazoku than man, casting without calling on a higher power."
His stomach growled. He had skipped breakfast that morning since, waking late, he had been in a hurry. Using up energy casting magic didn't do him any favours, either. "So, where am I?"
"In the Kataart mountain range," the dragon said, deep voice sounding amused. "You're the first human I've met who has summoned across time, and also the first to botch up a summons that badly."
"Hey," Xander said. "I... was... panicking! Yeah!"
The dragon sighed, and the air around Xander stirred. "I can take you to the nearest human settlement, if you wish. A human sorcerer or researcher may be able to assist you."
"Thanks," Xander beamed into the black darkness.
"To be honest, I had intended to disrupt his summons so that I was in control of the dragon, rather than it being under his control. However, something went awry, and I have no idea what could have happened to him."
"You killed Xander," Willow accused. "You bastard!"
Faith tryed to punch Cash in the face again for that, but the man disappeared in a fog of sulphurous smoke.
"Dammit," Faith coughed. "How are we going to beat him now?"
"I know of a couple of ways," a happy voice said.
Turning, the three saw a man with shoulder length purple hair dressed in what looked like robes, holding a staff with a red gem at the apex. He was smirking, eyes closed, leaning on a tree.
"Who're you," Buffy asked.
"And, no offense, but can we check that you have, uh, eyes," Willow added.
The man turned, showing amber eyes that seemed to strip them to the soul. "My name... well, well. It's been awhile since I used my name."
Buffy cracked her knuckles. "So far, it's been a really horrible day, and I'd hate to have to hurt you just to get your name out of you."
"Well, when you put it like that," the man laughed. "My name is Xellos. I'm a travelling priest."
"Uh... if you really want, you can shut your eyes again," Willow said. "But, if you don't want to, that's okay too!"
"Do you know how we can get Xander back," Faith asked. "You know, in his perfect five by five bod?"
"Hmmmm," the man said, staring at the clouds, eyes still closed. "Now that... is a secret."
Buffy ran over and began choking him, incensed.
"Aaaaggghhh," the man rasped, still smirking. "You've convinced me, I'll tell you!"
Part 32
Summary: Slam! Moving forwards.
Crossover: Bastard, Slayers, Ranma1/2, Hellsing
Disclaimer: I don't own Bastard, Slayers, Hellsing, or Buffy the Vampire Shagger. Although, if the respective owners want to swap for a couple of CDs that's fine.
Feedback: Always a plus, yeah.
Pre-fic Comments:
Another rewrite. (Ain't I a great writer? dodges vegetables of dubious state)
Buffy's hand went to the small of her back as she considered the proposal this... Xellos had made. He claimed that the Damos dragon could bring Xander back to them, but insisted that it would need a special summons.
"Willow, you agree with him," Buffy asked.
"... ninety six... what," Willow asked, doing press ups.
"Can the dragon bring back Xander," Buffy asked, with that icy control Integra had had.
"OOOOooohohoho," Faith laughed. Everyone else winced, including Xellos. "Of course he can!"
"Willow, do the summony thing," Buffy commanded.
"... fifteen... sorry Buffy, I'm not up to that chapter, yet... sixteen..."
"Why couldn't you dress as me or something," Buffy whined. Willow was making her feel bad about being a lazy Californian, doing all that working out.
"Faith told me to dress like Ranma," Willow said, still exercising. "Dragon, people."
"I could summon it," Xellos suggested brightly.
"Hit it," Faith commanded.
"At once, Princess Gracia," Xellos said.
Faith's eyes whipped around to study the purple haired man more closely. "My name is Faith. I am not Naga!"
"Anything you say," Xellos smiled. He lifted a hand. "Creatures of darkness, power, fang and claw, I call upon you to fulfill the ancient bond, to destroy our enemies! GU RU DOOGA!"
"This sucks," Xander said inside the dragon's head as the dragon was summoned by someone /else/. "You always this busy, or did I just pick dragon-Christmas?"
The leader-Dragon rumbled in amusement. "You're just lucky."
"Ain't it a shame that it ain't in the right direction," Xander asked. He couldn't really tell anything, stuck as he was in the mental mindscape. "Are we there yet?"
"Indeed," the dragon replied.
Willow looked up. And up. And up. "Boy, you look even bigger this time around."
A click came from Buffy's direction, and Faith turned to see that the blonde had a Walther PPK trained on the dragon's head. "HEY! B, what the hell have you got there, and how the hell did you get it!"
"A nice man in an alley gave it to me," Buffy said, not moving an inch.
"Put it down NOW," Willow ordered her. "Now, Buffy!"
Buffy slowly lowered the weapon, putting the safety back on.
"We are going to /talk/ about this later on," Willow said, Looking at Buffy.
"Right, now, we want our Xander back," Faith said to the dragon. "So cough him up."
"I wish I could," the dragon replied in a deep voice that seemed to rattle their ribcages. "But it will not be that easy."
"What's the what, then," Buffy asked.
"He has... travelled to the distant past," the dragon rumbled, "due to a corrupted Summons."
"And... so, how do we get him back," Buffy asked impatiently, frowning.
"I could find him again, and you could try summoning me again in a set period of time," the dragon offered.
"No magic bullet," Buffy asked.
"Two hundred... two hundred one... can't you take one of us back with you," Willow asked, continuing with her curl ups as she talked.
"I could," the dragon allowed. "Given the fact you're on a Hellmouth, I would have thought you'd wish to keep your numbers here for hero purposes."
"I'll go," Faith offered.
"Two hundred ten... I'll go as well, might as well save the tomboy," Willow said.
Faith groaned. "You really see him as one of the girls, huh?"
"All done," Xellos asked from where he was leaning on his staff. "I release thee!"
As the dragon disappeared in a shimmer of light, Buffy turned to the others.
"Okay, who wants to tell Xander's parents?"
"Trust me, they won't notice," snorted Faith. "Man, this sucks."
"Let's go see Giles, maybe he knows a quicker way," Willow offered. "And then, if he does, we can summon the dragon again with Mr Xellos' help."
"Oh, just call me Xellos," the man smirked. "Shall I come with you?"
Post-fic Comments:
Sorry re the shortness of this.
After listening to the radio at work, I have a few additions to my mental killfile:
- That stupid concert Dwayne Tango or whatever, in Yanksville - Stupid hiphop love songs - Any songs by Jack John or whoever the hell he is - Stupid hiphop love songs using the Alvin and the Chipmunks voice gimmick - Stupid hiphop love songs going on about breakups
Mostly through them being pimped over and pimped over and pimped over and pimped over and pimped over and pimped over again. If they were worth a damn, then they'd be allowed to stand on their own merits rather than be shovelled at the listeners. (Radio SPAM! And eggs and spam and bacon and spam and spam...)
Nearly all of the songs have the same formula -- put a relationship in it, add vocalising "AaaaAaaAAAAaaa..." that people can sing along to, have some chick or cleancut-sounding guy sing it, and boom, instant listeners.
I do get a kick out of one song, though -- one called "Girl", by a group called De Child or The Child or something. From what I've figured listening to the lyrics, it's about a girl in a BDSM relationship with this guy.