Title: Blue-Orange
Author: Maggienhawk
Disclaimer: Not mine…I think we all know this by now.
Summary: She will never know how her actions affected my life. And I will never get to thank her.
A/N: Wow…it's been so long since I've written anything. And you know what it feels good to get things out again!
I rush out of the house and hurriedly get into my car. Within seconds, I have the key slammed into the ignition and the car in reverse. It wasn't supposed to end like this.
I drive as fast as I can through the streets, knowing the area well enough to avoid getting a speeding ticket. Although, I'm not sure if I'd really care at this point, except that it would prevent me from being where I want to be right now.
The sun is quickly fading and I know that if I don't hurry, I'm going to miss it completely. Today is the one day that I couldn't handle missing the sun as it goes down beneath the horizon.
I pull into the parking lot, and looking out over the vast blue ocean in front of me, I rush to the edge of the cliffs and begin to make my way carefully down the side, just so that I can get to the one spot I know is the best on a windy day like today. Briefly, I acknowledge that moving back to the east coast was the best move I've ever made.
Almost to my spot, I stop suddenly as I'm about to jump down onto another rock. For some reason, I can't believe how soothing the wind is on my face, the fading heat of the sun leaving me with a slight chill. The wind is whipping my hair around my face, and my arms are crossed to keep in the little warmth I have. I can smell the sea air, and am reminded of when I was younger. And soon enough I'm watching the sun slip out of sight as a reel of memories plays in my mind.
The yelling; the fighting; the standing on the beach, wishing for some day to get out of there and be a better person than my parents; getting out and trying desperately to be normal, but knowing I never would be; finally telling the one person I ever trusted with my heart what kind of childhood I had.
And reading the letter I just got in the mail.
An innocuous white envelope with a return address in California.
A single sheet of paper that sealed the fate of ever really getting over what happened to me as a child.
Even though I see cases like that everyday, I'll never get to understand what pushed her to the edge. Why she did what she did.
I'll never be able to forgive her. Tell her that for some moments in my life I loved her.
And for others, I hated her.
She will never know how her actions affected my life.
And I will never get to thank her.
I don't know how long I stand here, watching as the sky changes color. I remember I once asked a guy in college what his favorite color was, and when he replied the blue-orange color the sky gets just before setting, I couldn't imagine it. Until he broke up with me, and I cried while watching the sun set. It is probably the only color in nature that is impossible to copy. And to this day, I remember that, every time looking out over a sunset. For a brief moment, I wonder where he is right now.
I stay until the last bit of orange leaves the sky, turning the sky a muted gray over the water. My cheeks are numb, and I realize that they are wet from tears that had fallen, unnoticed. I walk back up the rocks, and head down the trail to the parking lot, not really feeling any better than I was when I got here.
Until I recognize the figure leaning against my car.
He's leaning up against the driver's side door, his arms crossed and head down, absentmindedly kicking at the gravel. He must hear my footsteps as I slowly make my way to the car, as he looks up and gives me a small smile.
Without words, he closes the distance between us and pulls me into a hug that I never want to be let out of. I could lose myself in this man.
Minutes pass, and he finally breaks the silence, whispering softly in my ear.
"Are you okay?"
I pull back and look into his eyes.
"No, not really."
He brushes a piece of hair out of my face, and his hand cups my cheek tenderly. So tenderly I want to cry. I don't deserve him.
"I'll never get to thank her."
The look of confusion that passes over his face is no surprise.
"She led me to you. All those years ago, she led me to you."
He pulls me in for a kiss, as the stars begin to peek though the darkness, and right there in that moment, everything is alright.