Title: All in Good Jest
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairing(s): sort of but not really hpss and hpdm
Rating/Warnings: K, some mild language and mentions of slash
Summary: In which Hermione writes fanfiction and Harry is not happy about it. A drabble.
"What in the—Hermione!"
A small, bushy-haired tornado tore into the Gryffindor common room in a panic. "What? What is it, Harry? Is everything all right? You didn't break it did you?"
"I'm just about to," one very angry-looking Harry Potter growled.
An almost imperceptible flash of guilt colored the girl's face. It was there and gone so fast that one might've mistaken it for a trick of the light. Harry knew better. "I believe you have some explaining to do…" he rumbled.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Can I please have my laptop back?" It couldn't be… could it? Hermione tried to discretely peer at the computer screen on Harry's lap. He was having none of it and quickly twisted it about, out of sight.
"Oh, you'll get it back when I'm ready, girl."
"It's mine. I want it." Oh damn, it was.
"No."
"Give it here, Harry."
"I'm not quite ready."
"I don't give a flying house elf, Harry James Potter. Give it here!" Hermione's hair had begun to frizz in her impatience; and her face had turned a delicate shade of pink. Harry was unimpressed.
"Language, Hermione. Or should I say… what was it…" He glanced at the screen before clearing his throat and continuing, "Right… 'FrzzyGryffindorGrl757'?"
"I don't know… who is… I mean… that could be…" she stuttered, fanning her face rapidly.
He raised an eyebrow and her shoulders slumped in defeat.
"Oh all right. It was me. But who told you to go snooping about on my personal computer anyway?"
He ignored her, "So I googled my name, Hermione, and up came the usual 'Harry Potter Seen with Alien' and 'The Secret Life of Harry Potter' et cetera et cetera but, you know what else came up?"
"'Breaking News: Harry Potter has Severe Short-Term Memory Loss?'" she asked hopefully.
He smiled indulgently. "Close but… no. Actually it was 'FrzzyGryfindorGrl757's Harry Potter Slash Fanfiction.' Do you have any idea what that is?"
"Uh no, never heard of it. It's probably something inconsequential and not controversial at all."
"Well, I didn't know what it was but it looked bloody consequential and controversial to me. Snape, Hermione? SNAPE? Are you out of your ever-loving mind?"
She immediately became defensive. "He's got a nice bum, you've got to admit."
"H-his bum," Harry spat out, "is not the point, Hermione!"
"Well it wasn't just Snape you know."
"Draco Malfoy is not much better! And, wait a minute, since when was I gay? I like girls. I kissed bloody Cho Chang."
"Mmhmm, of course you're straight," she said in a kindly voice that told him that she did not believe him at all.
"I am."
"That's what I said."
"But you don't believe me."
"Well, of course I believe you, you silly boy. That's why it's called fanfiction. Because it's not real… unless it is. Real, I mean. But then I guess it would be nonfiction and it's not called 'Harry Potter Slash NONfiction', is it?" she reasoned.
"Again, not the point! There should be no Harry Potter Slash anything!" he bellowed, face flushed.
"Oh, Harry. Don't be so dramatic. Nobody reads them anyway. We're at Hogwarts for Merlin's sake. The majority of the people here doesn't even know what a computer is, much less own one."
Harry frowns.
Looks up and to the left.
To the right.
Wrinkles nose.
Nods.
"I suppose you're right…" he grudgingly allowed. "But, really, that's kind of creepy."
"Oh it's all in good jest, Harry. Have a sense of humor will you?" Hermione said smugly, happy that she had won.
It was during that most inopportune moment that Seamus Finnegan walks into the Common Room and upon seeing Hermione asks,
"Hey, when's 'Potion Master Meets Spell Caster' going to be updated? I want to know what happens at Snape and Harry's wedding!"
"My WHAT?!"
Oh hell.
FIN