Disclaimer: This series is intended as in-between vignettes of my other fanfic, Of Life and Lemonade, so in order to understand it, you probably should read that one first. Since that one is Amelia-centered, this series will focus on the other characters that pop up. Slayers is owned by very talented people who make all the money. No harm is intended.

Spoilers to chapters 12 & 13 of Life.

Chapter 3

Best in Show

"You're kidding me, right?"

Xelloss stood in the middle of a huge hall – or auditorium, more like it – on a vast blue carpet, staring up at the huge bleachers set up on three sides. At the fourth side, an enormous blue curtain hung from the rafters and reached down to pool up on the floor. Workers were standing by, clearly waiting for his direction.

"What did you think it was, Xelloss-dear?" the gorgeous blonde woman wondered, scratching behind the ear of the Alaskan Malamute seated obediently by her side. She was dressed in a light blue business suit, and her long flowing hair cascaded in waves down her back. With her free hand, she patted him on the cheek, and her many bracelets chimed with the movement. "I told you that I didn't trust anyone to pull this off. You can get it done."

"Yes, Mother," he grumbled as she walked away, and he heard several of the workers whispering about the 'M.I.L.F.' that was sauntering away. He silenced them with a withering glare, and they scurried off to find something to do to appear busy.

Xelloss couldn't believe his stupid luck. The 'little award show' that his mother had planned was actually an all-out affair, and had he been paying attention for the past four years, he would have known that his mother's firm was backing the biggest dog show in Saillune. This was the Fourth Annual Ruby-Eye Cup, and owners, breeders, and handlers from all over the country would be flooding into town in a couple of days.

It had started out as Xelloss had thought: his mother had all her corporate friends in a silly little competition and had handed out trophies and ribbons to the winners. The next year, they had added a talent section to the show, and required that each dog complete a time and agility course as well as perform well in the exhibition. One stipulation that Zelas had insisted upon was that the dogs did not have to be purebred or even AKC certified, which was looked upon as almost scandalous. She endured. By the third year, Zelas had worked out the kinks, and purely by word of mouth her award ceremony had become an instant hit with the corporate crowd. The men and women also used the time to make acquaintances and seal deals, all the while urging their dogs to run through obstacle courses and show off their perfectly placed paws.

Of course, Xelloss tried to stay away from it all, but it had been easier a couple of years ago. Back then, he had been pleasantly occupied with a certain young woman who had caught his fancy. The time he had spent with her had proven useful because his absence forced his mother to find someone else to be her 'go-to guy'. Ever since then, however, Zelas had relied on him to do her bidding more and more often, the dog show being the latest in a series of self-humiliating fiascos.

"I'm a lawyer, dammit, not a dog show host," Xelloss grumbled as he stalked off to find the foreman. He squashed whatever pleasant memory he had dredged up and buried it beneath the mountains of dog crap he knew he would be wading through over the next few days.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ladies and gentlemen," Xelloss announced to the cheering throng of people seated in the bleachers. He was wearing his tuxedo and bow tie, and was sweating under all these harsh floodlights. Reading from an index card, he prepared himself to be his mother's dog show host. "I'd like to welcome you to the Fourth Annual Ruby-Eye Cup!"

He wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

All the while smiling, with a flourish of his arm towards the huge hanging curtain, he beckoned forth the dogs: Border collies, German shepherds, Poodles, Weimaraners, Terriers, Bloodhounds, Akitas, Bishon frises, Shih tzus, Pomeranians, Greyhounds, Retrievers, Boxers, and dozens of others, even some very interesting mixed breeds.

The animals ran beside their handlers, and if it could be said that a dog and its owner resembled each other, it could also be said that a dog's personality and its handler's personality fit together as well. With smiles and lively steps, the humans and animals ran around in a huge circle around the auditorium.

Xelloss, thankful to finally be taking a seat, found his way to his chair at the announcer's table. His job was to open and close the show, and act as the color commentator for the broadcast of the event. Why the hell would his mother ask him to do this? He didn't know the first thing about dogs, much less shows.

"Hi, Mister Metallium?" A young woman with large blue eyes and green hair held in place with a headband was waiting for him at the table. He tried not to stare at her bizarre hairstyle, short and wavy with two huge curls hanging down on either side of her face, but he figured she might be trying not to stare at his hair as well. She stuck out her hand, and when he took it, she shook it heartily.

"Wow. It's an honor, really," she gushed, and he could almost see hearts in her eyes. Taking his hand back, he allowed her to pull out his chair so he could sit down. To his dismay, she sat in the seat beside him. "Oh, by the way, I'm Martina Navratilova. My father's been coming to the Ruby-Eye Competition for the last three years. He's the one who owns the Greyhound there."

She pointed to a small lean dog running beside an older gentleman with long wavy black hair and a pointed moustache.

"Is that your father?" Xelloss asked, despite the fact that he was not enjoying his current predicament. He hadn't meant for it to come out that way, but the man looked nothing like this girl. She beamed and nodded, however, as she handed him his headphones. The surrounding noise was immediately muffled when he placed them over his ears, but when she spoke, her voice rang clear through the headphones.

"Father's ambitious, but he didn't think he could win until I pushed him to enter. I've been covering the show for the last couple of years. Oh, we're on in ten? Okay, Mister Metallium…"

"Xelloss."

She giggled. "Okay, Xelloss. Here we go… Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to the Fourth Annual Ruby-Eye Cup. I'm Martina Navratilova, and I'm joined here by Xelloss Metallium. This is an exciting event, wouldn't you say, Xelloss?"

He hadn't seen the camera roll up before them, but Martina was smiling pleasantly at him after addressing the lens. Used to pressure, he pasted on his smile and answered her.

"Yes it is, Martina. You can feel the anticipation in the air, and I see several entries here that had graced us with their presence last year." Of course, he didn't know who they were, but he had overheard his mother mentioning something of the kind to him while she was babbling all about this thing.

"Right you are, Xelloss. Returning for another round is the Shih tzu 'Boomerang' owned by Mimi and Nene and handled by Mimi, the standard Poodle 'Silver' owned by Carrie and handled by Hallas, and the Bloodhound 'Zahaad' owned and handled by Sarina. These are just a few of the beautiful entries that we have here today."

At a loss for what to say next, he figured on stating the obvious. "Mimi and Nene are twins, right?"

Jeez, he felt so stupid. But there was Martina, never missing a beat and picking up the thread he had tossed to her.

"That's right. They hail from a small town on the outskirts of Sairaag…"

The show became easier after that, and Xelloss was grateful for the girl's presence. She had a tremendous knowledge of the event that was supplemented by pages and pages of notes, which she sorted through every now and again, dropping one or two in the process. Xelloss had to retrieve the lost pages at least five times throughout the day. He didn't mind. It kept her occupied, and he was actually learning something new. Of course, it was something pointless to him, so he hardly expected any of it to soak in.

Apparently, these were the preliminary rounds where the entries were whittled down to the top five dogs in each category: sporting, non-sporting, toy, working, hound, terrier, and herding. The agility trials consisted of a huge course of jumps, tunnels, an A-frame, and a slalom that the dogs needed to navigate as quickly and cleanly as possible. The handler's commands were key to their performance since they needed to memorize the order of the obstacles. Cheers and screams tended to dominate that portion of the event. The show section was more low key, but just as important. Obedience was essential since breed standards were not judged.

While all this was fascinating, Xelloss found himself wanting to fall asleep. Thankfully, during the down times between each category, Martina brought him to the holding area behind the huge curtain, where the dogs were kept and groomed until their turn on the carpet.

If he had thought that this was a friendly exchange between friends and rivals, he was sorely mistaken. Hardly anyone was smiling, and it seemed as though tempers were running high.

"I don't know where it is!" Nene was yelling at her sister. One hand was on her hip, and the other was on a CD player, which was open, but empty.

"You were the one who was supposed to bring the CD. Now what's Boomerang going to do to relax, huh?" Mimi countered, crossing her arms in front of her chest and staring her down. She was a rather imposing sight in that Chinese dress with her hair up in pigtail buns.

"I brought it! I just don't know where it is!"

"That doesn't help us, does it?"

"Well, maybe we should just do it ourselves, then," Nene suggested.

After several moments, Mimi relented. To Xelloss' surprise, the two women knelt beside the Shih tzu, who was resting on a pillow in her crate, and they began to sing to it.

"They did that last year, too," Martina commented haughtily as they continued on. "It's sad what some women will do to attract a man's attention."

Xelloss glanced back over his shoulder, and sure enough, several of the young men had wandered over to listen to the women sing. This wasn't looked upon too kindly by one of the nearby owners, and the older woman was pulling one man away forcibly by the ear.

"What kind of example is that for you make, you simpering toad? What would my daughter say if she saw you skirt-chasing like that?"

"Carrie, it's not like I'm engaged to her or anything…"

"Hallas, you fool! I'm not going to be embarrassed by some young whelp. You're supposed to be taking care of Silver…" she continued ripping into him as she dragged him away.

Xelloss felt a slight tug on his arm, and was surprised to see Martina latched onto his elbow, apparently trying to take him away from the chaos. He tried to hide his disappointment: he had wanted to see a fight occur and offer his services to whoever paid more. Oh well. Perhaps next time.

She led him through the aisles of crates, and he was able to see many of the dogs up close. One, in particular, struck him as an interesting specimen. It was a small pug, light brown with dark markings around his nose and eyes, as well as the tips of his ears and tail. It was ugly enough to be cute.

"This is Frank," an older gentleman said in a gruff voice as he scratched behind the dog's ear. He was dressed in a standard black suit and was very nondescript, except for the sunglasses. Xelloss thought it was a bit over the top to wear shades indoors at a dog show.

"Hi, Frank," Xelloss said to the dog, with his hands behind his back. To his horror, the owner picked up the animal and held it out to him.

"This is one feisty bastard, let me tell you. He'd as soon piss on you as bite your hand, but get him into the competition, and he'd beat them all."

"That's nice…"

"Now take the agility trials. He can corner on a dime and is faster than any of these pups… Oh, damn. Sorry 'bout that. Told you he'd as soon piss on you…"

Xelloss had to abandon his jacket and shirt after the dog relieved itself on him, and he sent someone to get them dry-cleaned for the next day. Dog pee was something he'd figure he'd have to smell at this event, but just not so close. At least the tux was a rental. He even got Frank's owner to pay for it.

After changing into his tan shirt and using his black suit jacket, Xelloss rejoined his partner at the table. Martina apologized to him and spent the rest of the show taking the reins after he showed her how much he disliked being urinated on by one of the contestants. Of course, he also realized that she was trying to impress him, and he was very keen to let her have her way. After all, if he could do his job without really doing his job, all the better for him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Xelloss barely had enough time after the show to drop by one of the local malls, blow fifty bucks on a necklace for Amelia (a very nice choice by the salesperson, by the way), and make it to her house before Zelgadiss had left. He couldn't really count on the man to stay for any length of time anywhere there was a lot of people, but luckily for him, Zel was still there. After dropping off the gift, he was able to meet Martina at the restaurant for the drink she had promised him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"And welcome back to the Fourth Annual Ruby-Eye Cup! What a great turnout we have here today, Martina."

"Right you are, Xelloss. Today is the final judging of each class, and also the judging for the Best in Show. Our top picks for today are as you might imagine; Boomerang, Silver, and Zahaad make repeat appearances, but newcomers Wegman and Pocket will surely give them a run for their money. One surprise that we have, though, is your pick, Xelloss. Frank has made it into the finals."

Xelloss fought off a glower at the mention of the pug, and smiled instead. "I think that animal will have a tough time with the pee-rs in his category, like the Shih tzu Boomerang, but he's a little pis-tol who they shouldn't count out. He ap-pea-rs to be a fine specimen. You're in for a treat with that little pug."

Martina stared wide-eyed at him before regaining her composure and returning to her commentating. He saw a grin tug at her lips as she tried to give the stats on the dogs, especially Frank. A brief flash of another woman's gorgeous face with a grin fighting its way onto her lips stunned Xelloss, and he blinked several times to clear the image from his mind.

Why? Why now, after all this time was he thinking about her?

Xelloss tried to concentrate on the task before him, and ever so slowly, he pushed the blonde back into the dark corner of his mind where he had shoved her so many months… years ago. That woman was no longer in his life, and he was actually glad for that fact. With a forced smile, he returned his attention to the show.

The best of the best showed their stuff in the final runs of the agility test, as well as obedience training, though one precocious terrier lifted its leg and then jumped on the judge. 'Blackjack' was summarily disqualified. Breed standards were not judged, per the Cup rules, but overall appearances were taken into account.

After all was said and done, Frank had beaten all the dogs for Best in Show. He had won over the likes of Silver and Boomerang, sending their owners into fits. After the awards ceremony, Kay, Frank's owner and handler, strangely disappeared with the dog, the trophy, and ribbon before anyone could interview him, but no one remembered seeing them leave. Martina was not pleased, but she chalked it up to his bad temperament. Apparently, she was a budding reporter, and her father's connection to the show had landed her the spot of covering the event.

A huge banquet in the nearby hall was set up, and the human crowd was able to mingle and chat with each other over a scrumptious dinner, catered by the great Ashford. Zelas finally cornered her son and congratulated him on a great job of hosting the show.

"I honestly didn't know much of what I was doing, Mother," he grumbled to her, though she hardly seemed to be paying any attention to him. Her eyes were roving over the hall. "Miss Martina seemed to know more of what was going on than I did."

"You did a wonderful job, dear. That Navratilova girl was a real find, wouldn't you say? Her father's supposed to be here, and we were supposed to go over a few things… Ah, there he is. If you'd excuse me, my dear."

"Of course."

With a sigh, he glanced at his Rolex and realized that he was going to be late for dinner with Amelia if he didn't get a move on. Before he could take two steps, though, Martina stepped in front of him, hearts in her eyes.

"Oh, Mister Xelloss, that was a great show, don't you think? You did such a great job of choosing the Best in Show."

"I don't think being urinated on would be considered choosing…"

Her giggle cut him off. "That's not what I meant. I know that you were kind of pushed into this, but you did a great job not knowing much about the subject."

"That's my job, Miss Martina. I treat everything that happens as if I already knew it was going to happen, whether or not I actually did. Lawyer's secret." He winked, and she almost swooned.

"Wow. I don't know how you do it. As a reporter, I'm usually supposed to treat things as if they are new and exciting."

Her big blue eyes were wide and adoring, not quite like Amelia's. More like…

Damn.

"It's simple," Xelloss said, cutting off the path his mind was taking. "Why don't we discuss it over a couple of drinks." And you can try to forget about her while you're at it, a voice told him, but he ignored it.

Besides, he justified, how could he pass up the chance to make a new acquaintance, especially one so willing to please as Martina? Perhaps he could figure out a way to swing this whole experience to his advantage after all. He led her away to the bar, figuring that Zelgadiss could take control of the situation at dinner for him until he arrived. Amelia could wait for a while. She would be in good hands with his anti-social friend.

***************************

A/N: 'M.I.L.F.' is an abbreviation found in 'American Pie' that, while crude, is actually kind of funny in Xelloss' situation. It stands for: 'Mother I'd Like to F…' And if anyone has seen that movie as well as 'Best In Show' the actress who plays Stiffler's mom is the same actress who plays Sherri Ann. Jennifer Coolidge is so funny… ^_^ By the way, can anyone identify our mystery guests in the fic? (Outside of Xelloss, Martina, and Zelas.) Chocolate goes to whoever can guess all nine of them and where they came from!  @_@

Special thanks to those who've reviewed! Kaeru Shisho (I'm glad you liked Val. Xelloss is always fun to play with, so I think he will make a few more appearances. He's so wonderfully self-serving, but subject to his mother's whims. He's got to have an Achilles' heel somewhere. ^_^), Valk (Thank you! The chapters with Xelloss tend to be a little more light-hearted, so until I get to his more complicated story, we'll get to see him in less than perfect situations. ^_^), katy (Wow. I'd like to say that I picked the stores up from Hawaii, but I didn't. They're just two stores plucked from any mall and positioned in a way that fit me. Or maybe I'm just psychic… Just kidding. ~_^), Phizzy-chan (Hey, thanks! Zel will have his own chapter, but since he is my leading man in Lemonade, his story will come out in that fic instead. But that doesn't mean that I won't have him pop up in this one, especially when I get into telling a little more about his relationship with Xelloss and Gourry. And thank you for the chocolate! My favorite!!! ^_^)

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