Rehabilitation
Chapter 3 – Group Therapy
"Remy feels like a preschooler." Remy said to Logan and Scott as they sat down 'pretzel-style' in a circle on the thick mats that lined the floor.
"Remy, how would you know? You never went to preschool." Scott replied.
Logan snickered with him as the therapist walked in. "Alright, ladies, and gentlemen. Today we are just going to talk about motivations that fuel addiction. We're going to go around the room and each of you should name the thing that makes you want to do the thing you're addicted to most."
"My mom was verbally abusive." The first woman said. "And now I'm an alcoholic."
"I just like being high. Also, drugs make my wife less ugly." A man said after her.
Next up was Winona. "Shopping excites me sexually." She glanced over at Remy and batted her lashes. "Almost as much as dominating a man."
And then there was Logan. SNIKT! "I was cut up and stuffed with metal and then turned into a living weapon. But, to answer your question, I drink because I can't sleep with that man's wife." He pointed at Scott with his claws. "And damn…she's a looker. He outranks me, so I have to deal with his orders and the fact that my super-sharp hearing picks up on his giving the woman mediocre sex, at best."
Scott blasted the mat in front of Logan. "My WIFE is not into bestiality, Logan."
"I am!" One of the other patients said. She shot a sexually charged grin at Logan, who suddenly became very silent.
Remy, Not wanting to miss out on the fun, quickly interrupted. "She's also not into mind blowin' orgasms, or else she'd come t'Remy."
Scott rolled his eyes. "You are such an arrogant bastard, Gambit. You act like you're God's gift to women and some sort of sex god. You don't even call most of them afterward."
"Oui, but did y'ever consider da reason dey all end up stalkin' Remy? It ain' cause Remy's in love, Scooter." Remy said back.
"Ya gotta point, Gumbo." Logan said, laughing. He looked over at the female therapist leading the session. "Once you've had black, you never go back. Once you've had Remy, you lose your mind and spend the rest of your life trying to find a way back to his dick."
Scott shrugged. "Like it's hard."
"It's very hard!" Remy said happily. "Why ya t'ink dey keep comin' back?"
"That's not what I meant!" He yelled, embarrassed.
The instructor quickly stood up. Ring! Ring! "That's the safety bell! Each time I ring it, we all need to stop talking and consider how the things we say can hurt others." She looked flustered as she wrote a few things down. "Now Chris we'll start again with you. What makes you feel the need to abuse drugs?"
He shrugged and looked down, as if embarrassed. "My little sister…sh-she owns the Gilmore Girls on DVD." Everyone gasped and gave him sympathetic looks. "I just needed away to escape from the endless, pointless banter, so I turned to heroin."
The therapist calmly nodded. "And did that solve your problems?"
"Yes, actually, my sister got pissed off at me because I stole all her money to buy drugs and moved out. Problem solved." He replied. Remy and Scott were muffling their own laughter as the therapist rolled her eyes and turned to Scott.
"Scott, what makes you feel like you need to drink?" She asked.
"Well…" Scott began. "I'm the leader of a team of dysfunctional superheroes, half of which are murderers and half of which are females who all manage to get their periods at the same fucking time. One of them disrespects my orders and tries to fuck my wife, who has died and come back from the dead to kill us all, then reverted back to her Martha Stewart-like self more than once. At some point, she picked up a foot fetish, and uhh…my son is older than me."
"Oooooookay, Mr. Summers." The therapist said.
"I'd kill myself, if I were you." Winona said.
Ring! Ring!
"Shut your mouth, whore!" They all looked over to the tall, man-ish woman known as 'Freddie,' who had apparently taken somewhat of a liking to Scott.
Ring! Ring!
"Whore?" Remy perked up. "Y'may be fucken' nuts, but Remy does like his whores. Maybe y'could come up to mon room later?"
Ring! Ring!
"SHUT UP!" The therapist finally screamed. "New rules – you don't speak unless spoken to." She sighed. "Now, Remy Lebeau, tell us why you feel like you need to drink. Other than the fact that you're under the leadership of Mr. Summers."
"In ol' one eye's defense, Remy never got dumped in Antarctica when he was around." Remy smirked and sighed. "Remy drinks 'cause it's fun. Been drinkin' since I was jus' a petite."
"Your parents let you drink as a child?" The therapist asked.
"Mon pere runs da biggest organized crime ring in da world. Not to concerned wit Remy's drinkin'." The therapist's eyes temporarily widened.
"Surely, something happened that turned you from a social drinker into an alcoholic." The woman said.
Logan began to laugh softly. "Gumbo married the craziest bitch any of us ever met when he was just a little guy." Remy gave Logan a dirty look.
Ring! Ring!
"Correction!" Scott suddenly chimed in. "Crazy, yes. Craziest, no." Remy and Logan knew what he was talking about. "We have one ex trying to rope him into marriage, one dumping him in Antarctica, a crazy spirit that is jealous, Lili Penrose and their homemade porn, and, who can forget Jubi—" Scott froze in horror as he realized what he'd just done.
"WHAT?" Logan growled and lunged at Remy, who rolled out of the way quickly. "How dare you, you lazy, good-for-nothing son of a bitch!"
Ring! Ring!
"Now, boys, remember that words can cause a lot of hurt." The therapist said.
"Not as much as these!" Logan said, waving his adamantium claws at Remy.
Ring! Ring!
"Remy's sorry!" Remy shouted as Scott pulled Logan backwards.
Ring! Ring!
"Sorry? Sorry you took her innocence!" Logan shouted.
Ring! Ring!
"Non, Scottie done dat da last time Jeannie died." Remy said, smirking at Scott. "What da fuck is dat noise?"
Ring! Ring!
Logan turned on Scott, who ducked and slid across the floor behind Remy, peeking over his shoulder like a little boy. "I didn't know she was a virgin!"
Ring! Ring!
"Get out of the way, Gumbo. I can go around you or through you, and right now, I've got a preference for through!" Logan growled.
Ring! Ring!
Ring! Ring!
Ring! Ring!
Ka-BOOM!
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Legal Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, Girl Interrupted, or Winona Ryder.
Next Chapter: 'Venting Feelings…The Healthy Way'
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