Rehabilitation

Chapter 4 – Healthy Outlets

"Ooh, baby"

"Ooh, baby" Scott echoed Remy.

It's makin' me crazy! (It's makin' me crazy!)

Everytime I look around
Everytime I look around (Everytime I look around)
Everytime I look around
It's in my face!

Logan growled and attempted to sit up. His hands had been taped in a fist to each of his sides, and he was in a straight jacket. Remy, and Scott were both equally effectively restrained. "What the fuck are you doing?"

A nurse came in, and helped Logan sit up. Remy and Scott were sitting next to each other, Remy resting his head on Scott's shoulder, and Scott's head against Remy's. "We had to sedate all of you…they seem to be having a reaction."

A few minutes and a couple of songs later, a doctor came in and sat at the desk. "First of all, I think you should all be aware that this is a violence free institution. Another outburst like that and…I'll probably have a breakdown of my own and you'll all end up in jail for the remainder of your sentence. And after the years I spent in the pen, I can assure you that all of you are too hot to be in jail."

"Wait a second!" Scott said. "Did you just say we were hot?"

"And that ya spent time in jail?" Logan added.

The doctor shrugged. "This place is paid for by the state. I'm not really allowed to work with normal people. Registered sex offender thing…no kids around here!"

"Oui, mon ami, but y'can't deny dat Scottie got boyish good looks, eh?" Remy laughed as the doctor looked over Scott and smiled.

Scott gave Remy a hurt look and quickly attempted to change the subject. "So, how about that therapy?"

The doctor looked at him with disappointment and then went back to his papers. "First question is for you, Scott. How does it make you feel when Logan says he wants to have intercourse with your…wife? You're married?"

"Yes." Scott snapped. "And how the hell should it make me feel? I wish I could kill the bastard. I literally have dreams about it, and I wake up all sweaty from dreaming about fighting."

"That's funny." Logan said. "I wish I could fuck your wife. I too have dreams, and wake up sweaty from dreaming about…"

"Dat's doubly amusin', cause Remy also dreams of sexin' Mrs. Summers." Remy said. "Remy t'inks all da X-MEN do, an' a couple of da X-Women too."

"Remy!" Scott said. "It's not my fault your woman hates you. Move on!"

"Non!"

Logan began chuckling. "Gumbo can't take a hint, can he? I mean the whole Antarctica thing was a really big hint. That and her various stints with metalhead."

Remy's eyes were approaching a new shade of crimson. "Whatever, Wolfie. 'Least nobody picked Scott over me." He snickered. "Mags offers her touchin' an' sorts of other t'ings. What da hell does Scottie give Jean? Bad sex, and she still prefers him!" He sighed and sarcastically rolled his eyes, forcing his voice to go higher as he mimicked Jean. "Bad sex or Logan? Bad sex or Logan…Bad sex!" Scott began to laugh at Wolverine, who scowled. "Why y'laughin, Scottie? Y da 'bad sex' part o'dat!"

"So…" The doctor interrupted. "You guys have a lot of unresolved feelings. Tell me about this Jubilee. Logan is possessive of her?"

"Oui." Remy said. "Remy got a thing f'Asian chicks. Nice bodies, right, Scott?"

A bright smile appeared on Scott's face, then faded as he met Logan's eyes. "What was I supposed to do? She didn't tell me. It's rude to pop a girl's cherry and then stop! They get really pissed off!"

Logan and Remy started laughing as Scott suddenly became embarrassed. "Remy wouldn' know. Remy always does his job. As da great leader, y'should appreciate da fact dat spreadin' mon seed around is a man's most important job!"

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"Okay…group counseling did not work, so we're going to try something new." The doctor said. "We're going to paint!"

"PAINT?" The three exclaimed.

"Yes." The doctor said. "I want you all to paint something that will make you feel better about what happened today. You have the rest of the afternoon."

Seven Hours Later…

"Alright Scott," The doctor said. "What did you paint?" Scott flipped his canvas around proudly and the other three men looked at it blankly. "What is it?"

"A painting of the X-Men, without Remy and Logan. That would solve so many of my problems." Logan and Remy laughed at the painting. It was horrible! Just blobs of paint everywhere.

"Hey Slim," Logan said laughing. "Thanks for reminding us you're colorblind."

"And an asshole." Remy added.

The doctor sighed heavily and went on. "What about you, Logan?" Logan flipped his canvas over. Instead of a painting, he had painted the phrase "Reasons I am an X-Man." On the canvas, with bullet points

-Might get to fuck Jean someday

-Don't want to miss anymore impromptu trials

-Betsy's ass

- Rogue vs. Remy, my favorite boxing match!

-The gleam on Xavier's bald head

-Women in tight uniforms

-Blowjobs from Ororo

-Protection for Jubilee from horny jackasses

"Hey!" Remy said. "You try datin' a femme wit super strength."

"You aren't dating." Scott said. "You never really have. That's a sad dream that'll never come true. Idiot."

"Shhhhh!" The doctor said. "Alright Remy, what did you paint?"

Remy smirked and proudly spun the canvas around. It was a good painting, one Von Gogh himself would envy. In the painting, Jean was on her knees in front of Remy, Remy was making out with Rogue, and he had a hand on one of Jubilee's breasts. And, of course, they were all naked in it.

……………………………………………………………………………………

By the time the nurses managed to sedate Logan and Scott, most of the second floor and some of the first floor had been slashed, charged, blasted, or otherwise damaged. In the midst of the intensely violent chase, Remy slipped into Winona's room and asked her to hide his masterpiece, then found Freddie and told her Scott was looking for her. Scott was ambushed and very nearly violated by the woman while Logan, following Remy's scent, somehow ended up in the women's bathroom.

Pissed off women vs. Adamantium?

Those bitches beat him down. He eventually ended up sedated and restrained, as did Scott. Remy was found hours later, groggy and naked between the sheets of a bed he'd screwed a nurse in. When the three finally ended up in the same room, Logan just growled.

"Why?" Scott said. "Why do you get to live like that?" Scott asked Remy, who seemed triumphant and quite pleased with himself.

"God saves his bad luck up and gives it to him all at once." Logan said. "Remember this the next time something ridiculously tragic happens to Remy. Frozen to death? Blind? Y'had it comin, Cajun!"

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Legal Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, Girl Interrupted, or Winona Ryder.

Next Chapter: 'Logan's Private Session'

Comment!

utsuri – Of course he can, despite having a significantly less loyal following than almost any other X-Man, Scott Summer cannot die!

BlkDiamond – I'm glad you laughed. I'm waiting for somebody to flame me for making fun of addicts, ahahaha.

Gia – thank you!

BJ – I was bored. And I wanted something more interesting. Something that said, 'I like Remy…to suffer for my amusement!'

Inantiodromia – Hahaha, my inspiration for this is the fact that I've been in alcohol rehab for three days. It's pretty fun for the most part, except for the food. I'm going to have a chapter about rehab food later.

Tokyo Fox – Fair? If those naked men were running around naked, it would be a public service, not a crime:D

dizi – That's a hilarious idea!