Rehabilitation

Chapter 9 – Scooter

Logan frowned.

He woke up before his roommates and assessed his rather horrible situation. The always-horny Remy Lebeau was acting like a small child in a big body. And Scott!

Scott was just an asshole.

He sighed and nudged Remy, who was curled up under the covers like a little boy, sleeping rather innocently. "Uh-uh!" Remy moaned, his eyes still closed, as he rolled over and pulled the covers over his head. Logan rolled his eyes and flipped the mattress over, sending Remy to the floor, where he simply rolled himself into the covers and went back to sleep on the floor. Logan growled and turned to Scott, who was sporting a hard-on that was clearly visible under the thin sheet. Logan nudged Scott.

"Fuck off, y'retarded animal." Scott said to Logan as he sat up. Scott saw his hard-on and walked out the door toward the bathroom, making no effort to hide or be embarrassed by his appearance. Of course, he never made it to the bathroom. On the way there, he ran into Freddie, the man-ish woman who had developed a bit of a crush on Scott. She spotted Scott's erection and yanked him into the janitor's closet.

Scott, unaccustomed to dealing with the sky-high (literally) arousal, closed his eyes and ignored what he knew was a horrific sight as hairy legs wrapped around his waist in the dark closet. Freddie, who was much weightier than any other woman he'd been with, threw him off balance. As he tossed and kicked cleaning supplies out of the way, the only thing he could think about was relieving the intense need. It was more intense than, say, every ounce of common sense, brainpower, and inhibition. And then, as he recklessly copulated with the ugly woman, something occurred to him. He wanted her to acknowledge him.

"Scream for me!" Freddie's low-pitched, guttural moans could be heard out into the hallway and hit Logan's ears. Logan shuddered and then decided against saving Scott, knowing he'd be able to mock Summers about this for years.

"NO! Scream my name!" Scott said loudly enough that people were beginning to poke their heads out from their rooms to investigate the source of noise.

Growing impatient and close to release, Scott feverishly moved his hands and mouth over the furry body, searching for ways to make her yell louder.

When it was over, Logan opened the door and found Scott sprawled out in an uncomfortable position with the woman. "Cyke!" He said smirking. "What have you done!"

Scott turned his head and briefly came to his senses. He stood up and put his pants on, saying nothing as he walked back to their room, where they found Remy, still sleeping on the floor rolled up in the sheets. Scott quickly returned to being an asshole. "Hey Gambit, get your human burrito ass up unless you want me to cook you with an optic blast."

"Easy, Scooter." Logan said.

"Fuck off." Scott said harshly. He grabbed the end of the 'Cajun Burrito' and dragged the groggy mutant into the hallway and then into the stairwell. Logan simply watched as Scott gave the sheet a tug and dumped Gambit down the stairs. "I never did like you, Remy." He said as Remy toppled down a couple of stories of stairs.

Logan leapt over the stair railing and hauled Remy to his feet. "Y'alright, Gumbo?"

"Oui." Remy said, steadying his lean figure. "How did Remy fall down da stairs while sleepin'?"

"Hey motherfucker!" Scott yelled from above them as a huge spitwad nailed Remy. "I did it."

Logan suddenly got a brilliant idea. He ushered the impotent Cajun and the horny Scott back to their room, then tackled Scott, holding a pillow over his face.

"Whatcha doin'?" Remy asked.

As if on cue, a tesseract opened and Sinister stepped into their room. "Ha!" Logan said. "I knew it!"

Sinister's eyes narrowed. "This was a trap?"

"Fuck yes." Logan said. "With Scott's women, there is no chance in hell he should still be alive. Someone, somewhere, would have to care enough to save his retarded ass when he gets into trouble. And let's face it, the only redeeming trait about Summers is in his nutsacks."

"So I monitor Scott's well-being. Your point?" Sinister asked.

Logan fell to his knees. "Fix them. Please, I'll do anything!"

Sinister's eyes drifted to Remy, who was despondently wiping blood from beneath his nose, and Scott, who was standing in the doorway watching women go by. "Why is this in my best interest?"

Remy looked up. "You outta see where y'priceless Summers DNA ended up earlier."

Logan picked up on Remy's line of thinking. "He had unprotected sex with an ugly, hairy, non-mutant in the janitor's closet earlier."

Scott suddenly disappeared and Sinister followed him. "Scott, we need to discuss the future or your DNA."

"Okay." Scott said. "In the very near future, I hope to put it in a very hot little whore on the second floor."

Sinister sighed and grabbed Scott, sticking a syringe into his neck. Scott fainted on the spot and Sinister dragged him back to the room by the collar of his neck.

Sinister closed the door and crossed his arms, looking highly annoyed and very agitated. "First and foremost, I am not a benevolent doctor and have no interest whatsoever in your happiness. I do not do favors, I do not run errands, and I do not exist to save you IDIOTS from whatever trouble that you find yourselves in."

Knock knock knock!

"WHAT!" Sinister boomed, the sound shaking Remy to the core.

Susan Jones opened the door and strolled in. "These men are not permitted to have visitors."

"Get out if you value having dignity." Sinister threatened.

Remy made a sound that most resembled 'giggling,' and then interrupted. "She ain' interested in dignity."

Sinister confusedly looked around, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Then Susan stepped closer to him and got inches from his face. "As these men will tell you, I don't take kindly to being disobeyed."

Sinister flashed his razor-sharp teeth at her in a vicious smile. "They could tell you much worse about me."

"No!" All three patients said in unison.

Suddenly adopting the demeanor of a sad puppy, Sinister's expression softened with disappointment. "Someone…is a more evil doctor than I am, the Great Mr. Sinister? Nonsense!"

"Perhaps you'd like to handle this over a session in my office?" Susan said.

"Remy got fifty on Sinny." Remy said.

The three were having an argument about which crazy physician would come out victorious. Scott was convinced that, since Susan was a hot piece of ass, she'd win.

Watching the entire situation unfold with a level of amusement that he didn't dare reveal, Logan considered the fact that Remy's personality was largely based on the fact that he was horny all the time. Without his horniness, he was sweet, gentle, even meek.

Not like Gambit at all. In truth, he actually missed his friends.

…………………………………………………………

Sinister laid down on the couch, feeling oddly cooperative. Plus, if he played her game and won, he would be able to maintain his reputation as a crazy, mean old doctor.

"So Nathaniel."

"Do NOT call me that. My name is Sinister. Mr. Sinister." He said, sharply.

"That's almost cute." Susan replied, equally sharply. "But not quite, Nathaniel. Why exactly do you expect people to give a damn with a name like that?"

He sat up and angrily looked into her eyes. "Why exactly do you feel qualified to tamper with my patients? I practically OWN Remy and Scott."

"That's funny, they didn't mention it during our sessions. Just a lot of rejection. I don't think they like you." Susan said, sarcastically. "They probably just think you're ugly."

Ugly? When was the last time Essex had ever been called ugly?

When was the last time another doctor actually crossed him?

"BITCH!" It erupted from Sinister's mouth loud enough that the three X-Men heard it. While two patients and one animal-like mutant laughed at his plight, he began yelling. "Bitch, bitch, bitch!" Essex hadn't said the word in so long it felt almost foreign. He stood up and walked over to her desk and pushed her down back into her chair when she attempted to stand. He recklessly threw his right foot onto the chair between her legs and then used it to roll the chair closer to him. "Sinister knows exactly what you need."

"Yeah?" She said. Essex used his strong leg to catapult the chair into the wall. Susan hit her head and fell to the floor.

"Yes. A good beating would do you well." Sinister said.

"You can't be serious!" She yelled.

Sinister crossed his arms. "The penalty for interfering with my patients is my misogynistic wrath."

Susan stood up and pushed Sinister, barely budging his massive figure. Then she threw her body into his.

Sinister felt a syringe plunge into his back, then felt everything in his body go crazy at once. "Woman!" He growled, partially sedated, partially aroused by the strange drug cocktail in his blood.

……………………………………………………

When the X-Men came back from dinner, they knew something had gone very wrong.

"Bad woman." Sinister was curled up in a fetal position in the corner of their room, his uniform torn to bits. He was using a pair of scissors to cut hundreds of tiny cuts into the leaves of a plant.

"Shit." Remy muttered. Sinister held out two syringes with labels on them. A few seconds later Remy and Scott had hormones injected into them and Sinister slowly stood.

"So she won, eh?" Remy asked.

"No." Sinister said. "While she proved to be a challenge, I have solved your problem."

"How?" Scott asked.

Sinister handed him the plant. "I transferred her psyche into this ficus. And then I urinated into the soil."

Scott dropped the plant, which spilled on the floor. "That's sick! Won't that hurt the plant?"

"Why else would I want to piss in a houseplant? Is that something that X-Men do?" Sinister asked.

"Only when nobody else is watchin'." Remy said.

Scott slapped Remy on the back of the head. "He didn't mean for you to answer that, moron…Hey! The ivy in my bedroom is dying!"

"Remy got nothin t'hide!" Remy said, smiling deviously.

Sinister rolled his eyes. "How it is that Remy can be that powerful and that asinine at once is beyond me." He opened a tesseract and turned to them. "If you perverted ignoramuses could keep it in your pants, I wouldn't have just been given the opportunity to inject you with whatever I please."

"Wait, you DID fix them though, right?" Logan asked.

"Among other things." Sinister said as he slipped through the portal and disappeared.

The three men stood around the plant. Scott finally put his hands on his hips. "Somebody has to clean that mess up."

They both turned to Logan, who flipped them off. "No way, you're the fuckwits that needed his help. I am NOT touching Sinister's piss. End of discussion."

Scott and Remy looked expectantly at one another.

"Hey, Cyke, if y'clean dis mess up, Remy'll forget y'fucked Bigfoot dis mornin'." Remy said.

"DEAL!" Scott yelled. He stood over the mess. "Getting peed on by Sinister…Ha! Take that, SuperBitch!"

"Very mature, Scooter."

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Disclaimer: Don't own Marvel. If I did…Jean would be dead forever, Emma would be evil, and Remy would get a decent woman.

Revelations – Ha, yeah. I'm trying to slowly pull them together.
utsuri – Pity? Remy exists to suffer for our amusement, my dear.
Tokyo Fox – Back by popular demand in this chapter! Wasn't my original plan, but this is definitely more fun. Much thanks!
Kitsu Lebeau – Glad you like it.
dizi – Who do you pity now? Remy or Scott? On one hand, Remy's lost without being lead around by his dick. On the other, Scott having sex with ugly strangers is pretty gross too.
Chylea3784 – Wheeee! Thanks. I think. I like strange.
Doza – Originally, it had a line from Scott that read like this. "Remy! You said you hated Sinister and this is not looking like hating! Bad Cajun! Back to Antarctica with you!"

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