Rehabilitation

Chapter 11 – May I Borrow…the soap.

"Hey Scottie, y'got any soap?" Remy asked, as he grabbed a bottle out of Scott's bag.

"I love it how you'd already taken it when you asked." Scott said.

Logan grinned. "I love it how you cheated on your wife. What a good example our leader seats for us! If y'don't want Jean though, you know where to drop her off."

Remy snickered as he walked down the hall with his towel under one arm, and Scott's shower gel in the other.

"I'm never getting my soap back, am I?" Scott said.

Fifteen Minutes Later…

Ka-Boom!

Scott opened the door into the hallway and noticed bubbles floating all over the hallway and sniffed the air. Kiwi. "Gambit, you son of a bitch!"

Logan crossed his arms and leaned on the wall as Scott stood at the door of the bathroom. "Cyke, what the hell are you bathing with?" He sniffed the air and shook his head. "Some kind of fruit?" Scott glared at him; Logan grinned and laughed. "Wait, not that kind of fruit, the kind that grows on plants."

"Uhh…yeah." Scott said nervously. "Just something I borrowed from Jean."

Logan smirked and pointed to his nose. "Jean uses strawberry. If there's one thing I know, it's what your wife smells like." Scott frowned.

Remy sauntered out into the hallway, a towel around his waist. He walked up to Scott and stood about three inches from his face. "You. Are. Gay." Remy said.

Scott shrugged. "So what if I like that? It's good for my skin and…stuff." He felt increasingly uncomfortable as his teammates stared at him. "Why am I even having this conversation with you two? We're all lucky if Logan manages to use soap and Remy…you're a fucking nutcase, that's really all there is to you. Neither of you would understand."

Remy pouted. "Wooks wike Scott misses his widdle kiwi!"

Just as Remy finished his cruel teasing, Winona opened the door to her room, stepped out into the hall, and smiled deviously. "I smell kiwi." She walked to Remy and licked a few stray water droplets off his chest.

"SEE?" Scott yelled.

"So let me get this straight." Logan said. "If I smell like a fruit, strange, forceful women will come flocking to me?" Scott nodded. "Then, we need to get Icecube some of this shit when we get home."

"AHEM."

They turned to see Essex standing behind them.

"As much as I enjoy watching my specimens interact, did any of you happen to notice that it is 10:30?" Sinister said.

"And?" Remy said.

"And." Sinister said. "You were supposed to be in my office an hour ago."

"Desole, Sinny." Remy said. "Remy forgot t'do something."

"What exactly did you forget?" Scott asked.

"This!" Remy said, pulling the towel off and mooning Sinister, who simply arched his left brow and threw his coffee on Remy. "Ow!" He yelled. "Y'damn crazy…madman!"

Scott sighed. "Alright, let's get this therapy thing over with."

"Give me five minutes" Sinister said.

"What for?" Scott asked.

Sinsiter grinned. "I need to go to the little ficus room."

Logan punched Scott in the arm. "Why the hell did you have to ask?"

Five minutes later, the three X-Men sat down on the couch in Sinister's office and stared at him. There were several moments of uncomfortable silence as Essex stared off into space. "I have a question." He said. "Why can't you three live through something normal people manage everyday? Thousands of flatscans survive drug rehab everyday without the intervention of powerful mad geniuses."

"Ha, who y'callin' a genius?" Remy said.

"Not you, obviously." Scott said.

Logan sighed and leaned back, closing his eyes.

"Do they do this constantly?" Sinister asked.

"Yeah. Always the same. Remy teases Scott, Scott insults him, somehow I get involved, and things go south." Logan replied as the two ignored the banter between Scott and Remy.

"How do you make them shut up?" Sinister said, observing them with a look of panic.

SNIKT!

The room became dead silent.

"Well, that's good to know." Sinister said. "Just in case Remy and Scott ever converse while in captivity in one of my labs." Remy shivered. "Now, now, Remy. Don't look so depressed; you're highly unappreciative of your time with me. Now, all you have to complete is the exit interview."

"Den we can go?" Remy asked, his eyes wide. "Ask away, Remy ready to go home!"

"Alright." Sinsiter said, looking down at a piece of paper. "Were you properly taught the physical effects of excessive alcohol consumption?"

"Healing factor." Logan said.

Scott shrugged. "Don't plan on living that long, anyway. Someone will kill me someday. I just hope I can be as lucky as Remy, and have my death orchestrated by my own teammates. I just don't think I could handle death by enemy!"

Remy flipped him off. "If Remy gets cirrhosis, he knows you'll just clone his liver. Right?" He looked up at Sinister, who began to furiously tap his pen.

"No." Sinister said. "I'd harvest your semen and hope for more intelligent offspring." Remy frowned, then suddenly became very pensive. "Tell me you aren't actually thinking, Remy."

He thoughtfully rubbed his chin. "Where would y'be puttin' Remy's seed?"

"Jean Grey, definitely." Sinister said. "Given the choice, I would simply convert her to a walking uterus. However, that whole Phoenix thing is a little bizarre, and, frankly, I don't quite fancy the idea of having her turn my lab into a crater."

"Hey! She is my wife!" Scott said.

"What the hell is the next question?" Logan asked.

Sinister leaned back in his chair and put his feet on the desk. "Do you understand the negative effect alcohol abuse can have on your personal lives?"

Logan tilted his head. "Is that a fucking joke? Alcohol is far less severe than 'having your extra skeleton removed and reattached' or 'hot Asians' or let's see…not being able to fuck Jean."

Sinister looked at Scott, who shrugged. "Apocalypse used to be my mental roommate. That's more damaging than an entire truckload of hard liquor."

"Tell me about it." Sinister said. "Remy…do I even need to ask you this? You're just going to say something asinine."

"Antarctica." Remy said.

"Do you honestly believe that's a reasonable answer for EVERYTHING?" Logan asked.

"Oui."

"The X-Men did attempt to murder him" Sinister noted.

"We've done that about thirty times over the past month." Logan said. "Wanting to kill Remy is a natural part of living with him."

Sinister grinned. "I kept him on an adamantium chain. Very effective."

"We should try that." Scott said.

Remy groaned. "Can y'just hurry up with these questions? Remy wants to go home!"

"I don't know why. Your woman is going to beat you senseless when you get there." Sinsiter said. "Not that anyone, anywhere could blame her. I question your intelligence in regularly angering a woman who could beat you into nothing."

"Remy not interested in y'advice." Remy said. "Y'not famous for women."

"I'm a gynecologist and a breeder. I know more about women now than you ever will, Lebeau." Sinister said. "I can't remember the last time one of my sexual partners abandoned me to freeze to death."

"Hahaha!" Remy said, sarcastically. "Y'so funny!"

"Can we just get this interview over with?" Scott said.

"And just why are you looking forward to going home?" Sinister said to Scott. "You cheated on your wife. Even I'm scared of her, and I can just clone my body."

Scott suddenly cowered. "Holy crap. Do we have to go home?"

"Yes." Sinsiter said.

"What if we drink lots?" Remy asked.

"Too late." Sinsiter said. "I've already signed your papers."

Logan emitted a sigh of relief and stood. The last thing he saw as he left Essex's office was Scott and Remy pleading to Sinsiter for his mercy and the ability to stay at the rehab center.

………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Next Chapter: The End!

Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel.

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