She loved Harry Potter. She thought that it'd be something Earth Shattering. Something amazing, passionate. Something that one day would drop from the sky and hit her on the head with a flash of fireworks. She didn't expect it to be a sudden realization while reading her favourite book in front of the fire. But she was a rational girl, and she rationalized. Nothing in her life went her way anyway, she was the Brain. Rational Girl. The last resort. The one who was always left behind.
Oh, she knew well enough, that being Hermione Granger did award her some allowances. She got to spend time with him…and the annoying redhead they both called a friend. Shaking her head, she laughed. A very cynical, jaded laugh for someone of her age. But then, she was never normal was she?
When she first received her Hogwarts's letter, she thought that she was finally going to have friends, surrounded by people like her. As an only child, with both parents working, she never actually developed the skills needed for social interaction with other children her age. She was always surrounded by books, her parents weren't quite prepared for a child in their lives, and treated her like a little adult. Precocious as she was, she started reading early, at the tender age of three. And when she had heard of the Wizarding World, she read all about it, knowing in her heart that finally, there was a reason why she was ostracized by her peers in school, teased and made fun of. But alas, her ideals were shattered when she met a young blond boy on the train by the name of Malfoy.
Hermione, as a person of abundant intellect knew that 'mudblood' wasn't a very pleasant term to be called and his tone made it sound even worse. She knew right then and there that this was going to be just like school in Whitfield Primary and Grover Elementary School.
Fortunately, soon after, she met Harry Potter. The-boy-who-lived. Or as he called it, the-boy-whose-name-was-bloody-hyphenated much like his enemy, The-git-with-the-terribly-convenient-middle-name. But, neither he nor his redheaded friend with the many freckles wanted to be her friend either. She was left behind again. It took a bloody battle with a goddamned troll for them to become friends. Otherwise, she was certain that nothing else in this world could have joined them together.
Them. The 'golden' trio. Easily stereotyped enough, She was obviously the Brain, Harry, the Hero and Ron was the Sidekick. Harry, like the rest of the Hero's would end up with the beautiful damsel in distress that needed rescuing from the evil overlord. And she? She'd probably end up with Ron. No one asked what she wanted. No. She was just there. It took till fourth year before either of them even saw her as a girl, and when they did. Ron ruined it. As usual, what did she expect from a boy with the emotion depth of a teaspoon.
Of course, Harry'd never ever find out about her feelings. But she didn't want to be left behind, and she didn't want to end up with Ron either. She and Ron would kill each other, and besides, Ron would find someone else in the due course of time. On the other hand, she knew that she only had place for one person in her heart. And that person just happened to be taken.
She sighed and walked over to the window and the picture of the night sky. They were in the middle of the countryside. The stars were brighter than in London, where she and her family lived. Her two boys were upstairs fast asleep, exhausted after she dragged them through what must have been two hundred over books on the founders, looking desperately for hints on what the Horcruxes might be. They had a list, the most obvious being Tom himself, the Diary destroyed by Harry in the Chamber of Secrets, A cup belonging to Helga Hufflepuff which was last seen in the possession of the Malfoy Family, a locket that belonged to Salazar Slytherin, Nagini, Marvolo Gaunt's Ring (Destroyed by Dumbledore), and finally either the Sorting Hat or his wand which is in Gringotts.
All they had to do now was find and destroy them. The world looked so peaceful, the muggle world seem so safe in comparison. But, she knew better, the muggle world was already showing signs of unrest, a reflection of the war ongoing in the Wizarding World, with the bombings recently, the hurricanes in America, the mines exploding in China and the Bird Flu pandemic and SARS. The war was leaking over and no one was safe anymore. Innocence, she knew that she certainly didn't have it anymore, neither did Harry or Ron or Ginny. All of them were tainted, they saw too much, too early. What was supposed to be the happiest time of their lives, their worst worries homework or an evil professor. What they got were literally evil professors, trying to kill them or torture them. For example: Quirrel, Snape, Umbridge, Fake!Moody… It said something when one of their best DADA teachers was a werewolf.
Her dreams haven't been happy since Dumbledore died and everything fell to pieces. Both her and Harry had been taking Dreamless Sleep Potions to sleep every night, it was either that or exhaustion and fortunately, there was enough of that to go around. She wasn't addicted to it…yet…
How long could this war stretch on? Would they ever know peace? The war had already taken its first casualties nearly six years ago during their First year, Quirrel, then Cedric, Sirius and now Dumbledore. More and more people on the light side were dying and Riddle seemed to be getting stronger each day.
It seemed only fitting to her that she realize her true feelings for the bloody boy-who-lived during a war. It was unfair that he was the only one who could defeat him. He let slip the prophecy a few days ago, after Dumbledore was killed by the man he trusted, Snape. Personally, she was horrified, but Ron thought it was brilliant that his friend had another power that could defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Immature git. One would have thought after what happened to his brother, he'd sober up a bit…
Hermione walked up the stairs, switching off the lights as she went up. She gently opened the door of the bedroom the two boys shared and entered. Harry looked so innocent and peaceful at rest, nothing like the man who had the fate of the world resting on his shoulders. She motioned to tuck him in, the covers slipping off his body in the middle of the night, while he tossed and turned. On the other hand, Ron was as active in his sleep as he was in the day, his blanket was on the floor as was his bolster. She shook her head and picket up both his blanket and bolster, putting his bolster next to him on the bed and tucking him in, much like what she did with Harry.
She left the room the same way she came in, quietly. It got harder and harder for her not to cry these days, the stress was putting pressure on them all. She knew that she had to put her feelings for him on the back burner for a while and concentrate on the war effort. Hermione shook her head, she better think about his after the war, better to concentrate on survival now, instead of her feelings and less important issues, not related to either the death or destruction of Voldemort and his Death Nibblers.