Professor Severus Snape sat in his dungeon room feeling a little annoyed. Once again those dunderhead students had almost trashed his potions room making a huge mess. It was all the fault of that Longbottom boy, and Harry Potter. Snape felt comforted that no matter how bad things got in his life, he could always blame a Potter. That was what they were there for. Snape knew that he was starting to stew in his own juices, and in his case, those juices were greasier than most. He knew exactly what he needed to feel better. He got up and went over to the muggle stereo that he had smuggled into the school and put on his new favourite song. For some reason, it reminded him of, well… him. The music started to filter through the room, and as it did, a beatific smile lit up his face and he started to sway to the music.
Hohh
Here come the men in black
It's the mib's uh here come the mib's
Here come the men in black men in black
They won't let you remember
Nah nah nah
The good guys dress in black remember that
Just in case we ever face to face and make contact
The title held by me mib
Means what you think you saw you did not see
So don't blink be what was there is now gone
The black suits with the black ray bans on
Walk in shadow move in silence
Guard against extra terrestrial violence
But yo we ain't on no government list
We straight don't exist no names and no fingerprints
Saw somethin' strange watch your back
Cause you never quite now where the mib's is at
Uh eh
Yes, that was him, he was the man in black. He started to hop around his room, his feet doing intricate little steps as his arms made dangerous motions in the air. He saw himself in the part. He was cool. He was slick. He had grease in his hair. He was a super-spy who walked in silence and no one- absolutely no one could predict when the Snape in black would sneak up behind them. His dance got more energetic.
Here come the men in black men in black
Galaxy defenders oho oho oho
Here come the men in black men in black
They won't let you remember
No one would remember the Snapinator. He was a machine. He could tear down his enemies in a single flash and before they could say 'Tommy Lee Jones' they were obliviated. He started to do a little jumping twirl to the music, his robes streaming out around him. Suddenly he went into a split on the floor, twisted his feet around him and spun on his back, feet in the air. He was breakdancing and no one could drag him down!
Aha aha
Now from the deepest of the darkest night
On the horizon bright light enters sight tight
Camaras zoom on the impending doom
But then like boom black suits fill the room up
With the quickness talk with the witnesses
Hypnotizer neuralizer
Vivid memories turn to fantasies
Ain't no mib's can I please
Do what we say that's the way we kick it
D'ya know what I mean
I see my noisy cricket get wicked on ya
We're your first last and only line of defense
Against the worst scum of the universe
So don't fear us cheer us
If you ever get near us don't jeer us we're fearless
Mib's freezin' up all the flack
What's that stand for men in black
Uh eh
This was the part that always made him so happy. He was the only line of defense. He strode where others feared to tread. He was powerful. He was a lean mean sneaking machine, and no one dared to jeer at him anymore. Finishing up his breakdance, he got up for his favourite part of the song.
The men in black
The men in black
Let me see ya just bounce it with me
Just bounce with me
Just bounce it with me
Snape bounced.
Come on let me see ya just slide with me
Just slide with me
Just slide with me
Snape slid.
Come on let me see ya take a walk with me
Just walk with me
Take a walk with me
Snape moonwalked the length of his room.
Come on and make your neck work
Now freeze
Snape bobbed his head like a madman, hair grease flying all over the room, when he wrenched his neck and froze. Pain shot through his neck and shoulders as he yelped in shock and surprise. Maybe he was getting a little old for this. He grasped his head in the back and by the chin, and with a sickening pop, regained his ability to bob.
Ohhhhhoh
Here come the men in black men in black
Galaxy defenders ohh ooohh
Here come the men in black men in black
They wont let you remember oh nohh
Alright check it
Let me tell you this in closing
I know we might seem imposing
But trust me if we ever show in your section
Believe me it's for your own protection
Cause we see things that you need not see
And we be places that you need not be
So go on with your life
Forget that roswell crap
Show love to the black suit cause
That's the men in
That's the men in
Snape continued to dance around his room repeating over and over again the words "show the love… show the love". After all was he not universally adored? Was he not Snape, the one teacher who held the house cup for more years in a row than anyone else? Was he not the greatest, sneakiest, greasiest, most beloved super-spy in existence?
Here come the men in black here they come
Galaxy defenders galaxy defenders
Here come the men in black oho here they come
They won't let you remember won't let you remember
Here come the men in black ohh here they come
Galaxy defenders oho oho oho
Here come the men in black
They won't let you remember
As the song ended, Snape flung himself onto his sofa, dripping with perspiration; exhausted but happy. He knew who and what he was. He was the Snapinator. He was the last hope of wizardkind. He was the uber-spy who could walk where others feared to tread, silent and deadly. He put the 'hunk' in 'phunk'. He was the man in black.