Hey Jupiter

By Lynn Osburn

(Disclaimer: All characters are property of Buena Vista television and Disney. The title is from a song by Tori Amos entitled Hey Jupiter)

No one's picking up the phone
Guess it's me and me
And this little masochist
She's ready to confess
All the things that I never thought
That she could feel

People always assume things of Destain. They assume he was old, impossibly old. They assume he was a haggard old man who enjoyed the sadistic torture of his underlings. Some of these are true. I can tell you after all…

I used to be his.

Allow me to paint a picture for you. Imagine a man, tall, imposingly so when you first see him. You see no yellowed skin or sharp teeth, but he stands before you with the complexion of rich red earth. Set bellow deep, introspective eyebrows are fierce, terrifying violet eyes that look you over, hunt for your soul as if waiting for it to surface, waiting, so that he could grab it and hold it captive.

Or keep it safe.

Another assumption, he started raping me the day I entered the Citadel doors. Not true. His attractions to me are necessary, convenient for those who call themselves writers so that they may paint the picture of a used, weakened child in the grip of a pedophilic madman. But laws change with time. What was legal then and what is so now comes into play. I belonged to him. I was an orphan, rejected by my mother because I showed no magical promise worth her time. As far as any law might be concerned, I was his property, as good as a slave, none would have risen to defend me if I had tried to escape. In all likelihood, I would have been returned chained and beaten back into his arms.

Yes he took me. He took me many a times, and not always kicking and screaming. I was 15 the first time. Young yes, but women through out time have been married younger to men older and no one thought them put upon, no one through their husbands pedophiles. Do not misunderstand. I do not defend my mentors actions. I do not applaud them. But being alive for almost a thousand years can give you time to accept and acclimate.

And I say to you now. I learned the lesson that many before me have been taught. Use what you have to get what you want. I knew what I had from the moment he first put his hands on me. I knew. I was afraid, alone, no one to look up to but this estranged, man who had taught me to control the flexing powers inside me. He had taught me magic. He had put power in my hands and showed me what I was capable, showed me that I had the potential to be more than some street rat stealing to survive. For that I am…thankful.

I am not sure that makes what he did to me right. But it is what happened.

He did not shove himself in the first night. When you assume, you make an ass out of u…and make me laugh. Destain was gentle, caring even. He showed me my body, something I had hardly dared to explore for myself. Let me remind you of how he could have been. Let me remind you that I was a slave, a person of no standing, no rights, the property of whoever could afford to keep me. Even as a potential sorcerer, no other wizard would recognize me as such until my mentor endorsed me.

Destain was a different person as a lover than as a teacher. A strict taskmaster and perfectionist, any mistaken translation of ancient runes or wrong ingredient in a spell and he would say nothing. He would let me see how my mistake would play out, and if it happen to raise a demon from the ninth level with a taste for male flesh than so be it. He would strike me for any backtalk. And his eyes, those terrifying eyes. I felt them creep beneath my skin more than once. Distain's magic was that of the mind, he could dive inside my head and swim for hours. I could not lie to him. I could not hide any thoughts if he chose to make me speak.

I think that, in the end, that is why we became lovers.

I mean, how could he not know?

After all you can't make someone gay.

He took me, and it hurt at first. But I learned to give rather than be taken. I learned to receive, to touch, how to wait and how to be what he wanted. He enjoyed mind games, ones that didn't involve his powers. He liked to see me tied down and writhing at his touch. Oh Destain adored knowing that he caused me pleasure. And, in a way, I like him causing it. Looking back now, I think he was in love with me.

Was I in love with him?

I doubt it.