A/N: Claiming that something is 'retarded' merely betrays a lack of political correctness; claiming that something is 'retarted,' as one reviewer has done, really speaks more to the obviously impeded intellectual capacity of said reviewer. If you're going to attempt to insult someone, at least have the common courtesy to do it properly.

Magda's boyfriend: I was only boning you to get to Mary!

Olivia awoke in her own bed, no longer confused about the difference between being dead and being asleep. She'd obviously been granted some superpower, probably as a result of her stellar police work, that allowed her to have immortality. Every time she died, she would simply wake up in an alternate situation and continue living until she died again. It was so simple – living until she died.

She sat up in bed and ran a hand through the ever-changing length of her hair. This was truly an awesome power, and she was willing to make it her priority to learn how to use it to her best advantage. She clicked on the lamp, searching for her colorful journal to cram with her deep thoughts, when she felt the mattress shift.

She glanced to her side and saw a breathing lump in the sheets. Her eyes widened in shock. She'd found a parallel universe where she was actually getting some? She knew she'd really hit the jackpot this time. She tentatively stretched a hand over and pulled back the sheet. "Elliot!"

"Uhgnnufgb." It was obvious he didn't want to be woken, but she persisted in poking his shoulder with her finely manicured yet impractical for police work nail. He eventually rolled over and mumbled, "Jesus, we've already done it twelve times tonight. You're gonna have to make me breakfast before I give it to you again."

Olivia marveled at Elliot's apparent virility and regretted that she'd been in another dreamlife while their torrid affair had been going on, but she managed to stammer, "Uh…well, then, how do you want your eggs?"

"Fertilized and inside you, of course," he replied with a grin. "You've probably got quadruplets cooking in there by now," he continued, poking her stomach.

She did feel oddly multiplied. Just as she was about to grab her instant pee-on-a-stick test to assess her status, the bedroom door burst open, revealing a disheveled Alex Cabot. "Olivia! How could you? I thought you loved me!"

Olivia gaped, wondering what kind of Witness Protection Program would allow its protectees to burst into former co-works midnight trysts, but said nothing. Elliot, on the other hand, sighed with exasperation. "Dammit, Alex, you know it's Monday, and I get to bang Olivia on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and every other Saturday. You wait your damn turn."

While Alex consulted her daily planner, Olivia had time to reflect on her good fortune. She had not one but two gorgeous lovers, and a schedule that made time for both of them. She thought, I'm gonna stay alive here for a while, as she glanced over at the bed to see Elliot and Alex tussling. "Calm down, you two. I've got plenty of love juices to go around!" she yelled.

With this statement, a tap sounded on the window behind her. A muffled voice called from the fire escape, "Oh Olivia, does that mean we can express our love too?" Olivia let the blinds drop, blocking Casey's eager face. Apparently this life wasn't all peaches and creaming.

She forgot the one-night-stand on the fire escape as she noticed that Alex was slipping into a purple strap-on and Elliot's turgid member was again fully engorged. Just before she could become the finishing touch in an ADA/partner sandwich, she heard a knock at the door. Swatting away the groping phalanges of her devoted paramours, she said, "I should get that. It could be a telegram!"

She bounced nudely to the door, throwing it open to the surprise of her new visitors. "Olivia!" was all Captain Cragen managed to say as he trust a bouquet of roses at her. Munch was at a total loss for words, allowing his jaw to scrape the floor of the hallway.

Olivia was shocked to find that she more flattered than embarrassed. "What are you two doing here?"

Munch began, "Oh, well, we were in the neighborhood…"

Cragen interrupted, "Filling our prescriptions for the little blue pills…"

"And we thought we'd stop by and see if you'd help us test them," Munch finished.

Olivia giggled like a schoolgirl. "Sorry boys, but I've got all I can handle at the moment."

The two men were visibly reduced as they trudged sadly away, but before Olivia could close the door, a foot wedged itself in the gap. "Dr. Huang?"

"Yes, I was just passing by and..." He took a moment to look her over. "You know, Freud had some very interesting theories about sex."

Olivia rolled her eyes, wanting to get back to the bedroom as quickly as possible without hurting the psychiatrist's feelings. "Such as?"

"Oh, something about mothers…penis envy…cigars…it's really not important. What is important is that I think I could help you work out your sexual inhibitions in a practical, safe and healthy manner, if you'll just allow me to step inside and remove my pants."

"I really don't think that's a good idea, Doctor."

"Oh, well I can leave my pants on and just unzip if that's…"

Olivia interrupted, "Look, this isn't a good time." His puppy-dog face prompted her to add, "You can go watch from the fire escape with Casey if you want."

He shook his head. "No, the line is already too long. I saw Fin go up with a video camera, though, so maybe he'll give me a copy…unless you change you mind about…"

Olivia slammed the door before he could finish. As she turned, the silver bracelet of one of her handcuffs clipped around her wrist. Naked Elliot grinned evilly. "Olivia Benson, you're under arrest for grand theft cardio. That means you stole my heart."

Naked Alex emerged from the bedroom. "Is she done with visitors yet? The crowd outside and I are getting impatient." Before they could adjourn to the bedroom, the three naked law enforcement officers heard a key click in the lock. It opened slowly, revealing…

"Trevor Langan?" Olivia gasped. "What are you doing here? How did you get a key? And why did you bring groceries?"

"Babe, what are you talking about I'm Peter. You husband, Peter. What the hell is going on here?"

All this was getting to be too much for Olivia. She shoved her way past the defense attorney into the hall, wanting to get away from all the nudity and adult situations in her apartment. Unfortunately, she slipped on a banana peel and careened down the stairs, snapping her neck and throwing her into…