Hey people, again, this fic didn't post on the Gravitation section. How people find it and review I have no idea, but I thank them as much as I can. Thank you readers. As I had promised, I've made a second chapter, the idea on whether Tohma should live or die still balancing itself out on the point of my mind. I've decided (obviously) and think I'll like it nonetheless. I hope you enjoy, thank you again to anyone who reads. Also, I apologize for the lack of update, my lack of inspiration has seriously increased over time and I still can't believe it took me over a month to update a supposed one-shot. Gomen. I have to say though, this fic has been comforting to write, I myself have (tried and so far succeeding) in stopping my cutting habit. It's been a month and a week, much to me and my friends' relief. Thank you for reading, arigato readers. Ja ne (later).
Disclaimer: Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami, and the song, 'Someday' belongs to Nickelback.
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Chapter Two: Someday I Will
By Invader Nicole
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Beep. Beep. Beep.
Those were the sounds that repeated themselves within the blank, white walls of the office. The fair-haired Grasper lay in the hospital bed, eyes closed to where and conscious slipping with each passing beep from the heart moniter. One of his visitors, his own brother-in-law really, sat in a chair next to the bed, watching the peaceful expression on the face of his older friend. Yuki sighed to himself, running his finger through his disheveled hair. His sister had called him earlier that day, screaming into the phone with what sounded like a sore and tired voice. All he understood from what she said was Seguchi was at the hospital and something terrible had happened. He quickly got dressed and left the house to the hospital his sister had told him they held the blonde musician.
He rubbed the bridge of his nose in agitation, when he arrived in the room he had been ushered out almost immediately by a doctor. Before he was pushed out of the room he saw why he wasn't allowed in, Tohma's whole body was literally dripping blood on the floor and his clothes, or what was left of them, stuck to his lithe figure as another doctor tried to wipe the blood away to clean the wounds. That had been about two or three hours ago, he'd only been in the room for a few minutes now, the doctors informing him it was alright if he visited as long as he didn't awaken the Grasper. Before entering Yuki asked them if Tohma would be okay, he never got an answer, only forgiving stares as the doctors turned away to attend to another patient.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Yuki glared at the heart moniter, glared at the lime-green line that zig-zagged every few seconds. He was worried it would stop beeping, he prayed to Buddha it didn't. He knew the older blonde to be annoying at times, but he never imagined this happening to him, ever. He knew Tohma was somewhat depressed after Mika had left him, Tohma had put up a facade in front of everyone, a smile whenever anyone was around. But Yuki saw beyond the charade, he knew his friend all too well, he saw passed the innocent 'Seguchi smile' that Tohma put on for almost everyone. Now Yuki wished he had talked passed the facade, passed Tohma's mask of fake cheer. He held his face in his hands, thinking about what to do when his thoughts were interrupted by a soft coughing. He looked to see that his friend had awoken.
Tohma's eyes slowly opened to form tired slits, he couldn't will himself to open them all the way. 'Am I dead yet?' he thought to himself. He turned his head to come face-to-face with his brother-in-law, Japan's best-selling author and major hottie, Eiri Yuki. Eiri Uesugi to Tohma and Eiri's family. No, he wasn't dead yet, unless heaven had angels with golden hair and eyes that held a piercing gaze. He could only wish that. Tohma sighed, trying to pull his right arm to brush the stray platinum blonde hair out of his blurry eyesight, he stopped as he noticed wires were running down his arm, needles feeding somewhat clear liquids into his body. Now that he noticed, there were many wires wrapped around him, as many bandages were wrapped around his body as well.
"Where am I?" he asked, silently scolding himself for the obvious answer.
"Your in Odaiba Hospital, you were brought here immediately after collapsing back at NG."
Now he remembered, he had tried to kill himself in his office. Something had stopped him, what though? His brain hurt just trying to remember, all he could recall was a lot of blood, lots of screaming, and a white light. A white light . . . . had he really almost been there? Had he really almost seen angels . . .?
"Eiri, pardon me for asking, but . . . what happened?"
Yuki, if possible, glared even more at the man that was almost like a father to him. His eyes softened as they gazed at the terrified and confused look of the Nittle Grasper synthesizer/keyboardist. 'He really doesn't remember,' he thought to himself. Yuki turned his gaze at the wall opposite of them, not wanting to see Tohma, for the time being anyway. He clasped his hands together under his chin, balancing his elbows on his kneecaps before explaining.
"You tried to commit suicide, in your office no less. I wasn't there, but from what I heard from the workers and what I could get out of . . . Mika, you had cut yourself all over your whole body before screaming."
'I screamed?'
"People heard you screaming your lungs out and tried to enter your office, you had locked yourself in. When they finally got the door open you ran out, dripping blood the more you ran before finally fainting on the floor. The rest is obvious; someone called 911 and brought you here."
'Why don't I remember?'
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"Seguchi?"
Tohma looked to Eiri when he called his name, not bothering to add the usual 'please call me brother.' It was obvious Eiri would never consider him a brother, especially since Mika had left, he wasn't his brother-in-law anymore. Mika wasn't his wife anymore. She had left him and he . . . Tohma gasped as memories from the past days flooded his mind. He ignored the wires, not caring if he accidentily ripped them from his skin. He clutched his head between his hands, whimpering softly to himself as he tried not to scream out again. He remembered now. Blood, everywhere. His screaming. The door opening. People screaming. Him running. Blackness consumed his eyesight and he woke up here. With Eiri.
'Why . . .Why didn't I die? Why couldn't I have left already! I don't want to have to go through this anymore! I don't want to be here! I don't want to cause anymore pa-'
Tohma found his thoughts interrupted as arms wrapped around him, holding him close to a warm body that wouldn't let him go. He looked to see, and sure enough it was Eiri.
"Don't cry anymore," the writer said in an almost emotionless tone.
'I'm crying?'
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Tohma reached his hands toward his face, tracing over the wet trails down his cheeks. He had been crying, he hadn't noticed. Eiri had, Eiri had noticed that the older blonde was crying and tried to comfort him. Tohma had a flashback of when he tried to comfort the close-to-crying writer when he said he wished to forget everything, Tohma asking in a sadly reassuring voice that he had remembered everything, hadn't he? The tables have turned, now it was the golden-haired monk/writer comforting the music president.
"Stop crying . . . brother."
Tohma pulled himself from Yuki and stared wide-eyed at him. Had Yuki just called him 'brother?'
'Maybe I really am dead.'
Tohma's thought was rudely interrupted as the hospital room door opened and in walked the last person he ever thought would be there.
"Mika?" he has his ex who stood in the center of the room.
"Tohma," she said curtly, her somewhat long chestnut brown bangs hiding part of her face from her ex-husband. An awkward silence befell the room as soon as Yuki's sister walked in, no one dared to speak despite the serious situation. Mika's indigo blue eyes scanned the NG president, making note of the many bandages tightly wrapped around his half-blanketed torso, arms to wrist, and most likely around his stomach and legs as well. She inwardly drew in from him. She had no idea about the impact her leaving him would've had on her husband. The man was physically scarred, minimally though. What was most wrecked were his eyes, he may have not cut them, but she could see a pain that would never heal. The vivid turquoise eyes she once loved were now a dull shade of fading teal, their shine lost as they stared at her. She could see tears wanting to be shed at the corners, she saw the misery she put him through.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
"I'm sorry, Miss Uesugi," Tohma finally said to break the silence between the two people he cared about the most. He looked away from the two, staring at the blanket that covered half his body, trying to resist the urge to breakdown again. "I apologize for keeping you to myself, I should have put your feelings into consideration instead of ignoring them."
"Tohma, I-"
"No, please. You had every right to leave, I hope that your happier now then you were before. I only wish to make you the happiest woman in the world, and if that is without me then so be it." Tohma finally looked up to Mika, trying to put up his facade, Mika noted. His eyes were closed in the cute curves they were usually in, smiling sweetly at her as if he'd complimented her. Mika saw past that, she could see the tears leaking from his up-curved eyes as he tried to keep his mask from breaking.
"Tohma," this time coming from Yuki. "Don't, just be yourself like you are around me." Yuki wished he hadn't said that, he could feel the room enter another awkward silence as what he said suddenly sunk in. "I didn't mean-"
"No, Eiri, your right. Again, I find myself lying to Mika, why? I don't know, but I apologize." Tohma turned to the somewhat sad-eyes look of his ex-wife, the same haunted look returning to his face as it had before. "As I stated before, I want you to be happy, that's all that matters to me. Please, be happy Mika, I hate seeing you upset."
Mika looked at the linoleum ground as Tohma stated the obvious. Of course he hated seeing her unhappy, he drove himself to this from grief. She wished she could've been less harsh now, at the moment, she just remembered being so angry with him. The doctors had told her that he had lost a lot of blood, far below what's considered lethal. If Tohma didn't try to re-cooperate at least some, he wouldn't survive.
"Mika?"
Mika looked to the person that she once shared a home with, noticing his voice sounded much softer then it had seconds ago. She tugged at the hem of her shirt before answering, "Yes, Tohma?"
"Not that it's any of my business, but is something the matter? You seemed distressed, more so than that day I last saw you."
Mika scoffed at this, her husband may have been an intelligent, manipulative, tactical man, but he was at some points naive on obvious problems. "No, nothing's wrong; my ex-husband is in the hospital and I find out he's been cutting himself until he almost bleed to death. The first thing I see when I walk in is my brother and ex hugging each other, and now I'm confused and guilt-ridden. I'm just peachy, Tohma."
Tohma looked as if he wanted to cry again, now that he noticed it, the awkward silence had started when Mika walked in to find Eiri Uesugi hugging him, trying to comfort him. Had she really been stressing when she heard the news? Had she even missed him or that of him at all? 'Is this what Mr. Shindou felt when I blamed him for Eiri being sick? Is this terrible pain I feel really caused by guilt, guilt that I had caused pain to not only my employee, my friend, but also my wife? Isn't that what I'm doing now as well?' the Grasper couldn't help but ask himself.
Yuki's eyes narrowed at his older sister, he wondered if she saw the afflictive wounds her words were causing the bishounen. He could feel Tohma tremble a bit, fully knowing the Grasper would try to keep his emotions bottled up inside and try not to break down. He knew Tohma would try to put up his already broken mask, the one that said "That's fine, I don't care" and was usually followed by a silent threat. Yuki new because he himself wore the same mask as Tohma had, more a shell really, around him after New York and before he met Shu. It pained Yuki to see his friend afraid, afraid of what, he wasn't sure. "Uruse, Mika, shut up. Why don't you just leave now, you've done enough dam-" Yuki stopped himself as Tohma held up his hand.
"Yuki . . . it's okay, Mika is correct. A stupid question, therefore I got a stupid answer."
Mika gave him a cold stare before continuing, "Tohma, I'm just saying the-"
The elder Uesugi sibling was stopped as the hospital room door was opened for a second time that hour. In walked a man with ash grey hair, a large bald spot forming at the pinnacle of his cranium, his bottle-glasses slightly slipping from the bridge of his nose every few steps as he strained his pale blue eyes to see where he was going. He pushed a cart into the room, stopping it a few feet from Tohma's bed before turning to the blonde and brunette twin-like siblings, opening the window near Tohma's bed at the same time. "I'm sorry you two, but Mr. Seguchi's bandages need to be changed right now. I'm sure he wouldn't want his brother and girlfriend here to witness this," the doctor said smiling to Tohma's supposed brother, Eiri, and girlfriend, Mika.
"We're not his-" Mika started before Yuki began to hurry her out the door, he didn't want her to finish the sentence. "Yes, doctor, we should be going now, anyway. Have a good day," Yuki bowed as he dragged his sister from the room.
"Matte, wait," came the soft reply from the blonde keyboardist/synthesizer, hoping to stop his ex-wife and friend. Yuki and Mika stared at him, expecting to say something to replace what the doctor had said. Instead they saw the window's sunlight glow around his almost pale body, casting an angelic aura around the early-thirties keyboardist, his eyes shining the brilliant aqua color they once held as he smiled at the two retreating forms. "I just want to let you guys know something. Know that, no matter what, I want you two to be happy. You've both made me happier than anyone else ever could, thank you. I love you guys so much, never forget that."
Yuki and Mika were silent, not knowing what to say for the first few minutes before smiling back to their friend, departing from the room after a few seconds that seemed to last an eternity. The doctor nodded, pleased that they had left, but walked to the hallway to make sure they didn't return. He returned to Tohma's side as he pulled back the covers to the blonde's bed, looking to the variety of medical instruments needed to put on the new bandages. "That's weird, I'm missing the scalpel, I'll be right back Mr. Seguchi, it would seem I forgot an instrument."
"By all means, take your time, you probably misplaced it on your way here. On an elevator, perhaps?" The doctor nodded, accepting Tohma's assumption before leaving the room again. Tohma sighed, he was so good at lying sometimes it was almost scary. He pulled the missing scalpel from under his pillow, staring at the gleam it gave off in the window's light. "I'm sorry Mika, I'm sorry Yuki . . . " Tohma whispered to no one as he hid the scalpel back under the pillow. "I'm sorry."
"Tohma, who are you talking to?"
The keyboardist broke from his thoughts to see he had another visitor, one only a year younger than him and having known him for quite some time. The Shuichi-like brown/green hair and cerulean blue eyes stared at him with fear and worry as Tohma looked away and took a glance at the pink bunny clutched in the man's arms'.
"Konichiwa, Ryuichi-san."
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Yuki stared at his lover as he sang the ending lyrics to their new hit song, watching with golden, lustful eyes as beads of sweat fell from Shuichi's face. The novelist noticed the singer had been dancing around more on stage, remembering the pink-haired genki mentioning that K and Sakano-san had hired them choreographers to 'please the public.' Yuki scoffed at this, practically all of Japan knew he and Shu were a couple so Yuki saw no point in pleasing the public when the public knew he was taken. Did this stop the fan-mail and rabid fan-girls from attacking he noth of them when they went out? Not in the least, he mentally noted himself to have a talk with Bad Luck's manager and producer as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, breathing in the cancer sticks wonderful healing medicine.
Nee ii koto warui kotomo subete tashite (Hey, taking both the good times and the bad things, and adding everything together)
Ni de watte umaku ikete toki o koetai (and dividing by two, and getting along great -- I want to spend my life that way)
Toki o koetai! (I want to spend my life that way!)
Yuki looked back at Shuichi as he belted out the last three lyrics to the new song, 'Super Drive.' He had to admit, it was somewhat catchy, with a hint of nostalgia hidden in it. He leaned off his usual stone wall, preparing to collect Shuichi so they could go home as usual. He stopped as he saw the 'God of Music', Sakuma Ryuichi, run onto the stage, happily carrying a piece of paper to the singer. After a few minutes of wild screams from the fans, over-joyous greetings between each vocalist, and confusion, Shuichi grinned at the audience as he held the microphone to his mouth.
"Minna genki! Good news to everyone, Ryuichi just brought me a new song by a friend and asked if we could play it for someone! Of course we will!"
Yuki leaned back against the stone wall and tried to tone out the screams of excitement, hoping it would go by quickly. He saw a tall, dark shadow approach and rest against the stone wall only two feet away from himself. He already knew it was K, the long ponytail of gold-blonde hair was obvious even in the dark as were the ocean blue cat-like eyes that seemed to glow and the smell of gunpowder.
"Good to see you here, Yuki-san."
Yuki grunted indicating that he had heard the manager as he continued to smoke his cigarette, hearing the crowds applause lessen making K's voice all the more louder through the shouts.
"You know who wrote the song, correct?"
"Ryuichi?" asked the writer, not really caring.
"Nope, it was Seguchi-san. He wrote it for Mika."
Yuki's eyebrows did the one tilt facial expression at the American, silently telling him to continue.
"He wrote the lyrics in the hospital and asked Ryuichi to give them to Shuichi, knowing he'd have a concert tonight. He asked me to invite Mika as well, saying it was for her, but to not mention that to her. She's over there, I brought her here already," K said as he pointed his thumb to the audience.
Yuki didn't need to say "which person, moron!", since it was obvious. Mika was the only person in the audience near the back that looked miserable and who wasn't cheering. He hated seeing his sister like this, yet he couldn't find himself to blame his best friend either. He sighed in agitation as he directed his attention back to the stage.
"This song is called 'Someday', written by Seguchi Tohma, keyboardist for Bad Luck. Hiro, Fujisaki, hit it!"
Hiro and Fujisaki nodded, each overlooking their own sheets given my Ryuichi, the song starting out with a dramatic violin (by the synthesizor being operated by Fujisaki) and followed by Hiro's electric guitar before Shuichi sang the lyrics filled with emotion.
How the hell did we end up like this?
Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed
And try turn the tables
I wish you'd unclench your fists, and unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this,
But don't think it's too late
Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will
Drums backed up the lyrics, the music growing in to the beat as Shuichi yelled out the lyrics to the loud melody.
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know your wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know your wondering when
Shuichi's voice softened to a lighter tone as the guitar filled in more with the drumbeat, in tune with the air guitar on the synthesizor for lack of instruments.
Well I'd hope that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up staying
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Nothings wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Hiro's electric guitar rang out in a chorus as Shuichi yelled the last lyrics, continuing into a solo to match the strong emotions being emitted by the singer and lyrics of the song before Shuichi began again.
How the hell we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror
Nothings wrong just as long as
You know that someday I will
Someday, somehow
I'm gonne make it all right but but right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
The last lyrics drifted away as Shuichi looked to the crowd for a reaction, receiving many cheers for the song he didn't even write. Ryuichi ran back on the stage and glomped the pick-haired vocalist, yelling happily how good he'd done. Yuki ignored the growing jealousy of the 31-year-old as he hugged his lover, letting his vision go to the song's receiver. Mika sat in her seat, frozen and unmoving as everyone else around her yelled for another encore song. She mouthed one inaudible word. 'Tohma', as a tear rolled down her cheek and she left the concert. Yuki fought with all his will power to follow her, knowing his friend and sister had to be alone to talk things over. He hoped it wasn't too late as the song said, he hoped things could change, today and now.
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Squeek, gomen again, I guess this won't be a one-shot or a two-shot, but a three-shot. (Insert sweat drop) Gomen, gomen, gomen, gomenasai! Apologize for lateness and hope that you guys like the last chapter, it seems I hadn't predicted the ending of this fic until a few minutes ago. Note, it's 1:54 a.m. on the 24th of April, this is how bad my writer's block is, a whole month to decide the friggin' ending. Anyway, I'm pretty sure I've decided the ending, and I pray it doesn't take me a whole month to update. Please review and ja ne. -Invader Nicole