Chapter 6, It's A Long Ride To Missouri

Beautiful Katey,

I can't even begin to describe to you why it has taken me so long to write this letter. I myself do not know, except that I was scared. Scared that you have moved on. That you have a family, a husband who loves you. And if so, congratulations. I'm sure that you make a wonderful wife. But if not, please remember me fondly. I said that I would wait for you, and I meant it. I love you, Katey Miller.

Always yours

Javier

Susie was right. He did need…..something. Katey just couldn't figure out what. She recognized the reference to the Phantom of the Opera, and it puzzled her. Javier didn't seem the type to be able to sit through and opera, but maybe he had changed in five years. She wanted to put the letter back in the envelope and forget all about it, but she couldn't. Not now, not after she knew that he needed her, that he loved her. And that she loved him.

On Monday Katey came into work and was immediately summoned to Mr. Peter's office. She knocked timidly and was asked to come in by a booming voice. Katey was nervous; she hoped she wasn't about to be fired.

"Ah, Ms. Miller, please sit down," said Mr. Peters. She did so. "Mr. Kirsch has informed me that you are a diligent worker and a cracker jack reporter. I myself have read your column a few times and I agree. Which is why I hope that you will not refuse what I am going to ask you," he paused. "I've been informed that you have a personal history with Cuba."

"Yes, I lived there for a short time." Katey said, puzzled as to where this was going.

"Then I'm sure you are aware of the recent upsets there. I'm asking you if you would accept a job to go there and report on it. Now, I'd understand completely if you refuse, since others have already turned down the job." he stopped, waiting for her reply.

"I…yes. Of course. I would love to," Katey said, with more enthusiasm than she felt. "For how long?"

"from Friday until December."

"That's….a while."

"Yes. But it was the only time that we could arrange a flight. They are very had to find these days. What with the problems the late President Kennedy started. You're free to go home now and make arrangements, if you wish.

"Yes….yes, I think I will." Katey got up from her chair, stunned that they were sending her to Cuba. This would mean a huge bonus and maybe even a promotion, but was it worth it? Well, it didn't matter now. She had already accepted.

Katey walked home, stunned.

"I should probably go home to tell Mom and Dad." she thought. And she did.

The next day Katey was in a cab from the airport to her parents house.

"Is this it, Miss?" asked the driver.

"Pardon?" she asked, she had been daydreaming.

"The red brick on with the garden."

"Yes." the cab pulled to a stop in front of her childhood home. The driver helped her get her bag out of the car and she paid him, and he drove off. Katey picked up her suitcase and unlatched the gate. She walked up to her old home, which once seemed so beautiful, now seemed incredibly imposing. The flowers that her mother usually tended to with great care were now all withered, and her father's prize cherry tress were bare. She climbed the wooden steps and put her bag down in front of the door. She put her hand out to ring the doorbell, but drew it back.

She hadn't talked to her parents in months. Her pregnancy had caused an unbridgeable rift between herself and her parents. She hadn't seen or spoken to them since Christmas. Neither party wanted to take the first step, and although they still loved her dearly, they just wanted her to be the Katey they had before Cuba. Before, she had been a straight-A student, with acceptances to the best colleges, the brightest futures. Even though she now had a very prestigious job and everything she could have ever hoped for, they still felt as if she had let them down somehow.

So Katey instead sat on the bench next to the door, and pulled her legs underneath her chin. It is early, they might not even be awake yet, she thought. I still have time. Her time ran out a half-hour later when her father came outside to get the paper and spotted her.

"Katey? Wh--what are you doing here?"

"Hi, Daddy."

He ushered her inside and she swept off her hat and coat. The house looked the same, with the beautiful crystal candleholders on the table by the stairs, and the large gilt mirror above it.

"House looks nice." she said as her mother came down the stairs.

"Bert? Bert Susie's asking if--Katey!" Jeanne Miller spotted her eldest daughter.

"Susie's here?" Katey asked. On cue, Susie appeared at the top of the stairs, wearing her lacey silk nightgown. She ran down the stairs and grabbed Katey's wrist and dragged her up the stairs

"Katey--what--?" her parents were asking.

"She'll explain later!" Susie called over her shoulder. Katey was dragged into the spare bedroom and the third floor, which had been turned into a nursery and was the only place in the house that they couldn't be overheard.

"I knew it!" Susie shrieked. "I knew you'd come and tell Mom and Dad you were going to Cuba! Ha-ha! And I'm coming, too!" Katey, who had been wandering around the room, was startled by this.

"What? No. I'm not going because of Javier. I'm going because of my job.

They're sending me."

"Ooooh, you lie." Susie said, almost happily.

"No. Really." Katey touched the crib that had been diligently set up by her father. Nothing about the room had changed since she left. The light yellow walls had faded a bit, and there was dust on the book shelf that held many children's books from the girls' childhood, but it was the same.

"Suze, they'll never let you come. You have school."

"So? I can get my work from my professors. I can say that I'm going on an educational trip, to study Cuban food. They'll let me go."

"What about Mom and Dad? They won't even let you drive. They'll never let you come to Cuba with me."

"Yes, they will. They won't want you going at all, least of all alone. So they'll enlist my help."

"Not true." Katey sat on the bed next to her sister.

"Come on," Susie stood up an grabbed her sister's hand. "You are coming with me. Susie dragged her down the stairs and into Katey's old room. She opened her closet and threw all of the clothes Katey had in Havana onto the bed,

"No--Susie."

"Yes Susie. If you're going back, you have to wear these when you get there."

"Girls!" Their mother was calling from downstairs. "Can you two come down here a moment please?" The two of them trooped downstairs.

A few minutes later Katey was sitting on the couch in the living room facing her parents. Susie had been banished to the kitchen, but Katey could see her lying on the floor, listening through the crack between the floor and the door separating the living room from the kitchen.

"House looks nice." Katey said.

"It hasn't changed." Jeanne said, not meaning to but sounding cold to her daughter.

"Katey, how's work?" her father asked.

"Fine. That's actually why I'm here," Katey paused and looked around the living room. It hadn't changed. There were roses in a bowl on the kitchen table, and the house palm was still sitting on a marble end table in the corner of the room. "My boss--the editor actually, asked me to go to Cuba. To report on what's going on." Katey watched an identical look of shock register on her parents' faces. "And I said yes. He though that I would be an asset, since we lived there."

"But--why? Katey, it's dangerous."

"Yes, but it pays well, but I'd have to miss the Thanksgiving party." Every year her parents threw an elaborate party and invited all of their relatives. Her mother looked at her strangely for a moment.

"You're going because of Javier, aren't you? That boy asked you to come back and now you're going to risk your life to--"

"Mom! I'm not going back because of him! My boss is sending me."

"Like hell he is! You were willing to throw it all away for that boy, and now here you are, doing it again! Well Katey, you can't go, I forbid it!" Both Katey and Jeanne were on their feet now, separated by the coffee table.

"Jeanne, Katey has to go. The paper's sending her." Bert tugged at his wife's hand; always the one to try to break up fights.

"You still love him, and now you're going to go back and try to find him, even though he ignored you when he found out that you were pregnant!"

"That's it. I'm going home. I'll call you when I get back." Katey said calmly and started to walk out of the room. Just then the door to the kitchen swung open and Susie walked in.

"Mom, how can you say that! Katey has put every bit of anything that reminds her of Cuba away and out of her life! And even if she did still love him, what's so wrong with that, Mom? Huh?"

"She has a life, Susie. She can't throw it away." Jeanne said, now sitting next to her husband.

"Yes, but not a good life. She has no friends, no boyfriend, all she ever thinks about is work, why can't she love Javier? She's unhappy Mom! But you don't see it! You just want her to be the daughter that you want, you don't care why! Well, she's going to Cuba, and I'm going too!"

"Oh no--" Katey left the room unnoticed. She could hear her sister and parents arguing all the way up the stairs.

She sat on her bed and thought about what Susie had been trying to say. Was she really unhappy? Not really. Everything had been fine until a few days ago. Besides her relationship with Dave, she hadn't dated much. She sometimes went out with men she met at work; she had a few friends. She dated a little, mostly blind dates that her work friends set her up with. But she almost never went on second dates; never third.

She picked up her old school uniform, a heavy, coral colored dress. Se opened up her old suitcase and carefully folded the dress and set it inside. She proceeded to do the same with all of her other old clothes, until every memory she had from her days in Cuba was out in the open. She packed them all, and retrieved her suitcase from the front hallway downstairs.

She left unnoticed; her family was still arguing. She felt a pang of guilt that she had started all of this; maybe she should have just left a phone message and then got on a plane and left.

When she got back home, she found a message from work that all of her arrangement had been made, and that all she had to do was get to the plane. She started to pack, but when she was half done she decided to go for a walk.

She walked past the small playground a few streets away and watched the children playing with their parents. She wondered what her life would be like if she had had the baby. Would she still have graduated, have gotten her job? Would she be going to Cuba still? Maybe. As she walked back to her apartment building she wasn't thinking and bumped into a woman in a furry red coat.

"Oh--I'm sorry." she said, looking up

"Quite alright." said the woman. "Oh, Katey? Oh, how nice to see you again. James, look who it is."

"Eve?" Katey asked incredulously. But it was, and James. Of all the coincidences.

"Oh, Katey, hello again." James said, appearing as if out of thin air. Katey was at a loss for words for a minute.

"Uh, would you like to come in for lunch? I was just about to make something." Katey said. The pair looked at each other.

"We would love to." James said.

A few minutes later they were sitting in Katey's living room drinking coffee. Katey was in the kitchen, trying to make pasta and garlic bread.

"Congratulations on your…um marriage," Katey said. "When was the

wedding?"

"July 24." Eve said. Katey smiled and nodded. They made small talk over dinner, and when Mr. Heckles banged on his ceiling Katey ignored it and dismissed the noise a the pipes. At the end of diner, Eve brought up the subject of Katey's work.

"Well, actually I'm going on a business trip on Friday."

"Oh, really? To where?" James asked.

"Cuba, of all places."

"Cuba? Why on earth would you want to go to Cuba?" Eve asked, laughing.

"Well, I didn't really have much of a choice. They asked me, and I said yes."

"Do you still keep in touch with your friend from Cuba?" Eve asked innocently. "The waiter. What was his name again?" Katey saw through Eve's innocent façade. James must have told her what Katey said.

"Actually, I got a letter from him a few days ago." Katey said.

The rest of lunch went off without Katey being insulted in any way. Eve and James left and Katey was washing the dishes when someone pounded on the door.

"I'm not making any noise, Mr. Heckles!" Katey called from the sink. But he kept banging on the door. Katey stopped the running water and dried her hands on a dishtowel before marching over to the door and flinging it open.

"Alright Heckles, what--"

"Tadaa!" Susie said. Katey stared. Her sister was wearing something new and completely inappropriate for New York in the fall it looked more like clothes for--

"Cuba!" Katey asked "They're letting you come to Cuba?"

"That's right."

"Why?"

"I don't even know. Finally I wore them down, and here I am. You and I leave Friday, right? Here, help me get my bags inside." Katey, lost for words, helped her sister move her three bags inside.

"Suze, how much stuff do you need? And what is in this bag, rocks?"

"No, a stove."

"What?"

"You know, one of those tiny ones, with only two burners. I want to see if I can learn to cook Cuban food when we get there."

"Susie….."

"Just go pack, Katey."

"But--"

"Just do it."

She did as she was told. Susie was making dinner when Katey walked into the kitchen.

"Are you excited to see Javier?" Susie asked.

"I--I'm not sure if I'm going to see him." Katey said, squeezing past her sister with a watering can to water the plants.

"What? You have to see him, Katey!"

"Well, I'm just not sure I will right away. I have time to think about it." Katey paused and sprinkled water over a butterfly orchid that had been a birthday present from her cousin Aurelia.

"Katey…..can't you just say that you love him?" Susie asked softly. Katey stopped, her back to her sister.

"I'll know when I see him," she turned around. "And thanks."

"For what?" Susie was stirring something in a pot and looked at her sister.

"For sticking up for me. You know I haven't gotten along well with Mom and Dad since…..a while."

"Yeah. When was the last time you saw them before yesterday, anyway?"

"Christmas."

"Wow. You didn't even go back for Mom's birthday?"

"No. I wasn't invited. Even if I was, I probably just would have said that I had to work. That's what Mom told Dad." They were silent for a moment.

"You're still their favorite, you know."

"What?" Katey sat in a kitchen chair. "No, I'm not."

"Yuh-huh. They're proud of you. They don't like that I want to be a chef. They think I should be a lawyer or a teacher or something, or else just get married."

"That's so stupid." Katey said softly. Susie shrugged and poured chicken noodle soup into two bowls before setting the table.

While they were eating they heard a knock at the door.

"Go away Heckles!" Susie yelled.

"It's your parents." Came a voce from beyond the door.

"Oh--shi--" Katey jumped up and ran over to the door. She opened it to find her parents standing there, looking severely perturbed.

"Hi." Katey said. "Eh--come in." She picked up one of their bags and set it next to Susie's.

Susie made more soup and they all ate dinner together in silence.

"Did you have a nice flight?" Katey asked.

"It was uneventful." Bert said.

"That's nice." Katey said. There was knock on the door. The girls sighed. Katey got up and answered the door.

"You're doing it again." Mr. Heckles said.

"Mr. Heckles, we weren't making any noise."

"You're disturbing my oboe practice."

"You don't play the oboe."

"I could play the oboe."

"Goodbye Mr. Heckles." Katey closed the door.

"You owe me an oboe." he said. Through the door.

"Who was that?" asked her mother.

"Oh, that was just my crazy downstairs neighbor. He always thinks we're making noise," Katey picked up her fork. "I don't mean to be rude, but why are you here?"

"I came to give you my blessing," Jeanne said. "After Susie left I realized how rashly I'd spoken, and I came to apologize and to tell you to have fun in Havana."

"Oh--I--thank you. But we don't leave until Friday."

"Well, we're going back to St. Lois tomorrow morning anyway."

"Oh. Would….would you like to stay here tonight?"

"Yes, thank you."

Susie cleaned up dinner while Katey and her parents sat in the living drinking coffee and talking calmly for what seemed like the first time in months.

"Your apartment is beautiful, Katey." Jeanne said, looking around.

"Thank you. Aurelia came and helped me decorate it when I moved in."

"It must be nice to have a terrace."

"Yes, it's nice for growing plants when it's warm, and Susie grows herbs out there."

"Does Susie visit a lot?" Bert asked.

"Yes, we go out for lunch every Saturday, and some nights she stays over before she goes to class. Most of the time she's nice enough to cook for me."

"That's nice." said her mother.

They stayed in the spare bedroom that night, and Susie slept on the couch. They left the next morning before breakfast, and Susie sat in the big blue chair while Katey was folding the blankets Susie had used the night before.

"You're lucky, you know," Susie said. "I think."

"What do you mean?" Katey put a blanket into the closet next to the

apartment door.

"That Javier loves you so much after five years. Most people never get love like that."

"Susie, I don't even know if….if he waited for me like he said he would."

"But you said that he said so in the letter."

"Yes, but…"

"Don't you trust him? Love him?"

"Yes."

"You love him?"

"I can't do this." she turned and walked towards her room. "You don't get it, Suze. You just don't understand."

Katey went into her room and lay facedown on the bed.

Katey dozed in an out of sleep for hours. How well she remembered Javier, the beautiful Cuban boy she'd fallen in love with. He had led her, sometimes kicking, onto the path of being exactly who she wanted to be. He had shown her that she didn't always have to be so afraid.

He was free and wonderful and had introduced her to the beautiful world of Cuban dance. And she had loved it. He said that she helped him, but she never saw how that was possible. He had helped her.

Katey was afraid that if she saw him, he would find out that she didn't dance anymore, that she hadn't since she last saw him. That was too painful without him being the one twirling her, dipping her, catching her.

She dreamt about him last night. She dreamt that he was next to her in bed, that he was whispering to her in Spanish. She had her hand in his ebony hair, and was looking into his warm, chocolate eyes.

"Te amo, bonita Katey." he whispered (I love you, beautiful Katey.)

"I don't know what I'd be without you Javier--" she touched his face, sure it wasn't just a dream.

But it was, and then he was gone.