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………….A half an hour later……….

Tony went down the stairs to the basement. He turned on the lights and saw someone sitting in a corner just as Gibbs said. He went back up again. Matilda wondered why he didn't go and talk to her. Then she heard the door open again and footsteps on the stairway.

Gibbs went slowly down the stairs. He thought it was just like the other time he had to talk to her.

"Emma, it's over. They will never go after you again. You will never have to change your name again. You can also keep your job at NCIS. Everyone thinks you are doing a great job." Gibbs told her.

"Did John survive?" Emma asked.

"He died. I'm sorry." Gibbs told her.

"Please say to the police that I told him that I would only talk to him if he put down his concealed gun. I don't want them investigate him more. His family doesn't deserve it." Emma asked.

"We've already talked to the police but I'll see what we can do. I can say it was just a misunderstanding." Gibbs continued.

"Who else got hurt?" Emma wondered.

"A bullet went through my arm. It's just a flesh wound but I'm going to the hospital to get it checked out. No one else got hurt. It's truly over. They got the hit man and the terrorists who ordered the hit." Gibbs said to her while he reached out his hand.

"It is over but what will happen next? Will CIA keep on paying for my job? I don't want work to be all my life for the rest of life." Emma told him while she took his hand.

"CIA made a promise and they won't back out of it. Kate and Abby are finished with their matchmaking. Adam's ex-wife died and I know you want to leave them alone. I don't think Adam was the one for you anyway." Gibbs told her.

"It was wishful thinking. I know I shouldn't take the first guy who shows interest but with my background it's hard not to. Eventually I have to tell the truth to every guy I meet and I know it will drive them away." Emma said sadly. She had thought about many things while she sat in the basement.

"The right one won't go away." Gibbs encouraged her.

"Can I follow you to the hospital?" Emma asked.

Gibbs couldn't say no but not yes either. Emma took that as a yes.

…………..A few hours later……….

"He's just fine. He said I could send you home." Someone told Emma. She had decided to stay there until he was let out of the hospital.

"Who are you?" Emma asked.

"Dr Matthew Andersson."

"A Swedish last name." Emma said astonished.

"From my mother. So what's your name?"

"Matilda…Ellie…No, I mean Emma Carlsson."

"You have a Swedish name too." He stated.

"I've only been here a year and a half." Emma told him.

"My mother and I moved here because she married an American. When her marriage failed she decided to stay here anyway. They got a daughter together so we stayed but she always said that she planned to move back and she moved back last year…Now I'm just rambling." The doctor said to her. He got a bit embarrassed.

"No but it doesn't explain why you're name is Matthew. It isn't so common in Sweden. Maybe I shouldn't ask if it's too personal." Emma wondered.

"She loved USA. She married an American and moved here. I guess that is a good enough explanation." Matthew answered.

"I guess it is…If you're married then I shouldn't talk to you." Emma said finally figuring out what they were doing. She was so bad at this. She had never been on a date in her whole life and never ever talked with a guy like this. It must be so dark that he couldn't see how she looked like. She didn't think she was beautiful and her personality had changed so much the last year and it wasn't for the better, Emma thought.

"I'm not married and I've never been married. Just engaged once but it never worked out. I'm just a 33 year old guy searching for Mrs Right. What about you?" He told her.

"Never married or engaged. I'm 28 next month." Emma told him. Then they heard a peep.

"I have to go. So do you work at NCIS?"

"Yes."

"That explains why you had such a hard time saying your name. Many undercover missions then?" He said while he got up.

"You can say so." Emma said while smiling.

……………An hour later…………

"If you're still here when my shift ends then maybe we can get some coffee." A man asked her. Emma didn't recognise the voice but when she looked up she saw it was the doctor from early on.

"I don't drink coffee…I mean yes of course."

"Then you can drink whatever you want." The doctor said amused over her initial answer.

"You have a lot to learn about me." Emma said amused. She wondered if he would react the same way as everyone else when she told him she only drank water, milk and only tea when she was sick. She wasn't a health freak but she thought it was wrong to drink alcohol and coffee. She was glad he could put a smile on her face. Emma couldn't help but to think that was the kind of man she wanted but as soon as she would tell him her past he would run as fast as hell. Right now she tried to block out what would eventually happen in the future. Enjoy the moment as people would say.

…………..A year later, Tuesday the 19th of August 2010……………………..

"It's a big day today. Your one year anniversary." Kate said happy for her friend.

"Don't remind me. Today we're going to celebrate and on this weekend I'm going to tell him the truth. It'll be so hard but he seems so serious about this. I don't want to lead him on anymore." Emma said a bit worried about what would happen to tonight.

"You're not leading him on…How serious do think he is? You were really hesitant when he asked you to move in with him in April… He is madly in love with you." Kate continued. She tried to say the right things but she felt the wrong things came out.

"And it almost crushed his heart when it took me two months to say yes. I have so much to explain to him. He's so patient." Emma said thinking about how great he was.

"He's one of the most patient guys I know. You waited four months to become intimate with him." Kate told her.

"Good thing it is only us here in the interrogation room…Anyway I never told him why we had to wait four months…He doesn't know about my therapy sessions and my past. I wanted to celebrate with him when I didn't need more sessions last month. It's hard not sharing everything with him." Emma said with a little smile.

"I wonder if you are prepared for him popping the question." Kate asked her friend. She worried how Emma would react if he did ask her.

"I'm hoping he won't ask. It'll destroy everything I've planned. I've planned this weekend for two months, since we moved in together. Everything has gone so fast that there was never an opportunity to tell him this in my way. I've met his whole family and he's met mine. We've travelled together and are planning for the future. I've got so carried away." Emma said feeling so guilty.

"It's called happiness. Our break is over. I hope everything will go well tonight." Kate told her. Then they left the room. Gibbs came walking down the hallway.

"Emma, we've been looking for you. They are here now. It seems more serious than we thought." Gibbs told her.

"Emma, what's going on?" Kate said worried. Emma hadn't told her anything about a matter which was serious.

"Major politics…A short version is that what happened to me never got reported to the Swedish government. They are wondering what else the US is hiding and the whole EU is now wondering the same since it could happen to their citizens too. It isn't helping that I'm on CIA's payroll and working here. I didn't want to worry anybody." Emma apologized.

"You can't keep everything a secret. You should tell your friends and Matthew." Kate said to her.

"Tell them for me because this can take a long time…I can't tell Matthew until he knows the background… I have to go." Emma said starting to walk quite fast.

…………………

Kate and Gibbs walked back to the office.

"Hey…We're taking bets on whether Matthew will propose or not. Everyone is guessing yes so it isn't much fun right now." Tony told them since he saw Gibbs seeing him with money in his hand.

"No bets here. I've told you that." Gibbs said before slapping him. Tony put down the money in his drawer.

"I think he'll do that too. I'm just afraid they'll break up this weekend." Kate told them.

"Why?" Abby asked.

"She's going to tell him everything then. Today she is also going to be interviewed by people from our government and EU I think about what has happened to her. She is now major politics. She will probably tell him about that too. Emma wanted me to tell you about today's events. I just want her to have a good life but her life seems always to be extra difficult." Kate said feeling bad for her.

"Matthew is special. He won't leave." Abby said very sure.

"I hope you're right." Kate said sighing.

"Let's go back to work. You're going to talk about this tomorrow too so let's not talk too much about this today." Gibbs told his team.

…………………..The next day………………

"So what happened?" Kate asked as soon as she saw Emma in the morning. She had waited for her call but Emma hadn't called her last night. Kate thought it meant Emma said no.

"I said I needed to think about it. I don't want to say yes until he knows everything." Emma clarified to her.

"Why didn't you start to tell him yesterday?"

"I couldn't…I hurt him too much by just saying what I said. I want to show him every document and the video so he will fully understand. He should know everything before he marries me." Emma continued.

"So if he takes it well you're going to say yes?" Kate asked.

"There is no doubt in my mind." Emma said with a little smile.

"That's great."

"Tell the rest that they'll find out next week if they've won their bets. I have to go." Emma said before hugging her friend. Kate knew she needed a friend right now but also time to think all alone.

………….Friday the 22nd of August……….

"Ok, you said this weekend was very important. I changed my schedule for you so let's start." Matthew said thinking she had planned something special for their one year anniversary. He had planned the actual day and now he was happy Emma had planned the weekend.

"There is something really serious I need to tell you. Several serious things. You should listen and ask when I've explained everything…" Emma said to him. Then she took a deep breathe.

"I can probably not get pregnant and breast feed…I've had several plastic surgeries…I'm going to tell you why and it is a very long story…It will take hours to explain it. It will also explain why my answer was so shady during our one year celebration and why I hesitated moving in with you. I understand if you can't handle it." Emma said to him. Then she started to explain every detail. It was the first time she had done so. Her family and friends outside NCIS never got to hear the whole story. She knew it was too much for them but she had to be truthful to Matthew. Emma didn't want him to throw away his life just because of her.

……………On Saturday……………

The more Emma had explained what had happened to her the more she felt he was pushing her away. She wanted it all to be her imaginary but he hadn't really talked to her all morning just looked at her strangely and saying things like hi and pass me that. While he walked around their apartment in a daze Emma had slowly started to pack her things. She hadn't packed up most of her things because she knew this day would come. Matthew had wondered why but she always excused herself with having no time to do it. She knew now Matthew knew the real reason and didn't want to do anything to stop her. She decided to give him the rest of the day to talk to her. Emma hoped he would take that chance.

…………..On Sunday……………..

Emma moved back to Gibbs. He had an available room and he couldn't say no when she showed up at his doorstep. They didn't say much to each other but Gibbs knew what had happened. He decided to take his responsibility and made some calls.

Emma wondered why she hadn't sub-let her apartment to see if it would work out with Matthew instead of giving it up. Then she would have somewhere to live instead of having to ask her friends for shelter. Now she felt she was back at the same place she was a year ago. Emma wondered if it was her faith to stay at the same place for the rest of her life.

……………..

A while later both Kate and Abby showed up at Gibbs despite both of them having a lot to do. Kate had a month ago just given birth to her third child a son called Michael and this weekend Abby was home alone with James and Ashley. It was understandable Kate had Michael with her and Abby her two kids with her.

"So where is she?" Kate wondered.

"In her usual guestroom…I told her you would come but she said you didn't have to. I know tomorrow she is not going to show what has happened so today is probably the only day to reach her. She has made so much progress and I hate seeing her like this. Despite what happened I can't blame Matt. We all and most of all Emma knew this would happen. We just hoped it wouldn't." Gibbs told them.

"Maybe he needs time to process this. Emma is great at jumping at conclusions and thinking ahead. She's a story writer and I think she had made up her mind that this is how the story goes and she should follow it. Emma doesn't realise that you can't see life as a story. Right now that is Matt's reaction but tomorrow he may have another. I'm positive he'll want her back. Just give him time." Kate told them.

"Keep that positive energy because Emma needs it right now." Abby told her.

Gibbs said he could watch Ashley and James while they went up. He knew Kate would want Michael near since he was so young.

…………..

"Emma…Are you ok?" Abby asked.

"After crying, screaming and dancing while listening to my CDs…I'm quite ok…The breakdown period is over…Now getting over him is another thing." Emma stated.

"Give him time. It's a big thing you told him. Any person would want to get some distance to it before getting close to it and process it. I'm sure he misses you right now." Abby said hopeful.

"I sure didn't see that in his eyes when I said I was going to stay with Gibbs for a while. We had a fight before I left. I said I'm sorry for lying to him. He got mad. We had fights before but not this big. Kids are a big deal and I can't give it to him. He's getting older and doesn't want to wait many years just to have one child and he made it clear he most of all wants a biological child. Right now he is scared that I will lose it any second now and he doesn't want to be married to such a person. Being on his guard all the time. Who can blame him?" Emma continued getting sadder.

"You shouldn't blame yourself for being truthful and for the decisions he will make. You were in the end truthful to yourself. No more hiding and lies. I'm sure he understands you couldn't say it on your first date or later. It was just bad timing that he proposed around the same time you were going to tell him." Kate said wanting her to at least see she did a good thing.

"I feel so bad…I hate hurting people and I hurt him…When he saw the tape he questioned if I really loved him…I didn't know what to say…I'm so bad at explaining love…I feel so guilty that I trust the gut feeling I have in my stomach which says I miss him when he's not near, I want him there when I shed a tear…I love the feelings which appear when he is there to give me a hug or a kiss…He was right when he said I can only be in love with love not a person. I've never felt as unloved as I do now and I still don't know the meaning of love…I hate myself." Emma said now with a few tears running down her cheeks. Abby and Kate sat down beside her on the bed. Michael started to cry.

"I think it's contagious." Kate said with a little smile.

"May I?" Emma asked. Kate handed Michael to her and soon he stopped crying.

"You got it in you. There is no doubt in my mind you'll one day have your four children together with Matthew. You just have to fight for it. You shouldn't have given up that easily. Call him and tell him you love him. He needs to be reminded about that and not the fight." Abby suggested.

"Easily said than done." Emma complained.

"No, it isn't." Kate said handing Emma her phone.

"I'm not stupid. It was he who refused to talk to me. When he's ready he has to call. I've picked up the pieces of my life several times before and I can do it again especially with my friends' help if you want to. I'm strong, independent…" Emma said before Kate interrupted her.

"Caring, loving, strong willed…"

"A mother, a wife, a lover…" Abby finished.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

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