Title: Shashin
Pairing: Niou Masaharu/Ryuzaki Sakuno
Theme: 30 nights #34 – It's hard not to love you
A/N: A Niou's birthday fic, even though an angst fic is never something good for birthday. The song I'm using is from Taka-san's album, track 8 – Shashin. Means Photograph, The Lyrics is taken from xenium.

Song lyrics
Niou's thought

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Opening the door to his bedroom, the silver haired man, Niou Masaharu pick up the phone that was placed in the corner of his room, and dialled a number. Calling her. Niou had been calling her for the past few days and this will be the last time he'll call her as it was his 28th birthday and he wanted to hear her voice just once more. But if the person he had been calling, Sakuno, still refused to answer his call, he will give up on her, and everything.

Ring… ring… ring….

He waited patiently for her to answer the call, but after a minute of waiting, what he got wasn't the voice of Sakuno, instead it was a message, a message he had been receiving for many days, telling him that the person he was calling for could not answer the phone.

Sighing with disappointment, he closed the door to his room behind him and went towards his study, a place where he usually used for writing his work. As a composer, he needed creative ideas for his work and his study was a place where he could write well in.

Sitting in his seat in the study, he took out a blank paper to write on. The song he was going to write will be written for her only; it was a present for her, an apology for breaking into her life, her and her husband's life. And it will be a letter for her, a letter full of his feelings and their memories.

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"If I disappear now,
perhaps you will cry for me?"
I know I'm talking nonsense, but...

I know that I have caused a lot of trouble to you and your husband. I know that you're married and I shouldn't love you, but I can't control myself from these feelings.

Ever since that happy summer day, your dazzling smile
I cannot go on alone

That summer when we first met was the happiest moment of my life. At that time when you're not married to him and I still haven't went to Singapore for my studies.
I regretted leaving for Singapore, for no matter how much I tried, I couldn't forget about you.

nee, no matter how I try to put it to words
could I express all my feelings to you?
Without turning back again
I try and ask you who is smiling

By the time I came back from Singapore, it was too late. You have already married him. I know my love for you won't be allowed anymore, but I couldn't care less about it. My love for you is so strong that I wouldn't even bother it; all I wanted was the smile on your face to be mine. I wanted you to smile for me, just for me.

Following the road on which we came together
I search for traces of you
it's miserable, I know, but...

"This is my favorite place" you said
from this place onwards, I cannot move on alone

Ever since the day you left me, I've been wondering around many places; places that we used to go when we're still young. My mind was filled by memories of our past, so much that even if I wanted to stop thinking of you, I couldn't.

nee, no matter what dream I paint
is there no way for us to see the same scenery again?
I cannot go back again
the rusting bench taught me that

I always dreamed for our relationship to get back to what it used to be, but I knew clearly that what I hoped for was just a dream, there is no way we could get back to what we used to be again.
But, even though I've told myself over and over again, I just simply couldn't forget about you.

nee, no matter what I was like
can you not let go of my hand

I want to ask for the answer
from you who is smiling in the picture

I wanted to know, if I had not left you for my studies, would you still be by my side, holding my hand like you used to? I want to know the answer. Will you be smiling for me like what you did in that old picture of we had?

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By the time Niou finished his song for his beloved Sakuno, the sky had already darkened. Folding the piece of paper he had been working on to fit it into the envelope, he went out of his house for the last time. To send the letter he had wrote for her, and then, Sakuno will never saw him again. As by the time Sakuno received the letter, Niou Masaharu had already left this world, the world that would only cause him to suffer from his memories of his love.