Title: Think Twice
Disclaimer: I own nothing…really, I don't…
Summary: When everything depends on you…
Sam sat in her darkened apartment, listening to the rain batter the window and the wind howl outside the balcony doors. As the green LCD on her DVD player showed 01:04, she wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting curled on the chair, letting her tears fall. The only thing she knew for sure was how long it had been since Martin had stormed out of her apartment building. 4 hours, 36 minutes and 12 seconds.
She wasn't sure what scared her most. The fact she had counted how long it had been since he had slammed her door, or the fact that she couldn't stop crying about the fact he'd slammed her door.
Thinking back over it again and again was causing more havoc on her brain that she thought possible and although Sam knew she would see him again, she also knew she couldn't see him everyday and act normal around him.
Samantha Spade had fallen for Martin Fitzgerald in a big way. Things with him had gotten more serious than they had started out to be, and Sam got more scared than she cared to admit. To start with, sure it had been a way to release the stress that came with the job they were in and then, Sam started to see him in a different way and she'd hated that she'd seen it that way in the first place. Yea, she found him attractive and all the rest but she wasn't looking for something serious and she'd scared herself by falling into it and how natural being around Martin was. It was easy to play the "girlfriend".
That was where it all started to wrong. Sam could be the girlfriend behind closed doors, but outside…? Whole different ball game
Martin had had a look in his eye from the moment he'd walked in the door of her apartment. Quieter than usual, Sam put it down to the case they'd just finished.
By the time dinner had been eaten and they were sitting on the couch watching some crime show drama, Sam was sure there was another reason for Martin's weird behaviour.
"Ok, out with it"
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Martin…don't…ok? don't play games"
"You wanna know what's wrong? Really?"
"Yes"
"Game playing"
"OK, Martin, you've lost me"
Martin stood up before goin over to the other side of the room. Sam stood up and crossed the room, standing behind him as he looked out of the balcony windows.
"You're tellin me not to play games and that's all your doin"
Sam stood taken aback as Martin turned around.
"What do you mean?"
"Oh, come on Sam you damn well!"
"No, go on Martin, enlighten me!"
"Fine! I'm tired of hiding you, us. You're ok with us as long as no one else finds out , yet when we're together around any one from the team , or even walkin down the street, it's like you become this completely different person. With you its outta mind, outta sight and I've had enough. I don't wanna force you Sam, yea, I know you've got your reasons for wanting it kept quiet but I wanna be able to walk down the street and hold your hand. Someone asks if I'm available and am not? I wanna be able to tell 'em why."
"I don't know what it is you want me to do! I've told you! You know what it's gonna look like!"
"I don't care! And if you cared anything about us, neither would you!"
"Martin I have slept with two guys on the same team! Think about what that's gonna do to my rep in the department if this gets out!"
"So that's all we are to you? Just sleeping together!"
"No, Martin…"
"Know what Sam? Call me when you figure out what the hell it is you want"
He grabbed his jacket from the side of the couch and left the apartment with the door slamming behind him.
Sam collapsed into tears the minute the door latched into place.
From the second Sam hit the floor, she didn't give a damn about her rep. The entire department could go to hell for all she cared. Sam knew she'd fallen for Martin, and when the thoughts hit her asking, taunting, about why she couldn't just have told him, she fought hard to keep down the wave of nausea that threatened her.
Still curled on the chair, Sam wished for Something, Anything, to fill the quiet void which less than 24 hours ago had been filled with Martins teasing, their laughter and Sam's own noise level when Martin had surprised her while they'd been watching Basic Instinct on Sky. His spontaneous side made an appearance that night and Sam didn't know if she could live without it, and him.
"I don't care! And if you cared anything about us, neither would you!"
That one statement rang through her head. He was right. She'd got so caught up in tryna protect herself, she'd ended up loosing the one thing that meant the most.
She picked up her cell phone, and pressed 2, Hoping to god he'd answer.
He answered on the 16th ring.
"Fitzgerald"
"………It's me" Sam didn't recognise her own voice.
"Hey" Martins voice softened, but still held the edge it'd had earlier.
"…………" Sam didn't know what to say to him
"Sam?"
"I don't know where to start…" Sam's voice caught in her throat, and it caused Martin to sit up straighter on his couch, concern lacing his features in his TV lit apartment.
"I can't do this Martin…You've been the sweetest part of my life for so long, and I can't handle the thought of loosing you." This time, Sam didn't try to stop the tears and her voice broke as she spoke.
"Sam…"
"No please let me finish…I shouldn't have needed a fight to see I'm always two steps from loosing you, but I did, I've been taking you for grated, and I don't know why you haven't walked out before now…But please don't walk away, and if you have to, be sure before you close the door…just, Think twice"
"Baby, I know it ain't easy when your souls crying out for high ground, and relationships aint the best for making you feel secure, but this is serious Sam, I can't handle just sleeping with you any more, I need more than that"
"………Martin…I want it all. The fire and the faith babe, that was you and me. I ain't ready to lose it."
"Sam this is all or nothing, cos this is my heart you playing with…"
"I'll take good care of it, I promise…" Sam's voice was a whisper.
"Good, cos from here on in, it's "us" baby, no "me" or "I", I won't settle for anything less"
"…Martin, my everything depends on you, am promising you an "us", I'm gonna be the reason you're unavailable"
"It's all am askin baby…you want some company?"
"I want you"
"Be there in 10 minutes" Martin told her
Martin made it back to her apartment in 7 minutes and 34 seconds, and Sam was in his arms before he'd shut the door.
"Happy Christmas Eve, Sam"