Wow, if you've never read the Craka Smaka comics, this story ain't goona make shit sense. My chaps are progressivly getting longer, so hopefully i will soon break the 1/1000 chapter/words ratio. Oh, and if any one out there thought that Sgt. Johnson didn't bang that girl, you is be wrong.

Thanks for all the reviews by the way. My favorite are the death threats and claims of not acuratly protraying the characters from Craka Smaka. Any to any questions as to why Sgt. hasn't gotten a scarab gun yet, just wait.

"He can steal… anything?"

"Yep."

"You're sure?"

"Oh, yeah. He's been doing it for years"

Sergeant Johnson and Jimmie were still in the cave waiting for Jimmie's friend to show up. A Covenant patrol banshee cruised by over head. It was only a matter of time before the Covenant found them.

"So, what, is he like a descendent of Craka Smaka?" The Sergeant asked, puzzled.

"Descendent? He is Craka Smaka!" Jimmie exclaimed.

"Wait… the Craka Smaka. But, he would have to be… what 500 years old?"

"Yeah, something around there. I think we stopped doing birth days around 150"

"Whoa, wait. We? You mean you're Craka Smaka's… sidekick guy?"

"He refers to me as: side-craka"

If there was ever a time Johnson was more confused, he couldn't remember. But with every thing that's happened so far… he was still pretty fucking confused.

"You know what, what ever. I don't care if he is the real Craka Smaka, or not. As long as he can help us Pwn theses fuckin noob-ass Covenant!"

Just as the Sergeant finished his sentence, the sound of two Covenant banshees was heard landing outside. Johnson and Jimmie listened as the footsteps slowly approached the entrance of the cave. Johnson prayed that Jimmie's friend would show up quick or they were done for.

Two Elites came into sight at the entrance of the cave, strutting in with an expression Johnson had never seen before. Something other than fear.

"Well Human, are you prepared to die?" The red Elite spoke while lifting his plasma rifle and aiming it at Johnson's head.

"You fucking modders!" Jimmie yelled at the Elite, "What, you sucked so bad that you have to fight using mods? I'm leaving feed back on your asses!"

The two Elites were thrown off by the sudden out burst, but just shook it off. The Elite prepared to fire, but stopped. Electricity flared around them, and then fizzled away.

"What? What happened to our shields?" The first Elite asked.

"There… There gone." The second elite finished his sentence at the same time his head exploded, followed shortly by the explosion of the other Elite's head.

Jimmie and Johnson looked at the two headless Elite's bodies on the floor, confused. A tall black man stood at the entrance of the cave.

"Jimmie, this is the last time you go and fight some war without me."

"Lt. Keys, were getting confirmed reports of the Covenant being un-killable. It seems there using some kind of Forerunner technology to increase the power of there shields."

Lt. Keys didn't hear a word the soldier said. She was still in afterglow of when Sgt Johnson banged her.

'How did he bang me when he was in that drop pod falling to Halo?' Keys thought. 'It defies all laws of physics…'

"Wait, you called a black man a 'fucking poser'?" Craka Smaka asked, extremely pissed. Before Jimmie could plead his defense, much-less ask how CK new he had said that, Craka Smaka shot Jimmie in the head with his trusty side arm: Ebony.

Jimmie fell to the ground.

"What the fuck are you doing!" Johnson asked, pissed as hell. "I was going to kill him!"

"I'm not dead," Jimmie said, rising from the ground. "CK stole my ability to die. But that doesn't stop it from hurting like hell!"

As soon as Jimmie was on his feat again, Sgt. Johnson shot infinite bullets into Jimmie's head with his sniper. CK was impressed.

"Commander!" A blue-armored Elite ran to where a gold-armored one was standing. "Sir, the patrol we sent out to find the two humans have not reported in. What action do you wish to take, Sir?"

The white Elite was concerned about this. The only reason an Elite would dare not report in was if he was dead.

'The Humans could never have found a way to take out our shields. But if that's true then how…' The Commander shook the thought out of his head.

"Send a team of Spec. Ops. to where the patrol team landed. I want them in full battle dress. Take no chances."

The blue elite was confused as to why the Commander would send a Spec. Ops. team on such a small assignment, but he dared not question the Commanders orders. The blue Elite left leaving the Commander to think.

'I'm not going to make the mistake of underestimating those humans like that heretic Commander of the Truth and Reconciliation. Those Humans are strong, but even they are no match for my Spec. Ops.'

"Word just came down from command." A white armored Elite spoke to a room full of seven other white armored Elites. "We got a new assignment."

"What's the target?" the tallest of the Elites asked while inspecting one of his plasma riffles.

"Last they checked, it was only two Humans. But there proving to be troublesome. Commander wants us in full battle dress. No fuck ups." The white Elite concluded his statement and the other Elites rose to there feet.

"Sir, Yes Sir!" The Elites said in unison. They gathered there equipment, and headed for the launch bay.

Johnson didn't think it was possible, but he was tired of sniping Jimmie in the head. That, however, did not stop him from shooting one more clip into his face.

Johnson reloaded his sniper and turned toward CK. "So, tell me again how you got here?"

"Simple, I was sittin' at home, by home I mean some stupid-ass craka's home that I stole, watchin' TV, when Jimmie called me up. So I stole my own ability to not be here, and here I am."

There was no part of that explanation that a non-fan of the Craka Smaka comics would understand. Before Johnson could ask 'what the fuck is you talking about', CK stole his own explanation's ability to not make sense.

"Oh, I understand now." Johnson said, still confused as hell. Jimmie was just getting to his feat.

"Well if were done shooting me, I think we should get back to pwning Covenant." Johnson shot Jimmie one last time, than pulled out his radio.

"In-amber Clad come in, this is Sgt. Johnson, over."

"Sgt. Johnson, this is In-amber Clad. What is your status, over?"

"Were fine. We'll have the LZ clear by 0900 hours. Make sure all the troops are equipped with battle riffles."

"Roger that Sgt. Johnson. We'll be ready to land at 0900- aughhh!"

Lt. Keyes pushed the communications officer on the ground and grabbed the radio out of his hands.

"Johnson! Where have you been? You never called me!" Keys began to pout, "You still love me right?"

Johnson cursed under his breath. "Uh, yeah, baby. You know I love you. How have things been?"

Keys instantly cheered up. "Well, I just got my hair done, and-" Johnson cut her off.

"Oh, baby, I think your breaking up – Krrrrch – I got to go – Krrrrch – There's Covenant every where- Krrrrch – Bye." Johnson turned off the radio.

"That's it!" Keys said, throwing the radio on the ground, "I'm going down there."

"Dammit." Johnson said switching off the radio, "That chick I banged is a total fucking psycho."

"You mean Lt. Keys?" Jimmie asked.

"Was that her name? Well it doesn't matter. I'm sure she'll have forgotten about me by the time we get back to the ship."

Jimmie just shook his head at the Sergeant's overwhelming ignorance of women. Jimmie also practically shat himself when he saw eight white armored Spec. Ops. Elites standing at the entrance of the cave.

"All right, here's the plan," Johnson said, putting a sight on one of the Elite's heads. "CK, you take there shields; Jimmie, you run around screaming like a little girl; I'll Pwn. Ready, Go!"

Johnson fired at the Elites head, only to watch as the Elite take a step back, and then stand upright again, as if nothing happened.

"What the fuck? CK, why didn't you steal there shields?" Johnson asked, puzzled.

"There shields are back to the normal 4 head shots kills them. My power only extends to being able to steal intangibles, like the skulls ability to make there shields stronger." Craka Smaka held up one very confused Elite's plasma riffle. "Every thing else I steal, is pure skill." SK transformed the plasma riffle into a (aptly named) Bastard sword. After stealing his own ability to not be directly in front of the Elite farthest to the left, Craka Smaka brought his sword down hard on the Elites head, eating threw his shield and into his skull.

Johnson fire the remainder of his clip into the first Elites head, the last shot breaking threw his shield and taking him down. He hopped to the side avoiding a barrage of plasma fire and reloaded.

Jimmie, who had been doing his job extremely well, tripped over something. He gasped when he saw what it was. "No way…" Jimmie picked up the round object.

Sputnik

"Ma'am, I strongly advise you reconsider." Cortana said, over the ship's speaker system.

"Fuck you bitch. Just cause you're a computer you think you're smart? You don't know shit."

"Well at least my man didn't leave my ass after a booty call."

"At least my man can perform. The MC had so many augments he can't even get it up!"

"Bitch, I'm a fucking hologram. Why would I ever need him to get it up? Besides, last I check, your not even Sgt. Johnson's woman. He dumped your ass and you're too stupid to figure it out!"

"Johnson would never do that to me! Not after what we did together. He loves me and I'll prove it!" Keys jumped aboard a pelican and closed the doors. The airlock opened to the outside and the ship started flying toward Halo.

"Guys, move out of the way!" Jimmie screamed, holding a rocket launcher over his shoulder. Johnson was about to tell Jimmie that a rocket don't do shit to a Spec. Ops. shield, but Jimmie had already fired.

The rocket hit right in front of the Elites and the explosion sent them flying over the hills and into the horizon. Jimmie was very pleased with himself. Craka Smaka and Johnson on the other hand, were pissed as hell.

"You dumb ass! Why did you do that?" Johnson said, using every ounce of his self-control to not shoot Jimmie in the head.

"You don't even want to know how I did that?" Jimmie asked.

"I don't give a fuck how you ruined my pwning Covenant. And a better question would be, how do you plan on surviving the beating I'm about to put on you?"

"Um… by telling you we only have 2 more minuets till the Pelicans land and we ain't done shit to clear that LZ."

"I fucking hate it when you're right." Johnson said, he turned toward CK. "Can you steal are ability to not be at the LZ pwning Covenant?" As Johnson finished his sentence, he shot a bullet from his sniper rifle into the face of the last Covenant at the LZ.

"Sorry, did you say something?" Craka Smaka said, removing his Bastard sword from a dead Elite's stomach.

"That was pretty fucking cool, CK" Jimmie said, reloading his rockets. He transformed them into a pistol for easy carrying.

Johnson, tired of being confused, decided to just accept what was happening and radioed the Pelicans. "The LZ is clear. You can start your approach."

"Sure thing, Johnson." Lt. Keys said, over the radio.

"Was that Lt. Keys?" Jimmie asked turning toward Johnson.

Johnson looked confused, "Who?"

Checkpoint...