Tartarus, Jimmy, and Keys were all standing around looking at each other, thoroughly confused. Johnson, on the other hand, had taken out a cigar and seemed to be waiting for something. CK was nowhere to be seen. "Where did the dark one go?" Tartarus inquired.

"Don't worry, he'll kick your sorry ass in a second. He went to go take care of something," Johnson replied.

"Are you talking about that Comit guy?" Keys asked. "That guy was pissing me off. I mean, the whole Ripping the scope off thing was brilliant, but my 'Bad-Ass' thing to do was stealing a banshee? What the Fuck? People do that in fucking Matchmaking every day. If Suplex had written that, I would have grenade jumped into the air, beat down the banshee out of the air with my bare hands, fed the Pilot a sticky grenade, stole his brute shot, and used the tree shots within to kill the five Wraiths before I hit the ground."

"Yo, even worse than that, I tapped Covie ass! That's some nasty shiznit, dawg! She tried to give me dome and-" 10 Sniper Bullets, 6 Bruteshot Grenades, and one Tartarus Hammer collided with Jimmy's skull.He was unable to finish. Duh.

"OMG Please don't kill me, dude!"

"Oh, don't worry Comet. I'm not going to kill you just yet." CK proceeded to steal Comit's pussy-ness. This caused that chick that was in that class or something to immediately become Comit's biotch and she appeared in the room.

"What the hell? Is that the guy from THE PICTURE? It is! That's Cracka Smacka!" Before she could utter another word, she and CK were bangin'. After a few hours of Comit crying and chick whose name I don't know's squeals of joy, CK got up and backhanded Comit.

"THAT'S what I do to rules. Got it? Now, I've got to go kill a fucking Monkey. If you EVER do something like this again… dying will be the least of your worries. Oh, and one more thing." CK turned the Pussy-ness he had stolen from Comit into brass knuckles and soundly beat Comit's roommate to death. "Black Power medal, bitch!"

Tartarus stomped his foot impatiently. "That fool. I knew he couldn't kill me. He ran away like a fucking pussy."

Jimmy attempted to bring himself back to his feet as he spoke. "N-no w-way, dawg… He'll c-come lay yo ass out in a minute, yo…"

"Shut the fuck up Jimmy. Now, where was I?" CK said, despite that fact that I'm almost positive he wasn't in the room.

"You went to go kill the author so you could be allowed to steal the Brute's fear and turn it into him-dead." replied.Keys.

"Is that why? I'd never kill anyone with an insta-kill! That's fucking stupid. Watch this." With that, CK reached for the floor and, in a flash, transformed the entire Covenant homeworld into a Tartarus Hammer. He then stole Tartarus's Tartarus hammer. The three marines that were now floating in space watched in awe as CK beat the shit out of Tartarus with Dual Wielded hammers. Even Tartarus was impressed with his ass-whoping. Or he would have been if not for the intense pain of Suffocation + Dual hammers.

Finally, CK tossed one of the hammers over his shoulder and it reformed the Covenant Homeworld before flying into their sun. Johnson then used Unified Theory of Bad-Assery to summon the Warp-Pelican and the four piled in. However, that's not how the unified theory of Bdassery works. The author knew this, but he was certain that his blatant disregaurd would piss Comit off even more.

"You know…" Sgt. Johnson said. "It's funny… but I almost feel bad… Now that there's no more covenant, who am I gonna pwn?"

A large grin began to spread over CK's face. He then transformed Jimmy into a picture of Jimmy and began his speech. "Exhibit A: The Cracka."

THE END (of crackas)