"Son of a Bitch," John screamed as he kicked the metal bars on his cell for about the hundredth time that hour. He barely registered the pain as it traveled up his leg into his spine. He wiped the sweat from his brow while he collapsed onto the hard ground. Helpless wasn't something John did well, never had been. But it didn't change the fact that he was….I couldn't help Teyla, Rodney, or Ronan, hell can't even help myself. Just pace my cell, kick the walls, and yell a few curses at the empty hallways. Yeah that will show them John. God, I am pathetic.
At first he had wondered why Gwein hadn't forced him to watch as they tortured Teyla, Now he understood. This was so much worse. It left everything to his imagination….and he could imagine a lot. Not knowing what they were doing to her, hell, he didn't even know for sure she was alive. Yep, Gwein, was a smart one. All I can do is sit here alone, and wonder what is happening to her. Are they using knives, electricity, fire, or some other form of torture technique stolen from other worlds. John shuddered, he couldn't stop thinking about what pain she might be enduring right at this moment while he sat here unharmed.
Sure I can. There's always the rest of my team to worry about. John leaned his head back and rested it against the cool metal behind him. He had told them to go bring back help, how long ago had that been. Hell, it could have been weeks for all I know. But judging by the small amount of stubble on his face, he was relatively sure it had only been a few days. Sheppard was clinging to the fact that he had yet to hear his captors mention Rodney or Ronan. If they hadn't escaped, he'd probably would have thrown them in this shit hole right alongside him and Teyla. He toyed with the idea of examining the cell for weak points, but considering he'd done that at least twenty times already, he opted to save his strength instead. If a chance to escape came, he would need every once of his energy to make the most of it.
He calmed his frayed nerves by thinking about he and Teyla's one and only kiss. But wow, had it felt right. His mouth tangled with hers, it was probably just wishful thinking, but he could have sworn he could almost still taste her. He felt a smile creeping up onto his lips despite himself. And now, she doesn't even know how much it meant to me.
"Well," he mused, "You were right again Mckay."
A few weeks after his descent to the "dark side" as Rodney had called it, he had been having lunch with the quirky scientist, who had somehow become his best friend. Not that I will ever admit it. In a moment of weakness, he had chosen to tell him about his passionate embrace with Teyla in the training room. So of course Rodney had to constantly press the issue, another thin smile snuck in as he mulled over their most recent lunch debate.
flashback
"Tell her how you feel, I'm sick of watching you stare at her like a boy who lost his puppy. Just confess and see what happens. Ask her on a date at least. Besides she knows something is up. She confronted me, what was it last week."
" I know I remember."
"She thought we were mad at her, you have to let her know the truth."
"It's not that simple Rodney, I apologized to her for Christ's sake. She probably thinks I regret it."
"Well, do you," he challenged.
John's eyes narrowed, "You know the answer to that already. Why the hell did I tell you about this anyway?"
"Because I'm a genius and you felt I could enlighten you on how to handle your…." he made a circular motion with his fork while searching for the right word, "Predicament."
Sheppard rolled his eyes and stabbed his potatoes harder than necessary. "This sucks. I didn't want it to happen like that. It's not how I wanted our first kiss to be,….. I forced her Rodney," his voice trickled to barely above a whisper.
As usual McKay managed to surprise him. "It wasn't you Colonel," he said earnestly.
"Yes it was."
He made an exasperated sound, "In the physical sense of course it was, but you were under the influence, so to speak. Was it my fault what Lt. Cadman did when she was in my body?"
John sighed, "Rodney, that's not the same thing." Silently he added, I kissed a woman. Settling instead for giving the Doctor a knowing smile, which he choose to ignore.
"It's close enough, you have to stop sulking and do something. You have to tell her, you'll feel better and," he added with smirk , "I finally won't have to listen to you whine anymore."
John tried to look annoyed, but couldn't quite pull it off, "Yeah that's your job." He gave a lopsided grin, " And I do not whine." He met his friends blue eyes, "By the way, thanks. Maybe I will ask Teyla to go…"he stopped mid sentence when Rodney made a strangled sound.
" Hey Teyla…
Present time
"Now I might not get the chance," he groaned and rubbed his aching side. The regrets just kept piling up. The sound of metal squealing ripped him out of his reverie. His head spun in the direction the sound. For a moment there was nothing, then the sound of heavy footsteps. John strained his eyes in the dim lighting as he attempted to figure out who was approaching. There were two, no maybe three separate silhouettes. He opened his mouth to shout out a few choice phrases, but the words died on his dry, cracked lips. The figures were much clearer now, Gwein was walking, no more like strutting, a peacock couldn't have done a better job, next to Goliath.
The third individual made John's skin crawl. The body was limp, as Kinen drug them across the floor. He felt bile burn the back of his throat, Please god, don't let that be what I think it is.
It was definitely a human, their clothing was tattered and bloody, then he saw the long brown hair and mocha skin as they neared the cell. That's when he really lost it.
He leapt off the ground and pounced onto the bars like a wild animal. I'll kill you," he screamed while literally trying to pry lose one of the barriers. He could feel the strain in his muscles but he didn't care, pain didn't matter, she was all that mattered. He had to get to her. Had to….
"John…stop," a barely perceptible whisper penetrated his haze of hatred. He looked down into Teyla's eyes, she looked so fragile. Her right eye was swollen shut, she was peering up at him through a slightly less puffy left eye. There were cuts all over her face and neck, hell there were cuts on every area of exposed skin he could see. Bruises also marred the once perfect skin he so longed to touch. She was breathing heavily and clutching her abdomen. They had used blades, and fists. He closed his tired eyes for a second and tried not to scream. Please let physical pain be the only type of torture they put her through. He shuddered and the last of his energy seemed to melt away as he sank to his knees, making him eye level with the battered woman before him.
"You see what your unwillingness to talk gets you." There was pause, then fabric rustling as Gwein knelt down and cupped Teyla's cheek with his hand. His icy gaze locked with John's, "The one's you love suffer."
The door was flung open, and Kinen threw Teyla on top of John. Before he could even begin to move a loud clang told him the door had been shut. Doesn't matter, escape wasn't possible.. No way I could have gotten Teyla out in her condition.
A soft moan got him moving. Moving her as little as possible, he shimmied out from under her beaten body. He laid her gently onto the ground before beginning a more careful examination of her injuries. She was shaking and appeared pale but she was breathing, and for the moment that was good enough.
"Teyla," he tried while stroking her less wounded cheek. "Can you hear me?"
She nodded once.
"Okay, I'm going to check out the damage. Do you understand me?"
She glared at him through one eye, "I am sore, not stupid."
A small laugh of relief escaped as he squeezed her hand. "You my dear, have been hanging around me too long."
"Never," she replied.
"Thanks." He began inspecting the cuts on her uncovered flesh. "Does anything feel broken to you?"
"I do not believe so, but," she gingerly lifted up her blood streaked, top. John felt his teeth clench along with his fists.
"Bastards." He probed the gouge with his index finger and felt her flinch. "Sorry, it's not as bad as it could have been. Looks like it's clotted, which is good." I'm staling, ask her. "Teyla, did they…." he couldn't bring himself to even say it.
Her cool hand rested on his face, "No John, I believe they are saving that for later," she struggled to keep her voice light.
Never. "I won't let that happen to you. We will get out of here," her one open eyelid began fluttering and he could feel her body quivering against his leg. "What's wrong?"
"Cold, and I am so weary. Hard to stay awake."
"Oh no you don't. Listen to me you have to stay conscience. I think you're going into shock. You didn't hit your head did you?"
"I am not sure."
"Here," he pulled her into his lap, so her head rested against his shoulder. His legs enveloped her shivering body as he wrapped his jacket around her upper body.
"You still with me?"
"Yes, but it is hard to focus."
"Well you need to stay awake. I've got something I need to tell you," John managed.
"I too have something to discuss with you John. I realized.."
"If I don't say this now I might chicken out." He angled his head so he could see her face, "Not have the courage," he translated.
She nodded, her face full of curiosity despite the pain he knew she was suffering.
He swallowed, took a deep breath and took Rodney's advice. He spilled his guts.
"I know we haven't discussed our kiss since I apologized. But there are a few things you need to know. One, I am not sorry I kissed you." Wow, that wasn't so hard. " What I am sorry for is how it happened. I wish it could have happened under different circumstances, but it didn't. So the question is what happens next?" Her expression hadn't wavered, she could be thinking anything, but he'd come this far. "I guess what I'm trying to say in a roundabout, idiotic kind of way is that I want to kiss you again. Awww, why Is this so hard. We could die, I might never get another chance…..Screw this." He closed his eyes, "What I mean is at some point along the way I fell in love with you." He inhaled sharply. He hadn't been moving but he felt like he'd run a mile. His heart was pounding, his palms were sweaty, and if she didn't say something soon it would be irrelevant. Because he was going to have a heart attack at this rate any moment now.
That's when she saved his life. "John, look at me."
He forced his eyes opened and blinked until his vision cleared. Apparently he wasn't the only one feeling emotional, her marred face was now streaked with tears.
"I love you too. I have been so scared, I did not feel I was ready. But when he was torturing me I knew. That's what I wanted to tell you."
He pulled her into an embrace, it was awkward due to their position, but he didn't care. Until the thought he might be hurting her popped into his head, "Sorry," he whispered against her hair, then laid her back down into his lap.
She was beaming. John had never understood what people meant when they said you knew you loved some one when you could see them at their worst and think they were the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen. Well you couldn't get much worse. And damn if she wasn't gorgeous.
"John, I want to kiss you too."
He started to lean in and paused, "I don't want to hurt you."
"You won't. I might never have this chance again."
He wanted to argue with her, but she was right. Instead he cupped the back of her head with his calloused hands to bring her to his waiting mouth.
"No but I will."
They both jerked their heads towards Gwein's cold, reptilian voice. Reflexively John tightened his grip around Teyla.
"Are you ready to tell me the coordinates to your city yet?"
"No," Teyla spat. "And we never will."
She had made her decision, and John realized so had he. "You might as well kill us, we're not talking. You snagged the wrong people Gwein, were not squealers."
He took a brief moment of pleasure at the confused look on Gwein's face.
"It means we will not tell you the gate address…..ever," Teyla proudly informed him.
His face remained a blank mask, but John could see the fury dancing in his black eyes like flames. "Very well, I think we'll take her again. I have something else in mind for this round," he ran his tongue over his lips and stared at Teyla.
Before John could attempt to rip his throat out, the room began to shake. Dirt and rocks fell from the ceiling, in seconds he could see nothing through the cloud of dust. He shoved Teyla to the ground and covered her with his body just as a loud explosion sounded from somewhere behind them. At least I can die with one less regret, he thought while he buried his face into Teyla's hair. "I'm here," he said into her ear as another explosion rocked their enclosure. He could hear debri falling all around them, it was only a matter of time before…. Shit.
Pain reverberated in his skull , something hard had collided with his head. John thought he heard a familiar voice, but he couldn't seem to focus. It was hard to keep from slipping into the darkness that beckoned. But something was nagging at him, he needed to stay alert. He felt moisture tricking down the side of his face. Blood. Probably have a concussion. Hard to breath, too much dirt in the air. That voice again, he almost had it, but the past days seemed to have finally caught up with him He surrendered to the black.