Fanfic by Blueroseulan
October 21, 2005
AN: I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKK, Whew! I'm soooooo glad exams are finally over! That would mean I could get to update my fics (wink wink) but before we proceed, let me clarify a few things first:
Hold Me For Tonight is not a parallel of Moulin Rouge. This story is way way different! Okay, I admit, it has some parts which are the same in the movie but overall, it's really another story.
Somebody was asking why it was always tuberculosis… I'm sorry if it sounds too un-original for you, but I chose tuberculosis as Kaoru's disease because it's so much dramatic (with blood and all) compared to pneumonia which contains less drama (shucks! I loveee tormenting KnK… a bit… , )
So there… It's not a parody of Moulin Rouge okayish? Oh well anyway, on with the fic!
Previously on chapter 6:
Her eyes tricked her and her mind fogged; yet Kaoru willed herself to stay at her feet and reach him. She wanted to touch him, caress him and tell him how much he loved him but before she could take another step nearer to the man, her mind blurred, her vision spun and everything went black.
Chapter 7
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He had seen her form drop limply against the floor. Like a rag doll tossed in the corner by a child throwing a fit. He was thankful though for his god-like speed prevented her from slipping farther into the ground and instead had her body nestled in his arms. With her face this close to his proximity, he had the chance to study her features and he was not at all, prepared nor happy with what he saw.
She was deathly pale. So pale that her face did not even contrast with the insipidness of the moonlight bouncing across the room. And she was thin. So deathly thin that it scared the wits out of him. Her lips were cracked as if parched and set to dry. Her hair, usually a mass of inky jet locks, had lost its glossiness and shine and it settled weightlessly against her back. She is sick…he rationalized. Oh Kaoru…Kaoru Koibito… what have you done to yourself?
As if on cue, life once again began to seep on her form as her blue eyes, now dull and clouded slowly opened.
In Kaoru's point of view, her sight and her world right now was the curtain of red surrounding her and a face, a beautiful face staring worriedly into her own eyes. Kenshin…She wanted time to stop. To stop forever and never let them go, trapping both of them in his arms. Wishing her disease would leave her as abruptly as it had entered her body. He wore an expression not of anger but of panic, concern and worry. Ah... His rage must have abated when he saw me fall...Thank God…
Kaoru… are you alright?" he asked, panic mixed with relief mixing in his senses.
She made no sound only tilted her head eyes closing as her lips wandered to touch his own. Surprised at her actions, the man did not turn away only answered to her needs. Drinking her as much as she drank of him. How much confused as he was now, he knew Kaoru needed him and as much as he wanted an answer to his question, he knew that would be put aside.
The kiss was more than a plaintive expression of love and ardor. No, it was filled with raw need, desire, passion, lust and desperation all mixed up in an emotion that Kaoru could not name and in her whole life as a whore had not yet experienced. Their tongues were battling in a desperate cadence of intense longing and passion, and she felt as if her body was ablaze, burning her soul in an inferno that his touch seemed to fuel more.
But as much as both the two lovers wanted to extend their serious tongue activity, the need for oxygen and the need to breath became all too much and both had to reluctantly pull away. No sooner than they did, Kaoru's face instantly crumpled into a pitiful expression and tears soon began to leak in her eyes. She had once again started in a coughing fit and no matter how hard she tried to expel the phlegm that had caused the burning sensation in her throat she could still feel pain and the throbbing somewhere near her lungs.
Unknown to her, Kenshin had been watching her and as she pulled away from his grasp and covered her mouth, his eyes widened with what he saw.
A horrified look passed on the assassin's face as he stared with almost morbid fascination the deep red liquid coating her palm and running thickly towards her wrist. She had not known that he had been observing her under a fearful frightened eye. It was only after she had stopped and started to breath did he snatched the precious hand and clutched it tightly, looking at her, asking a silent question yet terrified with whatever answers she might give.
Her gaze, once tearful and clouded now held a sad almost regretful look as she whispered:
"You wanted me to answer your question. Why I was doing these things to you? What was happening? Well, here is the answer. This is the reason why I had been avoiding you. Kenshin, I'm sick. Awfully sick… I'm dying…" she bowed her head, soft sobs escaping her throat as she was forced to tell the truth.
For a moment, he was rendered speechless. His brain ceased to work and it was as if he had been frozen in a deathly still position.
I'm sick…
Awfully sick…
I'm dying…
It was a nightmare. He quickly consoled himself. It was just one of his awful dreams during an awful night in which sleep evade him. It was just a dream. A nightmare and he would soon find himself waking up in his arms and the cruel trance would end. It would end yes… it would…
But seeing her in front of him, he knew this was reality. As much as he wanted to pinch himself like crazy or close his eyes tightly, Kenshin knew it was another cruel game the gods were playing against him. They knew… they knew she was my only weakness… They will take her away from me as retribution for my sins… Oh god… Oh god… oh Kaoru tell me this isn't true… tell me it's just a nightmare…
Unknown to him he had spoken those words aloud, making her sob harder, face buried in the other palm of her hand.
"Kaoru… Kaoru… tell me this isn't true… you're joking right? I know… this is just a dream… a nightmare… and it would soon end... Oh Kaoru… Kaoru…" and this time, the man known as the Hitokiri Battousai, the feared and known assassin, collapsed to the floor, hands balled into fists, his shoulders shaking as he tried to bite his sobs back into his throat, the sound resulting into a gargled hushed moan. He was murmuring words. Curse words, pleas, anguished words but it seemed as if Kaoru couldn't understand any of them. As if he was talking in a different language. And she was not sure she wanted to understand him. All she could do was crawl to his side and envelope him with her frail arms, comforting him and conveying the words she could not say. You are not alone Kenshin. We both share this pain… the anguish separation will bring us…
She clung to him as much as he clung to her. Desperately, their tears mingling with one another. Kenshin was having a hard time controlling his sobs and it all the more pained her to see the daunting, fearless, and strong assassin, crumpled in a heap in the floor, trying hard to wrench the sobs out of his system. His reaction almost frightened her. And here I was thinking it wouldn't affect him…
Moments passed them by and it had seemed like eternity since both of them had crashed on the floor. Still, they never let go of one another. Afraid to let go, knowing each time, each minute was infinitely precious. Kenshin had already calmed himself, being the man as he was, but Kaoru could tell he was far restraining himself from crying.
Wh—what disease?" he seem to say with much difficulty and garbled voice.
"Tuberculosis…"
This time, Kenshin once again closed his eyes and buried his face in the graceful fall of her hair. Oh dear gods… I thought you've rewarded me by giving me this angel… why send her then take her away? She's all I have now… And yet… is this the punishment you will to give me?
He continued to hold her, at the same time doing his best to quiet her fears and stop her sobs.
"Ke-Kenshin… I'm afraid… I'm so very afraid of death…" she whispered, body shaking.
His eyes softened as he clearly held her close. With his profession, death has become a game he had always played with since he was very young. Now, with all his experiences shaping him up to be a jaded man, the thought of death didn't and couldn't scare him.
But it scared her. And so he would try his best to offer any consolation that would calm her.
"Sssshh… Don't cry koi… don't cry… Don't be afraid… Don't be… I'm here… I promised to protect you?Ne?"
She nodded and continued to hold his gi in tightly clasped hands.
Oh the irony of things! Kenshin felt bitter angry and frustrated. True to his words, he had promised to protect her from any harm that might be possible and yet… here she was, dying with a disease he would not have known hadn't she supplied enough evidence in his eyes.
"Kaoru… Oh Kaoru… why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his hand desperately sweeping on her face to rest on her cheeks.
"Because… because I thought you didn't love me…for two weeks you have gone and I convinced myself that what we shared was nothing… and that I should get over you for I am a whore and a nobody could fall in love with a whore."
For a moment, he was once again rendered speechless. His amber eyes dilating and constricting and his face showing a variety of emotions that Kaoru became a bit frightened with how he would react.
His lips were hard against hers. This was far more desperate, harder and painful. He crushed his lips against hers in a torrid motion, pinning her form in the floor underneath his strong built. Kaoru whimpered, both pained and ecstatic. His teeth bit her lip and his tongue roved around the hidden recesses of her mouth. Again, she whimpered in pain. She felt that he was dispensing punishment for what she had thought about.
"Kaoru," he said in between deep pants of breath. "That's all bullshit… I love you! Insanely so! And I would do anything… even kill a soul just to have you and to protect you. I love you and forget about your damned words!"
He once again crushed her lips against his, drinking her and lapping her like water for a man stranded in the sea for weeks. She whimpered, trying hard to tell him she was hurting. But when Kaoru felt his hands roam anywhere, everywhere in her thin small body, her whispers turned into shushed moan as she felt a strange sensation running up and down her spine. Although his lips never left hers, his hands moved to touch every single part of her body, relishing the touch of her under his digits, marveling how soft and smooth her skin was. Looking at her straight in the eye, he asked an unvoiced question.
Kaoru was surprised with his action and her reaction. Never in once in her life had someone asked her permission to undress her or not. No one except Kenshin. And her reaction was quite unexpected, so to speak. She was a whore, used to sex, jaded with this kind of playing field. And yet here she was, feeling shy, nervous and a hell lot of emotions filtering the dark corners of her heart. But still, she nodded, urging him to go on, while her tongue sought to battle against his.
With her permission, Kenshin slowly began to untie the belt in her yukata and slip the nimble fabric past her shoulders. He felt her tremble beneath her touch and he realized she was just as nervous as he was. She was much more experienced than he was. Of course he had slept with some whores in Kyoto but the times never left the counting on his five fingered hands.
Her clothing was just above her waist, baring her state of undress underneath and Kenshin couldn't help but worship her perfectly sculpted body. From the outside, her kimono flattened her breasts, making it small and undersized for the eye. But beneath it, when all the clothes had gone, he could well see the ample, voluptuous form that flattered her chest.
If the two lovers had not been long lost to the pure ecstasy of bliss, both would have been given the chance to feel the irony of things that surrounded them. It was a probably stupid thing to do for his part to ravish her right there and then given her delicate condition and it might have been a bit too careless for her part to allow both her mind and her body to be carried away by the high libido of bliss. She was sick, she was dying yet here she was, making love to the man she cherished the most. It was his first night to bed her, first night for his skin to glide against hers, their joining anew. Yet even as they both knew this, it was as if they had known one another for the longest time. The feeling mutual and indifferent.
In the night, Kaoru realized, when Battousai was deep in the process of pleasuring her, she noticed the change of side in the man. He was never brash and uncouth through out the whole evening. He was gentle, always holding her, always asking if everything was all right even if the couple knew that each one wasn't so inexperienced in the terms of sex. He even went to leagues as of restraining himself when he felt that she wanted him to wait, so both of them could relish the feeling of rapture. His words were soft, soothing, his movements less wild, less volatile and although his eyes still held the amber shade that promised death to whoever wished to interfere with their little tryst, it wore a soft glow, like a dying ember in a fire. It was his first time to touch her, to hold her even with the given long time of their acquaintance, yet Kaoru was almost certain he knew every part of her body. Where she was sensitive the most, where she wanted to be touched, how she wanted to be touched…
The night held so many twists of events for the both of them; Kenshin rationalized after she had fallen into a deep tired sleep. It was the night when she told him everything about her illness. The fact that he was still terrified and will always be terrified about the idea did not escape from his attention. But yet, it was also the night when their bodies first joined, how hot skin glided into searing hot sensitive flesh. How moans and grunts reverberated in the whole four corners of the dark room. It was his first time to touch her, see the pleading look of gratification she held in her eyes that Kenshin knew he was the first and only one allowed to see. It had been like a kind of distraction for his worries and anxieties.
He didn't know what to think anymore.
Or more precisely how to feel.
He shouldn't become quite ecstatic with the night's events for she had indeed confessed her growing disease.
He shouldn't become quite distressed with the night's events for they had indeed shared their bodies with one another.
Oh Kami-sama, what the hell should he do?
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The moon still shone high above the Kyoto skies as one of the forms buried under the thick blanket slowly began to move.
Lapis lazuli eyes lazily opened to gaze directly across a handsome face that once again took her breath away.
Wow… think about a good waking up… she thought.
The position gave her the chance to study his features carefully. The beautiful almost seducing way his ember colored hair that seems to call her. His perfectly sculpted nose, his eyes, still closed with the weight of sleep and his scar that served to even perfect his looks rather than to mar it.
He's beautiful…
A pale hand slowly crept to stroke the gentle fall of his hair, eyes intent on watching him sleep. For a while, she had been distracted, her mind tuned away from her disease. But now, now that everything had once again settled; where she was the only living soul awake, memories seem to come and chase her off again.
Kaoru held a bittersweet smile as she tried to fight off the tears that were storming inside her chest. This man… this particular red haired handsome man, who had become her salvation, was too much to give up. The pain of losing him weighted more than having to think of leaving this world. Had it not been for his presence, she thought, she would have thanked the gods for allowing her to escape to a world where pain and filth never exist. Where morality, ethics and values were once again restored.
But he had entered her forsaken world and her life had begun to change since then.
She was too absorbed by her own thoughts that she did not realize the object of her scrutiny moving until she felt his palm gently encompass her wrist.
"Kaoru…"
It was enough. Her name was enough to have her head whip automatically towards him, lips unconsciously widening and proving as an early temptation for him. But although this came as a diversion, it wasn't able to distract him from noticing the pained smile she had on her lips.
"Kaoru… what's the matter…" he whispered gently, amber eyes worried and anxious.
She smiled, merely shook her head and pause to lay her head atop his chest to listen to his beating heart.
"Kaoru… Kaoru… what's the matter?" his voice was becoming a bit urgent, alarmed at her lack of attention.
She smiled, tears filling her glassy eyes, face holding a far away look. It seemed to him that she was in a half conscious half dreaming state. Her eyes were blank and wide, attention not directed on him but to him.
"Kaoru… please tell me..wha-"
"I'll… miss… you…"
He was cut off in mid sentence and yet he was caught off guard with the way her voice sounded. So faraway… so serene… as if every word was foreign. Her face was serene… her smile no longer bittersweet but sad. There's a big difference between those two emotions and he knew that. She was not looking at him, she was just listening to his heart and he wrapped two strong arms around her form to assure himself… herself of his presence.
"Kaoru… please don't say that… Don't say you're going to miss me… it's not as bad as you think we.. I ... we..."
"Hush love…" she interrupted, a pale graceful finger touching his dry lips. " I know what's going to happen... And I'm prepared for it… I want to prepare for it…" she added, face full of innocence and soft determination.
"But Kaoru…"
"No." she said a bit strongly, mindset very determined not to cry. "This is my fate Kenshin… our fate. To be parted from one another. This should have never been formed. These feelings we share. We both know I am not allowed to feel…It's against the very ethics of my job… but I did and I think this is just the right payment for it." She whispered, her voice faltering at the last part of her sentence.
"NEVER!" he almost roared. Bolting upright and almost throwing her off balance. "Don't say that Kaoru. Don't say that. Everyone is allowed to feel… you taught me that… how could you go against your word?" he asked, face looking desperate, a bit maddened and confused.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, sitting beside him, not minding to cover her body with at least a blanket. "I'm sorry if I said that… I shouldn't have made you believe…" she trailed off.
He shook his head, refusing to give in with her words. For once in his life, Battousai was sure about one thing. He was sure that he wasn't talking rubbish. He was sure his point was correct. He would just have to drive it through. And hell I would.
"Kaoru-love… don't say that… no… you won't die… I won't allow that… ever... You're all that I have… You're everything I have… I just can't bear the fact of sitting here and just watching you die… no…. no… never!"
He was at the point of desperation. Kaoru knew, for she felt it in his words, in his tone. But what could she do? The disease was not a matter to be ignored. The cancer was growing inside, eating her lungs… yes, sooner or later…
"Don't think of that." He murmured, as if reading her mind. Closing his eyes and holding her form tightly next to his, he whispered, eyes full of fear and anxiety
"Just trust me Kaoru…. I'll find someone… someone who could save you… even if it means going to another land by the name of the devil, I swear I'm going to find someone… just don't… die…" he fervently said, his forehead touching hers and his lips settling between her plush ones.
Kaoru was vaguely aware of the cascading tears that ran on her face. How she loved this man! She felt touched with his effort, with his promise to save her life even if it did after all appeal impossible for her ears. Still, she had faith in him and she wished for nothing more than to share the remaining time of her life with him, the man she loved most.
TBC…
AN: Aww… (sobs) TT… that was soooo sad… pure drama I daresay… I did not create a pure lemon for this one…just a slight hint… If I can, maybe I could post the lemon in but anyways… this one's so sad but may I repeat that this fic is not a parody of MOULIN ROUGE… it may seem alike but there so many other things that would be happening in this fic of mine so please, don't judge this one so easily… just wait for the updates that would soon be coming,
Don't forget to review!
Ja,
Bluerose