Fanfic by blueroseulan

November 4, 2005

AN: Standard Disclaimer's Apply! RK doesn't belong to me…

Hi guys! Well here I am! Another update… and I tell you, you're in for a very very very big surprise in this one… For you to find out, read on!

Oh and BTW, I'd like to ask you to please read and review the songfic/oneshot I just mad. It's titled 'Collide'. A song sung by Howie Day… Please don't forget to review that one… it would inspire me to do more oneshots… .

I'll stop my blabbering and let you read the small twist of events I've instilled in this chappie…

K
N
K

Kaoru was sure, the treatment she received from Kenshin was better than the pampering the empress had in the royal palace. She was his priority; his attention was all hers, his body, and his spirit. Everything. It even came to the point when it was sometimes annoying her the way he hovered around about. But soon, she grew used to it, even if she would tell him to stop babying her every night when they lay on their futon. She was happy, he was happy and even her sickness seem to deter when she was with him.

Or that was she thought so…

It had been a week since they started living together. Everything was perfect, like a picture untouched, except for a few occurrences that had been on her mind.

Once, she recalled, as she was following him towards the garden, intending to find out his most bragged about rose bush, she had to stop, her vision blurring, as his form became a violent swirl of colors. She had rubbed her eyes and massaged her head until everything had become normal again. She had disregarded that incident since then.

Another was when they were both in the kitchen, with him teaching her how to cook a decent meal. He was instructing her how to position the blade of the knife and he was holding her hand, when abruptly, he vision began to blur and the counter became a swirl of red, orange, and gray colors. Dropping her knife, she swayed and almost lost her balance had it not been for his arms that firmed her into place.

"Kaoru… Kaoru.. What's happening? Are you alright?" he asked, voice full of worry.

It took some time before the colors had begun to set back on its own original hues. She had dismissed him, eyes trying hard to smile and distract his sudden tension.

Those were only a few of the dozen times her sight failed her. She didn't know what to do and she kept it to herself. The knowledge of her death was enough burden for him, and she certainly didn't want to place another heavy load on his mind.

But then again, Kaoru should have known, long long ago, that secrets could never be kept for long.

They were out that morning, exploring the forest and Kenshin had shown her a running brook not so far from the house. It was wonderful in her eyes. Periwinkle and colored lilacs bloomed instead of ugly reeds in the marsh. It almost seemed like a picture sent straight from heaven. The way the water shone and how butterflies fluttered about, living by means of the sweet nectar produced by the wild blooms.

The water was low, reaching only a bit higher above her dainty ankles. Kenshin had invited her to wade in the fresh liquid, to cool down the temperature where she readily agreed.

It was one of the best moments in her life. A picture perfect moment. Forgetting about her sickness and her problems, Kaoru felt like a little girl once more, where she would splash in the water with her papa. Only this time, she was with him… the man she had learned to love the most.

His heart felt like bursting when he saw her smile. That was enough. To see her smile and laugh inspite of what she has been going through was enough for him to feel happy. Whenever she was glad, he felt twice glad. When she felt contented, he was twice contented. It was there and then in that moment did Himura Kenshin realize how happy and fulfilling life can be. When you're with the person you love the most, all the negative odds that are against you would vanish.

They were about to head home, both still in high spirits with the earlier play they had. He smiled and laughed, enjoying the moment and ran ahead of her, encouraging her to catch up. She did so, as peals of laughter escaped her lips, steps quite slower from his. She had been proven tired with their play and she wanted to get home. Stopping suddenly to gasp for breath, Kaoru suddenly felt queasy, her vision becoming cloudy, she became alarmed with the almost invisible smoke that filtered her mind. Squinting her eyes in hopes to catch sight of his form, the colors around her began to dance, as if a cruel man had decided to spill his cans of paint in her mind. The colors wheezed around her until suddenly they became very still and swallowed her whole.

Everything became black.

Kenshin was starting to slow down knowing she can't very well catch up with him, when he suddenly felt alone, her ki suddenly snuffed out. Jerking his whole body back, he stiffened to see her fallen form in the ground. His mind went completely blank for a moment, before he ran towards her, carrying her towards the cottage with god like speed. Settling her on the futon, he felt her forehead and felt a raging fever. Inwardly he cursed himself knowing it was his stupidity that had caused her fever.

I should have known she was too weak to go out.

This idea was absurd! She's too frail! Stupid!

These words kept reeling and reeling over his mid as he moved around to get the various medicines he had in store and boiled water. After he had been done with these, he settled himself beside her and watched her settle in an uncomfortable sleep.

K

The first thing that registered on her mind was the wooden ceiling that was well over her head. Although it was kind of vague, she was sure it was the ceiling and that she was inside the room. What was peculiar though was that everything was hazy, everything was unclear. She couldn't quite depict the color of the yukata she wore or the color of her blanket. She could see the outlines of their shapes though, but they were never clear.

As if on cue, a figure entered the room. The fear of not knowing who it was gripped her senses.

"Who's there?" she asked, trying hard to strengthen her voice.

The figure seemed taken aback with her question and it was as if her vision only dimmed darker.

"I said whose there?" she asked, voice more alarmed.

The person began to near her, making her all the more terrified.

"Please… I can't see you… who are you?" she asked as she squinted her eyes in a futile effort to know the intruder in her room.

"Kaoru."

It was him. Kaoru breathed in a sigh of relief.

"Kenshin? Is that you? Thank God you're here…" she murmured. "Where are you? I can't see you…" she whispered, head turning from one side to another as she tried to search for him.

She could make out an outline of a form hovering above her, but she was unsure of what it was. Her thoughts were muddled and her sight so cloudy.

"Kenshin? Where are you? Kenshin?" she cried out, alarmed that she could still not see him. Reaching out a hand, she tried to search for him while her eyes seemed to provide darkness.

The said man looked pained as he watched his woman deftly search for him while he was in fact kneeling face to face with her. Although he was first confused on her peculiar notions, he had slowly begun to piece information by information in his mind. There and then a hard and painful realization hit him.

She has gone blind…

Although his mind was in a state of denial, a lump had already latched itself on his throat. Yet, he willed himself not to cry as he gently reached for her form and pulled her closer to him. His voice was soft, a gentle caress to her soul.

"Kaoru… love… I'm here… don't be afraid… I'm here… I will protect you…" he whispered in her ear.

She turned for the direction of his voice and her hands slowly crept towards his face.

"Kenshin… is that really you? Why can't I see you? I can't see you anata… where are you?' she said, voice starting to sound alarmed.

He tried to soothe her, careful not to frighten her.

"Kenshin!" she was becoming frantic by now. "I can't see you! I can't see you at all! Where are you Kenshin!" she cried as tears began to seep out of her dull blue eyes.

"I'm here love. I'm here." He reassured her. His tone an opposite match against her panicked one.

Though she could feel him, touch him with her nimble fingers, Kaoru was terrified with the thought that she couldn't see at all.

"Kenshin… what's happening to me! I want to know what's happening to me! Why can't I see? Why cant I!"

She was thrashing about now. Struggling against his grasp, her fear getting the best of her. Her face was deathly pale and her hair was strewn all over the floor. He tried to pacify her, soothe her and calm her while he thought of the next most logical thing to do. He was also scared and confused. He also wanted to know why… what had happened, and a thought occurred in him.

"I'm going to take you to the doctor." He promised.

A few more moments of struggle, Kaoru had finally calmed down in his hold, providing him with the opportunity to hoist her up in his arms, and exit the room. Grabbing a thick michiyuki at the cabinet, he trudged away from their home, fully intending to arrive at the doctor's office before sunset.

He was awfully glad that she had been awake upon arriving at the doctor's office. He wouldn't have known what to do if he was the one tasked to bring about such cursed news.

The physician had proved his suspicions correct. Kaoru's tuberculosis had proven fatal for her and it had lowered her immune system to the point where microorganisms can attack her body easily.

"She is at the state where her body is most susceptible to foreign pathogens right now. One most fatal is the bacteria that had started eating its way towards her eyes and into her cornea. I could see from my examinations that her cornea had long been damaged by this organism. I doubt if she never had any warning signs." Looking at her he asked, "Honestly Kamiya-san, did you ever experience having a blurred vision before you collapsed?"

Her answer frightened him as well as shocked him.

"Yes. In fact a couple of times." She admitted, bowing her head in shame.

"Oh well… you should have consulted a doctor earlier. Though I doubt if your eyesight could have been saved. You have such a rare complicated case that we have no medical knowledge about the treatment of your disease."

"What are you trying to say?" he asked, voice higher than the supposed tone, scaring the doctor.

"You mean to say that I'm going to be blind?" she asked in such a small weak voice that made the assassin scared.

When the doctor nodded, felt her knees become loose, making her stagger behind only to lean on his muscular chest. The man felt weakened himself as his mind slowly processed the doctor's words.

It's hopeless…

But still…

The journey back to the cottage was silent, with Kenshin insisting on carrying her much to her guilt. In Kaoru's point of view, she felt guilty knowing that she would become more of a burden for him now provided with the circumstances. She could only bury her head in the crook of his neck while she tried to stop the tears from seeping in her eyes. But it was such a task so hard and she couldn't stop the maelstrom of tears forcing their way out as she choked a sob one after the other.

A look of genuine concern crossed his face as he tried to ask what was wrong.

Everything is wrong…

At first he couldn't start to understand her words, but slowly, he began to comprehend the blur of words that were tumbling from her mouth.

"I'm so sorry… so so sorry… for being a burden… for destroying your life… I'm sorry Kenshin for not being able to provide you the dreams you wish you had… I..."

He was stunned with her words. Oh my dear sweet Kaoru… why do you think of yourself that way?

"Kaoru… please… please don't say that… please don't… You will never… ever become a burden for me." He choked, trying not to cry. "You've always been what I've wanted. I don't care what happens… I don't… all I know is that I'll never stop loving you… never… never Kaoru…never!" he bit out, tears running down his face, his hold on her tight and shaking.

She wept then, in his gi openly. Both thankful and needing for his reassurance. Before they left from the doctor's office, Kaoru was sure; she'd die alone in anxiety in pain. But now, having heard his words, Kaoru wasn't so sure she wanted her death to become what she thought. Knowing that the former assassin stayed on her side made things easier to bear for her.

K

For someone who had never experienced being blind for the past twenty years, Kaoru was sure having a hard time adjusting to the bleak darkness that surrounded her world. No longer was she allowed to see the wonderful colors that danced around her, nor see the face of the man she lived with. Of course, Kenshin proved to be such a great help. He was now in charge—much to Kaoru's chagrin- of almost about everything. To her food, to their room, to the cleaning, washing her clothes, teaching her how to eat without spilling her food and so many things more that she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming guilt inside.

One night, as she lay on his lap, waiting patiently for him to finish combing the tangled locks, she couldn't hide the heavy feeling any longer and she slowly began to cry.

Setting the comb down in alarm, he gently asked whatever was wrong. And in between heavy sobs, he had managed to understand her words.

"I feel so guilty anata… Guilty for being such a burden. I hate to become a heavy load for you. You don't deserve this… this kind of life with me… You should be free… as your spirit desires… Not caged in this living hell with me…. "

Inwardly, he had wanted to berate Kaoru for ever thinking of those wretched thoughts. Inwardly, he wanted to yell at her for saying those harsh words about herself…. But he knew about her fears… and he tried to picture his own world as a dull black, never being given the chance to see her beautiful face and breath taking smile and he realized—it must have been really very hard for her.

"Kaoru…" He started, voice low and soft," I've told you before… You are never and will never become a burden for me… I chose to love you… It wasn't your fault that I fell in love with you… that you are cursed with tuberculosis. It has never been your fault… And these things I do? It's really nothing compared to the suffering that you are undergoing… all I want to do is to relieve you of the pain… because if I were the one who have gone blind… I would not know what to do… how to live without seeing you… That makes me love you so much more… The way I see you struggling to get up and live each day with me by my side… do you not think that's enough for me? The only thing that you did wrong was not to tell me about the onset of your blindness… I think... if you had told me, then I could have made your suffering so much lighter, giving you the assurance that you're not alone."

His speech totally touched her. And even if her world was painted black, she could tell the deep compassion his face held; the way his mouth twitched and his eyes glowed soft amber. She realized that her blindness did not present itself as an obstacle for seeing his face, for she knew it, each line, each scar, and it was as if she was still looking at him straight in the eye.

"Kenshin..." she softly called," I'm sorry… for having said those words… At least I should have thanked you ne? Well… I think you really know it… how I'm really thankful having you in my life…" she smiled, Even if her eyes remained dull and listless. "I'll try my best… to still help... it would keep me busy and happy… "She added, smile widening.

He grinned slightly, glad that her perspective had been totally reversed. Now, his Kaoru was on the right track again, her spirit slowly being rekindled. And he was proud for that fact, that his Kaoru was certainly a fighter and not a weak one.

He suddenly felt soft frail hands crawling slowly towards his face. Looking at her in surprise, he asked why she was doing such an action.

"That's easy." She casually said. "When my eyes no longer remember how you look, my hands will guide me to you."

He could just smile and try to choke back his tears. When had I been so emotional? He asked himself. But he didn't mind crying in front of her. As long as she loved him, he knew Kaoru would understand.

And she did.

AN:

OKAY! OKAY! OKAY! CAN U STOP HURTING ME NOW? OUCH! THAT FLYING BUCKET HURTS! OWW! (fanits then recovers)

I know you guys are so like madd and totally confused with what's happened to kaoru. I know I know… please, don't push that review button Just YET… please… let me explain.. okay?

I'm no medical wheez or something. In fact, I flunked by Biology exam when it came to the human anatomy. But I just thought, well, since my teacher was always saying, if you have TB then you're more susceptible to pathogenic microorganisms and blah blah. Well, I thought it would instill more drama if I allow Kaoru to be blind. I know you guys are scratching that ehad of yours with confusion like, what's the connection with TB and blindness! Believe me, I wanted to make this fic as close to reality as possible but hey, it's STILL a fic. So anything can happen ne?

I hope I don't get multiple flames for this. Your reviews are so wonderful so far, I'd hate it if you guys pound me over again and again with what I did to our dear Kaoru-chan. --- At least she still has Kenshin ne? I just wish you guys still appreciate my effort sighs and walks dejectedly away with head bowed down

I wish you'd still review…wipes tears from anime teary eyes

Bluerose