Disclaimer: This is a humor fic. No one in here belongs to me. It's based very loosely in Hellblazer:Hogwarts universe by Camywn.

Professors' Strange Love

By Alec Troven

It was a dark night on the Hogwarts grounds. The moon had fallen between the clouds turning the sky a silvery gray. In the lake the Giant Squid swam lazily, a tentacle occasionally drifting up above the water's surface. Near the lake's edge Professor Snape walked. He was a deeply disturbed man. Once again he had been denied the post of teacher of the Defense of the Dark Arts. And this time the post had gone to, not only a complete stranger, but also a complete stranger that claimed to be from another world entirely. The new teacher, Constantine had a shady look about him. Always smoking and cursing. And he couldn't keep his hair straight. (Not that he could be one to talk, but still there had to be standards to be kept.)

There near the Forbidden Forest's edge was the teacher in question. Having a smoke. Importantly Snape strode up to Constantine and glowered at him.

"What do you want?" Constantine asked, looking up at him with hooded eyes. He pulled a deep drag off the cigarette and blew the smoke in his face provocatively. Coughing Snape waved his hand in front his face.

"I want to know what you're doing."

"Smoking. What's it look like?"

Snape frowned frustrated something was urging him to stay while other parts were urging him to leave. Seeing as how leaving would be cowardly he decided to stay. "I can see that."

"If you want to know my motives, mate, you'll have to ask better questions." Constantine said raising his eyebrows. Snape leaned up closer to him.

"I want to know everything about you." Snape whispered. Constantine gave him a charming smile and tossed the cigarette away.

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

Constantine grinned at him wider than the Cheshire cat and kissed him hard and suddenly.

Over in the lake there was a sudden splashing sound of a body getting dropped into the water from very, very high up. Cursing followed it as a handsome looking man with pointed ears and gills broke to the surface of the lake.

"HOW THE HELL DID I GET HERE!" He demanded. Then he felt a squid tentacle around his leg. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" the tentacle stroked the Namor's leg and his eyes rolled up with a pleasured Mrrr…

About a month later…

"You're kidding me!" Constantine and Snape both yelled to the poor Madame Pomfery. The woman looked at the two men as if her professional skills had just been insulted.

"Of course not. I wouldn't joke about such a thing. Even as strange as this," she said. "In any case you two have some preparations to make." She looked at Constantine, "For starters no more smoking."

Constantine looked as if he had been punched in the gut at that pronouncement.

"And less hanging out in the dungeons with all those potions, too," She continued. "I don't know how you did it but your babies are going to come into this world healthy if I have anything to say about it."

Meanwhile in a far corner of the school, professor Nadezhda was laughing hysterically, holding up an empty potion of pregnancy bottle.

bows And that is all.