Abduction by the Borg

by Douglas R. von Scroeder

A young software developer gets captured by 34th century Borg. Can his friends save him?

A tall broad shouldered man, about 23 years, wearing a black T- shirt with a complicated blood red design emblazoned on it, black jeans with bloused combat boots, a black skate belt, black denim jacket, extremely dark brown spiky hair, and black metal thin glasses. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked like he hadn't got any sleep for a week. His name was Douglas R. v.Schroeder. It was 12 in the morning. He was sitting, hunched over, staring at an LCD screen with billions of lines of C+ code. He was mumbling with a light German accent

Doug: "…must…finish…coding…memory allocation unit…for…WinVI…"

suddenly, the Borg Queen and five drones teleport into the vicinity of him.

Doug: blinks for two seconds "Wow… I'm seeing things. This can't possibly be real. I really need my coffee."

Borg Queen: We are from the 34th century. Do not try to resist. You will be assimilated. Four of Five, assimilate him."

The drone, Four of Five, plunges his assimilation tubules into Doug's temples and dark lines begin to spread from the injection point as the billions of Borg nanoprobes form circuit pathways beneath his skin.

Doug: "OK, this is definitely real."

All seven of them then teleport away, but they accidentally leave their time travel device behind.

On the Borg cube, orbiting 34th century earth, Doug is strapped into a chair, and being augmented, currently having his right eye pulled out and being replaced with a highly advanced looking 34th century optical scanner with a ruby red lens. The Borg Queen is supervising the task.

Doug: "AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" stops screaming "Hey, my Grade V retinopathy is gone!" resumes screaming "AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Borg Queen: "Will somebody stop his incessant screaming before he passes out? The other drones can't even do their work!"

She points to a drone who is banging his head against his alcove

Drone: "Make it stop! Somebody make it stop!"

Borg Queen: "See! Somebody knock this 21st century geek unconscious!"

One of the drones augmenting him hits him on the head, knocking him out.

Borg Queen: "Ah, that's better." begins thinking to herself "Now that Admiral Janeway's great great great great grandfather has been assimilated into the Collective, the Borg will rule the galaxy!"

5 hours later, Doug's augmentation is complete. He now has black exoplating covering his whole body except his face, slightly larger forehead, shoulder guards that extend 18in past his shoulders, metal boots that extend up to his kneecaps, a wire coming from his optical scanner going into the back of his head, and a black cape.

Assimilated Doug: "State our designation."

Borg Queen: "You are Locutor of the Borg. Temporally transport back to the 24th century, destroy Starfleet HQ, and reassimilate Seven of Nine."

Locutor: "Consider it done." He warps out of the Borg cube with some extremely cool special FX

Back in the 21st century

Two men walk into the spot where the Borg abducted Doug. The one on the right (our left) had a very fine figure, since he was on the slim fast diet. He was about 24 years. His shiny dark red-purplish hair was groomed into a very nice, somewhat acceptable style, somewhat short, and somewhat curved to a point on the sides of his head, horizontally, yet again. His bangs hung thickly on his forehead. His eyes were half circular from the bottom, colored gray. The shirt he wore was like a tank top, the straps three or four fingers wide, and colored pale lavender. It was just a short length larger than a woman's sport's bra, since it revealed so much of his torso. His navy pants (which did NOT look very professionally zipped) were also somewhat baggy at the end, and were held up by two red belts. The belts were slightly different; they were thinner and the buckles on them were silver loops instead of squares. His pants were tucked into his read and black mud boots as well. The black fingerless gloves on his hands also extended to just bellow his shoulders, with two buckles on each. He also wore a giant, traditional black trench coat, with white shoulder patches and dark blue beaded trim covered in buckles and belts. He was Joey. The one the left (our right) was wearing a black T-shirt with the words "Bow to me, for I am root" emblazoned on them in white, a white overshirt, a black skate belt, and black thin metal glasses. He had dark brown spiky hair. He looked like he was an elite UNIX hacker. He was about 25. He was Jack.

Joey: "Doug, we're here with your repaired laptop. Doug? Jack, where's Doug?"

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Note: Some scenes may not actually have Doug in them.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Jack: "He's not here. Guess that $100 he paid for me debugging and optimizing his code for WinVI is just going to go to waste. Wait, lets check his room, just to make sure."

Joey: "Yeah, lets do that; he almost never leaves his room."

They march up to Doug's room

Jack: "He's not here! How could he not be here! He never goes out anywhere!"

Joey: "Hey, look what I found. It's some sort of device."

Jack: "Ooh, looks futuristic."

Back in the 24th century.

A tall buxom, slender and extremely toned and muscular woman, about six feet tall, wearing a black sports bra, tan khaki cargo pants, black skate belt, bloused black combat boots, and a metal/electronic piece around her right eye. She had long blonde hair which was tied back in a pony tail. I do not need to tell you who she is. She was currently snacking on a White Crunch bar.

Seven of Nine: "Huh? My proximity transceiver activated. Maybe it's just malfunctioning again; the Borg are just like that company Microsoft: they can't actually innovate, they just steal other people's ideas and pass them off as their own. What's worse is that they can't even do it right; the implants always crash and malfunction and have all sorts of errors. Anyway, I'm going to finish my candy."

Capt. Worf: Admiral Janeway, we are detecting a Borg drone about 50 feet away from the HQ complex perimeter. Phasers locked."

Adm. Janeway: "Dammit, Worf. I told you never to lock phasers without my explicit authorization!"

Worf: "Sorry."

All the screens start displaying the Omega symbol.

Cmdr. Data: "Admiral, we are also detecting an Omega molecule from the exact same location where the drone is standing."

Adm. Janeway: "From now on, you are to disregard all other Starfleet General Orders and follow the Omega Directive."

Cmdr. Geordi LaForge: "I have detected chronotrons around the drone. Some are from the 34th century, while others are from the 21st century. Do you know what this means?"

Adm. Janeway: "That he is…"

Geordi: "…a 21st century human…"

Worf: "…captured by the 34th century Borg…"

Seven: "…and assimilated and sent back in time…"

Adm. Janeway: "…to destroy us."

Capt. Riker begins running around screaming.

Geordi: "Also, the drone seems to be yelling something or other."

Adm. Janeway: "On screen."

Locutor: talking in the Borg "a billion voices as one" monotone voice "I am Locutor of the Borg. Lower your shields and power down your weapons. Do not try to resist. I will destroy you."

Geordi: "The drone seems to be powered by the Omega molecule. He also has reactive exoplating made of an admantium/vibranium/carbonadium alloy, metaphysic multidimensional personal shielding, disruptors, internal transport and temporal transport nodes, an electron beam sword, anti-grav boots, and double-edged 10-inch long retractable Antarctic vibranium razor blades on each finger. He also has a temporal disruptor weapon that can push things out of the space-time continuum, deleting them from history. All of his weapons and the like seem to be thought controlled."

Capt. Riker faints.

Adm. Janeway: "Send in the Special Forces!"

About a dozen Special Forces soldiers run at Locutor.

Locutor: "Too easy! Disruptor wave!" All the Special Forces are either rendered unconscious or killed by the powerful shockwave of the disruptor.

Back in the 21st century

Joey: "Hmm, the LCD screen on this thingy is set to '24'. Wonder what that means?"

Jack: "Lets press the button and figure out what it does."

Joey: "OK."

They press the button and they warp out in a really cool special FX.

A portal opens in the sky and they land outside the Starfleet HQ, around the corner from where Doug/Locutor is standing.

Joey/Jack: "Aughhhhh!" loud crashing sound

Joey: "Hey, look at the guy in the tin can."

Jack: "Look how he's decimating all those soldiers! Wait…is that…Doug?"

Joey: adjusts his shades "It is Doug! But he's killing all those people! We have to stop him!"

Jack: "You couldn't think of any dialogue better than that?"

Joey: "If you think we're getting rich off this contract, think again."

Announcer: "Back to the storyline."

Joey leaps into the air, rushes at Doug/Locutor, and slams into him with his arm, thrusting Locutor at the side of the building. The exoplating, other assorted implants, and some unprotected flesh on the side that was thrown against the wall are severely damaged. But they quickly regenerate.

Locutor: "Pathetic human. How dare you."

Adm. Janeway: "What the hell are those civilians doing out there? Scotty, two to beam up!."

Joey and Jack get transported into Starfleet HQ.

Joey: "Where in the world are we?"

Adm. Janeway: "You're in Starfleet HQ. Welcome aboard."

Jack is currently ogling over all the cool fancy computer systems, while Joey is ogling at Seven of Nine.

Geordi: "Will you stop drooling over the computer systems, grandpa."

Seven: "And will you stop drooling at me, grandfather."

Joey/Jack: "Grandpa?"

Geordi: "Don't you know? You're my great-great-great-great grandfather."

Jack: "No, I didn't know."

Seven: "Same here."

Adm. Janeway: "Hate to breakup the little family reunion, but we have a serious problem on our hands: Locutor has killed all of the Special Forces members and has breeched our shielding. We must destroy him at any cost."

Joey: "Is he that cyborg outside?"

Adm. Janeway: "Why, yes he is. How did you know?"

Joey: "Because you can't destroy him, he's our friend. He was kidnapped."

Adm. Janeway: "Well, I'm very sorry about your friend, but it's the only way."

Jack: who seems to have been in 'deep hack mode': "I figure out a way to stop Locutor without harming our friend Doug!"

Adm. Janeway: "Well, lets hear it."

Jack: "As you probably already know, I'm an elite systems hacker. I could write a virus to separate him from the Collective while leaving his mind intact."

Adm. Janeway: "I think that just might work."

Everyone (Except Cmdr. Riker, who's still unconscious): "Yay!"

Announcer: "And there was much rejoicing throughout the land."

Adm. Janeway: "Ensign Fred, supply Jack with the most advanced computer systems we have."

Ensign Fred: "Yes, Sir."

Adm. Janeway: "Ensign Fred, despite Starfleet protocol, I don't like being addressed as 'sir'. Admiral will do nicely."

Jack is now furiously typing away at the workstation writing the virus, while Joey continues to ogle at Seven of Nine, who is slowly backing away from him.

Adm. Janeway: "One, go and try to stop Locutor."

One, a 29th century Borg drone, with a green eyepiece, no exoplating, short brown hair, wearing a Starfleet Commodore's uniform, currently playing three dimensional chess."

One: "I'm on it." Reactivates his exoplating.

Adm. Janeway: "Cmdr. Kim, go with him."

One: "Alright Locutor, lets go!"

Locutor: "Hahahaha! You think that you, a pathetic 29th century drone, can defeat me, a 34th century drone? I think not!"

One rushes at Locutor, but is easily deflected by Locutor's deflector shield.

One then charges his wrist mounted disruptor, fires it at Locutor, but it is reflected by his regenerative shield, and hits One with three times the original attack strength. Locutor then activates his electron beam sword, which has three times the attack strength of Locutor's opponent, and slashes directly at One's breastplate, ripping it open like a tin can.

Locutor: "Hahahaha! Pathetic drone!"

Cmdr. Kim tries to sneak up behind Locutor, but Locutor quickly turns around and slashes Kim in the face with his vibranium razor blades.

Kim: Screams in pain "Aughhhh! My face! My beautiful face!"

Back at Starfleet HQ, which has been so thoroughly destroyed by Locutor that everyone is doing their work in the supply closet.

Adm. Janeway: "Get those two to sickbay right now!"

In sickbay

EMH: It seems that Locutor's blades carry the same type of virus as Species 8472's claws. Kim's cells are being destroyed and there's nothing we can do."

Adm. Janeway: "Jack, how's that virus coming along?"

Jack: "Almost ready, Admiral."

Seven walks out, just to see what's going on.

Seven: "Hmm, we haven't seen Locutor in a while."

Suddenly, Locutor steps out of the shadows and plunges his five assimilation tubules into Seven's temples.

Adm. Janeway: "Has anyone seen Seven?"

Suddenly, the Time Force Power Rangers appear.

Wes: "The Power Rangers are here to save the day!"

Locutor(and the freshly reassimilated Seven, wearing 34th century Borg implants and the like, also keeping her hair like Doug): turn towards the Power Rangers "Disruptor wave."

And all the Power Rangers are sent flying, never to be heard from again.

Adm. Janeway: "What was that all about? Oh no! Seven's been reassimilated!"

Joey: "There has to be something I can do. I know, maybe I can try to get Doug to remember who he is."

Joey rushes outside and immediately starts grappling with Locutor.

Joey: "Doug, snap out of it. You have to remember who you are."

Locutor: "Doug is irrelevant. I am Locutor."

Joey: who has now been tossed to the ground with Locutor standing above him "Remember all the fun things we use to do before we went our separate ways, you going to a doctorate in computer science, me getting a doctorate in philosophy? The ski trips, the movies we saw, the cross-country road trips we took?"

Doug: weakly, clutching his head "J-j-joey? Help me! Please help me! Aughhh!"

Jack: "Adm. Janeway, the virus is ready. There's only one problem though."

Adm. Janeway: "What's that?"

Jack: "Doug's mind has to have control over his body, or we'll lose him forever."

Locutor: "Pathetic human. Prepare to be assimilated."

Locutor extends his five assimilation tubules, and is about to plunge them into Joey's temples, but suddenly stops

Joey: thinking "He can't bring himself to do it. He remembers me." not thinking "You can fight it! You can fight the Collective!"

Doug: "Upload the virus! Upload it now!"

Joey pulls out his cellphone.

Joey: "Upload fix.exe!"

A red light flashes from his cellphone and connects to a little infrared transceiver on Locutor's eyepiece.

Locutor's unaugmented eye's iris glows red.

On the Borg cube which is orbiting earth

Central computer: "Locutor: Virus alert. Neural processor corrupted. Cortical node disconnected. Locutor deleted."

back on earth.

Doug is back to normal

Doug: "Owww…my head."

And so is Seven.

Jack, Joey, Adm. Janeway, and Seven of Nine all rush out and hug Doug.

Jack/Joey/Adm. Janeway/Seven: "Yay! Doug's not a Borg!"

Doug: "I have the perfect way to destroy the Borg."

Doug temporally transports back to the 21st century, kidnaps a large, purple talking dinosaur, and temporally transports back to the 24th century.

Adm. Janeway: "Having the Borg assimilate Barney the Dinosaur is the perfect way to destroy them; they'll become sappy and revert back to kindergarten intelligence. They'll never bother us again."

Doug: "And if that fails, I've got a backup plan: I'll install Windows on their central plexus; it'll consume all their resources, create upgrades that use exponentially more resources than the last one, and drive them insane with its incessant need for patches and the like."

Doug transports up to the Borg cube, and places Barney in one of the many corridors, while Doug uses his assimilation tubules to install Windows 95 the central plexus.

Two Borg approach Barney and Doug.

Borg 1: "Wait, one of those two is a Borg, no need to do him again."

Barney: "Wow! Those sure are scary costumes you have, I bet you guys win all of the dress up contests."

Borg 2: puts Barney in a headlock and assimilates Barney.

Borg 1: "All done; lets plug him into the Collective."

All the Borg start singing a distorted techno version of 'I love you' and they all feel closer together. Then Barney is washed away into the Collective.

Borg 1: "Great. Just great. That just deleted about 50 years of assimilation data."

Borg 2: "We should've just left him alone."

Borg 1: rolls eyes "Really."

Borg 2: "Oh no! My sensors are picking up a exponential increase in resource usage!"

Borg 1: "To central command! We have to restore the normal usage! What are we going to do?"

Barney of Borg: "Let's play a make-believe game!"

Borg 1: "We will kill you if you say another word."

Doug: snickers "Good luck."

In sickbay, the EMH is removing Doug's exoplating.

Doug who is now very toned and muscular due to his assimilation: "Ow! Stop touching me!"

EMH: "You are such a touch-me-not. If you want to look like an idiot when you and your friends return home, that's fine by me."

Seven: "Borg do not look like idiots!"

Doug: "OK, but can I at least keep the other stuff."

EMH: "Do what you wish."

Adm. Janeway: "Doug, Joey, Jack, after the EMH is done with you, come to the auditorium."

In the auditorium

Starfleet Commander in Chief: "We are gathered here today to award Messrs. Joey and Jack and Herr Doctor Douglas the honorary rank of Sector Admiral for their meritorious achievements."

They are awarded the insignia collar pin of a Sector Admiral, and huge celebration and party ensues, with balloons and everything.

Doug: "Seven, would you like to go out for dinner at The Outback?"

Seven: "Sure, Sector Admiral."

Joey: "Can I come?"

Doug/Seven: "No!"

At The Outback, Doug is eating a T-Bone, while Seven is eating a filet mignon.

Doug: pulls out a ring case "Annika Hansen, will you marry me?" he reveals a beautiful 3 carat triple diamond platinum wedding ring.

Annika: excitedly "Yes!"

The wedding ensues, with Joey as Doug's best man, Adm. Janeway as Annika's bridesmaid, and Jack as the ring bearer.

Joey: after the wedding "And so it begins…"

Back at Starfleet HQ

Doug: "Well, its been a blast here in the 24th century, but we really need to go home; I can hear it now: 'Douglas! Stop making up stories that the reason you weren't at work yesterday was that you were in a time warp and assimilated by the Borg!'"

Jack: "Yeah, I miss my cat."

Joey: "And I miss my teddy!"

Annika: "I'm going with them, because the 24th century is boring; I want to go and see how they use to live life back 300 years. And I want to live with the love of my life, Sect. Adm. Herr Dr. Douglas R. von Schroeder."

They temporally transport back to the 21st century by the means of Doug's internal temporal transporter nodes.

It is now 9:00 at night.

Doug: quickly finishes the memory allocation unit for WinVI due his superior Borg intelligence "Ahhh… time to go to bed." plugs his mini-alcove into the back of his head and goes to sleep.

Annika's 24th century mobile comm. device (which is basically a highly advanced futuristic cellphone) is lying on Doug's workstation, which starts to sprout assimilation tubules which probe into Doug's workstation, which starts glowing a familiar green. It then sends out extraction tubules, which snake across the doorways dividing the triplex and puncture Joey's and Jack's neck, taking DNA samples.

In the morning

Doug: "Augh! My $10,000 workstation!"

Annika: "My comm. device!"

Joey/Jack: "Our necks!"

To be continued…