See first chapter.
February 26, 1994
Caro, diary,
Once again, the story is hard for me to tell. I've done a lot of talking about how much I loved James, and how much better a husband he was then Damon, but that's not necessarily true on all accounts. I've been a bit harsh, I suppose. While James was a sweet and caring intellectual type and I could talk to him about anything, I never actually got around to telling him that I was a vampire.
I would hunt alone at night, and cry to myself. It was a very lonely existence, although I loved James more then I could express anywhere, and it hurt me so to keep such a big part of me from him.
At night, when I would hunt alone, I would try to calm myself by remembering happier times. One of the happiest times I can remember is right after Mama sent me to Italy. Since she had to stay in Germany with my Papa and my siblings, she put me in the care of her best friend's family. (My Mama and Damon and Stefan's Mama were best friends.)
While I was growing up, Damon was like a second older brother to me. He (and everyone else in the house,) called me Bambi until I was about twelve or so. It means "little one," and as much as I hated it in my youth, I would do anything to hear him call me that now.
Nicknames weren't all. When I first arrived, I had countless nightmares about Grossmutter that would trouble my sleep for hours. Somehow Damon always knew though, so it wouldn't last for hours. He would wake up, come into my room, shake my shoulders and whisper "Bambi, are you all right?" then, I would turn over and face him, the tears running down my cheeks, and whimper "no." Then, he would take my hand and we would walk into the gardens and sit by the fountain. The moonlight and the sound of rushing water would always help me sleep. When I said I was tired, he would take me back to my room and stay with me until morning.
Of course, this was all before his mother died. This was when I was four and he was seven. Occasionally, my Mama would come by and see the two of us together, and I would hear her talking to herself about how the two of us would be married some day.
But even back then, our relationship still had snags. After his Mama died, Damon got moody and temperamental. I should probably mention that it was around that time that Stefan and I established the friendly relationship we have now. When I was six and Stefan was five, sometimes he'd want me to read with him in the library. After we would finish, Damon would grill me mercilessly, asking why I never read to him.
"Because," I would respond, "you can read by yourself, and he can't." Despite the logic of this statement, he was insufferable. He would call me traitor and say "Selina, dove le vostre lealtà si trovano?" "Selina, where do your loyalties lie?" It was like I was betraying him by being nice to his brother. It was strange. I would always respond "Damon, ti amo, ma le mie lealtà è a me ed a nessun altro." "Damon, I love you, but my loyalties are to myself and no one else."
James was so different from Damon. Sometimes I feel sad because I never got to say goodbye to him. He died in a war hospital in Germany. Damon can never die at all unless someone stakes him. I wonder, to what reason did any of this happen to me? I must ponder this, and end the entry for tonight.
Fino a che non veniamo a contatto di ancora,
Selina
brinhild- I thought it would be interesting to write in different languages. Thanks for the review!
incarnated-soul- Is this easier to read? No, she didn't see the hawk shape shift. She was asleep, but she could still feel and hear. Does that make sense? Thanks for all the encouragement, and from the sound of your other comments, you're getting out of the story what I want you to.
Piscean Wisdom- I bet your ideas weren't stupid. I hope this chapter puts another piece in the puzzle. Thanks for the review!
tyiagirl- Thanks! Hope you like this chapter too!