Safe World
By Miss Jazz
Category: Drama/Angst
Spoilers: "Gum Drops" and "Grave Danger"
Summary: Nick just wants to feel safe again. Set during "Gum Drops."
Disclaimer: The evidence tells me that CSI does not belong to me. And the evidence never lies.
Author's Note: This is my short, and rather late, "Gum Drops" story! I just found it on my computer and I decided to post it :) More updates are coming! My sincere apologies for the lack of a Faithful Light update. It is coming and it will be extra long and full of GSR to make up for the wait! School is crazy right now and that is my only excuse! The holidays are around the corner! Thanks again for all the lovely reviews!
The water was cold.
Her skin was colder.
His heart just might have been colder than both...but he'd never really know.
For Nick, the seconds had seemed like hours. Adrenaline had masked his fear and his desperation, and a little spark of hope had convinced him to ignore his brain. Throughout the whole case, he really hadn't been able to feel or think about anything but her. He had been convinced that she was alive, and he'd been prepared to do anything he needed to in order to find her...and himself.
She'd been missing–completely gone from the world–until the beam of Nick's flashlight swept over her small, crumpled frame. He had forgotten to breathe when he saw her laying there, motionless. She'd been missing, just like him. She'd been laying there, hidden away and running out of time, just like him. And she'd been found, just like him. He'd been uncomfortable thinking about himself while the blood seeped from her pale skin, but it had felt like it was him laying there, like it was happening all over again...
The boat ride back was a blur. He couldn't remember his frantic attempts to stop the bleeding. He couldn't remember holding her, talking to her, praying for her. He couldn't remember anything about the entire trip to the hospital, or about the hour he had spent talking with Sara in the waiting room. He couldn't remember sitting in there, cold and alone, while Sara processed. He couldn't remember.
Until now.
Until he heard the sound of the heart monitor fill the room.
It was beeping–beeping–beeping–beeping.
Strong, steady, reassuring.
Memories were flooding back with every beep; memories from that night, and memories from a night that he wished to God he could just forget. He would have been wondering why he was still there with her, why he was allowing himself to go through this again, if her eyes were closed. But they were open...and all the answers in the world were in them, floating in the same fear and pain that Nick saw in the mirror, every day.
She needed him there.
And he knew what that felt like.
He squeezed her arm and she told him her story in a river of tears, her eyes never leaving his. He stared into those wide eyes, knowing that she could see his own tears, the ones he was trying to hold back. He found himself hoping that she couldn't see the fear and anger there as well, because he wasn't sure if he could explain that the fear and anger was for both of them. It wouldn't make sense to someone so young...or would it? Part of him wanted to try to explain it...just so she would know that she wasn't the only person feeling small and scared and sorry that the world wasn't a safe place.
But he didn't.
He just sat there with her, holding her hand, squeezing her arm, being there. From what he could tell, she didn't know that his mind was spinning. She didn't know, but he knew. He knew very well that the world perplexed him. He knew that he felt like he was above ground and below ground and in between, all at the same time. He knew that he was lost and found and always afraid. He knew that he was blaming and forgiving and–
Alive.
He was so confused and yet everything was so clear. He knew why he was still there. He knew why he hadn't managed to stop believing in the world, in the people in it, in himself. He knew why his heart had always refused to stay broken. He knew why he had always chosen to fight, to hang on through even the hardest, most painful hours. He knew why his hand was so large and why hers was so small. He could protect her, and she could protect him, even if it was just for one night.
For one night...
They were no longer alone.
It was still dark outside and all the world was quiet. For most people, that night was the same as every other night. But for the two of them, it was different. For the next few hours, the world would be as small as they needed it to be. It would be no bigger than the room they were in. It would be no more dangerous than their gently entwined hands. It would be warm and it would be kind.
It would be their gift, their compensation for so much pain.
And Nick would certainly treasure it.
He would stay right there, in their small, safe world. He would sit quietly and watch her eyelids flutter...then close gently. He would let out a sigh of relief, knowing that her eyes would open again. He would hold her hand and protect her and make sure that this wasn't her first night alone. He would think seriously about how lucky he was and how lost he felt. And then, when Sara came by to check on him, he would thank her for being a good friend before telling her stop worrying about him. And, at some point, he would find a way to thank their temporarily safe world. He would have to thank something, after all.
Because, for right now, Cassie was safe.
And so was he.
The End